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Author Topic: Urist's Law -- The Inevitabilities of Dwarf Fortress  (Read 15697 times)

TomIrony

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Urist's Law -- The Inevitabilities of Dwarf Fortress
« on: April 04, 2017, 09:49:43 am »
 1. If you construct your fort with areas that are technically inaccessible and impossible to reach, a dorf will inexplicably get stuck there.
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The Least Dangerous Game."

Maul_Junior

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Re: Urist's Law -- The Inevitabilities of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2017, 10:11:04 am »
2) There's always a bigger Megabeast
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there is nothing funnier than watching a goblin army get assaulted by hundreds of war chickens.

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anewaname

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Re: Urist's Law -- The Inevitabilities of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2017, 03:32:10 pm »
The Pump Operator always dodges into the deepest water available.
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Quote from: dragdeler
There is something to be said about, if the stakes are as high, maybe reconsider your certitudes. One has to be aggressively allistic to feel entitled to be able to trust. But it won't happen to me, my bit doesn't count etc etc... Just saying, after my recent experiences I couldn't trust the public if I wanted to. People got their risk assessment neurons rotten and replaced with game theory. Folks walk around like fat turkeys taunting the world to slaughter them.

zazq

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Re: Urist's Law -- The Inevitabilities of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2017, 03:33:26 pm »
the witness is always the vampire.
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Insert_Gnome_Here

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Re: Urist's Law -- The Inevitabilities of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2017, 03:46:13 pm »
0) It was inevitable.
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Quote from: Max™ on December 06, 2015, 04:09:21 am
Also, if you ever figure out why poets/bards/dancers just randomly start butchering people/getting butchered, please don't fix it, I love never knowing when a dance party will turn into a slaughter.

Nyxalinth

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Re: Urist's Law -- The Inevitabilities of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #5 on: April 04, 2017, 04:08:09 pm »
No matter how much booze you have, a huge migrant wave will inevitably show up and drink it all right before all the water freezes.
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Nyxalinth likes the color blue, gaming, writing, art, cats for their aloofness,  Transformers for their sentience and ability to transform, and the Constructicons for their hard work and building skills. Whenever possible, she prefers to consume bacon cheeseburgers and pinot noir. She absolutely detests stupid people.

Ironfang

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Re: Urist's Law -- The Inevitabilities of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #6 on: April 04, 2017, 05:31:06 pm »
3) At least one thing will die in an unbelievably funny way.
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Caponimoq

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Re: Urist's Law -- The Inevitabilities of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #7 on: April 04, 2017, 06:29:02 pm »
If you are expecting them to have FUN, sieges and megabeasts will never appear.
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Urist McDM:"Roll a dwarven stupidity check"
*Urist McPlayer rolls 1
*Urist Mcplayer gets stucked in a hole
Urist McPlayer has been found death

Eric Blank

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Re: Urist's Law -- The Inevitabilities of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #8 on: April 04, 2017, 07:53:29 pm »
If you didnt see anyone get bitten by that werebeast, you're wrong.
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Thisfox

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Re: Urist's Law -- The Inevitabilities of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #9 on: April 04, 2017, 08:19:56 pm »
Quote from: Caponimoq on April 04, 2017, 06:29:02 pm
If you are expecting them to have FUN, sieges and megabeasts will never appear.

Corollary: If you embarked on a Funless site in order to solve an issue other than sieges and megabeasts, both will continue to arrive constantly.
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Quote from: Tacomagic on September 29, 2014, 06:52:35 pm
"Urist McMason died out of pure spite to make you wonder why he was suddenly dead"
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Oh god... Plump Helmet Man Mimes!

quekwoambojish

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Re: Urist's Law -- The Inevitabilities of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #10 on: April 04, 2017, 08:26:09 pm »
4) your crossbowdorf will enter melee combat
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Killgoth

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Re: Urist's Law -- The Inevitabilities of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #11 on: April 04, 2017, 09:08:48 pm »
If you have are setting up multiple magma forges, and wait until after you fill the magma troughs to put grates over them, inevitably someone will drop a sock in the magma and create a splash that incinerates themselves and anyone near them.
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Staalo

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Re: Urist's Law -- The Inevitabilities of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #12 on: April 05, 2017, 06:17:59 am »
Whenever something requires your constant attention, a siege, a mood or a childbirth will happen, or a caravan will arrive.

Or, if you're really unlucky, your miners will hit a bunch of damp tiles. LOTS of damp tiles.
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MarcAFK

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Re: Urist's Law -- The Inevitabilities of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #13 on: April 05, 2017, 07:12:19 am »
As soon as you have a handle on the workarounds for the last stable version's bugs a new version rolls around.
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Quote from: NonconsensualSurgery on March 26, 2012, 09:11:55 pm
They're nearly as bad as badgers. Build a couple of anti-buzzard SAM sites marksdwarf towers and your fortress will look like Baghdad in 2003 from all the aerial bolt spam. You waste a lot of ammo and everything is covered in unslightly exploded buzzard bits and broken bolts.

NJW2000

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Re: Urist's Law -- The Inevitabilities of Dwarf Fortress
« Reply #14 on: April 05, 2017, 07:41:08 am »
The front line always forms just in front of the weapon traps.
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One wheel short of a wagon
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