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[Grim Portent]

Stick them somewhere safe and feed them, probably talk to them from time to time and try to explain the scale of things outside the plate and try to understand more about the life on the plate.

If things can be explained well enough back and forth then bringing them to the attention of scientists would be an obvious step after a while.

We're basically talking about a civilization that fits into a space smaller than a hamster cage and probably needs less food, but experiences time on a scale that allows it to ask questions we can comprehend at a volume we can hear. It's not a huge thing to take care of if you can handle a goldfish.

[Reelya]

We're basically talking about a civilization that fits into a space smaller than a hamster cage and probably needs less food

And then all the world's call centres are redirected there.

[Dunamisdeos]

Open dialogue, figure out how they handle issues such as energy sources and tool use on a super-micro scale, and apply them to our reality.

Be rich forever and probably solve half the world's practical problems.

Also, see the "Lisa Creates Life" episode of Simpsons.

[KittyTac]

What if you had near-absolute control over websites, all with being completely anonymous? Like, the ability to ban or unban anyone, the ability to edit databases or code, edit posts, see people's IP, etc., all while maintaining complete anonymity?

I would basically act as a second admin to Bay12, except more active.

But then... I would do bad things to 4chan. let's start:
a) I would make a thread that goes like this: "Something very bad is about to happen to this website..."

b) I would then listen to people's bewildered remarks.

c) After 15 minutes have passed, I would commence The Purge. Ban all of the users, erase all of the databases, code, and possible backups, destroy ALL of the boards. Then make a website that hosts cute kitten pictures at that domain instead. Meow!

Then I'd offer my services to Google or the government, and then continue acting as a good admin for random forums.

What would you do if you had those powers?

[FallacyofUrist]

Like, all of them?

Commence dark web vigilantism. Enjoy free access to paywalled journal sites.

Maybe troll someone on occasion.

[Dunamisdeos]

Go mad with power immediately, if not sooner.

Edit internet to make it seem like I went mad with power sooner, maybe in the 1700's or so.

[Loud Whispers]

What would you do if you had those powers?

Ban every google, reddit, facebook, twitter, instagram account and so forth, usher in the age of anonymous information for everyone. Seems like a no brainer. Also bullying /ck/ and /po/ seems mean, they never did anything to deserve death

[KittyTac]

As I said, I'd tell the Google management about my powers and offer to work on retrieving information for them for a lot of money. While anonymously taking a look at their databases (I want to see how that stuff works).

[Loud Whispers]

As I said, I'd tell the Google management about my powers and offer to work on retrieving information for them for a lot of money. While anonymously taking a look at their databases (I want to see how that stuff works).

Imo with such awesome power any amount of money is beneath you, and certainly Google management. You'd end up having a shot to bring back the wild west of the internet except in an age where there are billions of internet users, you can bet your rectums that working as a Google online content policer would be a grievous waste of potential and a certified crime against imagination

Also it'd be absolutely mandatory that if you were to make the mistake of doing so publicly, you would only allow yourself to be identified via hackerman memes

[KittyTac]

Yeah, I could enforce internet freedom. But then again, it's a free ticket for millions of dollars. Money, dear boy.

But your opinion is your opinion. That's what this thread is about, what you would do with X superpower.

[Loud Whispers]

Yeah, I could enforce internet freedom. But then again, it's a free ticket for millions of dollars. Money, dear boy.

But your opinion is your opinion. That's what this thread is about, what you would do with X superpower.

Which is precisely what I'm getting at - you get X superpower, why chase after money of all things? It's the least compelling motive where extraordinary capabilities are concerned. The question is fundamentally asking what would you do if certain or all material constraints upon your will were removed overnight. Chasing after a material leverage for a constraint which does not affect you precludes the next inevitable question, what will you do when you have your desired sum of cash and that self-imposed constraint is gone?

[KittyTac]

Yeah, I could enforce internet freedom. But then again, it's a free ticket for millions of dollars. Money, dear boy.

But your opinion is your opinion. That's what this thread is about, what you would do with X superpower.

Which is precisely what I'm getting at - you get X superpower, why chase after money of all things? It's the least compelling motive where extraordinary capabilities are concerned. The question is fundamentally asking what would you do if certain or all material constraints upon your will were removed overnight. Chasing after a material leverage for a constraint which does not affect you precludes the next inevitable question, what will you do when you have your desired sum of cash and that self-imposed constraint is gone?

After obliterating 4chan and securing a job as a Google online content policier?

Vigilantry. Go into forums and banhammer anyone who breaks the forum rules, then disappear. Bust cybercrime. Forcibly clean up forums. Maybe rename trolls' accounts to "PenisDick2010". That's what I would do. Basically, goof off.

[scourge728]

I'd probably just enforce fair use, and then just screw around with things

[ggamer]

Find other people in IT who would know much better than me how best to use this power, and get them to tell me what to do.

Although I do think this opens up to a broader discussion on information ethics. When is it ethical to deplatform a radical group? Precedence tells us that only those who directly incite violence should be silenced. I don't really know, but we could probably start by instantly banning anyone who harrasses other people on social media. Clean the place up a little bit, maybe even make something like twitter actually pleasant.

[scourge728]

That reminds me, would definitely be banning trump