When Faith blinked back the tears from her eyes, she realized that she hadn’t actually quite done so and now they were sliding down her face. Oops. Oh man. That was going to be hard to explain to Shef. Actually maybe she should, like, suddenly switch partners for a bit, and not show her face around him for a little while?
But she opened her eyes, and in that moment she was transfixed. It was... beautiful, actually. Bright, of course, beautiful, and golden, but not bright in the blinding way that her Lucky Sunbeams were. This was... an inspiring kind of brightness, maybe. It wasn’t soft, but it wasn’t hostile, either. Faith was hit by the startling realization that this was how she’d tried to present herself when she came to Japan. She wanted to be the boisterous confident American stereotype she’d... well, to be bluntly honest with herself, that she’d seen in so much anime.
That hadn’t fucking lasted, though, not at all. Like that moment of brightness wasn’t lasting, either. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, that was a horribly fitting timing of this stuff fucking up, and her negative emotion energy was shining through fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
She took a breath to calm herself down. Okay, she just had to not give up, right? Maybe she wasn’t going to be miss American Anime Character any time soon, but that didn’t mean she was useless. She’d saved Sakurako, twice, she’d saved the guy she, well, really did care for, or at least she’d helped him avoid a lot of pain. That was worth something, right? Even if she probably wasn’t going to stop being a constant emotional disaster any time soon, she could still help people. She just had to keep that in mind and move towards her.
...she also wanted to shout something along the lines of “Oh my God, I am so tired of this bullshit, can this thing finally work already, I’ve tried like fifty different things by now god DAMN!” and stomp her foot into the ground and throw a fit, but, hey, maybe she could combine the two a little.
Faith stomped her foot against the ground, but rather than throw a fit, her mouth quirked downwards into a half-frown of concentration. She, rather than try and just cling onto the shield, moved her will to push back against the feelings that were pressing down against her shield. She really was getting annoyed, but she was also learning to do something about it when she felt awful, or when random things happened, instead of just... not.