Or you could just practice self-awareness and moderation, for which unfortunately there are no clear rules you can put forth, and many will fuck it up. But what can you do?
The thing about having such clear standards on what is considered a reasonable way to judge a situation is that's what abusers take advantage of, and hiding behind plausible deniability is a classic abuse tactic.
An abusive personality wants you to judge every behavior as an individual instance, wherein every normal person loses their temper sometimes or has a bad day or asks for something once in a while or simply doesn't like one of your friends or accidentally says something insensitive and so on. They bank on you doing exactly that and thinking "Ok, I didn't like this, but I don't want to jump to the conclusion that they're being abusive. How could I ever have a positive relationship with anyone if I label every human mistake as abuse. Actual abuse will be more obvious. When the time comes to treat this stuff seriously, surely it will be more apparent than this and I can act with 100% justification and confidence." Holding yourself to that standard. And that is a perfectly reasonable response once in a while --
in moderation. But if that is always your response to consistently repeated behaviors, you make yourself a victim, terminally passively available to have your being ground slowly to dust for the abuser's gratification. And if you look back at everything, the behaviors and messaging tactics of power structures are 100% in line with the mechanics of an abusive household. At some point, you have to be allowed to take a step back and review a situation as a whole, and trust that the patterns you see are meaningful in order to allow yourself to take the steps necessary to defend yourself and secure a better life.
Not saying that your cautions aren't valid. But they shouldn't be taken as absolute.
And there are plenty of situations where the time to act in response to something is when you suspect, not when confirmed.
The time to respond to the establishment of the mass surveillance state in the USA was in the mid-2000's when activists started being questioned at checkpoints about private information that authorities shouldn't have been able to know otherwise, curious things were being done in legal terminology with the word terrorism that could target people based on their language, the first abuses of the Patriot Act were making the news, and the government acted really strangely in response to FOIA requests on the matter. All in combination with a rich pre-existing history of abuse of surveillance in the USA. Not after the apparatus had had over 10 years to calcify and seep into the daily functioning of every level of every law enforcement agency in the country, like a cancer that could no longer be removed without dissecting the entire body.
The time to respond with popular pressure when police apparently murder someone is immediately after the event, not after the "internal investigation" concludes a year later only to confirm everything suspicious that was initially reported and leave it at that, meanwhile public awareness has been washed away by hundreds of similarly traumatizing news cycles and the officer's paid leave has long since concluded and turned into a promotion.