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[origamiscienceguy]

You Can't Die: A Humble Hero

The kingdom of Shaedoria had fallen under a terrible curse. Everybody knew of it. Even village-folk, like yourself, had figured as much. The crops were sickly, plague spread like wildfire, and bandits were more audacious and numerous than you could ever recall in your long life. There was no telling how bad things must be in the rest of the kingdom, but given the lack of relief from the capitol city of Traniel, it must have been equally terrible throughout the land. You had mostly resigned to the fate of your village, being much too old to do anything to change the situation. Furthermore, ever since your other half had died to the early rounds of plagues, your indomitability to the punishing will of the gods had all but ceased. You simply lived your life, letting age deteriorate you until you inevitably collapse due to hunger or sickness.

Today, everything changed.

At first, your hopes were raised when a lone swordsman pompously walked into town. He could have been a mercenary willing to fend off raiders for some money, or perhapse a messenger from King Tybalt bringing news of relief. However, none of that was true. Everybody's spirits were crushed when the lone man first spoke. "I AM THE HERO OF SHAEDORIA! I HAVE BEEN SENT BY THE GODS TO DESTROY THE EVIL UPON THIS LAND. I WILL RESTORE PEACE AND PROSPERITY TO THIS PITIFUL VILLAGE. NOW GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR BELONGINGS, OR I WILL RANSACK YOUR HOUSES!" Every adult in the village remembered the last time such a "hero" had come. And they all quickly scattered back to their houses to hide their few items of value that they had managed to save through the hard times. However, he soon began his search. And given the cries of the village members, you suspect that this "hero" was very meticulous in his searching.

After a few hours spent hiding your valuables, the "hero" came to your house, entering without even asking. He immediately began rummaging through absolutely everything, drawers, cabinets, even your bed. Every time he found something, he would dramatically hold it over his head, and sing a few notes, "DA da-da da DAAAA!" The first items he took were some wooden cooking utensils. You didn't care too much for them, as they were easily replacable, but it did anger you that he took something he would have absolutely no need of in his silly adventures. The next items were much more important. He opened a barrel filled with the few cabages you harvested from your fields. He then emtied the entire barrel into his pockets. You have no idea how he fit them all there, but you were more focused on how you were supposed to survive winter with no food. Your anger was slowly building as he took more items that you knew he would have no need for: a plate, a pot, your knife, etc. However, your anger reached its boiling point when he found your stash of valuables in the ceiling rafters. There were your gold savings, and your significant other's wedding ring. The "hero" took those items, sang his rediculous jingle, then haughtily marched back to your door. Your months of yielding to life suddenly ended as your rage took over your actions...


This is a community story where I write the character into scenarios, and they then react to those scenarios based off of your suggestions. As of now, there is no pre-determined plot. A plot will emerge based heavilly off of your suggestions for what the character does. Furthermore, the character is a complete badass and can perform any task, no matter how inprobable, completely flawlessly. So feel free to do completely rediculous and over-the-top actions for simple problems. That is where the fun in this game comes from. 

Rules:
1. While your suggestions can be improbable and rediculous, do not suggest something that is completely out of the realm of possibility. For example, do not suggest "build a duct-tape nuke" when there is no duct tape available.
2. Do not manipulate the enviroment, rather, suggest actions for the character to perform in order to react to the enviroment.
3. No trolling, For example, "kill yourself" will not be taken as a suggestion.
4. No repeating the same tactic multiple times. Find new creative ways to deal with the situation.
5. Have fun.

[Gwolfski]

Gift him with a generous kick up his ... rear end.


Edit so excited to see another one of these!

[germanyfrance]

I feel like this is supposed to be a parody on most videogame RPG's.

Stand in the door.

NPC's blocking doors is always a thing in RPG's

[birdy51]

I feel like this is supposed to be a parody on most videogame RPG's.

Stand in the door.

NPC's blocking doors is always a thing in RPG's

+1

[origamiscienceguy]

You stomp into the doorway, blocking his exit. You were prepared to fight this man, despite having never fought anything bigger than a chicken for the last 20 years. The man seemed to be somewhat stupid, walking headfirst into your chest for several seconds before spinning around rapidly in place, then frantically walking in random directions. You had hoped that he would instigate the fight, but that didn't stop you from kicking him right in his ass with all your strength while his back was turned. He let out a soprano scream as he fell into the ground. He was quick to get up, yet seemed to be somewhat dizzy in his stance (most likely due to all the spinning earlier). He drew his sword, pointed it at you, then yelled loud enough for the whole village to hear. "AHA! I HAVE DISCOVERED AN AGENT OF EVIL! DIE IMPOSTER!!" He charged at you with a speed that your old age could not match. You would have to outsmart him...

[birdy51]

Step back and close the door. Hold it closed.

[DolosusDoleus]

Step back and close the door. Hold it closed.

+1

[origamiscienceguy]

As he charges at you, you take a step back and pull the door closed. The "hero" smacks right into the door, shaking the entire house. You hear the sound of scuffing shoes and groaning of wood. It seems like the "hero " was attempting to walk through a closed door. Some of your neighbors who heard the man telling came out to witness your defiance, smugly happy that the "hero" was getting a miniscule taste of hardship. After a few moments of walking into your door, the man decided to open it. But once his hand left the knob, you closed the door again, leading the man to charge headfirst into the door once again. This process repeated several times until your door, nearly as old as you, finally gave way to one of his charges. The wood split straight in half, and the "hero", now battered and bruised, once again challenged you. "FEAR NOT CITIZENS! FOR I AM THE HERO OF SHAEDORIA! I WILL MURDER THIS AGENT OF EVIL AND BRING AN END TO VIOLENCE IN THIS VILLAGE!" He charged at you once again, but much slower. It seems his injuries were taking their toll. Perhaps you could fight him now.

[vkiNm]

apply POCKET SAND to the eyes!

[DolosusDoleus]

Quickly sidestep and punch him in the family jewels.

[FallacyofUrist]

Take your finger and put it lengthwise under his nose.

((Here's a neat party trick: put your finger lengthwise below somebody's nose while they face you and push back against them while they walk forwards. It won't work out well for them.))

[origamiscienceguy]

You sidestep his first wild sword swing, place your right index finger under his nose, and push. His head snaps back along with his upper body, while his legs and lower body keep going. He bends backwards, exposing his groin. With your left fist, you quickly take advantage of that weakness...

CRUNCH

 He slaps onto the ground like a banana peel, uttering yet another high-pitched squeal, to the delight of the villagers nearby. More and more members were coming to spectate the fight. You wait as you let the "hero" get back up. Even though you were angry, you were not without honor. After he was up, groaning with pain, he gives one more speech (much quieter this time) I... You... You cannot best me... I am the hero of Sheadoria... DIE!" He walks slowly towards you, swinging his sword wildly in front of himself.

[RoseHeart]

Yell at him. Intimidate him.

Get your wife's ring back and have him leave.

[vkiNm]

walk circles around him.

[Gwolfski]

walk circles around him.

+1