~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~T U R N 5~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I shall attack one of the birds, pulling out more feathers to add to my feather hat. If I have the chance I will also de-feather some of the already-squished owls to add those feathers in too.
(3, target 6) Gaila whiffs her swipe at one of the owls, rusty blade swishing inches away from the hideous bird of prey. It lets out a garbled hoot and (8, target 5) swipes a claw across her face!
-3 HP! There are basically feathers all over the place at this point, but stopping to stoop and pick them up would give the owls an opening, so Gaila passes on it for now.
Diplomatize an owl in order to get its autograph.
(4) Skeliborn hoots and flaps his hands around at the owl that just clawed up Gaila. In a weirdly spastic flurry, it flies up to him and mashes a bloody claw into his chest, not piercing his Hawaiian shirt but leaving a jagged abstract smear of blood that looks very distinctive and like a monstrous autograph. In the distance, a blaring quack resonates down the corridor.
+1 point!"I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I AM NOT AMUSED."
Shank the owl that cut me to death, with prejudice
Azet, no longer having fun, rears back and attempts to cleave an owl in twain! (6, target 10) He misses wildly, the owl not even noticing as it flaps away somewhere else in the melee.
((I don't mind the combat system: life is tough and fighting owls even tougher.))
Take off my red underpants and try to stem the flow of blood from my skull with them. Throw my helmet to the ground with disgust at its failure to protect my skull, then tie it to my crotch to protect my dignity instead.
(I forgot that I gave you armor with the hat, so you actually have +2 HP for a total of 5/8! How exciting.)
Kobosh flails with disgust, rapidly rearranging his outfit and pressing his underpants to his scalp in a desperate attempt to staunch the flow of blood.
+1 HP! One of the owls attacking him has already flown off, but the other presses aggressively! (5, target 5) It hoots and slashes a horribly stubby nightmare beak at his bare youthful hairless chest!
-4 HP! Kobosh is at 2/8 HP.
Name: Fred
You are Fred, the
Human Tourist. You are back at the tavern, enjoying a margarita. I thought Tourists, being 1/6th of the population, would be an occasional character class and would be amusing, but they're like literally half of the characters so far.
...RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY! Oh wait, the duck released tigers. "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE DUCKS!" RUN FOR MY LIFE! PAST THE OWLS! BECAUSE THAT DOES ACTUALLY SEEM LIKE THE BEST OPTION CURRENTLY! ALSO I LIED ABOUT BEING A PRIEST, I'M JUST SOME RANDOM DUDE WHO READ A FEW BOOKS ON MAGIC!
(Urist also has some armor, so he has 4/9 HP instead of 2/9 at the start of this turn.)
Urist books it, the claws of an owl looming over him! (6+5 vs 8+1) He escapes, the owls hooting angrily behind him! Unfortunately, the next room he enters contains three tigers...
*Begin feeling confident, slash the injured tiger again trying to pose intimidating*
"QUACK"
Quackslator: I AM THE ALPHA HERE
Dukington quacks maniacally and slashes the injured tiger, stepping forward a bit into the tiger room to do so (+4 points). (9, target 5) His blade bites deeply into the tiger's neck, decapitating it!
-7 HP! Killing Blow! +5 points! Just then, a sweaty dwarf runs into the room! One tiger goes for Dukington and the other goes for the greedy manlet. (10, target 7) The tiger lunges forward, swiping a huge paw down the back of the duck and opening deep lacerations!
-11 HP!The other tiger swipes at Urist as he passes, trying to trip him and fall upon him to maul the dwarf while he's on the ground. (6, target 7) But Urist jumps over the paw and remains unmauled, miraculously.
Back in the other room...
Loot the owls corpse
Dan Kale stops fighting to bend down and loot the dead owl. He stands back up holding
half of an owl. All of the living owls hoot in anger, and two descend on him with claws gnashing furiously! (7, target 5) and (7, target 5). Both owls sink their talons into his back, ripping and pulling!
-4 HP!