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[S34N1C]

Man, next turn is gonna be messy.

By the way, are my hideous MSPaint maps displaying for you guys? They aren't on my end for some reason, which is actually a mercy and makes this whole experience better, but that's not the intended experience for players.

They appear just fine for me. And I was wondering if they were that bad on purpose 

[inaluct]

Just waiting on Mallos and Sialia, since they're both sort of in the owl kill zone.

[lawastooshort]

The maps are beautiful.

[Sialia]

((The maps are working))

I shall flourish my feathers, showing the owls I am one of their own and that they need not fear me

[inaluct]

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T   U   R   N        4
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The roiling cacophony screeches down the corridor and seems to impact the fractured formation of our intrepid heroes like a tidal wave sweeping away a sand castle. Maybe that's a little hyperbolic. Anyway, in the chaos:

Kobosh the Red ducks his shoulder and charges for the nearest owl, (4, target 10) catching only air as the nimble bird flaps away. It lets out a hideous gurgling hoot and plunges low, razor talons (8, target 5) scraping a deep gash into Kobosh's right thigh! -1 HP! Another owl descends on him, great beak aimed for his skull! (7, target 5) It plunges through his scalp, trepaning him with a sickening crunch! -4 HP!

Noble Urist is right behind Kobosh in his charge, sprinting forward and attempting to plunge his dagger deeply into the same owl that scratched his Human Tourist friend comrade compatriot companion acquaintance! (5, target 9) His ancient blade clips a few feathers from the fiendish fowl, but fails to fillet the beast. Two owls flap to him angrily! One claws for his face, (11, target 5) raking long bloody gashes across his squat greedy dwarfish features, opening huge dire wounds! -6 HP! The other goes for his throat, horrid ragged claws gripping for his throat! (8, target 5) The talons sink in shallowly, but Urist pulls back just in time to avert his demise! -1 HP!

The final owl screeches and plunges toward Azet Azirkan, but Gaila valiantly jumps over and flaps her colorful plumage at the beast in an aggressive attempt to let the owls know that he is a fellow bird and one who can be trusted. [2+1 = 3] The owl isn't buying it. Gaila's feathers are way too brightly colored: she is certainly a bird, but must be one of the much-hated day-birds of the forest outside. Only momentarily distracted, it turns back to Azet just in time to (8, target 10) dodge away from his rusty dagger thrust and land a devastating scratch on his wrist! (6, target 5) -3 HP!

Skeliborn growls inhumanly, an abominable lust for scrapbooking and souvenirs rising in the pit of his dark mind. He lunges forward and demands one of the owls attacking Urist sign an autograph, tugging hard on the owl's feathers to try and pull a few loose to take back home with him! (6, target 10) He doesn't manage to actually tear out the feathers, but the owl is left somewhat off guard by the sudden accosting of the tourist. Off guard enough that (5, target 4) Dan Kale is able to quickly bisect it with his knife, gore splattering Urist and Skeliborn and purplish owl organs and chunks of bone scattering across the limestone floor. -6 HP! KILLING BLOW! +5 POINTS!

~~~~~~~~

Off in the other room, Il Duce quacks in terror and plunges his knife through the hole in the door, (12, target 5) sliding deep into the tiger's neck on the other side with a wet slissh! -7 HP! Tiger A: 6/11 HP.

The tiger roars in anger and pain and tears down the rest of the door with a few enraged swipes. The other two great cats leap through, pouncing on top of the horrified duck berserker! Quack quack. He ducks (heh) just in time for one of them to go over top of him and crash into the limestone floor behind him (6, target 7), and the other to skid to a stop by his side and narrowly miss a swipe at him! (5, target 7).

~~~~~~~~

So far, I'm not particularly happy with how hard it is for things like Tourists and Priests to actually hit. Next round, I'm probably gonna scrap this combat system.

[Sialia]

I shall attack one of the birds, pulling out more feathers to add to my feather hat. If I have the chance I will also de-feather some of the already-squished owls to add those feathers in too.

[star2wars3]

Diplomatize an owl in order to get its autograph.

[omada]

*Begin feeling confident, slash the injured tiger again trying to pose intimidating*

"QUACK"

Quackslator: I AM THE ALPHA HERE

[Mallos]

"I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I AM NOT AMUSED."
Shank the owl that cut me to death, with prejudice

[lawastooshort]

((I don't mind the combat system: life is tough and fighting owls even tougher.))

Take off my red underpants and try to stem the flow of blood from my skull with them. Throw my helmet to the ground with disgust at its failure to protect my skull, then tie it to my crotch to protect my dignity instead.

[Paphi]

Name: Fred

[TankKit]

...RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY! Oh wait, the duck released tigers. "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE DUCKS!" RUN FOR MY LIFE! PAST THE OWLS! BECAUSE THAT DOES ACTUALLY SEEM LIKE THE BEST OPTION CURRENTLY! ALSO I LIED ABOUT BEING A PRIEST, I'M JUST SOME RANDOM DUDE WHO READ A FEW BOOKS ON MAGIC!

[S34N1C]

Loot the owls corpse

[inaluct]

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T   U   R   N        5
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I shall attack one of the birds, pulling out more feathers to add to my feather hat. If I have the chance I will also de-feather some of the already-squished owls to add those feathers in too.

(3, target 6) Gaila whiffs her swipe at one of the owls, rusty blade swishing inches away from the hideous bird of prey. It lets out a garbled hoot and (8, target 5) swipes a claw across her face! -3 HP! There are basically feathers all over the place at this point, but stopping to stoop and pick them up would give the owls an opening, so Gaila passes on it for now.

Diplomatize an owl in order to get its autograph.

(4) Skeliborn hoots and flaps his hands around at the owl that just clawed up Gaila. In a weirdly spastic flurry, it flies up to him and mashes a bloody claw into his chest, not piercing his Hawaiian shirt but leaving a jagged abstract smear of blood that looks very distinctive and like a monstrous autograph. In the distance, a blaring quack resonates down the corridor. +1 point!

"I DO NOT LIKE THIS. I AM NOT AMUSED."
Shank the owl that cut me to death, with prejudice

Azet, no longer having fun, rears back and attempts to cleave an owl in twain! (6, target 10) He misses wildly, the owl not even noticing as it flaps away somewhere else in the melee.

((I don't mind the combat system: life is tough and fighting owls even tougher.))

Take off my red underpants and try to stem the flow of blood from my skull with them. Throw my helmet to the ground with disgust at its failure to protect my skull, then tie it to my crotch to protect my dignity instead.

(I forgot that I gave you armor with the hat, so you actually have +2 HP for a total of 5/8! How exciting.)

Kobosh flails with disgust, rapidly rearranging his outfit and pressing his underpants to his scalp in a desperate attempt to staunch the flow of blood. +1 HP! One of the owls attacking him has already flown off, but the other presses aggressively! (5, target 5) It hoots and slashes a horribly stubby nightmare beak at his bare youthful hairless chest! -4 HP! Kobosh is at 2/8 HP.

Name: Fred

You are Fred, the Human Tourist. You are back at the tavern, enjoying a margarita. I thought Tourists, being 1/6th of the population, would be an occasional character class and would be amusing, but they're like literally half of the characters so far.

...RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY! Oh wait, the duck released tigers. "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE DUCKS!" RUN FOR MY LIFE! PAST THE OWLS! BECAUSE THAT DOES ACTUALLY SEEM LIKE THE BEST OPTION CURRENTLY! ALSO I LIED ABOUT BEING A PRIEST, I'M JUST SOME RANDOM DUDE WHO READ A FEW BOOKS ON MAGIC!

(Urist also has some armor, so he has 4/9 HP instead of 2/9 at the start of this turn.)

Urist books it, the claws of an owl looming over him! (6+5 vs 8+1) He escapes, the owls hooting angrily behind him! Unfortunately, the next room he enters contains three tigers...

*Begin feeling confident, slash the injured tiger again trying to pose intimidating*

"QUACK"

Quackslator: I AM THE ALPHA HERE

Dukington quacks maniacally and slashes the injured tiger, stepping forward a bit into the tiger room to do so (+4 points). (9, target 5) His blade bites deeply into the tiger's neck, decapitating it! -7 HP! Killing Blow! +5 points! Just then, a sweaty dwarf runs into the room! One tiger goes for Dukington and the other goes for the greedy manlet. (10, target 7) The tiger lunges forward, swiping a huge paw down the back of the duck and opening deep lacerations! -11 HP!

The other tiger swipes at Urist as he passes, trying to trip him and fall upon him to maul the dwarf while he's on the ground. (6, target 7) But Urist jumps over the paw and remains unmauled, miraculously.

Back in the other room...

Loot the owls corpse

Dan Kale stops fighting to bend down and loot the dead owl. He stands back up holding half of an owl. All of the living owls hoot in anger, and two descend on him with claws gnashing furiously! (7, target 5) and (7, target 5). Both owls sink their talons into his back, ripping and pulling! -4 HP!

[TankKit]

WTF? I wanted to go PAST the owls, not run AWAY from them! WHY THE HELL WOULD I GO INTO A ROOM FULL OF FUCKING TIGERS! Now I'm DEAD. I'm not mad, I'm mostly laughing my ass off, but still... Run TO the OWLS, then run PAST them, NOT in the OTHER DIRECTION of them, understood?