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[Wen Ligeng]

Artifacts are usually just a mishmash of random imagery and decorations. This is what I consider a "bad" artifact.
Some of these rise above the call of mediocrity and become awesome legendary weapons, armor, or furniture,
such as a bed made entirely of diamond my gem guy pumped out.
It thoroughly pleased my local noble, to the point where the bed alone made for a 'royal' room.

Others, however, excel in their awfulness.
Enter Clenchedshade, the llama wool thong.



Personally, I find the spikes of wool to be overkill.
Clearly, anybody donning an iron-studded thong is to be feared by default with or without additional spikes.
It's called Clenchedshade, for Urist's sake!

[Thisfox]

Enter Clenchedshade, the llama wool thong.

I'm an Aussie. My immediate thought was that a thong was this: 

...well that explains why they never arrive in pairs when the elves are selling them.

I'm always annoyed by single shoes or gloves in artifacts, but my least favourite was a gold and lead bin decorated with marble. Damn thing was too heavy to move, and kept turning up in the wrong sodding place. I imagined that the decoration (I think it was marble as a cut gem, I don't remember) was a little warning saying "do not lift, too heavy" or some such. I eventually put the damn thing in a disused corridor stockpile, and then walled it in, as I wasn't using an atom smasher on an artifact, and I didn't want it messing up my nice bins of trade goods.

I once hated a goddamn wooden amulet some noble once foisted on me, decorated with two types of precious metal, and several precious gems. Can't remember its name, but it arrived at the wrong time, and was not appreciated. Due to the amulet, I have modded in the "display cabinet" (made with a block and a clear glass box, and any item of your choice) to pretty up any old room and get rid of the artifact all at the same time! Success.

[steel jackal]

i had a silver mace that menaced with spikes of gold.


there were zombies on that embark so it was just about the most useful artifact that ive ever gotten

oh wait, i thought the title was best/worst artifacts. whoops.

my worst artifact was a stone chair that menaced with spikes of wood.

seems like a very painful thing to sit on

[Demicus]

Enter Clenchedshade, the llama wool thong.

I'm an Aussie. My immediate thought was that a thong was this: 

...well that explains why they never arrive in pairs when the elves are selling them.

I'm always annoyed by single shoes or gloves in artifacts, but my least favourite was a gold and lead bin decorated with marble. Damn thing was too heavy to move, and kept turning up in the wrong sodding place. I imagined that the decoration (I think it was marble as a cut gem, I don't remember) was a little warning saying "do not lift, too heavy" or some such. I eventually put the damn thing in a disused corridor stockpile, and then walled it in, as I wasn't using an atom smasher on an artifact, and I didn't want it messing up my nice bins of trade goods.

I once hated a goddamn wooden amulet some noble once foisted on me, decorated with two types of precious metal, and several precious gems. Can't remember its name, but it arrived at the wrong time, and was not appreciated. Due to the amulet, I have modded in the "display cabinet" (made with a block and a clear glass box, and any item of your choice) to pretty up any old room and get rid of the artifact all at the same time! Success.

That kind of footwear is refered to as flip-flops in the US (after the sound they make when walking), though would fall under the broad category of sandal in dwarf fortress.
Also how does one mod in a display case? I've been mildly interested in the idea, but too lazy to go look up how to do it.
I would add an artifact to the topic, but I'm currently away from my gaming computer, so I'll have to wait until I get home to see if I have anything interesting.

[steel jackal]

Enter Clenchedshade, the llama wool thong.

I'm an Aussie. My immediate thought was that a thong was this: 

...well that explains why they never arrive in pairs when the elves are selling them.

I'm always annoyed by single shoes or gloves in artifacts, but my least favourite was a gold and lead bin decorated with marble. Damn thing was too heavy to move, and kept turning up in the wrong sodding place. I imagined that the decoration (I think it was marble as a cut gem, I don't remember) was a little warning saying "do not lift, too heavy" or some such. I eventually put the damn thing in a disused corridor stockpile, and then walled it in, as I wasn't using an atom smasher on an artifact, and I didn't want it messing up my nice bins of trade goods.

I once hated a goddamn wooden amulet some noble once foisted on me, decorated with two types of precious metal, and several precious gems. Can't remember its name, but it arrived at the wrong time, and was not appreciated. Due to the amulet, I have modded in the "display cabinet" (made with a block and a clear glass box, and any item of your choice) to pretty up any old room and get rid of the artifact all at the same time! Success.

That kind of footwear is refered to as flip-flops in the US (after the sound they make when walking), though would fall under the broad category of sandal in dwarf fortress.
Also how does one mod in a display case? I've been mildly interested in the idea, but too lazy to go look up how to do it.
I would add an artifact to the topic, but I'm currently away from my gaming computer, so I'll have to wait until I get home to see if I have anything interesting.

an alternative to display cases would be dumping the artifact into a 3x3 room and then seal the room off with a window, for more of a museum exhibit theme

[Thisfox]

Enter Clenchedshade, the llama wool thong.

I'm an Aussie. My immediate thought was that a thong was this: 

That kind of footwear is referred to as flip-flops in the US (after the sound they make when walking), though would fall under the broad category of sandal in dwarf fortress.

...well that explains why they never arrive in pairs when the elves are selling them.

I once hated a goddamn wooden amulet some noble once foisted on me, decorated with two types of precious metal, and several precious gems. Can't remember its name, but it arrived at the wrong time, and was not appreciated. Due to the amulet, I have modded in the "display cabinet" (made with a block and a clear glass box, and any item of your choice) to pretty up any old room and get rid of the Artifact all at the same time! Success.

Also how does one mod in a display case? I've been mildly interested in the idea, but too lazy to go look up how to do it......

Display cases with extra info here.

I recommend making a stockpile very close to where the display case is about to be built, and getting the Artifact moved there, or whatever it is you want kept in a display case, as it will list EVERYTHING in the fort when you get to choose what goes in the case, and I do mean everything. I have got a room full of rings in display cabinets in my most recent fort, as the Noble likes them being made but dislikes them being sold, and they were cluttering things up. Makes for some great roleplay opportunities as well as just prettying up some room.

Edit: Here's my favourite worst artifact from 2014.

A strange mood got me this the other day:

"This is a perfect yellow spessartine. All craftdwarfship is of the highest quality. It is encircled with bands of oval cut yellow spessartines."

My gemcutter promptly named it The Failed Cat....

[Staalo]

Two consecutive Weaponsmith moods, producing...

- a golden sword, decorated with raw adamantine
- an adamantine war hammer, decorated with gold

Those two weapons were something like two thirds of my whole fortress value. If only they could have been the other way around...

[King Kitteh]

Worst was probably a limestone bed with limestone spikes. That doesn't sound too comfortable.

Best was a platinum war hammer.

[muldrake]

I recently had a dwarf get a secretive mood and commandeer a magma forge.  The first thing he grabbed was an adamantine wafer.  Then a series of less remarkable objects.  I thought this is going to be good.  This is going to be really good.

And finally he finished gathering materials and made the item.

It's an an adamantine hammer.  Oh well.  Worth 805200.  At least the hammerer will have something to be happy about if I ever appoint one.

Then I noticed it's an adamantine toy hammer.

Not even the children will play with it and it's lain on the ground, abandoned, for about three years now, and the dwarves won't even carry it to a stockpile specifically for artifact crafts.

Not really worst artifact, so much as most disappointing artifact.  I think the worst is some sandstone ring worth 3200 or something with a picture of itself on it.

[Random_Dragon]

Here's one that, on it's own, would merely be mediocre. But in context, it is among the most irritating I've had.



So the context? That was literally the only bar of metal the fort has ever seen. From the surface straight down to semi-molten rock, all I'd managed to discover was ores of tin and nickel. As the magma sea hasn't yet been exposed, there MIGHT be glorious blue Fun to mine, but that'd still be the only weapons-grade metal on the map as far as can be determined.

So when you waste the only useful bar the first year's caravan brought, that's a life sentence in the caverns. And for good measure, I finagled the artifact under a drawbridge and atom-smashed it.

[Wen Ligeng]

Two consecutive Weaponsmith moods, producing...

- a golden sword, decorated with raw adamantine
- an adamantine war hammer, decorated with gold

Those two weapons were something like two thirds of my whole fortress value. If only they could have been the other way around...

That's so freaking sad

[Loki1270H]

A wooden sword menicing with wooden spikes with a handle of wool. And a red instrument

[guydude64]

a bone pick decorated with adamantine, with decorations depicting the last artifact created, an adamantine grate.

[guydude64]

and now a new one, a coffin made of raw adamantine...at least someone's going to be buried like a king...? (Worth 1.6 million)

[muldrake]

and now a new one, a coffin made of raw adamantine...at least someone's going to be buried like a king...? (Worth 1.6 million)

Anything that can be used as a furnishing is actually okay.  Some dumb noble gets happy thoughts.  Or it can be put in a shared room.

What I detest are incredibly valuable items that are utterly useless other than attracting attacks or getting you some dumb barony.