Not to mention watching your entire night disappear because two or three people can't figure out how to not stand in the thing that kills you wears on you after a while.
Heh, that's one of my clearer MMO-memories. I was that guy, once. At some point, the raid leader pulled me aside (well, whispered me, but told me to come with him out of the raid instance for the chat, nice touch) after a wipe and said it loud and clear. Don't remember the exact terms, but the sentiment was "You're wasting people's time! Pay attention and learn the bosses!", and I managed to whimper myself a second chance. It went better, and I sat down and studied the encounters I thought I was up against in the future. I got to come with them more times, and it was nice to feel that improvement.
I had to be that guy quite often. If I wasn't leading the raid I was Rogue Captain, and there is no greater group of "LOL DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE FIGHT WHATS MY DPS AT?" characters than Rogues. I had to have that exact conversation with several of them where I was like "Your gear is good, you know how to press the right buttons for maximum DPS, but you not paying attention is killing us because we need that DPS and you dying in the first 30 seconds is a waste of my goddamn time, and everyone else's." I remember when I first started raiding in EQ, I was _terrified_ of holding up the show. Getting lost, losing your corpse, pulling adds by mistake and wiping the raid. I lived in mortal terror of offending 39 acquaintances and strangers with my incompetence. It was clear to me from Day 1 that this was a group activity and what you did had an impact on everyone else. And I was only like 15.
So I was continually mystified why some people that came to raid in WoW like a fucking decade later didn't understand that until it literally had to be shouted at them. I had to have this actual conversation with someone:
New Raider: "Why are you all so uptight about this? Isn't this supposed to be fun?"
Me: "Raiding isn't about fun, it's about getting shit done. And if it is about fun, repeatedly failing because you don't know what you're doing isn't fun for us."
I remember people on the verge of tears apologizing because they couldn't make raid that night for completely legitimate, human reasons. Like "my kid is sick" or "soandso is in the hospital." And raid almost seemed to be more important sometimes. Strange times.
Still don't know why he bothered. It was a pick-up job, and I was literally a guy from the street. He could've just chucked me out and gotten anyone else with a pulse.
Raid leaders are always looking to turn pick ups into regulars. It is NOT as easy as you would assume to find someone with a) the time b) the inclination c) the gear d) the temperament and e) any basic raid experience at all. The more reliable people you have in your address book, the less chance that someone not being able to raid that night doesn't spoil it for everyone. So you meet as many people as you can, try to pick the diamonds out of the rough, cultivate them and help them improve. Ideally you want twice as many people begging to join the raid each night than you actually need. Nothing more stressful for a raid leader than not being able to call on the manpower they need.
I remember a couple pick ups that flew off the handle at the first criticism they got, and immediately left the raid without a word, because they didn't realize raid leaders and captains are watching EVERYONE's performance looking for weakness, anything that could improve the raid performance, even goddamn consumables. I'd have to regularly call out to other rogues during fights to remind them of things like "this is the part where you step back from combat" but also stuff like "Why is none of your gear enchanted?" "Why do you not have any potions?" "Why are you using that ranged weapon when this other ranged weapon has far superior stats and you're not going to be doing any shooting in this raid?"
But yeah. I remember what it's like to want to/need to cultivate players. Which isn't something I'm normally inclined to do. But when you have 23 to 48 people looking to you to make their night happen and their dreams come true...you end up doing a lot of things you didn't think you were equipped for. After running raids, it's odd how you feel weirdly qualified to work in corporate America. I'm not a "Go Team!" kind of guy, I'm usually the guy in the back going "fuck all this hoopla." Yet when it came to raid I actually, legitimately cared.
Until it all became too much, at any rate. It was weird disconnecting from raiding because for like two weeks I didn't know what to do with myself. It took readjusting to not having to give a shit about this fake thing you do 8 to 16 hours a week.