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[GiglameshDespair]

She subtly grew a thick, stubby mushroom from the soil to rest her foot on and enhance the dramatic pose she struck.
"I," stated Wen-Tsu triumphantly, casting a finger towards the moon in the sky, "am Wen-Tsu, the Moon Rabbit! It's nice to meet you, Mr Dragon God. You know, you're really big! How big are you, can I ask?"

[Dwarmin]

"I'm quite big! I could reach from one end of the river to the other, if I wished. I'm not as heavy as you might think, though-all these coils? 100% muscle!"  He says humbly, giving her a serpentine flex.

"Also, I don't nearly eat as many people as my sister. All these villagers go straight to the tail, you know." He says, finishing with a scandalous (yet thunderous) undertone.

[Dwarmin]

"Right. Well. Well, comrades, I believe this 'ere Great Dragon Lord of Mighty and Disturbing Undulatingness when he says he will let us go. Hmm."

Perhaps his comrades didn't know it, but that hmm was meant to convey that, despite Father Jao's inherent and unending Goodness, he thought this undulating fiend was a gobshite, and could probably do with a good dose of Orc and Flexer.

"Perhaps, sir, when I return this way, I shall bring with me a dozen corn-fed halflings. I note that I have never eaten corn. Ooh, by the gods, that reminds me of Auntie Clara and the time she once ate corn - it is perhaps an undulatin- no, that's not the word. An unctifyin- no, that's not it. Udderfying? Bugger, what is it... Anyway. It's a tale. Gave her terrible gutsache it did, this raw corn. Guffed like a dwarven woodwind orchestra for a fortnight, she did. Crikey, but you know what..."

"When you come back, yes. Do tell me how you ever plan to escape this cursed place, and find more of your kind to sate my unending hunger." He says, tones dripping with true reptilian drollness.

[Criptfeind]

Moubu read the runes on the stone before attempting to crush it to rubble and free his hands, frowning as he considered the runes. "Death by being eaten by a monster isn't exactly an impressive deed Thokk..." He seemed to mutter to himself. His attention finally turning back to the the windbag wyrm. Growling at the indignity the beast had put him though, Moubu Straightened himself and  glared challengingly at it's big scaly face. "What exactly is it that makes you so godly?" He challenged. "Any creature can be large. Or sticky." Moubu grunted, shaking one of his hands. "But if you claim to be a god, certainly you must be able to do something truly impressive."

[GiglameshDespair]

"Don't be rude, Mr Orc!" chided Wen-Tsu. Men! Always trying to butt heads!

"I know what you mean with eating..." she confided to Jörmungandr's cousin.
"If I eat too much, it goes straight to my thighs! So you have a sister? Where is she, if she's bigger than you? All those muscles fill the river quite well, it looks to me."

[Caellath]

Caern watched the exchange between bunny and giant serpent with growing confusion clear on his face. He was no stranger to diplomacy, but diplomatic efforts with a man-eating monster were beyond his ken. Of course the beast talked, but chatting up a serpent who'd be eating them weren't it badly outnumbered was still a novel concept. And Caern bet he was able to flex much better than the so-called "god".

In the end he leaned over his ax's haft and watched in astounded silence, reining in the impulse to challenge the serpent to a flexing contest.

[Dwarmin]

Opposed Presence checks
 
Moubu 1d8+1d20=6+1=7
Wen 1d10+1d20=3+17=20

The creature seems to be more mollified by Wen-Tsu's compliments than incensed by Moubus taunting, but only just.

Moubu read the runes on the stone before attempting to crush it to rubble and free his hands, frowning as he considered the runes. "Death by being eaten by a monster isn't exactly an impressive deed Thokk..." He seemed to mutter to himself. His attention finally turning back to the the windbag wyrm. Growling at the indignity the beast had put him though, Moubu Straightened himself and  glared challengingly at it's big scaly face. "What exactly is it that makes you so godly?" He challenged. "Any creature can be large. Or sticky." Moubu grunted, shaking one of his hands. "But if you claim to be a god, certainly you must be able to do something truly impressive."

First, Moubu tries to match wits with a rough hewn Dragon-philosopher.

"Faith is a virtue that cannot be questioned. " He growls.

"...The definition of Faith, is to believe what you cannot prove; the reward of faith is to see what you believe. My followers live in constant terror of my shadow under the water. They fear I am always watching, always waiting and listening for their treacherous thoughts, and when they die I will claim their souls and bring them to the Underworld. That is the faith inspired of terror. They demand a harsh God, unrelenting and merciless. That is how they ran their Empire, so long ago! I am the God they want to believe in-the terror is the proof of their faith, that they so crave in their meaningless lives.

And, if I am believed by enough beings to be a God, am I not one? What is a God? An omnipotent force one cannot understand, cannot withhold, but can only worship and obey. Such traits I choose to embody!

I am a God, precisely because I choose to be one. That is why you mortals are so limited. You assume that reality is defined by hard limits of right and wrong, black and white, solidity and fluidity...in truth, Reality is what we choose it to be."

Well, he does have a point...sort of...

...

"Also, you are hardly one to judge a God, in any case-being that you fell for such a crude trick. I only use my tongue, when tricking particularly dense meals. It hardly ever works, except on cattle." He snorts.

"Don't be rude, Mr Orc!" chided Wen-Tsu. Men! Always trying to butt heads!

"I know what you mean with eating..." she confided to Jörmungandr's cousin.
"If I eat too much, it goes straight to my thighs! So you have a sister? Where is she, if she's bigger than you? All those muscles fill the river quite well, it looks to me."

"My sister lives up the river. We are not on good terms." He says, serpent eyes glazing over.

"Perhaps one day the fool will be consumed by her own folly. Living near the Prison-Stone carries it's own perils...then, her waters will be mine! There's a lot more people living up there to eat, after all." He says, thoughtfully.

"Anyway! I feel we should talk more, but the day is really burning away, and I have people to eat, followers to terrorize, yada yada. Can I interest you in a job as a Priestess, pretty little female creature? You can tend to my shrine! My followers are painfully stupid, if cunning and superstitious. I could use someone who knows how to match the curtains to rugs and sacrificial urns and all that. You know, female things. I have a lot of pretty treasures, just saying-they're just lying around. You'd make a nice treasure stand...

In time, I think you will come to find I am a generous God, with those who find my favor. Also I will not eat your friends! I mean, I wasn't going to eat them before-what a terrible thing to say-since I gave them the chance to leave...oh, they are still here...that IS unfortunate!

...It's what is called a 'win-win' in merchant circles. But mostly my win, which is most important. What do you say?"

Wen-Tsu just won the award for 'Most likely to be enslaved to a Tyrannical Man-Eating River Dragon'. Step up and claim your prize! Or, run away screaming in terror.

She's not sure this is the man she was looking for.

[GiglameshDespair]

Wen-Tsu hummed thoughtfully.
"Well, Mr Dragon, I'll have to think about it! Can't make these big decisions without sleeping on them, right? So I'll get back to you on that. Being a big, immortal god and all that, a few days or a week or so doesn't really matter, right?"
Almost imperceptibly, she started edging backwards.

[Draignean]

Anders'cocked his head at the serpent and smiled, listening to the voices in his mind. This creature was not quite a brother to him, but Anders' was glad that the sense of dread familiarity he'd felt tug at him had not been in vain. While he had chosen to follow the path of his Father, it still seemed that Mother Hydra smiled upon her pale son.

Activate Dagonspeak upon water-tree-thorn dragon-bro. See if I can learn something that would rattle this god, something to make him fear us a little. Also, does this creature have nostrils? If so, be ready to chuck a knife down one if things get nasty.

[Criptfeind]

As Moubu listened to the deluded serpent waxed philosophically at him, for the first time since they landed on this island a smile creeping across his face. His lips peel back to reveal a large toothy maw, which, as the reptile finishes his spiel lets loose a short burst of harsh barking laughs.

"So many words, so much philosophy. A simple 'No. I'm just a monster who tricks people.' Would have sufficed." Moubu said, before bursting out into another series of laughs at the dragons face, his face relaxed but his body tensing, readying himself to spring into combat.

[lawastooshort]

Crappants crappants crappants... Need more Auntie anecdotes... Or... Perhaps a song!

Father Jao tries to control his bowels and remember enough of an Auntie anecdote, perhaps in rhyming couplets or even more advanced verse format, to prepare to Disarm the teeth out of the Undulating Fiend.

Focusing hard on what Auntie Moreene used to look like when she took her false teeth out at night and advanced upon the wee Jao for a repulsively sloppy good night kiss - false teeth made by a cunning halfling blacksmith out of hammered lead - Father Jao summoned up all of his terror in a perhaps vain attempt to make the dragonthing's teeth fall loose and blunt and harmless and generally out. He didn't see how it couldn't work. Perhaps the dragongit would even choke on one. No - that would be wrong. Father Jao was totally a pacifist now. He just hoped the dragonfecker would be rendered harmless and so slowly starve to death for his evil sins.



"Oi! Oh Lord of Great Undulationism! Listen to me, good sir. I've had quite enough of this, and I have decided to set forth my position in a composition. It goeth thus:

There once was a halfling called Moreene,
Who never did like me to sing,
She had lead false teeth
Which one day fell on her feet
Whereupon I did a terrible thing!

This halfling she was my Aunt
And singing! Pff! She said, you can't! (at least that's what I think she said)
So I stomped on her dentures
And ran off to adventures
And made songs about all that I've learnt

So you can't bite me, you horrible git,
Because my song will render ye sick,
You think we're yummy
But soon you'll be gummy
As you lose your teeth to my trick!

You big feckin' gobshite."

[Dwarmin]

Anders'cocked his head at the serpent and smiled, listening to the voices in his mind. This creature was not quite a brother to him, but Anders' was glad that the sense of dread familiarity he'd felt tug at him had not been in vain. While he had chosen to follow the path of his Father, it still seemed that Mother Hydra smiled upon her pale son.

Activate Dagonspeak upon water-tree-thorn dragon-bro. See if I can learn something that would rattle this god, something to make him fear us a little. Also, does this creature have nostrils? If so, be ready to chuck a knife down one if things get nasty.

Anders notes that like most aquatic reptiles, this creature likely has the ability to seal it's eyes and mouth with fleshy membranes...not entirely unlike a blink, he can see when the creature snorts, it's nostrils close temporarily. He considers, a thrown Knife hitting such a small target as it's eyes or mouth would be almost a legendary feat.

He makes careful note of this fact anyway, as it is a good indication as to when and if the creature is likely to dive under water.

...

Anders listens, and hears once more...it's a little clearer now...


A child?...you are both my precious children...to make a father choose...well, he's not listening to me anyway. Let us see how wise I am, favoring you...perhaps your flesh, will be his tribute to me...

...Hear...his divinity as a state of mind...an intriguing concept, if ridiculous...as long as He believes he is invincible, he likely is...he shares the gift of water, to heal his wounds, as you saw...but, to shake his foundations...you must subdue those who worship him, for their deaths will only be stones in the monument to his perceived glory......of course, they are coming for you...so, remove that which he relies on...the weakness of all those who fashion themselves Gods, is the reliance on the beliefs of others...

Know...the strongest Faith can weather any storm, turn the most ferocious of attacks, or die in utter tranquility...

Know...the strongest Faith still most give way to the slightest logical contradiction, like a castle of sand being crashed upon by a wave...

...It is an amusing irony, that while the followers of said religions can be made largely immune to seeing such contradictions through the proper logical conditioning, the God cannot be so blind as to not believe in himself. A faithless God is something you should see, my son...or must you drive him away...whatever works, as mortals say...

As Moubu listened to the deluded serpent waxed philosophically at him, for the first time since they landed on this island a smile creeping across his face. His lips peel back to reveal a large toothy maw, which, as the reptile finishes his spiel lets loose a short burst of harsh barking laughs.

"So many words, so much philosophy. A simple 'No. I'm just a monster who tricks people.' Would have sufficed." Moubu said, before bursting out into another series of laughs at the dragons face, his face relaxed but his body tensing, readying himself to spring into combat.

The beast bares his fangs.

"It SEEMS rudeness is still an epidemic among mortals! What a pity, I had hoped you would all be reasonable." He says, thoughtfully.

Wen-Tsu hummed thoughtfully.
"Well, Mr Dragon, I'll have to think about it! Can't make these big decisions without sleeping on them, right? So I'll get back to you on that. Being a big, immortal god and all that, a few days or a week or so doesn't really matter, right?"
Almost imperceptibly, she started edging backwards.

"...Forgive me, little rabbit-servant-girl, I was perhaps unclear. That wasn't a question. I'll take your opinion under consideration, of course...after I take you." He grumbles, seeming pleased at least someone seems afraid of him.

One of his coils snakes up to shore to snatch her!

...

~Tragic snip

The beast turns toward Jao, momentarily distracted-it's anger growing and growing as it hears his ridiculous, universe breaking rhyming couplets.

DC 16, vs Jao Influence 2d8+20 (advantage 1)=5+7+6+6=19, Pass!

Jaos voice apparently DOES have some power. It hits the Dragon-being with the force of a tiny annoying car (Probably European), knocking him dumbfounded-his eyes bulge and glaze over, and one of his teeth falls out...well, it's a good start...

The Dragons gaze is frozen in a moment of utter fury, and it seems utterly fixed on Jao now...sort of how he might feel if he saw a sudden rockslide coming down the mountain to crush him, momentarily frozen in place...it's sort of amazing, but if he stays here he is going to get squished.

The beast is immobilized for a short time! It's time to run...or attack, while he is vulnerable!

[Criptfeind]

With the dragon both distracted and at least partially out of it's home element, Moubu seemed to take this as his moment to strike. Loping forward on his long legs he quickly swing out his sword, grasping it in two hands and raising it up alongside his head. The wicket teeth along the jagged edge of the sword gleamed in the light as Moubu neared the exposed loop of the creature. Letting out a feral growl Moubu exclaimed into the air "Come then! Let us see who is the strongest, a fake god of the river or the power of the Karthela! Force me to acknowledge you as a god, if you can!" Mentally sending an entreaty to his ancestors to witness his power as a Karthela, Moubu brought down his brutal sword in a mighty chop towards the swarming coils of the serpent!

Might 5 attack (with two handed sword for advantage!) on the parts of the serpent out of the water. If an exception success is rolled it would be appreciated if it could be used to immobilize the wrym, pinning it's coils to the ground under Moubus blade so that it can't scurry back to the water.

Spoiler: Moubu is always ready to defend himself or his allies against the flimsy attacks of fake gods. Interrupt triggers. (click to show/hide)

Use Interrupt: Defend to redirect with might on any damaging/bane attacks that hits on me or my allies but are below the enemies own armor.
Use Interrupt: Defend to redirect using might on any damaging attack that would down an ally so long as reducing the damage by (19-Ally AC) would stop them from being downed.
Use Interrupt: Defend to redirect using might on bane attacks that inflict: Blinded, Death, Dominated, Fear, Incapacitated 7 or 9, Stunned, or Stupefied that hit at 19 or lower.
Use Interrupt: Defend to redirect using might on bane attacks into enemies that can actually be hit by the bane attack, if the attack roll is lower then 19.

[Caellath]

The half-golem could go on forever without caring about the talk of divinity and what it entailed. Now, they had initiated combat. This Caern could understand and take part in.

"Time for action!" he roared, charging into battle much like an angry bull.

Spoiler: Actions (click to show/hide)

Move Action: Move closer to the shore.
If close enough to attack the serpent in melee:
Minor Action: Draw and two-hand the battle ax.
Major Action: MIGHT SMASH the serpent.

If I'm too far to attack the serpent in melee without getting into the water, its territory.
Minor Action: Draw spear.
Major Action: Cast Regeneration 2 on myself.
Minor Action: Sustain the above.

[lawastooshort]

"Yeah! Take that! Oh shit."

And then - for the first time in his life, although of course really his life only began yesterday or was it this morning when he met the Great Lord Garl - Father Jao does something brave. He wants to turn himself very very invisible and flee, but he is full of the forces of goodness, and realises fleeing would be sensi- er cowardly and stuff, and would leave his fellow sentient non-evil beings in trouble! His feet itch; his pants feel warmer than usual; his breathing is hard to control: but no!

"Holycrapholycrapholycrapholycrap"

Fear at the dragon god! Make him fear my awful wrath!

"BEGONE, PHILISTINE NON-APPRECIATER OF GREAT ART, OR I SHALL MAKE ANOTHER TOOTH FALL OUT WITH MY PROSE POETRY!"

Back away slightly, however.

"Are you ready? Begone, or I shall declaim, and I will not hold back! Consider yourself warned."

Possibly if the big git tries to attack me, turn ethereal for a turn and back the hell off out of range of his mouth. If I can. That or just run.