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[Infinityforce]

EDIT: chews and swallows the wambler, and any broken teeth

*lisping* You, thir, owe me thome theeth!

By the way, I can't type talk like thith all the time, tho I'm leaving! Good day thir! Here are your gold cointh! *throws the gold coins everywhere* I will be back with 500 thwords and thields and I thwear I'll get revenge! I want my compenthation for my tholid gold platinum encruthted fluffy wambler!

Altho, where did you get that maul? It's fabulouth.

EDIT: I've been looking for a maul like that for ageth, and I can never theem to find one the right thize. It'th for my couthin Ricky'th birthday, he'd really love that maul. Can I offer you A MILLION GOLD COINTH? No wait, that'th thilly. How about thome broken teeth, mouth blood, and a fluffy wambler, and 500 thwords and thields?

[Asin]

Family heirloom. Also, I'll be making your travels hell. (Fires a bolt into your horse's neck, tearing the upper spine's nervous tissue) Farewell.
Edit: Here it is. ON YOUR HEAD! (Smashes the maul on your head, shattering your skull and knocking you outcold)   
Be glad my father Sulus taught me to use it properly. (spits on your head)

[Infinityforce]

*waketh up*
*whiltht lying on the floor*
Are you thure I can't entithe you with thethe 500 thwordth and thieldth? Perhapth your town of BEERHEART will need them to defend themthelveth againtht the joint goblin-elf attack which ith impending?
I'm thure that a town like Beerheart could uthe the equipment thinthe they're about to be betheiged by two different nationth...

EDIT: Can you thcoop thome of the brain pieceth onto my horth? I need thothe to think....

[Asin]

They are known for their military strength. The goblins and elves use numbers. We use quality men. Hey, I thought I knocked you out!

[Infinityforce]

Did I mention they're made of THTEEL?

[Asin]

What is made of steel? Your brain cannot be made of steel. Impossible. Also, your horse suffocated. If you refer to the soldiers as being made of steel, we have great spearmen.

[Infinityforce]

the... the thwordth and thieldth. The thetth. Of equipment... you know... The... uh.... thwordth.... tharp thingth, cutth goblinth in half... and thieldth? to protect againtht the elf arrowth?

EDIT: OH NO HORTHEY!

[Asin]

Oh. Well, we at Beerheart have forged mighty steel weapons already. My people will end this damn war. What were you hoping to gain from all of this? Pay? Carnage? WHAT?!

[Infinityforce]

Now I will leave to join my horthey in heaven.... I'm coming gal... I'm coming horthey!
*dies, bequeathing the swords and shields to the goblins and elves instead, who will be sure to use it against the town of Beerheart. You have chosen... UNWISELY*

EDIT: Brain and wambler bits EVERYWHERE. On the upside, quite a few flecks of platinum and gold wambler brains, eyeballs and organs, making your shop much more attractive.

[Asin]

My people will survive this war.  We don't just give up and die. (Picks up your corpse and throws it into the nearby river.

[Infinityforce]

*500 goblins and elves (they're romantic couples tee hee) with steel weaponry and shields descend upon your shop*

"sup. Was wondering if you could tell us where 'Beerheart' is? We're just... uh, visiting.... tourist-touristy reasons, that's all..."

[Asin]

Sure. The only entrance is through that volcano there. The top part. You will find Beerheart there.

[Infinityforce]

Volcano? Do you mean that door behind you signed "precious resources and longland beer"?
Cus that's what we assume you mean.

Kay, thanks!

[Asin]

No. That's Caveanger behind me. They are a scrungy little place that I set up shop near.

[Infinityforce]

Oh okay... Hey, what's this?
These blood spatters and brain fragments and wambler remains.... they're forming a map! A MAP TO BEERHEART! HURRAY! LET'S GO KILL THEM ALL!