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[Infinityforce]

*half a day passes*

Hello there! Do you have any deliveries going?
Oh wait, you're the shop that sent me!
Sorry about that, I thought this was a different shop.

Anyway, my horse ate all the plump helmets, and I've spent the gold coins you gave me on prostitutes.

By the way, did you say you were in need of longland beer? I have a flask with me.
I may be persuaded to part with it, for, oh, I don't know, ONE MILLION GOLD COINS?
No wait, that's silly. How about, 10 Gold Coins?

[Asin]

Fine. 10 gold coins. (Hands you the coins) So, you hear of the war between those goblins and elves?

[Infinityforce]

For another 10 Gold Coins, I know more about the goblin-elf war than either a goblin or an elf. What do you say?

[Asin]

Here. (Gives you the coins) So, how bad is it?

[Infinityforce]

Oh, good.
Well, the way I hear it, the goblins are sort of west, or maybe south from here. They also live in either a big mountain or a forest, or possibly both.
The elves are filthy cannibals. Great dancers though, and the women are just *licks lips* SO HOT. But that's to be expected when stewing meat.
Now, do I hear another 50 Gold Coins for information about their military tactics, strategies, equipment, sex lives, mother's maiden names and pet's names?

[Asin]

Here. (50 coins are given) I come from a rich family, if you are wondering. I hear the goblins are also trying to take human weaponry for their own gain. If that's true, humans will join the war and us dwarves will most likely follow our long time ally into battle. That true?

[Infinityforce]

Yes, I was about to ask how many Gold Coins you have exactly, back there.

I've nearly hit my target of 100 gold coins!
Actually, my original target was 500, but 100 seems enough to hire a bunch of thugs to ransack your shop.
Say, I don't suppose you could lend me 20 gold coins, could you?

Wait... Don't I know you from somewhere?
Beerheart? Sounds familiar... Ah yes, it's the location of the next goblin-elf joint attack.
The latest news is that they've joined forces to burn Beerheart to the ground.

EDIT: also, humans don't exist, that's just a long time propaganda tool by drunken kobolds. All those humans you think you've been seeing? Really just tall and shaven dwarves. How do kobolds communicate or spread propaganda without language? Uh, drawings and bodily gestures... Sometimes they make neat little engravings... in the sides of elves... not when they're drunk though. Usually they just vomit.

[Asin]

You... little... Son of an elf! (Pulls out his crossbow) I am a damn good shot with this. (Shoots a bolt into your leg)

[Infinityforce]

OW!

How much for this crossbow bolt?

EDIT: Oh, would you look at that? The bolt was deflected by (all) the (many) gold coins (that you gave me) in my money pouch... Ain't that something?

[Asin]

You get it free of charge. Along with this one. (shoots you in the lower body, tearing the muscle and guts) Give. Me. My. Gold. OR I WILL JAM A MAUL DOWN YOUR THROAT!

[Asin]

Grr. Come here, you! (Lunges at you with a maul I had behind the counter along with the crossbow)

[Infinityforce]

*keeps talking whilst bleeding*
I feel this day has taken a rather unfortunate turn. I was using those guts.
*whilst being attacked*
ohdearohdearohdearohdear

EDIT: HERE! TAKE YOUR MONEY! *throws a few gold coins and a fluffy wambler at you*

[Asin]

FOR BEERHEART!! (slams maul onto your chest, breaking 3 ribs)
EDIT: This is only 20. WHERE'S THE REST, YOU DEMON?!
Never underestimate a member of the Bravemeadow family when they are enraged!

[Infinityforce]

Hrrrm. It seems that your crossbow bolt actually hit one of the two fluffy wamblers I had in my cloak. Your maul seems to have crushed the other one, seemingly into nothingness! Now that I look for him, I can't find him at all! And to think, he was a solid gold, platinum encrusted fluffy wambler... You, sir, owe me 500 Gold coins!

[Asin]

(slightly twitching) Shut it, you con artist! (punches you in the mouth, breaking some of your teeth out) EDIT: You threw this at me. (Shoves wambler down throat) I FEEL ONLY RAGE!