Punch a river so hard that a small part of it explodes trowing fish near me
[1]
You Is Hungry! You Fink real hard 'n Figger out dat da Rive- Da Rivo- Da Watery Streamy Fingy! Is Probably Full Of Yummy Tasties! You Take Your Ogre Fist and Punch Ta Watery Streamy Fingy as hard as You can! Da Water goes up in ta da air 'n splashes all Ogre da place! Now You Is Wet, 'n dere wa' not any Tasties in da Water. Oh Well, mebbe You shuld try again?
Huh... Some-fin's comin' outta da Water... It is almost as big as... an Ogre stacked on top of another Ogre, if dere was more dan jus' one stack! It looks all squishy 'n wriggly, 'n It's got a beak, like... like... like a birdy! 'N dere's a knot on It's head too, like somebody went 'n Punched It as hard as dey could! Whatever da big squishy thingy is, It looks pretty angry at somebody, 'n it's lookin' at You wit' it's Really Really Big Yellow Eye. It kinda hurts Your head ta look at it...
"HSSS... PONDEROUS, OAFISH MORTAL, WEEP, FOR YOU HAVE DISTURBED ME FROM MY ETERNAL SLUMBER... I AM KALZUR, THE ETERNAL, HE WHO KNOWS ALL, AND RULES ALL... YOU SHALL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!"HEY! HE JUS' CALLED YOU A FISH, 'N 'N ENSCORLENCE, WHATEVER DAT MEANS! THEM'S FIGHTIN' WORDS! NOW, HOW ARE YOU GONNA TRY 'N SMASH 'IM?
FILL A BOWL WITH SNACKS THEN SIT ON COUCH AND PLAY SOME SMASH BROTHERS
[3]
You Is Hungry! 'N Bored! You Fink real hard 'bout what ta do, 'n Fink tha' mebbe if You had a really big, uh... uh, handheld soupy holder fingy, You know, like da Little People 'ave, 'n if It was like, big enough for You ta use, 'n if It was absolutely filled wiff lots 'n lots 'a Yummy Tasties It would be totally awesome! Yeah! 'N, mebbe if You had one 'a dose fancy Little Pointy Hat Beard Man Magic Bawkses ta play wiff, 'n somefin soft 'n big 'nough for You ta sit on, It wuld be even betterer!
Too bad Your in da Forest, 'n dere ain't no Little Pointy Hat Beard Man Pointy Tall Caves ta find Magic Bawkses in fer, like, uh... way more dan one sunny time 'a walkin' towards da Mountains! Huh, mebbe You culd find somma dem Fancy Magic Bawkses in da really big Little People place dat's only 'bout one and a half 'a one sunny time's walk away! You culd head either way, or mebbe even stay here, wiff da Forest Tasties. Man, Finking 'n Decidin' on Fings is hard, 'n now Your head hurts.
FIND TING TA SMASH. EAT TING
[5]
You Is Hungry! 'N Bored! You decide ta go 'n smash somefin 'n eat it! You walk around for a, uh, uh... a really, really long walky time, 'n den You hear Moo Moos makin' Moo noises! You grab Your Giant Club 'n go ta see da Moo Moos, jus' Ogre ta spot where da Ground, is like, biggerer 'n harder ta walk on than usual, 'n You see lots 'n lots of Moo Moos, all herded together in a big, big, herdy fingy in ta flat grassy place as far as Your face looky balls can see!
Dis'll be Super Yummy! Oh Wait, Dere's a buncha Little People ridin' Neigh Neighs next ta da Moo Moos. Most 'a da Little People has nuffin' but sticks, but, some 'a 'em, 'bout as many as dere is fingers on Your hand, is wearing shiny metal, 'n they gots pointy metal pole sticks! All 'a da Little People is tryin' ta move all of Your Moo Moos away without Your permi- permisso- without You sayin' it's okay! 'N dat makes You mad! How do You wanna make da Little People go away so You can smash 'n eat da Moo Moos?
Go take over a villages.
[1]
You Is Hungry! The sunny time before dis one, You was finking real hard, 'n figgered out dat, if Ogres is big, 'n strong, 'n better at everyfing dan da Little People, they shuld do what Ogres say! 'N Since You is da Biggest, Baddest, Bestest Ogre, You shuld be in charge! You get Your Giant Club 'n head ta da nearest Little People Place, dere is lots 'n lots of 'em, but dey is squishy, tiny, 'n Yummy, so You could smash 'em real good if dey tried anyfing funny!
All 'a Little People stop messin' 'round in da dirt 'n dey look at You like dey is scared, fer some reason... You look around 'n don't see anyfing scary, Huh... OH DAT'S RIGHT, YOU IS TA SCARY FING! You beat Your Giant Club on Your stomach 'n tell all 'a da Little People dat You is ta Shiny Hat Little Person now, 'n dat all 'a Little People is going ta give You all 'a dere's Tasties 'n dere Shinies from now on, or You'll smash 'em fer being bad dirty dirt grubbin' Little People!
While You is shoutin' real loud, a few really well-armed Little People step outta a really big log tent. Dey look at You like dey isn't scared, 'n fink Your Funny! Dat makes You real real mad, but dese Little People is kinda scary. One 'a da Scary Little People is wearin' a Pointy Hat, 'n a Beard, 'n a funny shaped Dress, 'n 'es got a stick! Uh oh, dis is one 'a Little Pointy Hat Beard Men, 'n dey's gots Magical Powers! He talks, really fancy like, 'n 'is friends pull out sharp pointy metal fingies 'n point 'em at You! Wait a second, dese is Adventurers! You is a lotta trouble now!
"Greetings, Ignorant Behemoth! I am Alkazar the Pyromancer, and these are my Associates! I know not from whence You came, perhaps You are a midget remnant of the Mountain Giant Tribe we slayed just two weeks ago, It matters not! You shall not accost these hard working, hospitable peasants with Your foolhardy tyrannical ways! Now, have at thee!"Da Little Pointy Hat Beard Man starts glowing orange! What do You do!?!
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Topic: RAAAGH! YOU IS OGRE! (Read 2157 times)