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[itisnotlogical]

Mass Effect is a trilogy of action RPG games very near and dear to my heart. It primarily plays as a third-person shooter, but incorporates RPG elements and branching dialogues with a vast sci-fi universe, and allows you to import saves from one game to the next and create your own story from beginning to end.

I actually cried when I beat the third game, so what better way to preserve the experience than by doing it all again as quickly as possible, ruthlessly picking apart every little scene in text-and-picture format?

Here is our protagonist, Lieutenant Commander Dean Shepard:



I wanted to play a male Commander Shepard, because thus far I've only experienced the game as a female Shepard (or "femshep"). The primary difference is in our romance options for all three games, but there's other, minor differences here and there.

Primarily in the quality of the voice acting. I don't blame Mark Meer but nobody can hold a candle to Jennifer Hale. Hale does an especially good job of giving a unique voice to a character whose personality and backstory are decided by the player.

As for the face, I... I tried, guys. Every human character in ME1 looks like a smooth, shiny potato.

I took the liberty of picking our class, personality and background, as well.

Spoiler: Classes (click to show/hide)

Our Class determines what abilities and weapons we can use. We can be:

Soldier (that's us!)
Heavy weapons and abilities to make them better. Not really exciting to play, but I've never done it before.

Adept
Focuses on biotic abilities. Biotics are space magic. We'll get into that once it becomes relevant.

Engineer
Uses tech abilities such as drones and turrets. Usually the first to get KO'd if Tali is anything to go by.

Infiltrator
This is what my first character (Eva Shepard) was. It's incredibly OP in the third game. You get cool abilities like Tactical Cloak and Sabotage, and primarily use pistols and sniper rifles. I kinda wish I'd picked this class again just because it's so much fun.

Sentinel
A mix between Soldier and Engineer.

Vanguard
A mis of Soldier and Adept.

Our psych profile and background change the flavor text and dialogue throughout the series, and we can also get some short missions depending on what we pick.

Spoiler: Background (click to show/hide)

Spacer
Both of your parents were in the Alliance military. Your childhood was spent on ships and stations as they transferred from posting to posting, never staying in one location for more than a few years. Following in your parents' footsteps, you enlisted at the age of eighteen.

Earthborn
You were an orphan raised on the streets of the great megatropolises covering Earth. You escaped the life of petty crime and underworld gangs by enlisting with the Alliance military when you turned eighteen.

Colonist (that's us!)
You were born and raised on Mindoir, a small border colony in the Attican Traverse. When you were sixteen slavers raided Mindoir, slaughtering your family and friends. You were saved by a passing Alliance patrol, and you enlisted with the military a few years later.

Spoiler: Psych profile (click to show/hide)

Sole Survivor (that's us!)
During your service, a mission you were on went horribly wrong. Trapped in an extreme survival situation, you had to overcome physical torments and psychological stresses that would have broken most people. You survived while all those around you fell, and now you alone are left to tell the tale. The Sole Survivor's unit was slaughtered in a thresher maw attack on Akuze.

War Hero
Early in your military career you found yourself facing an overwhelming enemy force. You risked your own life to save your fellow soldiers and defeat the enemy despite the impossible odds. Your bravery and heroism have earned you medals and recognition from the Alliance fleet. The War Hero almost single-handedly repelled an attack by batarian slavers on Elysium.

Ruthless
Throughout your military career, you have held fast to one basic rule: get the job done. You've been called cold, calculating, and brutal. Your reputation for ruthless efficiency makes your fellow soldiers wary of you. But when failure is not an option, the military always goes to you first. The Ruthless character sent 3/4ths of his/her unit to its death and murdered surrendering batarians on Torfan.

Table of Contents

Intro: I'm Commander Shepard

Eden Prime, Part 1: Heck in a handbasket

Eden Prime, Part 2: Alas, poor Nihlus

Citadel, Part 1: Reasons why the Council sucks

Citadel, Part 2: Shepard shoots up a nightclub

Citadel, Part 3: A Song of Volus and Friendzones

Artemis Tau: Saving Private Liara

Interlude 1.1: I'm Serious About The Nazi Thing

Interlude 1.2: Quarian History Lessons

Noveria, Part 1: Planet Of The Weebs

[itisnotlogical]

Spoiler: Spoiler'd for hueg (click to show/hide)

Udina: Well, what about Shepard? He grew up in the colonies.

Anderson: He knows how tough life can be out there. His parents were killed when slavers attacked Mindoir.

Hackett: He saw his whole unit die on Akuze. He could have some serious emotional scars.



Udina: Is that the kind of person we want defending the galaxy?

Anderson: That's the only kind of person who CAN protect the galaxy.

Udina: I'll make the call.

After this, we get some cool flybys and narration as a segue into the real intro. Screenshots wouldn't do it justice, so here's a video. I apologize for the low resolution, but my OBS setup is whacked out and I haven't been able to fix it yet. Everything I record is super squished, so I had to scale it back out in Premiere. Such is the life of recording games on a laptop.

Video

... which fades into the cockpit:



That's Jeff "Joker" Moreau, our pilot and one of my favorite characters.



Joker: I hate that guy.

Kaidan: Nihlus gave you a compliment... so you hate him?

Joker: You remember to zip up your jumpsuit on the way out of the bathroom? THAT'S good. I just jumped us halfway across the galaxy and hit a target the size of a pinhead. So that's INCREDIBLE. Besides, Spectres are trouble. I don't like having him on board. Call me paranoid.

Kaidan: You're paranoid. The Council helped fund this project. They have the right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment.



Shepard's been listening in for a few seconds now.

Shepard: You always expect the worst.

I'll make these uninteresting choices where you basically pick the flavor text, but I'll open it up to the thread once more interesting choices become available. Otherwise the posts would be really short and I'd only be playing the game for five minutes at a time.

Joker: Well, bad feelings are an occupational hazard. We don't go anywhere unless there's a good reason, so what are we doing here?

Anderson cuts in on the radio.

Captain Anderson: Joker! Status report.

Joker: Just cleared the mass relay, Captain. Stealth systems engaged. Everything looks solid.

The Normandy is an experimental vessel, outfitted with high-tech stealth systems. The alleged reason for our mission is to test these systems.

Anderson: Good. Find a comm buoy and link us into the network. I want mission reports relayed back to Alliance brass before we reach Eden Prime.

Joker: Aye-aye, Captain. Better brace yourself, I think Nihlus is headed your way.




Kaidan (left chair) is giving Joker a really dirty look here. Goody two-shoes doesn't like disrespectful rule-breakers like Joker, as we'll see much, much later.

I think they originally wanted to make Kaidan some kind of pretty-boy heartthrob. In female Shepard's romance with him, he comes across more as a lost puppy; a lost puppy that's really desperate for sex.

In the third game, he'll hit you up every other mission for a "We're still friends, right? REALLY good friends?" talk. It's annoying but also pretty hilarious.


Anderson: Tell Commander Shepard to meet me in the comm room for a debriefing.

Joker: You get that, Commander?

Choices: Is he upset?, I heard, You made him mad
Shepard: He sounds angry. Something must have gone wrong with the mission.

I'm not sure what Shepard means here. You're here to test the stealth drive, and Joker just said it's working.

Joker: Pff. Captain always sounds like that when he's talking to me.

Kaidan: I can't possibly imagine why.

Joker's kind of like Captain Kirk, in that he gets to be an unbearable jackass yet also keep his career.

In the prequel comic "He Who Laughs Best", Joker actually STOLE the Normandy shortly after it was constructed, took it for a joyride and then turned himself in. He should have been court-martialled... but he was such a good darn pilot that golly, they just HAD to keep him around.



And with that, we gain control of Shepard. We can bother Joker and Kaidan, but they'll just tell us that we need to go meet the Captain. The real happenin' scene is out in the Combat Information Center, as it's called in later games.



Shepard: I heard you arguing. Sounds like you don't trust our Turian guest.

Pressly was talking smack about Nihlus with Adams, our engineer, on the intercom. A turian is what Nihlus is. We'll get one for our party later.

Pressly: Sorry, Commander. Just having a chat with Adams down in engineering. Didn't mean to cause any trouble. But you have to admit, something's odd about this mission. The whole crew feels it.

Shepard: You think the Alliance brass is holding out on us?

Pressly: If all we're supposed to do is test out the stealth system, why is Captain Anderson in charge? And then there's Nihlus. Spectres are elite operatives. Top covert agents. Why send a Spectre--a turian Spectre--on a shakedown run? It doesn't add up.

Hey, something isn't adding up in the intro to this space opera action RPG that began with nothing wrong!

In my opinion, this entire scene--from starting the game until the start of the first real mission--is some of the clunkiest writing in the series. Foreshadowing and exposition is necessary, I know, but we're just starting and the game's already at a dead stop. We've had some vague exposition from characters we don't know, some flybys with technobabble by Joker, and then we gain control of Shepard at the end of an uneventful, totally successful mission.



From here, we can pick some more dialogue options. The ones pictured are under an "Investigate" menu, which is fairly typical for optional dialogue and flavor text. I'll try to summarize these or cut them down if they're uninteresting, stuff we already know, etc.

(Turian Spectre)
Shepard: You don't trust Nihlus.

Pressly: I don't like turians in general. Runs in my family. My grandfather fought in the First Contact War; lost a lot of friends when the turians hit us.

Now we get to the heart of the matter. Pressly is SPACE RACIST. We will encounter many vile, sub-human SPACE RACISTS on our journeys; it's one of the underlying themes of the trilogy, and I feel it's played very effectively.

Pressly's actually justified in being salty over the First Contact War. Humans had just discovered mass relays (big space stations that move ships faster than light; the Normandy used one in the intro) and we were using them like a mother fucker because hey, space travel is cool. We broke some space laws and turians blew us the fuck up in response.

That's why you should be prescient and learn intergalactic law before you know there are other sentient species, kiddos!

After this line, we have two more options; we can call Pressly out for being SPACE RACIST ("That was long ago"), or kinda condone him ("Plus, he's a Spectre").

(That was long ago)
Shepard: That was thirty years ago. You can't blame Nihlus for that.

Pressly: No, I guess not. But it still makes me nervous to have a Spectre on board, especially a turian. We're an Alliance vessel, human military. But Nihlus doesn't answer to the Captain like the rest of us. Spectres operate outside the normal chain of command.

More exposition. This is all stuff we learn in the way of progressing through the game anyway, so why have this here?

Pressly: And they don't come along just to observe shakedown runs. Nihlus looks like he's expecting some heavy action. I don't like it.

At this point, I decided to move on to Jenkins and Chakwas. Better talk to them than a disgusting SPACE RACIST.



Chakwas: I sincerely hope you're kidding, Corporal. Your "real action" usually ends with me patching up crew members in the infirmary.

Chakwas is the ship's doctor. Jenkins is dead meat.

Shepard: Only a fool goes looking for a fight, Corporal.

Jenkins: Sorry, Commander. But this waiting's killing me. I've never been on a mission like this before. Not one with a Spectre on board!

Shepard: Just treat this like every other assignment you've had and everything will work out.

You definitely won't be murdered by robots with laser guns. Wait, did I say that out loud?

Jenkins: Easy for you to say. You proved yourself on Akuze. Everybody knows what you can do.

People keep bringing up the choices that we made at the character creation screen. It's used pretty well throughout the series, in small moments that make you think "Oh, Shepard had a life before the events of these games."

Not so here, when we picked that backstory out of a menu ten minutes ago.

Jenkins: This is my big chance. I need to show the brass what I can do!

Shepard: This isn't about personal glory, Corporal! We have a job to do. Don't do anything stupid to mess it up!

Jenkins: Don't worry, sir. I'm not going to screw this up.

Asking Jenkins or Chakwas about Spectres will only yield stuff that we already heard from Pressly, so let's ask about Eden Prime.

Shepard: You're from Eden Prime, aren't you Jenkins? What's it like?

Jenkins: It's very peaceful, Commander. They've been real careful with development, so you don't have any city noise or pollution.



Jenkins: It was gorgeous. But when I got older, I realized it was a little too calm and quiet for me. That's why I joined the Alliance. Even paradise gets boring after a while.

Shepard: Any idea why Eden Prime was chosen as our destination?

Jenkins: Not really sure, Commander. Eden Prime's one of our most stable colonies. Good place to take the Normandy for her shakedown run, I guess. No real danger there. But there's gotta be something else going on. We've got a Spectre on board! That's why I'm so wound up. I can't wait for the real mission to start!

From here, I ask about Nihlus.

Shepard: What do you know about Nihlus?

Chakwas: Turians are generally well-respected by the other species. Their fleet has more patrols protecting Citadel space than any other.

The Citadel is basically where all of Space Government is. Literally. It's where all the leaders from every represented race--the "Council races"--go and make decisions about space law. In person. This will be an issue multiple times throughout the series.

Chakwas: They don't always get on well with us, though. Some people find them too rigid. Others still blame them for the First Contact War. As for Nihlus, I haven't said more than two words to him. He usually only speaks to the Captain.



Shepard: The captain's waiting for me.

With the dialogue exhausted, all we can do is abruptly leave. There's a reason that "I should go" is a minor meme.

When we arrive in the comm room, Nihlus is the only person there.



Shepard: The Captain said he'd meet me here.

Nihlus: He's on his way. I'm interested in this world we're going to--Eden Prime. I've heard it's quite beautiful.

Our choices here are "Beyond beautiful", "I wouldn't know" or "So what?" Our conversation with Jenkins implies that we've never been to Eden Prime, so I'm supposing this is another little choose-your-own-Shepard moment. It doesn't come up again later.

Shepard: I've never been there.

Nihlus: But you know of it. It's become something of a symbol for your people, hasn't it? Proof that humanity can not only establish colonies across the galaxy, but also protect them. But how safe is it, really?

Nihlus is talking an awful lot of smack for having such a blurry face texture. There's three choices here, but they all amount to "Get to the point."

Shepard: Do you know something?

Nihlus: Your people are still newcomers, Shepard. The galaxy can be a very dangerous place. Is the Alliance truly ready for this?



Nihlus: This mission is far more than a simple shakedown run.

Shepard: I already figured that out.

Anderson: We're making a covert pick-up on Eden Prime. That's why we needed the stealth systems operational.

Shepard: There must be a reason you didn't tell me about this.

Anderson: This comes down from the top. Information is on a strictly need-to-know basis.

That damned Alliance brass again! (shakes fist)

Anderson: A research teaam on Eden Prime unearthed some kind of beacon during an excavation. It was Prothean.



Nihlus: Their legacy still remains. The mass relays, the Citadel, our ship drives--it's all based on Prothean technology.

In case it's not clear, the Protheans are the "ancient civilization" mentioned in the intro.

Anderson: This is big, Shepard. The last tim humanity made a discovery like this, it jumped our technology forward two hundred years. But Eden Prime doesn't have the facilities to handle something like this. We need to bring the beacon back to the Citadel for proper study.

Nihlus: Obviously, this goes beyond mere human interests, Commander. This discovery could affect every species in Council space.

Shepard: Why didn't we keep the beacon for ourselves?

Ourselves meaning humans.

Nihlus: You humans don't have the best reputation. Some species see you as selfish. Too unpredictable. Too independent. Even dangerous.

SPACE RACISM cuts both ways.

Anderson: Sharing that beacon will improve relations with the Council. Plus, we need their scientific expertise. They know more about the Protheans than we do.

Nihlus: The beacon's not the only reason I'm here, Shepard.



It may be a controversial opinion, but I find this game's visuals--both aesthetically and technically--are average at their best moment. However, it uses depth-of-field pretty effectively, as seen in the screenshot. Good job, Bioware.

Shepard: What's going on, Captain?

Anderson: The Alliance has been pushing for this for a long time. Humanity wants a larger role in shaping interstellar policy. We want more say with the Citadel Council. The Spectres represent the Council's power and authority. If they accept a human into their ranks, it shows how far the Alliance has come.

This is the first time Shepard's career crosses paths with political fuckery. It will not be the last.



More about Akuze. It was ONE TIME, guys. Gosh.

Nihlus: That's why I put your name forward as a candidate for the Spectres.

This is a weird plot wrinkle. Not to spoil anything, but Nihlus doesn't become a major character in the series. More than that, Nihlus and Shepard have no relation, whereas Anderson has served with Shepard on the Normandy for at least a little bit before this.

As a human, Anderson probably wouldn't have the authority to submit Shepard's name to the Council. Maybe he convinced Nihlus to do it... but Anderson doesn't know Nihlus either. Udina is the one who "makes the call" in the intro, so maybe he pulled some strings?

Shepard: Why would a turian want a human in the Spectres?

Nihlus: Not all turians resent humanity. Some of us see the potential of your species. We see what you have to offer to the rest of the galaxy... and to the Spectres.

Those don't strike me as Nihlus's words. It's a really pretty, sweeping statement for a pragmatic superspy. I smell politics.

Nihlus: We're an elite group. It's rare to find an individual with the skills we seek. I don't care that you're human, Shepard. I only care that you can do the job.

Shepard: Just tell me what I have to do.

Nihlus: I need to see your skills myself, Commander. Eden Prime will be the first of several missions together.



From here, we get an Investigate menu with options about Eden Prime, Protheans or the Beacon.

Shepard: What do you know about the Protheans?

Anderson: Just what they taught us in school. They were a technologically advanced species that ruled the galaxy 50,000 years ago. Then they vanished. Nobody really knows how or why, though I've heard plenty of theories. But everyone agrees galactic civilization wouldn't exist without them.

Nihlus: Their Citadel is the very heart of galactic society. And without their mass relays, interstellar travel would be impossible. We all owe the Protheans a great debt.

Here's something we didn't know; the Citadel was already there, fully functioning, when the first spacefaring civilizations found it. Interesting.

Shepard: I'd like to know more about Eden Prime before we touch down.

Anderson: It's a peaceful farming world, but it represents something much bigger. Eden Prime is one of our oldest and most successful colonies. It proved we were ready to face the challenges of settling new worlds, to forge a place for humanity beyond Earth.

The beginning of the story happens on a peaceful garden utopia that represents humanity's hopes and dreams? Nothing suspicious at all is happening!

I really hate to nitpick because I do enjoy these games but this is a pretty obvious setup. Maybe it's just more obvious to me because I'm experiencing it on a much slower time scale; transcribing a short scene takes a minute or two, so the game seems to take longer than it really does.

Anderson: It symbolizes humanity's growth and evolution as a spacefaring species. And after this, it will be known as the world where humans made a discovery of galactic importance.

Asking about the beacon just tells us what we already know: it's important because ancient alien technology makes the world go round. However, Anderson mentions the possibility of it falling into "wrong hands".



Shepard: Like who?

Anderson: The Attican Traverse isn't the most stable sector of Citadel space. There are plenty of raiders and criminal groups active in the region. They might figure a Prothean beacon is worth the risk of attacking an Alliance ship. Plus, Eden Prime is right on the border of the Terminus Systems.

The Attican Traverse and the Terminus Systems are basically Tatooine in Mass Effect. If there's scum and villainy around, you can bet it came from one of those two places.

Shepard: The Attican Traverse is under Citadel protection. If the Terminus Systems attack, it's an act of war.

Nihlus: Technically, yes. But some of the species in the Terminus might be willing to start a war over this.

We won't be seeing any Terminus species in this game. The Batarians and Vorcha start showing up in Mass Effect 2.

Anderson: The last thing the Council wants is to get dragged into a major conflict with the Terminus Systems. We have to keep this low-key.

Shepard: Just give the word, Captain.

Captain Anderson: We should be getting close to Eden-

Joker: Captain, we've got a problem!

Anderson: What's wrong, Joker?

Joker: Transmission from Eden Prime, sir. You better see this!

Anderson: Bring it up on screen.



Hoo boy.



I couldn't catch it in a screenshot, but he gets splorched and dragged away by... something.



OwO wats dis?

Spoiler alert: We'll be seeing this guy later.

Joker: Everything cuts out after that. No comm traffic at all. Just goes dead. There's nothing.

Anderson: Reverse and hold at 38.5.

I already showed them! This is a screenshot LP, ya doof!

If you were playing the game, the last screenshot would have only been on screen for half a second. You'd get a better look at it here.

Anderson: Status report.

Joker: Seventeen minutes out, Captain. No other Alliance ships in the area.



Nihlus: A small strike team can move quickly without drawing attention. It's our best chance to secure the beacon.

Anderson: Grab your gear and meet us in the cargo hold. Tell Alenko and Jenkins to suit up, Commander. You're going in.

And with that, we fade to black and I'll cut this post off here. Next time: Eden Prime and some actual gameplay!

[Sirus]

So, are you trying to go for a more neutral path? It's been a while since I played ME1 but you don't seem to be picking a whole lot of paragon or renegade options.

Also, good pick on the Soldier. It might sound boring, but it's a solid all-round class. Once you get to ME2, you'll love having assault rifles again.

[Teneb]

Put the updates in spoilers. I makes it way easier to browse. Anyway, could I convince you to try and become the most incompetent Shepard possible, while still being a completionist?

[itisnotlogical]

So, are you trying to go for a more neutral path? It's been a while since I played ME1 but you don't seem to be picking a whole lot of paragon or renegade options.

Also, good pick on the Soldier. It might sound boring, but it's a solid all-round class. Once you get to ME2, you'll love having assault rifles again.

I'm planning on letting the thread make major decisions (Virmire in particular), if interest ever gets to that point. If not I'll probably go Paragon.

A neutral path sucks in Mass Effect since you need pretty large amounts of points to pick the best resolution to some situations.

Put the updates in spoilers. I makes it way easier to browse. Anyway, could I convince you to try and become the most incompetent Shepard possible, while still being a completionist?

Given my gameplay in the next update (which I'll finish transcribing sometime later tonight), our Shepard's already kind of a dingus.

[Teneb]

A neutral path sucks in Mass Effect since you need pretty large amounts of points to pick the best resolution to some situations.

But that is what makes it interesting. Also, ME2 at least has some special options if you go mostly neutral.

Spoiler: example, actual spoilers (click to show/hide)

You can get the best ending for Tali's loyalty mission without enough paragon or renegade.

Either way, all I ask is that you shoot the Catalyst in the face if you get that far.

[itisnotlogical]

A neutral path sucks in Mass Effect since you need pretty large amounts of points to pick the best resolution to some situations.

But that is what makes it interesting. Also, ME2 at least has some special options if you go mostly neutral.

Spoiler: example, actual spoilers (click to show/hide)

You can get the best ending for Tali's loyalty mission without enough paragon or renegade.

Either way, all I ask is that you shoot the Catalyst in the face if you get that far.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I already shot the Catalyst. It was my first time beating the entire trilogy. I honestly didn't think anything would happen.

[itisnotlogical]

When we last left off, a Prothean beacon had been found on Eden Prime, garden world of the Alliance. This miraculuous discovery holds unknown technological secrets of a vast, ancient empire, but all is not well: Eden Prime is under attack by forces unknown. Nihlus, Dean Shepard, Kaidan Alenko and Corporal Jenkins suit up to defend the colony and recover the beacon...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Kaidan: What about survivors, Captain?

Anderson: Helping survivors is a secondary objective. The beacon's your top priority.

Joker: Approaching drop point one.

Jenkins: Nihlus? You're coming with us?



That's what serious military personnel do, right? Work alone and charge ahead of the front line?

Anderson: Nihlus will scout ahead. He'll feed you status reports throughout the mission; otherwise, I want radio silence.

Shepard: We've got his back, Captain.





And with that, we're in control again, with a job to do.



Nearby are these weird gas bladder things. Gas bladders are an under-appreciated trope in scifi fauna.



These two solitary corpses are kinda silly to me. There's no blood, no smoke despite being burned, no craters or bullet holes. These might just be halloween decorations.

Unfortunately, the fall festivities must soon end, as trouble is right around the corner...



Shepard motions Jenkins ahead...




oh no how did this happen i could not possibly have seen this coming



These things suck. They're tiny, they're fast, they don't stop moving and pack a huge punch at low levels--especially on Veteran difficulty. It doesn't help that the inaccurate assault rifle is the Soldier's primary weapon.

Fortunately, we have an Overkill ability that boosts our assault rifle's accuracy and damage. Infiltrators have a similar thing for pistols.



Jenkins is dead. Like, super dead bro. That's not a tender loving caress, Kaidan's closing Jenkins's eyes. But it's funnier to think the first thing.

Kaidan: Ripped right through his shields. He never stood a chance.



I've never picked the "He needs a burial" option. It's a silly thing to insist on in the middle of a time-critical mission, given that Shepard's apparently competent and level-headed enough to be a Spectre.

Shepard: Sometimes marines die. The rest of us just have to carry on. We still have to find that beacon.

Kaidan: Aye, aye, sir.

The next bit is just some shooting and walking, so here's a short video just to show you what gameplay looks like:

Video

After some walking and shooting, we encounter a soldier in trouble.




We also get to see the real Geth; thus far we've only been fighting their little drones. And they're up to something horrifying...




We shoot some more dudes and rescue Ashley. I would show a video here, but it was over in maybe five seconds. I think Ashley was made invulnerable since she's not really in our party yet, and she destroyed them before I even got in a position to shoot.



I think they tried to split the difference between sex appeal and realism with the female armor in this game. It doesn't really work and just looks kinda silly.

Shepard: Give me a status report, Williams.

Ashley: Oh, man... we were patrolling the perimeter when the attack hit. We tried to get off a distress call, but they cut off our communications. I've been fighting for my life ever since.

Shepard: Where's the rest of your squad?

Ashley: We tried to double back to the beacon. But we walked into an ambush. I don't think any of the others... I think I'm the only one left.

Shepard: This isn't your fault, Williams. You couldn't have done anything to save them.



Kaidan: The geth haven't been seen outside the Veil in nearly 200 years. Why are they here now?

The Perseus Veil is where the geth come from. Until now, they've largely minded their own business.

Ashley: They must have come for the beacon. The dig site is close. Just over that rise. It might still be there.

Shepard: We could use your help, Williams.

Ashley: Aye, aye, sir. It's time for payback.

From here on out I think I'll just put extra dialogue in videos, unless there's a tidbit that's really interesting.

Video



Immediately after that, this is where we are.

This is the unforgivable flaw of Mass Effect 1, in my opinion. Forget the meh intro, forget the low-res graphics. THIS is the part of the game that makes me like it less than the other two.

You get tons of gear thrown at you in this game. We got some free shit just for talking to Ashley. There's two boxes nearby that have some more gear. There will be lockers full of armor and weapons in every mission. It'll show up on the Normandy as quest rewards. Sometimes it'll just materialize for no reason. There's multiple modifications that we can put on each piece of kit, as well.

Your inventory is tiny. I believe the limit is 200 items, and that fills up rapidly unless you're constantly purging and rearming your crew after every mission (every crew member has a full set of equipment slots as well). Without an "optimize" button a la Final Fantasy, it gets tedious almost instantly.

The bonuses are small and incremental as well, which is the worst RPG mechanic in my opinion. You won't get a cool new ability for modding your weapons; you'll just gradually fall behind if you're not abreast of every single piece of kit you pick up in this fucking galaxy.

Sigh. Back to the game, shall we?



We're moving up to where Ashley told us the beacon was. Some more geth stand in our way, but thankfully they're not impossible to hit like the drones.



Gosh dangit to heck, Ashley!

Kaidan: By who? Our side, or the geth?

Ashley: Hard to say. Maybe we'll know more after we check out the research camp.

(Choices: Any survivors?, Let's go there, We're wasting time)
Shepard: You think anyone got out of here alive?

Ashley: If they were lucky. Maybe hiding up in the camp. It's just on top of this ridge, up the ramps.

And so we go, up the hill which is not ramps but a hill made out of dirt. Also there's only one of them.

Unfortunately, we get to the top and find something even worse than geth waiting for us:





These are husks, space zombies created by impaling people on those spikes. Mass Effect 1 especially needed fast melee enemies for variety in combat, and these guys fill that role in a lot of missions. They could have just had space zombies with "The infection" or "the virus", but instead they made them cool robot zombies that come from impaling corpses on spikes. It's a neat design.

Past them we find a shack with an electronic lock, and that means hacking minigame!



The little triangle on the bottom represents... uhhh....

You use WASD to move a triangle through the circles before time runs out. You can't touch the red or orange rectangles.

And there are people that complain about Fallout 3's hacking minigame.

Inside the shack, we find this lady...



...and her Nosferatu assistant:



Shepard: Don't worry. We'll protect you.

Warren: Thank you. I think we'll be okay now. It looks like everyone's gone.

Ashley: You're Dr. Warren, the one in charge of the excavation. Do you know what happened to the beacon?

Warren: It was moved to the spaceport this morning. Manuel and I stayed behind to help pack up the camp. When the attack came, the marines held them off long enough for us to hide. They gave their lives to save us!

Manuel: No one is saved. The age of humanity is ended. Soon, only ruin and corpses will remain.

This is supposed to be spooky foreshadowing.

I have a serious grudge against the whole "insane guy speaks the truth" trope. It takes a really talented actor to pull off any kind of mental illness or insanity in live action film, let alone a one-off scene in a game with a limited animation budget.

We can ask these guys if they've seen Nihlus, yielding an interesting bit of knowledge:
[/hr]



Manuel: I saw him. The prophet. Leader of the enemy. He was here, before the attack.

Kaidan: That's impossible Nihlus was with us on the Normandy before the attack. He couldn't have been here.

That means there's another turian here, apparently leading the enemy. A turian leading an army of geth, who haven't been seen in civilized space within living memory. Curiouser and curiouser.

Warren: I'm sorry. Manuel's still a bit... unsettled. We haven't seen your turian. We've been hiding in here since the attack.

Shepard: Can you tell me anything about the beacon?

Warren: It's some type of data module from a galaxy-wide communications network. Remarkably well-preserved. It could be the greatest scientific discovery of our lifetime! Miraculous technologies, groundbreaking medical advances... Who knows what secrets are locked inside?

Crazy's still acting up.

Manuel: We have unearthed the heart of evil. Awakened the beast. Unleashed the darkness.

Warren: Manuel, please! This isn't the time.

Yeah, save your insane ramblings until dinner-time!

Shepard: What's wrong with your assistant?

Warren: Manuel has a brilliant mind, but he's always been a bit... unstable. Genius and madness are two sides of the same coin.

Took the words right... out of... my mouth?

Manuel: Is it madness to see the future? To see the destruction rushing toward us? To understand there is no escape? No hope? No, I am not mad. I'm the only sane one left!

I swear to God I like this game. I know I've been complaining, but all those complaints are minor compared to the points I really like.

That line, on the other hand, is truly cringeworthy in the sheer density of cliches.

Warren: I gave him an extra dose of his meds after the attack.

Here we have an option to be mean and make him shut up. I'm trying to stay Paragon or neutral, so I didn't pick it, despite the temptation.



Manuel: You can't stop it. Nobody can stop it. Night is falling. The darkness of eternity.

Warren: Hush, Manuel. Go lie down. You'll feel better once the medication kicks in.

Aww, they really do love eachother.

As far as I know, we never see or hear from them ever again in the series.



Meanwhile, Nihlus is off airsofting.




He's found our mysterious second Turian, and it appears they know eachother.






Good night, sweet Nihlus.

[itisnotlogical]

Last we left off, Commander Shepard and Kaidan Alenko rescued Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, a soldier stranded and fighting for her life on Eden Prime.

Meanwhile, Nihlus encountered the mysterious second turian that Dr. Manuel mentioned, at a spaceport ahead of our heroes' position...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

We come upon the spaceport Nihlus found, but it's heavily guarded by the geth.

Those blue hexagons are portable cover set up by certain geth units. If vague memories of the last playthrough are any indication, those will be the bane of my existence.

This fight in particular is difficult without pistols or sniper rifles, but we get past it to the spaceport, and Nihlus.








(Choices: You need to be more careful, Who are you?, You're a coward!)
Shepard: Sneaking up on us like that nearly got you killed!

Powell: I... I'm sorry. I was hiding. From those creatures. My name's Powell. I saw what happened to that turian. The other one shot him.

(Choices: Tell me what happened, It wasn't the geth?, Other one?)
Pick Shepard's attention span! Did he check out of this two minutes ago or two seconds ago?
Shepard: What the hell are you talking about?

Powell: There were two turians here. Your friend and another one he called Saren. I think they knew eachother. Your friend seemed to relax. He let his guard down... and Saren killed him. Shot him right in the back. I'm just lucky he didn't see me behind the crates.

Geth can't melt steel crates.



Powell: It's over on the other platform. Probably where that guy Saren was headed. He hopped on the cargo train right after he killed your friend.

This level has a pretty high dialogue-to-combat ratio. The battles in between conversations are really short. As the gameplay advances and the missions get longer, they change it up so that there's longer stretches of gameplay and shorter conversations. It's a similar thing I noticed in KOTOR 2, which actually wasn't Bioware's doing but the first one was so close enough.

Powell: I knew that beacon was trouble. Everything's gone to hell since we found it. First that damn mother ship showed up. Then the attack. They killed everyone. Everyone! If I hadn't been behind the crates I'd be dead, too!

Shepard: How come you're the only one who survived? Why didn't anyone else try to hide behind the crates?

Powell: They never had a chance. I... I was already behind the crates when the attack started.

Kaidan: Wait a minute. You were hiding behind the crates before the attack?

Powell: I... sometimes I need a nap to get through my shift. I sneak off behind the crates to grab forty winks where the supervisor can't find me.



Shepard: If you hadn't snuck off for that nap you'd probably be dead just like all the others.

Powell: Yeah, I guess. I don't really want to think about it.

At this point, we get another Investigate dialogue. It mostly just recaps stuff we already heard from Ashley and the researchers; the geth came, everybody died, etc. but I want to talk about the "Ship" option.



Powell: I've never seen anything like it before. It--it was huge. Landed over near that playform. The whole place got dark as it came down. And--and it was making this noise, this--this SOUND that bored right into your brain. That's what woke me up. The attack came a few minutes later.

This is the sound he's talking about. We don't hear it in ME1, meaning it's something of a retcon. In ME3, it goes between terrifying and kinda funny because it sounds like a fart.

Shepard: We need to find that beacon before it's too late.

Powell: Take the cargo train. That's where the other turian went.



As a series, Mass Effect is pretty good at avoiding the "exit stage left" idea. If you talk to a character in an area, chances are you can find them somewhere nearby; if you can't, it's because they actually left and went somewhere else.

However, Powell takes two steps off-screen and vanishes into the ether. It's a pet peeve of mine. DE: Human Revolution was horrible about that.

Up next is a difficult combat section, but we're getting pretty close to the end of Eden Prime.



This Destroyer always kills me. He's invincible; you're supposed to use Kaidan's biotic abilities on him as part of the tutorial. I always forget this until I've died to him at least once. He hits like a truck, and I'm out of medigel (healing items) for the rest of the mission.

It probably didn't help that I was trying to play this with Mass Effect 3's key mappings.

The red blur makes things really difficult. Unlike other games that just put a red filter on the screen, you actually can't see when you're at low health; you basically get double vision, which makes it really difficult to aim. It's a neat effect, but it should go away after a while or fade in and out; once you're at low health, it stays there until you heal.



This bridge is actually a breeze compared to the sections just before and just after. The enemies tend to be just out of range of the assault rifle, but there's enough cover to advance in relative safety.



Finally, we board the train and we're on to the very last section of the leevel. Woo!

Meanwhile, we get another look at what Saren's doing:





Huh. Seems like Saren absorbed something from the beacon.



I take back what I said in the last post; this game actually can look pretty nice sometimes. Everything may be brown and gross and industrial in this level, but it's still a well-composed shot that gets past the technical limitations of the game.



The geth are planting the bombs, setting the stage for the hardest part thus far.

There are four bombs in the immediate area. We have to find and disarm all of them while various geth units swarm us. This is also the first time we meet the geth sniper, which is a one-hit-kill at this point.

Bomb disposal, also some terrible Mass Effect gameplay

After an uneventful fight with some more geth, we finally come across the beacon.

I tried to capture this next scene in screenshots, but it ended up being 30+ images before I even got close to finishing it. It's better in video anyway:

Video

If we were femshep, Kaidan and Ashley would have switched places in that scene. This is the beginning of the romance subplot, if we choose to pursue it. We still haven't met the other romanceable character, but now's the time to start thinking about Shepard's love interest.

Meanwhile, in space...






The Matriarch: They managed to save the colony.

Saren: And the beacon?

The Matriarch: One of the humans may have used it.






I'm sorry, but considering that we won't be seeing Saren again for a long, long time, that little tantrum makes it really hard to consider him a serious, calculating villian.

And with that, we're finished with Eden Prime! Next time: Normandy, the Citadel... and ROMANCE!?

[Tawa]

Keeping an eye on this. Liking it a lot so far.

I've always wanted to play Mass Effect, I've just never had anything that could run it. :v

[Sirus]

Couple of things?

First, you do have access to weapons other than the assault rifle. Soldiers can use them all with reasonable amounts of skill.
Second, you missed out on some stuff Powell can give you. It isn't much, but it could come in handy.
Thirdly, go romanceless

[birdy51]

nuuu.

Romance everyone! Shepherd must not stop until every love interest is at his knees!

[Sirus]

Romancing everyone doesn't work, sadly. They find out and confront Shepard, and you're forced to pick one

Besides, the options in ME2 are better.

[itisnotlogical]

A quick note about sidequests, since it's going to be relevant in the next couple of updates:

School's coming up shortly, so if I want to finish the game and LP without a hiatus I'll probably have to cover only a few sidequests. I'll have an update devoted to Citadel sidequests that'll be the one after next, but beyond that I only really have specific stuff to say about Citadel: Signal Tracking and UNC: Rogue VI. If anybody has a specific sidequest they want to see, now's the time!

If I end up playing a sidequest but don't have anything special to say about it, I'll probably put it in video form.

Couple of things?

First, you do have access to weapons other than the assault rifle. Soldiers can use them all with reasonable amounts of skill.
Second, you missed out on some stuff Powell can give you. It isn't much, but it could come in handy.
Thirdly, go romanceless

I can use them, yes, but I had the most points in Assault Rifle at the moment. I also forgot that crouching and firing from cover makes any weapon very accurate, regardless of training.

nuuu.

Romance everyone! Shepherd must not stop until every love interest is at his knees!

I actually wanted to cheat on Kaidan with Liara in my first-ever playthrough. But I didn't realize that the end of the game comes immediately after the Feros-Noveria-Therum chain, so I got Liara last.

[Harry Baldman]

No sweat about the sidequests, about 90% of the first Mass Effect's side content is abysmal anyway. I'd really rather avoid the unpleasant memories myself.