Meanwhile, with the artist formerly known as The Bus Driver"Righty" isn't feeling too good.
However,
Dyler Turden is still on his rampage! Feeling his imaginary-seal-fueled rage die down, he grab for something suitable for a final attack.
...Yelling, grunting, and otherwise sounding a little bit terrifying, he picks up the MASSIVE STICK with surprising ease. He begins twirling around his head like a baton, as if it weren't basically a caber. Screaming some more, her charges at the bus once more.
...But his swing is met with an alarmingly solid hull and an even more alarmingly loud "CLANG". Turden stumbles back, obviously very surprised at how his attack went, but still hefting the "MASSIVE STICK with ease. Seems like it's just something that comes naturally to him.
Gained Lancelog: One of the esteemed branches of the Oak Table. Wield him well and thou shalt be rewarded.
Tor Tiss, having spent much of the battle hurtin', is relieved to finally rejoin his crew and start wrecking shit, starting with the huge bus blocking the castle entrance!
...Opening up the hood, Tor basically begins bashing on the engine and various parts of the inner workings of the bus. Even his new pal, still nameless, jumps in and starts gnawing through various cables. Chances are those brakes aren't gonna be working anytime soon.
Inside the bus,
Busy Hernan is getting busy
hernaning thieving! Or trying to at least.
...But when he goes to grab the radio, it's already gone! A note instead sits in its place.
Thanks for the distraction loser
Bus Radios are rare shit
they sell like hotcakes at the mall
and for a LOT of meat too
Stay Jiggy Wit' It,
The Lone Waltzer
Hernan looks out the window at the horizon, to see a silhouette of a man...or woman, hard to tell, slowly dancing their way into the distance.
Once again, The Lone Waltzer has beaten Busy Hernan to the mark. He'd yell out in anger but there's really no part of the guy's name that can be suitably yelled. That slippery bastard thought of
everything.
Kobosh the Professor continues his stand-off with Righty. Even with only one arm he was proving to be a nuisance. But no more!
...Gripping his accordion at one end with both hands, Kobosh swings it at Righty from below. The tough, shelled, keyboard end of the accordion strikes him in the chin, sending him sailing backwards through the air and through one of the windows of his own bus. He lands...less than neatly in one of the seats, looking about as pissed off as someone can be with a dislocated jaw. He shoves Busy Hernan aside and digs around in the glovebox, pulling out a Zippo
TM lighter and reaching into his back pocket.
Uh oh...
...looks like Corleoni Spice-a-roni is trying to make a sauce out of literally just dirt and grass! Let's see how this goes....After smushing together some bitter grass and half a tomato he could find in his pocket, Corleoni has something that more resembles a mashed salad than a sauce. But he puts it in a jar he happens to have with him anyway.
Gained "Sauce": It's frankly disgusting. It's also stevenly disgusting, and perhaps even gregly disgusting.
...Terry Pin continues to lay on the ground, hoping a turtle pal comes to him in his time of need. He is thoroughly disappointed.
Righty is pissed. First, they don't use exact change. Next, they delay his bus route. THEN, they fucking BREAK the bus. And when he tries to leave, they run after him? Bullshit. And now he stands back in his beloved bus. Bleeding from where his left arm used to be. Unable to talk, even if he wanted to. Thankfully he never does, but still. And now his bus is even more fucked up. It ends.
NOW....He grabs all four sticks of dynamite, twisting the fuses together and lighting them all as a group. He attempts to grin maniacally at the man who just dislocated his jaw, but...yknow. Kinda hard now. However, Busy Hernan's antics within the bus catch his eye.
He makes gestures as if to say
"Really? You steal my fucking radio right in front of me?" but once again it's kinda hard with one arm. Righty chucks the bundle of dynamite at Hernan, only for the smooth criminal to pull a move straight out of the "Oldest Tricks in the Book" book, the one he keeps in his bathroom at home. In one fluid motion, he grabs the bundle out of midair, dives out of the bus, and chucks the dynamite straight back through the broken bus window.
Tor Tiss and his buddy get to a safe distance before-
"BOOOOOOOOM"Busy Hernan yells a few seconds too early, before:
The bus explodes in a spectacular ball of flame, sending it careening over the edge and leaving the beautiful brickwork of the castle only slightly charred!
Hearing the explosion, the purple-hardly-robed woman shows up in the window again.
"Damn. Okay then. I think that was pretty decent. C'mon in. Oh, and don't forget to loot the corpses. You wouldn't believe what kinds of shit people bring to a fight."At that moment, the wooden doors open, inviting everyone in. Well, not really. They're doors. They can't invite people. C'mon, don't be silly.
Loot:Revolver
Righty's Left
A Spare Tire
Shiny Hubcap
Busy Hernan the
Disco BanditInventory: Disco Mask, Disco Ball
Health:
BrahDyler Turden the
Seal ClubberInventory: Seal Skull Helmet,
<REDACTED>,
Bugbear Bung-guardLancelogHealth:
DandyEffects:
Seal Clubbing Frenzy (1)Kobosh the Professor the
Accordion ThiefInventory: Mariachi Pants,
Beer-Battered AccordionHealth:
GoodTerry Pin the
Turtle TamerInventory: Helmet Turtle, Turtle Totem
Health:
Scalp CutsCooldowns:
Patience of the Tortoise (1)Corleoni Spice-a-roni the
SaucerorInventory: Hollandaise Helmet, Saucepan
Health:
Missing Front TeethEffects:
Sauce Contemplation (2)Tor Tiss the
Turtle TamerInventory: Helmet Turtle, Turtle Totem,
Fuzzy Green Turtle (Familiar)Health:
A bit soreCooldowns:
Patience of the Tortoise (1)
Author
Topic: Nobody Likes the Lackeys - Chapter 2: Drive My Meatcar (Beep'm beep beep yeah!) (Read 8497 times)