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[lawastooshort]

Kill that filthy Viking with my filthy cake. Or at least finish him off.

[Poohbah]

because unspokenly I'm a berserker go on a drug fueled murdering spree

[star2wars3]

Become the leader of your tribe of Vikings... by winning a rowdy game of Who Can Assassinate the Viking chief first.

[LordBrassroast]

Respawn. Instead, attempt to offer the British some crumpets.

[4] You go to the village and offer the English some crumpets from the boat. They accept. You are currently having a crumpet party.

Attack villagers with your axe

[5] You go on a murder spree, striking down 10 peasants by yourself! The town bells begin to ring and the peasants begin to arm themselves.

Reattach my leg and stop bleeding already!

[1] You manage to sever your other leg. I'm not sure how.
STATUS GAINED! No legs!
CONTINUING STATUS STRENGTHENED! Bleeding out! [2] turns until death

Lead my followers in faith onto zealous crusade against unbelievers! Pillage and glory!

[2] They don't seem that into the whole "crusade" thing. They're rather tolerant for medieval peasants. Maybe they would like peaceful missionary work?

LOOT AN' PILLAGE!!!

[6] You steal everything not nailed down and set the rest of the village on fire. The villagers are rather put out at this turn of events and begin to arm themselves and surround you. You may have a problem on your hands.

STAY BEHIND AND MIND THE LONGSHIP

[4] Nothing much happens. Your presence frightens away a few raccoons that were looking for food.

Work myself into berserk frenzy! These mushrooms are very tasty.

[5] You work yourself into a rage! When you come to, you have managed to slaughter the entire town.

Kill that filthy Viking with my filthy cake. Or at least finish him off.

[2] You fail to beat the legless man to death with your cake. Cake isn't really a good weapon.

because unspokenly I'm a berserker go on a drug fueled murdering spree

[3] You take some mushrooms. You feel angrier, but you must wait one turn before going full RAGE.
STATUS GAINED! Preparing rage!

Become the leader of your tribe of Vikings... by winning a rowdy game of Who Can Assassinate the Viking chief first.

[4] You sneak up on the Viking chief and put your axe in his back. By virtue of "You kill it you bought it", you claim his Jarldom. The other Vikings acknowledge you as Jarl.
STATUS GAINED! The Jarl!

TURN TWO OVER
WHAT DO?

[ziizo]

Charge towards the town bells you want one of them as loot

[Dustan Hache]

Screw it! just stop bleeding out and beat the guy with the cake to death with my missing legs!

[lawastooshort]

Block his blows with my delicious spongy cream cake.

[Sarrak]

Alright, peaceful missionary work it is. Although reminding people of Valhalla may require axe application. Numerous times.

[AoshimaMichio]

Everyone's dead? Even sheeps? Oh well. I would liked to have some slaves, but loot and food will suffice. Get some nice skulls to be turned into mugs.

[crazyabe]

ONTO THE NEXT VILLAGE!!!

[Poohbah]

while I wait for the rage to take affect arm myself accordingly

[Coolrune206]

Slaughter everyone at the crumpet party. Some of the village's leadership must have been here, right?

[Yoink]

TAKE OUT FANCY COMB AND GROOM SELF. METICULOUSLY.     

[Andres]

Turn into a Super Saiyan

[LordBrassroast]

Shit. Forgot about this.

Charge towards the town bells you want one of them as loot

[4] You run towards the sound of the bells. Climbing up the tower, you cut one free. It's pretty heavy.
ITEM GET! Bell!

Screw it! just stop bleeding out

[6] You cauterize your stumps closed. It hurts like a bitch.
STATUS GAINED! OW OW OW FUCKING OW! (-1 all rolls for [1] turn)
STATUS LOST! Bleeding out!

and beat the guy with the cake to death with my missing legs!

Block his blows with my delicious spongy cream cake.

[1] vs [1] Dustan, you hit yourself in the head with your own leg, knocking yourself unconscious! lawas, you slip in a puddle of mud, also knocking yourself unconscious! And your cake is all muddy now. The other Vikings point and laugh.
STATUS GAINED! Unconscious! (for both of you)

Alright, peaceful missionary work it is. Although reminding people of Valhalla may require axe application. Numerous times.

[5] Through door to door missionary work, you convert the entire Kingdom of Northumbria, even the King, to paganism!

Everyone's dead? Even sheeps? Oh well. I would liked to have some slaves, but loot and food will suffice. Get some nice skulls to be turned into mugs.

[5]You grab the silver communion set from the church and steal all the money and food. You find a few skulls that remained unsmashed through your rampage and put them in your bag for later.
ITEM GET! Communion Set (silver)!
ITEM GET! Northumbrian Pennings (37)!
ITEM GET! Skulls of defeated enemies (3)!
ITEM GET! Side of Bacon (4)!
ITEM GET! Loaf of Bread (7)!

ONTO THE NEXT VILLAGE!!!

[6] You run to the next village. However, you run so fast that you a)cross the northern border into Scotland and b)are all alone. You are now standing in the middle of a circle of very angry Scots.

while I wait for the rage to take affect arm myself accordingly

[3] You grab an axe. You can't seem to find a shield though. No matter! YOU FEEL THE RAGE!!
STATUS GAINED! BERSERK!!!

Slaughter everyone at the crumpet party. Some of the village's leadership must have been here, right?

[2] Shit, you left your axe back at the boat.

TAKE OUT FANCY COMB AND GROOM SELF. METICULOUSLY.     

[4] You comb and braid your hair. You're looking good.
STATUS GAINED! Sexy! (+1 to all Charisma based rolls, +2 to roles against straight women/gay men)

Turn into a Super Saiyan

[4] Fine. You're a goddamn Super Saiyan Viking.

TURN 3 OVER
WHAT DO?