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Author Topic: How to make friends and influence people. Mostly making friends though.  (Read 4299 times)

TheBiggerFish

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After recently realizing I have exactly zero friends that aren't only on the Internet, I figure I probably need some advice on making them.

How am I supposed to get to know people, on a relatively large college campus?

My interests are basically Bay12, video games, and reading.  I play the violin, but I can already tell I'm not going to make friends from the orchestra.

Also I absolutely detest partying.

Any advice?
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hector13

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Re: How to make friends and influence people. Mostly making friends though.
« Reply #1 on: September 01, 2016, 05:40:53 pm »

Why won't you make friends at the orchestra?

Local gaming shops (of the tabletop variety) and maybe some bookshops in the area may be able to direct you to gaming groups of some variety, or there may be book clubs or the like on 't college campus.

One thing I have noticed about myself is I'm much better at talking to people if I have an interest in what they're talking about. This is more likely to get a hit if you're, you know, in a club or something of that interest.

You also have to make an effort with people. Relationship is spelled T-I-M-E, or some nonsense like that.
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NRDL

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Re: How to make friends and influence people. Mostly making friends though.
« Reply #2 on: September 01, 2016, 05:42:16 pm »

Find some new hobbies.  Literally try anything that you never thought you'd try before, see if you like it.  There are so many activities out there that a person would have never given any thought to.  Only way to meet people with similar interests is by acquiring more interests.  Shake things up as much as you can.

Even if making friends wasn't the the goal that'd still be a sound idea for making your life more interesting and fulfilling.
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spümpkin

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Re: How to make friends and influence people. Mostly making friends though.
« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2016, 05:46:55 pm »

Well, I can't exactly say much, but what my councillor has said to me is that first impressions are seriously important. Even if you just act confident, and figure out a way to make a good first impression (I do so by making bad jokes about the situation), you can go from there. Just talk, really. Say thoughts, and ask questions. If you don't like them, no worries. You'll just be that one person they talked to. But talking to people, and making thqt inital conversation is the most important part of making friendships.

Make a club or something, advertise it.

It's the same as making online friends, really. Communicate, share interests. Even if they aren't shared initially, nag them to get involved.
Obviously shared interests make things easier, though.
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TheBiggerFish

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Re: How to make friends and influence people. Mostly making friends though.
« Reply #4 on: September 01, 2016, 05:50:39 pm »

@hector:Nobody talks.

Also, I haven't seen any clubs and don't know if the only thing I did see is even on the bus routes.

@NRDL:Have you any recommendations for something that wouldn't require earplugs, be a fraternity, or be sports?  Because outside of random meditation clubs, which...Equally unsocial, I haven't seen a darn thing.

@DigitalDemon:Yeah, but...I mean, how on earth am I supposed to intrude on random people like that?  :v  They're not exactly going to be happy if I just randomly bother them...
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spümpkin

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Re: How to make friends and influence people. Mostly making friends though.
« Reply #5 on: September 01, 2016, 06:00:33 pm »

That's jus4 the thing. If someone isn't in a conversation with someone, it's not intruding. Nobody will mind.
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When in doubt, use puns.
Quote from: Calidovi
in our own special way we are all shitpost
each day, when the sun shines and greets us with a smile, at least one of us finds that inner strength to spout bullshit on a forum revolving around the systemized slaughter of midgets
dont call me a shitposter, call me a spirit one with the shitpost atman
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that's pretty gay

TheBiggerFish

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Re: How to make friends and influence people. Mostly making friends though.
« Reply #6 on: September 01, 2016, 06:02:43 pm »

The only time I run into people that aren't probably busy heading somewhere is in the cafeteria/buffet/'if you've got a meal plan you will be eating here a lot' thing when I'm eating breakfast and they're almost invariably in twos.  Or more.
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Reelya

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Re: How to make friends and influence people. Mostly making friends though.
« Reply #7 on: September 01, 2016, 06:09:39 pm »

How about tabletop gaming or the like? Are there no groups that do that?

Yoink

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Re: How to make friends and influence people. Mostly making friends though.
« Reply #8 on: September 01, 2016, 06:14:22 pm »

Also I absolutely detest partying.
Well, there's your problem.

Maybe start writing poetry (doesn't have to be good) and attending local poetry recitals? I really don't know.
Or yeah, start/join a club of some kind. Then you can make friends [/s]at the opening party[/s] uh, whilst doing club-stuff I guess. :-\
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TD1

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Re: How to make friends and influence people. Mostly making friends though.
« Reply #9 on: September 01, 2016, 06:18:40 pm »

Also I absolutely detest partying.
Well, there's your problem.

Maybe start writing poetry (doesn't have to be good) and attending local poetry recitals? I really don't know.
Or yeah, start/join a club of some kind. Then you can make friends [/s]at the opening party[/s] uh, whilst doing club-stuff I guess. :-\

POETRY HAS BEEN MENTIONED, I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED.

Anyway, I was posting this reply before the Ninjas:

Don't you have classes, or something? Break times where people just stand about talking? Maybe sit beside a person and see if they're willing to talk (even if it's banalities). If you share interests, you should be able to talk most of the time. If they're part of a group outside class time, you could slowly be included in it. Just a thought.
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hector13

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Re: How to make friends and influence people. Mostly making friends though.
« Reply #10 on: September 01, 2016, 06:26:09 pm »

Not much of a partier myself, min.

You could always invite people to go out after a group meeting or whatever, perhaps to a bar or a restaurant/cafe or something. Somewhere which invites conversation basically. If you can't share your interest with someone while indulging in the interest, you must manufacture a way to talk about it!

't internet is also a good tool for this, looking for groups that share your interest in the local area.

I also like NRDL's suggestion of trying new things. As a n00b, folk'll want to share their knowledge with you. 'tinternet, local area. If it's a large ass college campus, chances are there'll be things in the local area. I believe you mentioned somewhere in another thread you occasionally fiddle, are there any sessions or something nearby?
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TheBiggerFish

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Re: How to make friends and influence people. Mostly making friends though.
« Reply #11 on: September 01, 2016, 06:40:20 pm »

How about tabletop gaming or the like? Are there no groups that do that?
I haven't seen any on-campus.

@Th4DwArfY1:Nnnnnnope.  My classes run pretty much back-to-back.

@hector:If there was anywhere I could go with people and I had money that wasn't faux debit that only works on campus, or there was an on-campus eatery that's sit-down, dinner, and open after 7:30.

How am I going to get there?  I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be on the bus routes.
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MetalSlimeHunt

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Re: How to make friends and influence people. Mostly making friends though.
« Reply #12 on: September 01, 2016, 06:42:14 pm »

Investigate if your college has a debate team. I went from zero friends to one friend to about twenty friends due to joining debate team, it's great. The circumstances basically force everybody into friendship...uh...in a good way.
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TheBiggerFish

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Re: How to make friends and influence people. Mostly making friends though.
« Reply #13 on: September 01, 2016, 06:44:09 pm »

Investigate if your college has a debate team. I went from zero friends to one friend to about twenty friends due to joining debate team, it's great. The circumstances basically force everybody into friendship...uh...in a good way.
That sounds good except AAAAAAA PUBLIC SPEAKING AAAAAAA
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Reelya

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Re: How to make friends and influence people. Mostly making friends though.
« Reply #14 on: September 01, 2016, 06:45:38 pm »

Investigate laser tag or some other thing like that. Look around the internet for your home area, classifieds etc, see if you can't find at least a chess club. I think this would be like a torrent, once you find out about one such grouping, you're likely to get leads on a whole lot more going on that's not visible.

First port of call is games shops, especially board game shops, book shops and the like. Keep an eye out for noticeboards. Or just ask the staff about any gaming meetups in the area.
« Last Edit: September 01, 2016, 06:49:06 pm by Reelya »
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