So... they'd say they're a girl, but not a "girly" girl? I'm not really sure I understand the distinction.
I have no earthly idea. Maybe? Seems like an 'on-the-fence' descriptor. For instance, there's deminonbinary as well, which means that you partly identify with the idea that you identify with an unusual gender or with a specific gender in an unusual way.
You can see how you might start to feel that all of this is perhaps a less than rigorous or even vaguely beneficial approach, to say nothing of the very real possibility that some of these gender identities could very well be made up entirely by somebody attempting satire and it either failing to exceed the threshold of incredulity or spiraling dreadfully out of control.
That's the criticism, in essence, which is that these labels aren't terribly meaningful or useful for any purpose beyond finding a label to describe what is commonly thought to be a personality trait instead.
But consistent, meaningful labels can be used as symbols! The sounds "aie Jen dur" are understood to mean something that cannot be perceived, only described. Labels can be bad, but they are not automatically bad.
But in this situation, I suppose I am fine without a label after all. It would be useful to understand gender, though.
I understand that sex is the physical part, and gender roles are the social expectations, etc., for a particular gender. Is gender just feeling that you are a girl/boy (identify as, etc.) or is there something more?
I suppose I'm confused because I haven't really understood what identity means. If my gender is, relative to other people, insignificant to my identity, would that affect my gender, or would I just be cis, with the "unusual" part being a part of my identity, related but not falling under gender?
Well, there seem to be two types of gender. First is social expectations, but due to weight of tradition that means there's only two, male and female. And the second is internalized expectations extrapolated from social expectations, which is the gender roles that you feel comfortable and happy fulfilling, which can be male, female, kinda male, kinda female, neither, both, some unusual variation, gonna do your own thing, and it's under this second definition that non-binary gender starts to make sense.
Trouble is, once you start dealing with internalized expectations beyond the scope of male and female (which are easily understood and grasped concepts in most cases and for most people), it's unclear whether gender is even applicable in that case (and if it is applicable, to what degree).