Alright you lot. Line up. In a line. A line. The fuck you think a line is? Straight damn it. I don't care if yu only have one leg, stand at attention! At attention. With your back straight. In a line. Space Jesus preserve us, how does the Glorious Empire put up with you? You stand here. and oyu stand here, and you ....
Much better. Now:
Oce006. Your predecessor drew this He holds up a badly drawn picture, in crayon and lipstick. The only really legible bit of doodle are the flames, and the shrieking victims of said flames. "On the Application for Honors. Those honors are denied. Wasn't the flamethrower enough? Don't answer for the deceased dammit! It was a rhetorical question. You don't need to know what a rhetorical question is.
Likewise, you, KH0 ... MPs! Grab him before he lights that! Who let that maniac have a lighter anyway? Look, he's wired it wit ha battery. Where did he get the wires? KH008, if you can hear me throgh the convulsions, your request for a name is denied. We are considering revoking your flaming privileges as well. BUT! I believe your service on the field of combat will speak for itself in that courtmartial. Yes, yu can have your crayons back. AFTER they are inspected for contraband.
CAH004. Your request fr a name is DENIED. However, we are willing to continue to test certain battlefield serums on your line. The ZOM serum was marginally effectual. At your line's request we will test additional serums, one per clone. No, you may not dictate the serum. That's for the eggheads to decide. No, their heads aren't literally eggs. It's a figure of speech.
HC005. On behalf of your predecessor, who did a fine job mopping up some support bugs, we award you a flyswatter patch. No, I am not handing it to you. Someone competent will sew it onto your uniform. ((consider that a CP))
CW004! For making Baby Space Jesus cry tears of laughter, you have been awarded .... A kickass Cyborg Body! Look at that thing! And I see you even have combat scuffs on it already! No, don't hide them, that 's a badge of honor. ... That, on the other hand, is a spaghetti stain. wipe that up.
Ynk006, your predecessor's drunken antics have not gone unnoticed. A previous incarnation was likewise unbalanced, unpredictable, and surprisingly effective. We have our eye on you.
Finally. Get that line straightened up again. Just like last time. Stand still. Facing me, just like before. Much better. It's still lousy, but it's much better.
Jag008! How the hell are you still alive? You spend more time buried in sand, in rubble, and in the guts of the enemy than you do under the sun! And yet, here you stand. Jag008, yuhave been awarded the name, 'Dug'! Wear it proudly. Dug. Because you've been dug out a lot. Congratulations, Dug.
Alright, everyone, that last mission sure had a lot of explosions in it. that's the kind of action Brass likes to see. You are being rewarded for a job poorly done with Ice Cream ... Flavored Artificial Non-Dairy Frozen Yogurt Substitute! Eat up, it's a celebration!
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Topic: Grunts (Read 135786 times)