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[StelarCF]

Expedition Journal of Pre...

Life Journal of Ex-Presi...
Fffffffffffff...

Military Journal of General Cefist of the Purple Legion

2nd Granite, 8
Aaaaah... it's been a while since I wrote a diary. About 2 years, ever since my mandate as President ended. Funny, that - I don't think we've ever put it in our constitution a term limit. Actually, I don't think we even have a constitution, what kind of republic doesn't have a constitution? I'll bring it up in front of the senate... wait, I don't think we have one either. What kind of republic doesn't have a constitution NOR a senate or parliament? I think I'll go meet with President.. President... whatshisface*, but I bet he's "busy" doing nothing and will schedule me on something like 1st of Slate**... I guess it can wait.

3rd Granite, 8
Apparently Archmage (who the hell names their kid Captain Archmage? I had to hold my tongue for a whole year, but that name is not dwarvenly enough) has done a whole bunch of.. colonoscopies.. and came to the conclusion we all have constipation. I will start researching what may be causing this.

5th Granite, 8
I just went into this room and... oh god that was horrifying. I hope they seal that room off.. by Deler the smell... If this is what happens when dwarfs shit, then by Armok we need to be prepared. But how do we keep the foul smells out? We'll have to think about that mystery...

OOC:
* Puter, did you choose a dwarf and give him a nickname?
** Please deliver we could talk on discord about it

[NormalAxis]

Hey is it too late to sign up? If not could you sign me up please!

[puterking]

Expedition Journal of Pre...

Life Journal of Ex-Presi...
Fffffffffffff...

Military Journal of General Cefist of the Purple Legion

2nd Granite, 8
Aaaaah... it's been a while since I wrote a diary. About 2 years, ever since my mandate as President ended. Funny, that - I don't think we've ever put it in our constitution a term limit. Actually, I don't think we even have a constitution, what kind of republic doesn't have a constitution? I'll bring it up in front of the senate... wait, I don't think we have one either. What kind of republic doesn't have a constitution NOR a senate or parliament? I think I'll go meet with President.. President... whatshisface*, but I bet he's "busy" doing nothing and will schedule me on something like 1st of Slate**... I guess it can wait.

3rd Granite, 8
Apparently Archmage (who the hell names their kid Captain Archmage? I had to hold my tongue for a whole year, but that name is not dwarvenly enough) has done a whole bunch of.. colonoscopies.. and came to the conclusion we all have constipation. I will start researching what may be causing this.

5th Granite, 8
I just went into this room and... oh god that was horrifying. I hope they seal that room off.. by Deler the smell... If this is what happens when dwarfs shit, then by Armok we need to be prepared. But how do we keep the foul smells out? We'll have to think about that mystery...

OOC:
* Puter, did you choose a dwarf and give him a nickname?
** Please deliver we could talk on discord about it

Yeah, I got my dorf.

[puterking]

CHAPTER 2


DAY 9 OF ONIONBEARD

Production of the coffins is underway, so is the digging of the catacombs. I have also placed a ban on the exporting of battle axes. We need weapons too, and who knows what's out there that could brutally slaughter every poor dwarf in this fortress!

It also seems to me, that it is time to reach the caverns below. We already know where they are, but we do not have access to them just yet. Who knows how many untold riches shine in these caves and tunnels. Of course there are many dangers down there, trolls and giant spiders, tribes of animal-people, and even legends of great and terrible beasts that can wreck havoc upon even the most well-armed and well defended fortress. But I will not allow these tales to dissuade -my- military. No foul beasts will ever encroach upon Onionbeard while our military still stands.

DAY 12 OF ONIONBEARD

A caravan of elves has arrived near the fortress, hoping to trade. I'm not usually fond of either them or their goods, but we'll see what they can offer. One of the masons has also been possessed by some strange force. I hear that possessed dwarves don't always babble in strange tongues and defecate in the middle of the fortress (since it seems they can do that), but they can also build great artifacts that could be of great use! We'll see what he has to offer.

DAY 14 OF ONIONBEARD

The mason has claimed - quite predictably - a mason's workshop. We will wait in anticipation for his work to be done.

The elven caravan has arrived at the depot and are now unloading their goods. They've brought with them a panda and a jaguar. Curious! We will send a bin of our finest small gems to their caravan. I'm sure they'll love it.

DAY 17 OF ONIONBEARD

They didn't love it. Apparently our fine bin, crafted from our noble carpenters was a "rude bauble, fit only for your kind".

These prickly, tree-shagging pricks think they can get away with insulting us like that? I'll show the dirty bastards! I order The Turquoise Orders to cut down each and every one of them.

Quickly the elves are slain, and their goods are now ours. Our axedwarves have done a fine job today. No one insults Onionbeard and gets away with it. But, despite them being elves, we must honor all sapient creatures slain in battle. We order several trees to be brought down, as a way to honor the elves' passing. I'm sure they'll love it.

In other news, the mason has begun a mysterious construction. Will it be a mug? A chair? Or a stone toilet which pretty much everyone in this fortress needs? We will know soon.

DAY 18 OF ONIONBEARD

It seems that the stairway down to the caverns has been dug out. We now have a perfect entrance to the depths below. The steel statues that I had ordered many days ago are also finished; I order them designated in the temple.

I may have exagerated how great the temple was in the first place. It is only 15x19, but I do have plans to expand it later on.

It does not seem as if much is happening of late; so I must wait for now. But there will certainly be things to come that will threaten our fortress; whether it will appear from the surface, or deep, deep below, where no dwarf should lay their mind upon...

[Fleeting Frames]

Dwarf Fortress: The game where traders not wanting to trade for everything is grounds to murder them, all their friends, and to destroy everything they loved in life.

[StelarCF]

Scientific  Diary of General Cefist of the Purple Legion
9th of Granite
I have procured 3 cats... for... some experiments. They're the closest I could get anatomically to dwarves (or at least that's what my book Dwarven Encyclopedia For Kids says.... don't judge me). Additionally, I know for sure that they... well they don't seem to shit either. Well, here goes!

12th of Granite
The smell.. I regret this already. They've all discharged today, after I finally got the right combination, and by Melbil I hate it. The experiment must continue, however.

15th of Granite
Several discharges have been made by all 3 cats today, but neither the volume, nor the smell were reached, and the result was fairly solid and easy to clean. This is encouraging.

17th of Granite
It has come to my attention that the President is misnaming our glorious republic "Onionbeard" rather than the original "Onionbread", but I will confess the new name is far more endearing and dwarvenly. Once we have a parliament I'll propose a law for the purpose of renaming ourselves.

19th of Granite
Studying the "material" has lead to several interesting observations. For one, it appears that the foul smells provoked by both the liquid and the solid version of the "compound" does not transmit through water upwards. This has led me to the idea of utilizing an U bend to mitigate this. I am already imagining the new facility - great, engraved walls of marble depicting my founding of what I have deemed shall be named The Toilette, as it is the place of little toil. It shall have water that can be flushed and floor grates to allow shitting without the risk of falling in. Of course, it would immediately clog if all the dwarves took their inaugural crap at the same time, and as such I have a brilliant idea for the mitigation of this fact - a Dwarven Shitting Permit, or DSP for short. Presented to guards, it could allow anyone to prove they've either taken their inagural crap, or, otherwise, allow us to make sure that only the maximum amount of feces is moved through the pipes. I can already imagine the great gate - we shall name it Cefist Gate, after only our greatest president, of course.

20th of Granite
Someone told me "toilet" is already a word. What's worse, it already refers to a smaller version of my contraption... No matter. I shall run for president as soon as possible, which will be at the end of next year, for until the end of this one I am preocuppied with military duties.
Hopefully Puter will schedule the meeting already....

[123nick]

Scientific  Diary of General Cefist of the Purple Legion
9th of Granite
I have procured 3 cats... for... some experiments. They're the closest I could get anatomically to dwarves (or at least that's what my book Dwarven Encyclopedia For Kids says.... don't judge me). Additionally, I know for sure that they... well they don't seem to shit either. Well, here goes!

12th of Granite
The smell.. I regret this already. They've all discharged today, after I finally got the right combination, and by Melbil I hate it. The experiment must continue, however.

15th of Granite
Several discharges have been made by all 3 cats today, but neither the volume, nor the smell were reached, and the result was fairly solid and easy to clean. This is encouraging.

17th of Granite
It has come to my attention that the President is misnaming our glorious republic "Onionbeard" rather than the original "Onionbread", but I will confess the new name is far more endearing and dwarvenly. Once we have a parliament I'll propose a law for the purpose of renaming ourselves.

19th of Granite
Studying the "material" has lead to several interesting observations. For one, it appears that the foul smells provoked by both the liquid and the solid version of the "compound" does not transmit through water upwards. This has led me to the idea of utilizing an U bend to mitigate this. I am already imagining the new facility - great, engraved walls of marble depicting my founding of what I have deemed shall be named The Toilette, as it is the place of little toil. It shall have water that can be flushed and floor grates to allow shitting without the risk of falling in. Of course, it would immediately clog if all the dwarves took their inaugural crap at the same time, and as such I have a brilliant idea for the mitigation of this fact - a Dwarven Shitting Permit, or DSP for short. Presented to guards, it could allow anyone to prove they've either taken their inagural crap, or, otherwise, allow us to make sure that only the maximum amount of feces is moved through the pipes. I can already imagine the great gate - we shall name it Cefist Gate, after only our greatest president, of course.

20th of Granite
Someone told me "toilet" is already a word. What's worse, it already refers to a smaller version of my contraption... No matter. I shall run for president as soon as possible, which will be at the end of next year, for until the end of this one I am preocuppied with military duties.
Hopefully Puter will schedule the meeting already....l

wont each room need 3 z levels of space total? 1 for the room itself, 1 for the plumbing below, and another for the ubend ?

[StelarCF]

wont each room need 3 z levels of space total? 1 for the room itself, 1 for the plumbing below, and another for the ubend ?

But of course, and more. Are you implying our dwarves are not worthy of such a project?!

[Senshuken]

Dear Diary,

It's been a while since I last wrote in your pages. Things have been rather busy as of late. We've had at least two different presidents and I can't help but admire both of them. Anethalina seems to have been blessed by a string of good, solid leaders and one can only imagine from what I have seen of the future candidates that we will continue to be blessed.

I've heard talk about Stelar and his plans for the Toilette and I've had an ideas about it that I'm going to discuss with him. What it will be made from? In light of the recent 'incident' with that caravan of plant loving, root sucking pansy twats we should offer our elfish neighbors a gesture of good will by crafting the Toilette (One of the finest projects that dwarven kind will ever create) out of the holiest elven wood that we can find. After all, us confessing that their wood is better then our stone for the task would have to put the root suckers in a good mood, right?

Anyway, I've got to go. Guard duty and all that.     

[123nick]

wont each room need 3 z levels of space total? 1 for the room itself, 1 for the plumbing below, and another for the ubend ?

But of course, and more. Are you implying our dwarves are not worthy of such a project?!

yes. i am. just have a public restroom.

[Fleeting Frames]

Nobody will want to go to a public restroom, but I get what you mean.

[WhirlwindMonk]

Hey, just like I said in the chat, I'd love to be added to the turn list. Thanks!

[StelarCF]

Hey, just like I said in the chat, I'd love to be added to the turn list. Thanks!

Done!

[CaptainArchmage]

Spoiler: Link to realistic impression of what happened (click to show/hide)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwcVJMvVWDA

CaptainArchmage's Journal, 6th Granite, 8

OH SHIT Seems like someone already went in *that* room. CLEAN UP DOWN URIST LUTHER KING JR. AVENUE.

In other news, I have ensured the stone horn we used for the colonoscopy has been replaced in the Elderstrumpets storage space.

The following note was found on a table in Elderstrumpets, on 21st Granite 8

Experimental Results on Dwarf Waste Recycling, CaptainArchmage, carried out 20th Granite 8.

When the gasses have been combusted with the aid of an ignition source such as a torch or magma, the dwarf waste apparently serves as a reasonable fertiliser. After five days of growth, plump helmets growing in dwarf waste had a 50% higher apparent yields than those growing in mud or unfertilised soil. This can be achieved by burning wood to ash in the presence of Dwarf MegaShits™, which can be turned into potash in a proper workshop.

[CaptainArchmage]

*Dwarven Explosive Diarrhea Intensifies*

Based on discord, this fort doesn't deserve second page.

wont each room need 3 z levels of space total? 1 for the room itself, 1 for the plumbing below, and another for the ubend ?

But of course, and more. Are you implying our dwarves are not worthy of such a project?!

yes. i am. just have a public restroom.

Is that one connected up to the water? Because that's important. We can try to give every dwarf a well though. It might be a geniss megaproject, as long as the wells aren't a piece of schist.