After about a year in my most recent fort I had just gotten everything straightened out, metal industry coming online, plenty of meat shields ready to be trained, etc. when my blacksmith decided to mood and become a legendary armorsmith, awesome just in time to start making armor! Almost instantly he is found dead, drained of blood, crap. So I have a vampire but which one of the 80 some odd suspects is it? Oops no time for that the tailor has gone into a mood and needs help, success legendary achieved, and.. he's dead. I'm guessing they are getting drained when they pass out after being awake for a few months in a mood.
So now I'm mad and need to find this guy since he has a penchant for my legendary crafters. Too late interrupted by a snatcher, hmm haven't seen one of those in a while. WTH it is a human? Well this particularly brash snatcher just starts waltzing right into the middle of my fort. Doesn't run from anyone just makes a beeline for my meeting hall. Ok, call up the militia. When the first two noobs show up the snatcher finally decides to run. They chase him through all my workshops, storage rooms and farms ineffectively trying to hit him. All of a sudden boom, he is dead, the mayor Urist McOneHit collapses his skull in a single hit.
Well that was odd, he wasn't a member of the squad. Maybe he should be the leader of the squad! What? Another dwarf found drained, oh yeah forgot about the whole vampire thing. Hey! Maybe he is the vampire, his skills aren't much to talk about just enough to be elected mayor a few months ago. I'm just going to go ahead and lock him up in his office for a while to see if he does anything normal like dying of thirst. After several months and someone else being elected mayor and him still being alive I go ahead and check his description.
He likes nice stuff, cool. Upset about not being able to pray to an ominous sounding deity, seems suspect but this is DF so such names are to be expected probably a god of squirrels or something. Has a large-ish family but none of them here, red flag! Wait what are there names, jeeze this guy has a way with naming kids. Previous associations, that doesn't look good at all. Physical description... no beard! What kind of dwarf is this! Indefatigable, sounds made up, nope google says it's a word. Detests oysters, agreed. Very bad sense of empathy. I'm certain I have my vamp but lets read a bit further. Acquisition of power most important in life, laws abhorrent, self-control is offensive, damn this guy is messed up. Dreams of ruling the world! That's it, this guy is dwarf Hitler. To top it all off he hasn't had a drink in forever and he is still alive after half a year locked in his room minding the books.
I shall name him Vampy. Lets see about this deity now.
Nope definitely not into squirrels. And there he is in the list, started following in 70 then was cursed 100 years later.
Holy crap, even if this guy isn't a vampire he needs to go! Or does he, I could use an immortal bookkeeper and he can't get out of his room. I could use his quarters as the punishment room for any uppity nobles, I'm sure he would like that. Ok, lock the door and let's get back to building this fort! Militia guys, start training for the inevitable siege.
A few days later, FOREST TITAN! A huge three eyed flying pterodactyl with a long trunk for some reason. No biggie, sorry fisherdwarves, raise the bridge. Seriously, raise the bridge there are 40 of you with nothing to do but pull a lever. Oh good he stopped to kill some fisherdwarves. Well they died fast, bridge please, now! And he is inside, ugh. Go ill equipped militia do what you can he only has deadly spittle. For some reason every civilian idiot that passes by jumps into the fight. At least they distract the titan enough that my militia isn't being targeted but the militia is almost completely ineffective. This is it, the end of my fort. Nothing will be able to take out the titan. If only I had worked on making armor and weapons for my militia or at least training them instead of jacking with that vampire... Vampy!
So I create a new squad, the Vampy squad! With only one member, the Captian of the Guard Vampy. I unlock his door and he makes record time from the depths of the fort to the scene of the battle at the entrance. By the time he gets there 30 dwarves are down in various pieces. The militia captain with her silver mace, one of the few weapons available, has managed to crack the scale but thats it. Vampy enters the fray and immediately bites one of the titans leg, really, you just bite him I mean yeah you haven't fed in a year but come on. For a second attack Vampy decides to punch a wing, shattering the bone, go Vampy! But that is all he does for a while. At least the titan is grounded so everyone gets a chance to pound on him but every time it picks a new target that target gets maimed or dead. Militia commander looses her mace arm, wrestler gets bit in half, Vampy pulps an eye, that farmer gets it's head torn off, Vampy shatters a leg, blacksmith gets thrown into a wall and dies on impact, Vampy explodes another eye, etc. Eventually both Vampy's arms are disabled but that is no burden as he still has his legs and teeth.
As the days drag on into weeks the beatings continue. Eventually the titan is a quivering mass rarely attacking and missing because it has no eyes and most of its bones are broken. Dwarves are able to take breaks and come back rested to continue the beatings. Finally the titan dies, the credit goes to some no name farmer that happened to hit it last. But from what I saw all the damage was done by Vampy. The battle is over, the hospital is full and Vampy is locked in his quarters waiting for the next attack. Since Vampy cannot tire I will be creating a full set of steel armor for him. I don't know if I can fix his arms, I am waiting for by doctor to be healed by the conscripted medics to try. If I can though he will be getting some kind of weapon. Only the best will do.
All hail Vampy, supreme jerk and savior of the fort!
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Topic: Vampy the jerk Dwarf (Read 3899 times)