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[Z49000]

I've had dwarves climb up trees, and die of dehydration, since they refused to climb down.

Those drunken idiots never cease to amuse and/or annoy me.

What i'm hearing is that Toady rewrote dorf personalities to mimic cats.

If by cats, you mean drunken, concussed cats, then I can believe that.

[muldrake]

I embarked on an evil biome where my military's first duty was to kill an undead raven that was harassing dwarves but apparently not harming them.

Unfortunately, we apparently could harm them either and they just endlessly tried to wrestle the thing.

Meanwhile, while this was going on, somehow a horse died.  I don't even remember embarking with one.  Somehow, the horse died in the meeting hall.  Shortly thereafter the horse got back up and in seconds flat had killed every single dwarf there.

Despite canceling all orders, disbanding the squad, recreating it and ordering them back to barracks, and anything else I could think of, these idiots stood there trying to wrestle an undead raven when they couldn't harm it and it couldn't harm them.  By the time I gave up just waiting for these idiots to starve to death, the raven was just page after page of red text descriptions of everything wrong with it.

This was very early on so my "military" was 4 unarmed dwarves.  Meanwhile the only armed dwarves were a woodcutter and two miners who were too busy getting killed in the fort to get involved, and the idiots fighting the raven wouldn't go pick up the weapons, which they would have had to go fight zombies to get anyway.

I guess the lesson is don't bring large domestic animals into these biomes. 

Another one:  this wasn't my dwarves, though, but the first caravan that visited.  I think this is related to a known bug.

Anyway, I cleverly embarked without an axe and some time before the caravan arrived, a tree grew in the middle of my entrance leaving the trade depot inaccessible.  Either that or something else, but in any event, I just built another one because I needed either wood or an axe so it was important I get one of them.

So anyway the dwarf caravan arrived in autumn, and I got the outpost liaison dialogue.  However, once that was over, the caravan arrived and just immediately left again.  It wasn't until spring that I noticed that they'd not only disassembled their own wagon but dropped everything they had on the ground.  Most of the food was rotten by then but in addition to everything else, they left an axe and more picks.  I could tell they'd disassembled their wagon because there were wagon logs left behind too.  They dumped everything on one square.

The next year they arrived like things were completely normal so it didn't seem to sour relations.

[klefenz]

You start out with two "free" animals to pull your wagon. You should immediately butcher/pit them.

[BodyGripper]

They migrated to my fortress, despite the danger. 

[Eric Blank]

Run into the middle of a raging brush fire to grab socks off the guy who burned to death in the middle of it.

[pikachu17]

Does it have to be resident dwarves? I once had an eaglewoman who refused to go in my nice tavern. instead she stayed outside. which was somewhat nice, considering how much damage she dealt to the evil kea population.

[Kumquat]

I once almost lost half of my fort to a few crundles. This was in the brief period while jumping and climbing were only "extremely discouraged," not "only in special circumstances."

The crundles were stuck on a cavern wall, causing extreme pathfinding lag in the process. I decide to "help" them with a little bit of mining and perhaps some crossbow bolts or just plain militia action (where 'militia' is pronounced 'meleetia'.)

Miner digs a tunnel that's just a couple tiles away from crundles. Immediately he jumps into the chasm to try and fistfight the crundles on the wall. And by chasm here I mean a few z drop onto the cavern floor. Not deadly but quite injurely.

I order a floor to be built there to eliminate the chasm. Quite a few dworfs go there, one by one, carrying blocks and then jump into the chasm trying to fistfight the crundles.

Bridge? Same thing.

Okay, let's put down a door, or a wall there, to block the line of sight so that dorfs might do something than jump into the chasm. Nope, they all jump down.

Now the injured dorfs in the pit also catch the attention of medical staff who try to reach the site. Vengeance first, they also run at the cave beasts and jump into the chasm.

Certainly marksdworfs can handle this kind of menace? They have been practicing shooting down keas and other flying pests with some success before. Oh no, crundles must be punched in the face, not shot with a crossbow! Down they go into the heap.

Okay, let's dig another, safe, passage to the cavern floor. Of course miner decides to start it from the cavern end and, well, you certainly have spotted the pattern.

Eventually, though, some crundles get tired of just hanging around on a wall and also fall down and get mowed down by some of the less injured survivors. And some of those crossbowdorfs who have lost their ability to climb but apparently not to shoot finally get into a more productive line of action. It takes some more time but finally the crundle charade is resolved in dwarf fashion, with a massacre of innocent animals.

Of course, in post-scriptum, I also need to dig more stairs about in the caverns to rescue dorfs who somehow managed to climb or teleport on top of the vertical cliff, another 4 or 5 z upwards. But for a while I had twenty or thirty dorfs pretty much stranded in the caverns with no practical way back into the fort, many of them injured, all because they were barking at the wrong crundle.

[Findulidas]

Well what usually pisses me off greatly is when I play an evil biome and the dwarf runs scared from a zombie. Thats not the dumb part though. The dumb part is that dwarves always run in the exact opposite direction not back into the fort and hide behind the safety of traps/militia/dogs etc. This is by far the most common way for my dwarves to die and it honestly is too dumb to live behavior.

[Melting Sky]

I think the single most frustrating thing I have seen happen is when I found my fort's champion, an omni-legendary uber veteran war hero, starving to death in a cage. No matter what I did, I could not get him out of that damn cage in time to prevent his miserable death. I used all my unworldly and even forbidden powers to try and save him. I even did the unthinkable and rewound time, but alas there was no undoing his miserable fate no matter the lengths I went. Starving in a cage is no way for storied hero and member of the starting seven to die.

I was initially baffled as to how this travesty came to pass, but from what I can piece together the last epic goblin siege must have shown up right before he would have naturally gone to bed. Being the great hero he was, he answered the call to arms and defended the fortress admirably despite his exhaustion. During that battle his glistening axe hewed through a dozen or more goblins and trolls and was the last thing their elite goblin spear master saw before losing his head. After he and his comrades finished patrolling the embark to flush out any stragglers his squad was taken off duty. It's at this point things went tragically wrong. I think he must have groggily wandering through the fortress halls and then decided that the absolute best place to take a nap was on top of one of the fortress's cage traps. Such a pathetic end for such a great dwarf. He had survived every battle since the fortress's birth and cut down hundreds of enemies only to end up dead because he decided to take a nap on a cage trap.

[Fleeting Frames]

Did you try dfhack's teleport command? Or dbd cage for dumping?

[PatrikLundell]

Dorfs can also get trapped by dodging into traps. The only way I've found to get dorfs out of cages is to build the cage, hook a lever to it, and pull the lever. However, it might be sufficient now to build the cage and remove the dorf from the list of creatures supposed to be inside (not sure though, a recent bug caused sapients in cages not to show so you couldn't stuff more goblins in or remove old ones, but it might be that citizens still don't show up on the list despite that bug being fixed).

[Melting Sky]

Did you try dfhack's teleport command? Or dbd cage for dumping?

I generally won't even save scum except in exceptional situations, but as a rule I never use DF hack for anything but bug fixing. I don't know why a reset seems less cheaty than hacking the game to me, but I have just always played this way. The problem was I had a very unlucky save point that was made literally moments before he was about to starve to death, so no matter how I tried to get him out and feed him in time it just wasn't quick enough.

[Voidlord]

I have had my non Miltarist Dorfs decide they must absolutely cave in the head of that WereDingo.
Hilarious thing was, they killed it, their weapon? Logs, just Logs because I had a lot of them filling my Woodburner stockpile up...
Only 1 was bitten as well, but he was disabled in the great Logging of the WereDingo, and stayed disabled when he transformed, how? Dehydration, my Dorfs went nah we are not giving him booze or water while he lays on the floor with no legs, these logs must be put into the stockpile!

[Zuglarkun]

I've had dwarves wall themselves in building a pumpstack when there are lots of other spots to stand on to build the wall (see constructivory).

[Spehss _]

Had a couple of legendary military dwarves, who had been serving my fortress for years and killed many dangerous creatures, sit in the middle of a stream only 3 tiles wide and 1 zlevel deep and drown after they had dodged some goblin attacks and fell off the bridge. One of them was a favorite of mine too. Later had a kid fall in a murky pool after he chased down a gray langur, tried to punch it, and dodged its attack right into the pool. The kid drowned in the pool after literally sitting on the ramp up to the dry land.

Never trust your dwarves to know how to swim out of a water source.