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Author Topic: HappySlapp's Review Corner (You read it, I make it, I guess)  (Read 883 times)

XhAPPYSLApX

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HappySlapp's Review Corner (You read it, I make it, I guess)
« on: August 16, 2016, 01:41:16 am »

I just thought I'd get a bit more involved with the community by discussing some of my favorite, and not so favorite games. So there ya go, there's the reason for this thread to exist, I guess :D

I thought I'd start with a little game called:

NO MAN'S SKY

Personally, I actually think it's a bad game. Well, it's also good... It's gonna take some explanation on my part.
You see, I love the ideas that the game brings to the table, namely:

- 18 Fuckbungus amount of planets to explore. (P.S. Fuckbungus is a lot ((P.P.S. I know that the actual planet count is 18,446,744,073,709,551,616, but you know what? FUCK IT *Drops mic*)))
- Trading with space people.
- Fighting with space people.
- Fighting in a spaceship against other spaceships which may or may not have space people inhabiting them.
- Space. (Yep, that's a feature now)

It's just, I didn't expect it to include these "features"...

- 18 Fuckbungus planets that look *slightly* different.
- Trading with space people... OH WAIT, MY INVENTORY IS FULL!?
- Fighting with space people who have some really bad AI.
- Fighting in a spaceship with controls that are SO FUCKING SLOW... OR TOO FUCKING FAST. (Pardon my fucking french)
- Too much space. (Yep, still a feature)

You know, it might sound like I hate No Man's Sky, and you're half right. It's just SO tedious and boring, having to refill my ship every 5 seconds is NOT fun. Having an inventory size smaller than a gnat's condom is even worse, and then add in procedural generation that creates a sense of genric-ness and you have a game that is... What's the word? oh, yeah:

BORING

But man, those first couple of hours are so awesome! When the game thrusts you into the universe, and you have to just go and find those resources to repair your ship, that was actually fun! I had a great sense of wonder and awe as I went through the first planet, which had pretty green grass and weird ass creatures. Then you go to a space station, and trade, fight, and then you go down to another planet, and you trade... Mine, and fight.

Then you go to another planet and trade... Mine... And fight more.

And again...

AND AGAIN...

AND FUCKING AGAIN...

So yeah, No Man's Sky is a lot like eating pizza to me, I have one slice, then another... And suddenly, oops, I drop dead from eating 16 whole pizzas. I really wish I loved it, or even liked it. But I just can't, especially when there are games that have SO much more in them for me to play, even games like Fallout 4 would be better, because at least that has fun gameplay. And it doesn't bore me to death. I don't like scoring games so I would rather rate the game on a scale of FUCK YES to Ugh... (FUCK YES being an amazing game, and Ugh... Being a game like Ride to Hell: Retribution)

I would happily rate it a: *Looks at Steam catalog, sees this* Eh. What's the worse that could happen?

Scoring system (For those that even care):

- FUCK YES = Games like The Witcher 3 or Fallout New Vegas in my opinion.

- This is awesome! = Games like XCOM 2 or Max Payne 3, again, in my own opinion.

- This is pretty good. = Games like Fallout 3 or 4.

- *Looks at Steam catalog, sees this* Eh. What's the worse that could happen? = Games like No Man's Sky or SimCity 2013 (Yeah, I know it's for Origin and not Steam).

- Ehh... Not looking so hot. = Games like The Sims 4.

- Ugh... = Games like Ride to Hell: Retribution.

P.S:

I know this was kind of random, but I just kind of wanted to try something a little different and actually give a game a (terrible) review.
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XhAPPYSLApX

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Re: HappySlapp's Review Corner (You read it, I make it, I guess)
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2016, 10:58:17 pm »

Here's something a bit different, I thought I'd try to make a review in a writing style similar to the tone of the game. I think I did okay, but you can be the judge of that :D

This is a review for:





Bethesda. Bethesda never changes.

It's been almost a year since Fallout was destroyed by the war of over-simplification. Otherwise known as the Great War of
November 10th, 2015. Fans couldn't bare the destruction of their champion franchise, we did the only thing we could think of,
we started posting negative reviews to Steam in hopes that Bethesda may listen to our pleas for mercy.

But Bethesda. Bethesda never changes.

In the early days, back when RPGs were about experiencing a universe with tangible consequences, and not about getting the
most loot or perks. Fallout was alive and well, even through to October of 2010, when it was in it's prime with the release of
New Vegas.

Obsidian understood the franchise, it took the engine that was produced by Bethesda, and in 18 short months, they managed
to make something worthy of being replayed again and again. Filled to the brim with different choices and endings, many
factions and side quests to be done, all with expertly written dialogue, it was a miracle.

But then, all was quiet.

For five years we waited for the silence to be broken, we were hoping for something new and exciting to come to Fallout,
new quests, more dialogue, choices. What we got was unexpected...

We got a shooter with little to no RPG elements, hardly any meaningful choices, and side quests that would better suit an
MMO of Fallout than a sequel. We were devastated, this is what we waited so long for, only for it to be destroyed in front
of our very eyes.

In the aftermath, we tried looking for positives, what we found was that despite Fallout being destroyed. This entry still
had some charm to it.

It's fun, shooting a gun actually feels good. People have better faces in this part of the wasteland, and the world is still
very vast and enjoyable. But without proper dialogue choices, great writing and story. I'm sorry.

It's a great game. And it has to leave.

I rate Fallout 4 a: [This is pretty good]
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AzyWng

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Re: HappySlapp's Review Corner (You read it, I make it, I guess)
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2016, 11:32:12 pm »

Your Fallout 4 review.... The final verdict is "This is pretty Good", even though you constantly nag on the game for not really being an RPG.

Seems kind of contradictory to me.
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saigo

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Re: HappySlapp's Review Corner (You read it, I make it, I guess)
« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2016, 11:51:15 pm »

I would have given Fallout 4 an Eh/6
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XhAPPYSLApX

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Re: HappySlapp's Review Corner (You read it, I make it, I guess)
« Reply #4 on: August 31, 2016, 11:56:09 pm »

Your Fallout 4 review.... The final verdict is "This is pretty Good", even though you constantly nag on the game for not really being an RPG.

Seems kind of contradictory to me.

It's pretty good in the fact that it is actually a really fun game, just not a good Fallout game.

Yeah, the scale is pretty dumb. I thought it up in like two seconds, but I actually really like reviewing games. And decided I would make a blog for reviewing games.
I changed my scale to something more reasonable and sensible. I will of course be updating these reviews in the future for said blog.

Really don't know why I even posted this new review to be honest with you if I was just gonna update it anyway. But oh well.

If you want to check out my review blog, you can see it here. And do please check it out, it would make my day :D
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