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Author Topic: Let's Play Maid RPG: Chaos, Destruction and Frilly Outfits (Signups And Reports)  (Read 5238 times)

Dermonster

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I Dream of Steam.
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I can do anything I want, as long as I accept the consequences.
"Y'know, my favorite thing about being a hero is that it gives you all kinds of narrative justification to just slay any ol' jerk who gets in the way - Black Mage.
"The bulk of [Derm]'s atrocities seem to stem from him doing things that [Magic] doesn't actually do." - TvTropes
"Dammit Derm!" - You, if I'm doing it right.
Moved to SufficientVelocity / Spacebattles.

piratejoe

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  • Obscure References and Danmaku everywhere.
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Seems interesting, might join, might just watch.
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Battleships Hurl insults from behind thick walls, Destroyers beat up small children, Carriers stay back in the kitchen, and Cruisers are a bunch of tryhards who pretend to be loners.

BlitzDungeoneer

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such interest

very meme

wow
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Harry Baldman

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Session 1: Spelunking for Solvency At The Merman Estate

Featuring As Our Maids:

Elizabeth Wyer, sensible and caring adjutant to the Master, played by Twinwolf
Erica Statton, plucky hot springs enthusiast and art connoisseur, played by Dermonster
Raiko, faithful servant and Stand user with bad luck enough for three maids her size, played by King Murdoc
Alessa Cubage, demonic Cockney gangster maid, played by Fniff
and Kate, speaks softly and carries a high-powered rifle, played by KJ

Our story begins in some of the deepest backwoods of Britain, where Lord Winston Merle Merman, 8th Baron Merman presides over the charmingly dismal village of Middenmoor. A chronically ill, intellectual man by nature, the Baron spends most of his time in his castle estate, enjoying fine reading and other intellectual pursuits as he goes through a peaceful, relaxing middle age in the country like many British aristocrats before him, attended by a cadre of maids from all walks of life and a variety of bizarre origins.

The day starts out in the usual fashion, with Elizabeth rousing the master from his sleep with her characteristic tact only for Raiko to bring him completely the wrong sort of morning tea. Though a simple enough mistake to make, the master's mood is quite irreversibly soured by this, and even his beloved toad slippers only mildly assuage a rising bitterness as he heads downstairs, making melancholic declarations along the way. Raiko decides to get him some medicine, eager to serve. Meanwhile Erica has prepared quite an impressive breakfast including a pancake tower shaped like the castle itself. It goes over well with the master in the dining room, as he manages to take a whole bite of it this time. While all this is happening, Alessa takes great care to avoid being involved in anything related to properly serving the master, and Kate performs her morning routine of taking care of the castle's horses and surveying the estate, finding little new in the area.

The morning takes a more unusual turn when all the maids present are called to the dining room, where the master, after taking his daily dose of 140 proof tonic and some more for bravery, has decided to announce some dreadful news. His financial situation is, to put it mildly, teetering on the edge of an abyss, with crippling debt almost knocking on his door at this point. He declares the situation to be unsalvageable, and asks to be left alone in the dining room. Alessa suggests suicide as a valid option and kindly offers to help, but is sternly rebuked, and following an embarrassing indecisive dust-up with the well-meaning but physically inept Raiko and the considerably more imposing Elizabeth all three leave the premises, with Kate lingering to offer some more advice before leaving and Erica attempting a motivational speech that unfortunately leaves the master unmoved. His maids, now realizing the gravity of the situation, convene to plan a scheme to save their master and, by extension, their way of life.

The ideas are many, but ultimately they come down to two courses of action. Firstly, there are the deeper, largely unexplored and mostly disused lower reaches of the castle. Literally (probably not literally literally) anything could be down there, including but not limited to buried treasure, family heirlooms and, as Erica figures, untended hot springs she could whip up into a facility worthy of at least regional renown. Secondly, one could seek their fortunes in the village of Middenmoor in the hopes that the likes of publican Grape or Abbot Stevenson could prove useful in offsetting imminent financial doom. The maids split up unevenly. Kate heads into the village and is not heard from for the remainder of the day, while the others decide to spelunk in the forgotten depths.

Armed with a lantern and wanton desperation, the maids mount an expedition into the dusty corridors beneath the castle halls. Raiko can't help but shake a sense of foreboding as they head deeper in, and come face to face with their first important find - a starved, dehydrated and barely coherent physician wandering in circles in a disused room. This turns out to be Dr. Roderick Eldridge, the master's personal physician, who has been missing for several weeks at this point. He is cryptic, speaking of pictures and strange men, and does not immediately believe that the maids who found him are real, but after checking their pulses he seems satisfied enough, and Elizabeth and Raiko resolve to take him upstairs after Erica manages to peel from him arcane directions to what are apparently some wonderful paintings. Erica and Alessa, eager for plunder, continue deeper into the corridors.

The master is quite pleased to see his physician, and the fellow is sat down in his company to partake of leftover breakfast foods, drink and, naturally, some of the medicine as well. Raiko leaves the gentlemen to it and heads back into the basement while Elizabeth hovers around them for a little longer, happy to serve, but the conversation between the master and his doctor takes a characteristic gentlemanly turn, and in the interests of discretion she is asked to leave shortly afterward.

Meanwhile, Erica and Alessa have found their goal, a small gallery filled with dust-covered paintings, of which the most immediately noteworthy is a painting of a young woman which Erica recognizes to be a valuable Salvator Rosa original. In addition, they notice that the gallery is quite well lit by a multitude of candles, and after some thought clearly deduce that these must be self-lighting candles. The two maids, feeling the spirit of adventure, then proceed to loot the whole gallery for everything that it's worth, Alessa hoisting the priceless Renaissance artwork as well as an assortment of unusual hellscapes on her back while Erica loots every last candle. Together they return triumphant to the upper areas, Erica parading before the master like the delicate human chandelier she is while Alessa unceremoniously dumps the paintings onto the dining room table in a move that may or may not have caused thousands of pounds of depreciation in food stains. Alessa gets glared at for her trouble in characteristic fashion while Erica receives applause from the doctor and an approving look from the master, though despite her best efforts she can't seem to get the candles to light by themselves.

Seeing all this, Elizabeth can't help but ask the question: just where did Raiko get off to?

This turns out to be quite an apt question indeed, for Raiko has spent the past untold minutes being hopelessly lost in the dark and dusty depths after taking a wrong turn or five and managing to find herself in a curious crackling hallway, her coming heralded by coronal discharges and electric phenomena the likes of which she has never seen. As the blue flames rise and the hallway becomes increasingly threatening, she opts to make a run for it, only to simultaneously step into an inopportune pool of salt water that's accumulated on the floor while her other leg becomes caught on a nearby metal table. The charge of the hallway pours through her like dwarf lightning, and she is left in the dark, fumbling for a way out.

And fumble she does indeed, going ever deeper until she hears a nearby sound, the step of some lumbering creature. She holds out a moment's hope that this might actually be Alessa, and calls out to check - the steps start to approach. Sensing danger, Raiko decides to make a break for it, trying to fumble away for dear life as she pushes obstructions over and throws nearby objects to slow her pursuer down, only for the thing to crush furniture and snap incoming objects in twain, rushing her and pinning her to the ground with two sharp claws, cold feelers running over her face as the creature examines its prey. With no better options, Raiko resists with all of her puny might and unleashes the power of her Stand, which she has dubbed Flowering Night. It falls upon the creature with a flurry of punches animated by her sheer will to survive, and it is driven back as Raiko screams at the top of her lungs as the sound of a revving machine rings out through the hallways and a light shines into her eyes.

She sees Erica, her trusty chainsaw raised and operating dramatically, drowning out anything that might otherwise be heard in the area, and with her are Alessa with her claw hammer in one hand and a lantern in the other, and finally Elizabeth, who is trying and failing to outshout the chainsaw noises. With the light, incredible commotion and sudden appearance of support, whatever monster it was that set upon her seems to have retreated, and once Erica is convinced to stop revving the damn thing only Elizabeth can faintly hear its heavy footsteps in the far distance. They decide to not hunt for it any further. Raiko, meanwhile, performs a quick check on her uniform, and finds that her apron is covered in some distressing variety of slime. A quick attempt to rub it out only succeeds in spreading it further, and Raiko errs on the safe side and rips it off herself, casting it into the dark where it now belongs. And with that, the maids proceed back upstairs once more, discussing the possibility of bricking up the downstairs areas so that monsters don't come for them in the night, but the idea is dismissed as impractical and also undesirable in the face of the possibility of hot springs still being hidden in the deeper levels.

The day winds down as the maids attend to the remaining tasks of the day. Elizabeth puts a passed-out Dr. Eldridge to bed, Alessa subbing in as his drinking companion and demonstrating a remarkable incapability to hold her medicine (correlating strangely with a remarkably agreeable giggly demeanor that appears to quite please the master as he regales her with interesting stories she will neither understand in the present nor remember in the future).

Raiko finds a replacement apron and, in a fit of industry, makes the master's bed into a thing of godlike comfort and prepares a fabulous roast for him to enjoy a bite of (which he does, in fact - next thing you know he'll have a stable weight at this rate), and once the day's work is done she heads outside to enjoy the sun for a while.

Finally, Erica devotes her time to divining the mysteries of the self-lighting candle, and determines that to operate its magnificence she would require to be or procure the services of some kind of wizard. She asks the master if he'd know anything about that, and the master flippantly directs her to the library index. A thorough examination sheds light on the fact that something called Lesser and Greater Keys are held somewhere beneath the castle, most likely in a dusty storage room or a study of some kind. These probably open something important, she reasons. Somewhere along the way she also stores the paintings in a nice, dry cubby where neither sauce nor weather nor Alessa is likely to touch them to a great degree.

Though the master does not seem all that interested in sleep yet, Erica's earnest desire to find some hot springs does awaken in him a sense of nostalgia, and he permits her to bathe him before settling in for the night, and though she tries her very hardest, the experience only reaffirms her desire to find a proper hot spring in the near future, as the imitation simply does not cut it for either the master's standards of quality or her own professional dignity.

And as the day finally draws to a close, Alessa arises drunkenly from her spot, the medicine having hit all its marks, and wonders where to go now that the master's laid down in bed. Fortunately, that question is immediately answered by a sudden knock on the door, and the maids assemble at the sudden interruption, Elizabeth answering the door. On the other side stands a local fisherman, announcing the unexpected arrival of the good lord - that being none other than Lord Alfred Wyer, 14th Count Headwood, notorious man of loose morals, extreme riches and highly eccentric habits, not the least of which is leaving his eldest daughter Elizabeth in the care of a man of lesser station as a housemaid. He strides in through the door, not so much demanding entry as rightfully taking it, and states a desire to see the master and partake of his finest refreshments, damn the lateness of the hour and whatever disease he has this time of the year...
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Bluexdog

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Twinwolf

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For anyone who wants to see the game actually being played, Here is a link to the Roll20 chat archive.
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Sigtext!
Of course, Twin is neither man nor woman but an unholy eldritch abomination like every other Bay12er. The difference is they hide it better.
Quote from: Caellath on IRC
<Caellath>: Twinwolf, your thirst for blood has been noted.

Harry Baldman

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Session 2: Maids In The City Of Night

Featuring:

ACME Corporation Maid Bot, gynoid of dubious craftsmanship, played by TheBiggerFish
Frey Mercer, bloodhound in disguise, played by Bluexdog/Twinwolf
Kyoko, stabmaster in residence, played by Piratejoe
Vallery Brush, pyromaniac sorceress, played by Dermonster
Aylia Asaka, acutely overlooked, played by DigitalDemon

Our story begins in the distant year of 20XX in a city not entirely unlike ones you'd find in the modern day. Crime runs rampant and corporations rule a world in which magic and mystery have awakened once more, and strange cultures collide to produce households like that of one Benjamin White (file photo), infamous crime lord of Old Town and avid collector of superhero comic books, and his roster of more or less faithful maids. He has recently been hospitalized with a bout of the common cold that nearly claimed his life (the common cold has responded to modern hygienic advances with a geometric increase in virulence due to developing lack of immunity), and today is the day that he is to be finally discharged, and all of his maids have come to take their master back to his skyscraper penthouse abode and oversee his recovery.

Of course, nothing is that simple. The practice of medicine often has a terrible price, particularly in near-death situations, and when Master White sees his maids again, he is a changed man, his mind digitized after the body refused to host it much longer and uploaded into a beautiful, perfect mechanical shell. Deprived of most forms of physical need, Master White has undergone marked alterations of personality, defaulting to the most immediate thing that still provides him with a measure of satisfaction - perceived efficiency. Armed with a ShouTron ScreecharifficTM voice modulator and the exact amount of patience he had as a mortal man of flesh, Master White wastes no time in haranguing his maids for their fleshy ways, wasted movements and effort grating on his new copper nerves to an incredible degree.

The reactions are varied - Maid Bot produces a stupendous variety of error messages, and most of the other maids are stunned and confused, but Vallery, not one to let this violation of her master's basic humanity go unanswered, decides to take revenge on the hospital by rigging up a rather potent oxygen tank-based arson solution before the maids depart, one that later that day would devastate a whole wing of the hospital, killing 37 patients, injuring several staff and freeing up the weekend of attending physician Dr. Aaronson, who utilizes the dearth of useless injured meatbags to go on a much-needed vacation later that month after an unexpected windfall following the layoffs of 148 low-level staff who are sued for negligence by their superiors and deprived of all of their earthly possessions (as well as those of their families and future generations) in what would later be considered a landmark decision for workers' rights in the country.

The trip home is uneventful apart from a scathing critique of Aylia's driving in comparison to that of the other automated cars on the road who are untroubled by such things as joint pain, the desire for companionship and inattentiveness, and the master is soon delivered to his penthouse. Vallery expertly adjusts his study with a handy supply of converters and technical know-how to accept a non-neural interface while the other maids clamor to assist their master in any way he may find necessary, from opening doors a fraction of a second faster than they would automatically to lifting him up like mechanical valkyries when he spends a moment bumping into the stairs of his loft, his chassis not calibrated for ascending antiquated mortal inventions such as stairs. The master settles into his study and, having nothing legitimately productive to do for the day or any appointments, settles in for a perusal of his priceless copy of Youngblood #1, scanning the molecular structure of his mint-condition piece and comparing it with an Internet synopsis to piece together its most important plot elements and appreciate it on its most basic physical level.

The maids, meanwhile, get together for a dinner of fried tofu and snacks, their master seemingly having little need of them now. Most of them discuss the situation as it has developed, occasionally taunted by Master White over the penthouse intercoms for their pathetic bodies of skin, muscle and bone, and it is after a few moments of discussion that Vallery becomes aware of Maid Bot's marked absence. Searching around, she finds her fucking up somehow around the master's collection of various illicit records written in incredibly complex code. Checking the premises, some of the little black books he once so loved to use appear to be missing - lacking any other obvious perps, Vallery settles on suspecting the garage-level architecture of Maid Bot, and begins to question her - when this fails, she is about to employ more physical means. However, before this comes to pass, an alert is sounded from the master's study! Maid Bot rushes to the master's side along with the other maids, trailed by Vallery.

The master has apparently come to the terrible realization that his Giant Size Man-Thing has gone missing! Vallery, positive she knows the answer to this conundrum, wastes no time in pouncing upon Maid Bot - they tussle in the study as the master ponders this terrible twist of fate, and somewhere along the way a small wealth of the master's secret records slip out from Maid Bot's chassis! Fortunately for her, however, the master really doesn't appear to give a shit at the moment, and it is trivially easy to pass off the mishap as Vallery's fault, as her relative lack of socialization and overall tendency to solve all problems with fireballs does leave her in trouble when she's expected to do things like project sincerity or trustworthiness. The master is mostly irritated by this waste of resources and time - there are more important issues!

Some detective work is employed, and the culprits in this terrible crime become clear in short order - shadowrunners! Hypotheses including advanced hacking and outright sorcery are floated, and the maids fan out in search of clues. Vallery checks the roof, Kyoko checks the study, Frey checks the entrance and Maid Bot helpfully continues checking the master's secret records.

The roof presents little in the way of clues aside from a plastic patio chair seemingly accidentally kicked, then stomped into oblivion by an overly enormous foot with a no doubt incredibly stubbed toe. Having a smoke, Vallery checks the railings, and finds one of them bent in a manner suggestive of either heightened cyberpigeon aggression or something very heavy having rappelled down from it - whatever that might be, however, is long gone into the dark of the city below. Frustrated at this, she melts the chair into a monolithic piece in her hands, levitating it above herself as it loses all shape under her magic.

Frey has slightly more luck as she examines the entrance, noticing a peculiarly arousing odor in the air not unlike cheap cologne if cheap cologne readily crossed the blood-brain barrier to deliver the Axe Effect straight to your hippocampus. Sensing strangeness afoot, Frey reports her results and heads down into the lower floors, tracing the disturbing scent trail to an establishment known as the Horse's Head, a popular shadowrunner hangout underneath Mr. White's own roof - heading inside, she continues pursuing the trail...

And finally Kyoko gets her moment to shine as she takes a gander at the electronic security systems, noticing telltale signs of script kiddie decker tricks and digital fingerprints all over the scene of the crime - running a more in-depth check, she discovers a lingering digital relay in the display case of Master White's precious Man-Thing, and with a finesse that impresses her computerized master demonstrates the indubitable location of a van connected with the hack. Shockingly enough it seems to still be within the building's parking lot! The balls on these people! She informs the other maids of this immediately, running straight for the express elevator.

Vallery, hearing of this interesting information, takes another look at the cars in the building's parking lot. True enough, there's a tricked-out van with enough antennae to power a pirate TV station. Figuring this to be a problem, Vallery wastes no time in preparing her solution, which is to launch her melted plastic meteor right into the stationary vehicle before any occupants can think of making a move. The van is taken off its wheels and goes tumbling through the streets end over end in the explosion, and in its wake she spots someone running after it - cybernetic enhancements, horns, only slightly smaller than the van she just sent flying, yep, that's probably a prime suspect right there. Not one to let people get away, she dives off the building and focuses herself into a speeding, flaming human projectile, arcing through the air to cut off the guy's progress and teach him the real meaning of pain.

The suspect, a half-verbal troll named Barszcz, is not terribly unused to the sight of magic and operating at about three times the cycles of even the mightiest sorceresses with the sheer amount of computer hardware lodged in his skull, answers with a near supersonic swing of his steel-boned fist. Vallery, making the best split-second decision of her life, dives to the pavement and gets a nasty case of road rash as she tumbles away from her superbly minmaxed adversary. The troll looks on for a moment at the strange sorceress, pausing to calculate the necessity of walking over there and crushing her skull, when suddenly his murder subroutines are interrupted by Kyoko's spear getting rammed through the back of his skull, and Barszcz gets that feeling he has in the mornings when he needs to restart to apply a crucial update. He decides to take it slow as he steps away, regarding the two maids standing next to him. He gets the feeling he is supposed to do something right now, but can't for the life of him imagine what it might be. Vallery and Kyoko decide to help him out and dislodge the spear from his brain, the resulting rush of air bestowing upon Barszcz the feeling that he should take a nap and then reevaluate things, so he lays down in the gutter and rests his eyes for a spell.

The maids, having attained victory, decide to help themselves to the technological spoils spilling out of the van, which has just completely ruined an old abandoned storefront across the street. No sooner do they get there, however, than the rest of the shadowrunners show themselves. An elven decker, one Louie Llewellyn Hopper, shouts out for poor Barszcz, running to comfort his comrade and his ventilated brain. He is followed closely by amateur rigger Ludlum, whose van has just been completely and utterly trashed in an entirely preventable traffic accident, and also one more crewmate. They are trailed closely by Frey, who has trailed the scent of the third man all the way here.

The third man in question, Ronnie, declares confidently that he can explain everything. From seemingly nowhere at all a plate of drinks appears in his hands, which he offers to the maids with a winning smile and a twinkle in his eye. A raw animal magnetism is exuded from every beautiful pore of his as the maids behold his full majesty, and in this very moment poor Kyoko finds herself hopelessly in love as Ronnie's boy-next-porn charm wins over her best instincts. Of course, the same does not apply to either Vallery or Frey, who manage to remain on point as Ronnie, going for broke, takes a moment to remind them of the many children starving in Africa before Vallery has enough of his shit and blasts him in the face with a fireball, then curbstomps his nuts, simultaneously bringing a tragic end to the promising career of a middle-aged pornomancer as well as the most torrid love affair of Kyoko's life as she is compelled to cradle the shattered, broken form of her one true love, his piercing scream of defeat echoing for miles and miles.

The scene is joined by Ludlum, who makes a desperate plea to preserve the life of poor destroyed Ronnie, and Maid Bot, fresh off an invigorating session of cracking the master's secret codes and peddling his dearest secrets to her true shadowy masters. Ludlum goes solidly ignored for a few moments as the maids take stock of the situation and Maid Bot decides to capitalize on the opportunity as she tears into the van, finding the broken remains of several decommissioned military drones in the wreckage. Seeing an opportunity for a hardware upgrade, she wastes no time in picking out the most stylish bits and boards from the van and, after replacing roughly 50% of her components with Predator drone parts, rechristens herself as the new and improved Predator Maid.

A quick interrogation is performed on the one shadowrunner in any shape to answer questions, Ludlum, and no coherent motive is established for the theft as she steadfastly claims to have been doing it "for the karma". She is readily intimidated into providing the missing Man-Thing, and Vallery, having achieved her objective, shoots a parting fireball at the rigger's van as she takes off for the penthouse. It is roughly at this point that Frey and Kyoko realize that the decker seems to have run off just as soon as he appears to have realized nobody was looking at him. Or, rather, attempted to run off, considering Frey manages to catch sight of him just as he is about to disappear in the distance. She and Kyoko give chase, leaving Predator Maid with three captives and little of apparent consequence to do. She tests out her military hardware with an invigorating round of shooting up the unconscious body of Barszcz (to no apparent effect since the troll appears to be composed mostly of armor, cybernetics and redundant parts), then decides she's had enough of the outside and starts herding the prisoners to the elevator, dragging Barszcz behind her in an effort that engages all of her servos and most of her new propellers.

Vallery, being the first to return, gets the bulk of Master White's praises, his Man-Thing secure and free of the greasy mitts of regular street trash. Next is Predator Maid, her new, slightly less humanoid, sleek and unquestionably lethal look making the Master feel a little funny inside. The prisoners are much appreciated as well. Finally, after an exhausting chase, Frey and Kyoko drag in the beaten body of Hopper the decker. The sight of seeing his enemies brought before him makes Master White think, and the sound of ice breaking can be nearly heard as he recognizes the clear and obvious utility of having a unit of deadly maids ready to kill any dumb motherfucker who makes the mistake of messing with him. In celebration of this Master White decides that the best course of action would be to make a brilliant example of these people, because how better would one show that Benjamin White is back in town than by a horrible act of excessive brutality against some hapless minions?

And thus the maids saw that all was good as night turned to day and shadowrunners turned to so many coroner's nightmares, because no matter how many bits you rip out of the man, the truth remains that Master White is one cold, vindictive motherfucker, and there'll always be work for them reminding anybody stupid enough to forget it.

They say that the solid dark core of unfettered malice within Benjamin White's soul grew three sizes that fateful night into the space where gluttony, lust and sloth formerly resided, and so the one true master was unearthed from the unfeeling machine, and the seedy underbelly of the city knew true fear once again as even next month's well-informed takeover attempt by the local chapter of the Mafiya was turned to scattered ash and ruins under an apocalyptic rain of fireballs and gunfire.

And they all lived happily ever after.
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Dermonster

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*Takes a theatric bow*
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I can do anything I want, as long as I accept the consequences.
"Y'know, my favorite thing about being a hero is that it gives you all kinds of narrative justification to just slay any ol' jerk who gets in the way - Black Mage.
"The bulk of [Derm]'s atrocities seem to stem from him doing things that [Magic] doesn't actually do." - TvTropes
"Dammit Derm!" - You, if I'm doing it right.
Moved to SufficientVelocity / Spacebattles.

Harry Baldman

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Session 3: And They're Good At Relieving Their... Tensions!

Featuring:

Kate, voice of experience and horse saboteur, played by KJ
Alessa Cubage, voice of criminality and horse provocateur, played by Fniff
Raiko, driven to alcoholism by racial prejudice, played by King Murdoc
Erica Statton, talented sculptor and new castle bicycle, played by Dermonster
Elizabeth Wyer, probably the nicest thing to ever spring from Alfred Wyer, played by Twinwolf

We left last session of the ongoing quest for solvency with a rather important unanswered question - just what had happened to Kate, and where was she when Lord Wyer arrived in town? The answer turned out to be simple enough - she had visited Publican Grape at the Kelpie's Head, every Middenmoor resident's favorite drinking establishment next to the abbey, and inquired about the possibility of pawning some objects of value on him so as to secure a lifeline in these troubled financial times. Grape, a man of few words at the best of times, responded mostly with a series of yeps, apparently quite able to buy up at least some of the castle's heirlooms with a budget apparently originally meant for renovation. Rather pleased with this turn of events, Kate thanked the man for his time and patience and was about to leave when she was suddenly accosted by young Junior Constable Murgatroyd Junior, having reached a heightened state of paranoia after his latest pint of whisky.

The constable seemed rather eager to know what exactly she was doing here, her identity and why exactly is she walking into a public establishment with a rifle on her back. Fortunately, Kate had satisfactory explanations for all three things: acting in the interests of Lord Merman, a maidservant of Lord Merman's, and that the area is lousy with brigands and that if some were to, say, come upon her on the road from the castle to the town, why, who knows what could happen if she didn't have overwhelming firepower on her side. To that last bit Murgatroyd Junior could only agree, being somewhat of a brigand hunting enthusiast, and after waxing at length on the joys of delivering lead-based justice to all manner of perpetrators and suspected perpetrators throughout the surrounding moor and beyond, he felt it his duty to go on patrol right now. To the castle, for instance, since he couldn't remember if he had been there or not. So he rode along with Kate up the hill right up to the mansion grounds, finding absolutely nobody worth shooting on the way. Terribly disappointed, the constable decided to somewhat extend the patrol to cover a much larger area, and firmly invited Kate along, reasoning that since his partner had been unfortunately misplaced sometime between Murgatroyd Junior deciding he needed a drink and arriving at the Kelpie's Head and he had a perfectly good well-armed civilian in arms' reach, he'd press Kate into service. Since the constable was unaccustomed to taking no for an answer and also happened to be well-practiced with his firearms, Kate did not push her luck and went along with the man, scoring one of her first kills on what the constable dubbed to probably have been a poacher later that day as she was taken on a grand tour of the countryside, getting a deputy's badge for her trouble (since shooting people without one is foul murder and not only is that wrong, it is also subject to punishments such as being run down and shot like a rabid dog, as the constable explained).

In any case, Kate found herself back in the evening as the constable, having trained his deputy adequately to fear for her safety no longer, retired back to the Kelpie's Head to get his blood alcohol content back up. And what she found was less than satisfactory, perhaps, as in her master's home was Lord Alfred Wyer, 14th Count Headwood, the crowning achievement of a centuries-long breeding project by the depraved aristocracy to produce the elusive hybrid of complete tit and absolute twat. At his command Lord Merman was roused from his restful sleep, not at all pleased at either the interruption or his "old friend's" presence, and joined the man right on time to see him start berating Raiko for insufficient groveling while bringing him delicious snack cakes, something Raiko was not entirely willing to take lying down (very pleasing for someone like Lord Wyer, who has few greater pleasures in life than making those beneath him suffer), which the lord counters with a swift mention of the outstanding debts owed to him by Lord Merman. Fortunately, along with the master came a much more tempting target for the lord, which was none other than his beloved daughter, Elizabeth. Where Raiko merely happens to be beneath him and only worthy of particular contempt due to her token effort at dignity, humiliating Elizabeth is a legitimate sport for the man, and he's been saving up his zingers for the occasion.

Of course, before Elizabeth can absorb much abuse, Raiko tags back in with a quickly redone roast, Lord Wyer theatrically taking a bite of it, loudly navigating its texture and flavor and producing ungodly munching noises that Lord Merman clearly finds deeply unsettling. He then takes a moment to pronounce the roast to be beyond any reasonable doubt the worst he's ever had. That said (with his mouth full), he takes Raiko's hand and disgorges his bite into it, having no more interest in her food. At this point Raiko tags out again and takes five to wash her hands, breathe deeply and scream into a decorative pillow for a spell. As the conversation turns briefly to money - satisfied that Lord Merman still doesn't have any, Lord Wyer orders his beloved daughter to make a slightly less awful dinner, the sight of her doing menial housework still novel and entertaining to the man.

At about this point Alessa, having watched all of this with a building, bubbling drunken rage within her, has gone from mumbling her increasingly choice words for Lord Wyer to being distressingly close to decisively acting on them. As Wyer manages to get even Erica with an offhand remark to get out of the goddamn way of the firelight, the scene is about to take yet another turn for the indecent before Kate and a returning Raiko step in, skilfully restraining Alessa from doing anything overly drastic and obscuring the hand in which she is gripping her favorite legbreaking claw hammer respectively. Noticing his maids are likely to snap if this goes on much longer, Lord Merman calls for them to leave the two to have a gentlemanly conversation just as Elizabeth enters with a quickly prepared dinner. Her father, much as one would expect, takes great delight in telling her dinner won't be needed after all, followed by what looks and sounds like violent retching at the smell of the food, chasing away his pantomimed nausea with a well-placed swig of medicine.

Kate decides to remain in the room unobtrusively even as the others leave, and Raiko, unwilling to leave her master to the repulsive depredations of the horrible houseguest, opts to listen at the door. They are quickly noticed in that order, first Kate, who is momentarily invited to play one of Lord Wyer's famous games (which she would certainly be prepared to do, of course, being no stranger to the subtle art of cheating to win or lose), while Raiko (called less than affectionately "the black one" by Lord Wyer) is noticed with altogether more glee, and asked not terribly kindly to get over there. Alessa, seeing things going to shit, decides to help.

Alessa's help, as it turns out, involves grabbing Raiko and removing her from the immediate premises, the most expedient way being downstairs into the basement. So she lifts the poor maid above her head, blurting out a quick excuse about her being busy at the moment, and hurls her with supernatural strength right down the stairs, the sound of a beleaguered maid screaming as she tumbles down a flight of stairs ringing out through the castle's largely empty halls. Taking advantage of the element of surprise as even Lord Wyer doesn't readily know what to make of this beyond grinning like an idiot, she slams the door and looks down the stairs, where poor Raiko lies broken. Erica, very much aware that the lord is likely to be coming out that door in short order regardless of the persuasiveness of the slam, sprints after Raiko into the dark, immediately followed by a like-minded Alessa and shortly after by a much more hesitant Elizabeth.

Raiko by this point has had more than enough of this shit, the last fucks she had to give shattered and broken in the dreadful fall. All she wants right now is to drink until she can remember none of this, no matter how long it may take. She nearly summons up the strength to rise of her own volition as her fellow maids come upon her. Knowing when a fellow maid really needs a fucking drink, Alessa provides a helpful bottle of medicine she, uh, appropriated some time along the way, and as Raiko cradles it affectionately she lifts the maid up in her freakishly strong arms and makes a run for it, Erica steering a course for the only place that she can think of at the moment - the presumed resting place of one of the Greater Keys!

Meanwhile, Kate, quite disappointed in the chaos her maids can cause without her gently menacing guiding hand, watches Lord Wyer heft poor Lord Merman with relative ease as the two men decide to go running off into the basement after the retreating maids. Rightly reasoning that you can't cure stupid by adding more stupid, she goes about on her own business, the first order of which is in Kate's personal domain, the stables, where Lord Wyer's horse has been stabled without her permission. Not one to permit such wanton trespass of her status as Mistress of the Horse, Kate takes some time away from prying eyes to perform an act of unconceivably devious sabotage upon the purebred mare. She is tempted afterward to grease one of the sharp bends on the road running off the cliffs just to be sure, but rejects the idea as both impractical and likely to kill somebody that might conceivably be missed, and spends a little time wondering what else could be done as she listens to the distant sounds of Murgatroyd Junior continually dispensing safety and peace of mind out in the distant darkened moor, one bullet at a time until he at last learns how to dual wield revolvers.

Meanwhile, Erica has steered her group rightly, and the maids find themselves in a disorderly study that nevertheless is lit with quite a few candles. Rather prominently on a desk Erica finds an open, handsome book bound in very soft leather with a lot of funny cuneiform letters scribbled into it along with a good deal of commentary written in by Lord Merman himself. Alessa, meanwhile, finds a heaping helping of half-empty wine bottles to refuel Raiko with, and leaves the maid in a corner to work through them at her own disturbingly quick pace.

An examination of the tome leads Erica to believe that it is some sort of ancient Sumerian cookbook, at which point Elizabeth, slightly more educated in the linguistic interpretation of cuneiform or at least more capable of putting two and two together from her master's notes, posits with Erica's help that this is probably the Greater Key of the Unconquered (or Unfathomable, depends on the translation) Depths. It turns out to be something of an enlightening read, containing a great deal about the vast unknowable secrets beyond mortal comprehension as well as a good deal of bizarre marine biology. The clear conclusion here, Alessa thinks as her idea of punching the book is soundly ignored, is that reading is for nerds and that there probably is more wine somewhere about, and she's clearly the one to find it for her best buddy Raiko. So they leave Erica and Elizabeth to it as they go their own way, blundering out into the dark.

And blunder they do, as Alessa continues to have absolutely no idea where anything is down here without a more competent navigator to steer the way and walks right into an unattended box some nonce left lying around in a hallway, stubbing her toe something fierce on it. Since the box had better have some wine in it if it knows at all what's good for it, Alessa decides to pry it open with her steely fingers as Raiko looks on, still chugging her ancient vintage contently. Much to their disappointment, the only thing in there is some kind of giant block of black glass, the purpose of which Alessa can't even begin to guess and the true contents of which Raiko can't even begin to drink, and so after a quick pawing at it in the hopes that booze may yet come spilling out, Alessa decides to try to break the thing over her head, asking Raiko to hold her drink because she'll need both hands. Raiko holds the drink quite well with her face as she falls to the ground while Alessa discovers that even her skull isn't thick enough to bust the large block, though it does put a pretty sizeable crack in it. Raiko, feeling like rock bottom has been hit in more ways than one, decides that maybe that's enough wanton abuse of booze and priceless artifacts today, and urges Alessa to go back upstairs now with all the irresistible persistence of somebody nearly drowned in booze, and Alessa ultimately has no choice but to acquiesce, and the two stumble off into the labyrinthine passages as it occurs to the demonic maid that they probably could totally just murder Lord Wyer and get away with it too, given the sheer mindboggling size and obvious danger of the basement.

Erica and Elizabeth, meanwhile, have come to the conclusion that the part of the Greater Key of the most interest to the master was likely the bit about the lunar calendar, where a particular date - tomorrow, actually, when a lunar eclipse is expected - is circled and underlined quite intently, with a corresponding volume of writing that says something about a ritual in which a black mirror and a "cultural one-way exchange of individuals" is needed, which does seem all fine and good. Just in case this casually obtained piece of information turns out to have some sort of relevance, Erica nabs the book and shoves it up her sleeve with a curious degree of skill and, noticing an absence of both Alessa and Raiko, decides to head out with Elizabeth to find them, only to discover an incoming Lord Wyer and Lord Merman converging on their position.

Each formulating a perfect plan in the blink of an eye to slip away from the approaching men unnoticed as they loudly conspire to avoid Lord Wyer at all costs, Elizabeth and Erica immediately run into each other and, in a moment of panic, trip over each other's feet and land on the ground in a suggestive pile of catastrophic incompetence. It is at this point that Lord Wyer, lighting his way with a lantern he took a little time to find before coming into the basement, finds his beloved daughter tightly entwined with a much tinier woman, pawing at each other in noisy panic as they try to get their bearings.

The good lord is not at all surprised to find Elizabeth in the arms of her fellow maid. Frankly, it's a relief - he had made a bet with Elizabeth's mother, actually, and it's one he's fairly sure he's won. The two maids get up and straighten out. Erica, at Lord Wyer's provocation, starts to put one and one together in several ways, and her complexion goes from unnaturally white to very uniquely red, the images in her head being quite enough on their own before she notices the master seemingly wondering on the exact same topic. As Lord Wyer continues to dryly speculate as to how he'll inform Elizabeth's dear mother of this discovery (and claim his prize) the awkward encounter becomes too much to bear, and Elizabeth, feeling that she's about to do something drastic otherwise, runs off, with Erica following right behind, leaving the two lords in front of the study, which they waste no time in entering together. Not about to wait for their return, both of them run off to get out of sight for the time being, with Erica breaking out the chainsaw for a refreshing round of sculpture while Elizabeth decides to take a ride to work off the sheer tension pent up in her body.

On the way to their respective activities they pass Alessa and Raiko, who have managed to stumble all the way up by nothing short of sheer dumb luck, though this does not appear to have held out as after rather critically upsetting a grandfather clock the attentions of a none-too-pleased Kate have finally found their target, and she bestows upon Alessa a verbal lashing befitting of the vast breaches of basic dignity she has seen committed with her own eyes, plus quite a few others she can very much infer. Alessa, put on the spot and also on the defensive, decides that the way to solve both is a good offensive, letting her instincts of personified chaos and evil take over for a second as she, in a physical feat most would find unlikely, seizes Kate by the throat and lifts her up, damnation in her eyes.

Kate, to her credit, takes no shit in return and punches Alessa in the nose, which does an admirable job of returning the maid to her senses as she bows to the superior right hook of the unofficial head maid, sharing a moment of understanding through violence, a language Alessa deeply respects. As the two begin the makeup process, Erica returns, having exorcised the persistent and intrusive mental images by committing them mostly faithfully (the right bits are larger, smoother and occasionally shapelier, as befits glorification through art) by sculpting a life-sized rendition into a once-proud ancient oak she found on the grounds. A bit shy of leaving such excellent artwork where any leering stranger could examine it, she seems to have taken the effort of lugging it into the castle, not really expecting Alessa, Kate and Raiko to be immediately present in the foyer. Of course, her intense regret at not having procured a tarp beforehand is only amplified when Elizabeth returns after having nearly gotten her horse Melissa (a male horse named under rather heavy influence by the lord) killed three times over by reckless disobedience of speed limits and the serious health involved to a poor young horse being pushed to the limit for a good part of an hour.

And then Lord Wyer and Lord Merman return, chatting about a missing tome of some kind. Erica cries out in dismay that she can explain, turning all eyes on her for a moment as her work is soundly appreciated by at least one pair of eyes. Most, however, decide that the carving probably speaks for itself, and politely decide not to mention it, if only for the risk of the poor girl's head exploding (Lord Wyer, for whom such allowances can't be made, was probably otherwise distracted by it).

Eager to defuse the situation, Lord Merman goes for a desperate gambit. What is the one thing Lord Alfred Wyer has never to the best of his knowledge willingly resisted? The answer, quite simply, is the chance to make his daughter feel like shit. So it is with a heavy heart that the lord turned to Elizabeth and quite demonstratively requested that she show the lord to his sleeping arrangements, an opportunity his old friend snapped up quite readily, rejecting all other maids for the job in the process. Steeling her resolve, Elizabeth puts her gentlest game face on and escorts the lord upstairs, finding a bedroom he would not object to and putting all of her effort into conjuring a manner so disarming, even Lord Wyer seemed a little caught up in the routine of being herded off to bet, his gluttony for luxury for a moment overcoming the deep well of hatred and enmity for his beloved daughter. Why, he hardly even noticed it was only 10 PM when Elizabeth, silently drifting out of his room, blew out the lantern and locked the door in her wake. Her mojo tested and proven triumphant, Elizabeth returns downstairs to find Alessa having taken up the offer from Kate to kiss her developing bruise better as the day, having caught a dying man's final broken second wind, comes inexorably to a proper end.

In the meantime, Erica, having gotten her statue out of immediate sight, seems to have experienced a turnaround of her mood after an enlightening clandestine chat with the master, mostly about the impending lunar eclipse and that whole business with the book, which he seemed to be somewhat relieved about Erica being on the ball about, entrusting her with finding the requisite black mirror, which he in the face of considerable infirmity and needing to be constantly in Lord Wyer's presence cannot afford to do, and finding it before the time for the ritual. It seems the day's events have given the master something of a plan, and as he runs off to bed on his own the maids are in... somewhat varied states of being. Alessa, for instance, has passed out on her face in the middle of the foyer, Kate deciding to carry her off to bed and tuck her in, while Raiko seems to be fearfully anticipating the morning as Elizabeth quickly gets the maid a bit of water and food as to make sure she is at least quasi-functional come the morning. Erica, feeling suddenly in charge of things, skips off to bed herself, ready for a new day of serving the master!

The new day starts out in a strangely tranquil manner, Kate preparing one of her patented disgusting hangover cures which is soon drunk by a somewhat indiscriminate-feeling Alessa, Elizabeth moving in to wake up the master like a cool breeze in the sprightly morning, Raiko following with the morning tea - the right kind of tea, and Lord Merman is gently whisked to the dining room, where Erica has readied a wonderful breakfast that moves the master to a height of appetite seldom seen as he finds it in himself to take two whole bites of it. Dr. Eldridge, who seems to be feeling considerably better today, is woken up by Elizabeth with similar grace. Lord Wyer, however, gets to enjoy a quick, businesslike tap and wake-up call by Raiko, and by the time his sleep is irrevocably disturbed the maid is gone like a shadow, leaving him with nobody to complain at and with few other options than to head down to the dining room after getting his own damn clothes for once.

The atmosphere is strong that morning as even the horrendous guest at Castle Merman dares not disturb the quiet contentment of an idyllic country breakfast, the mood all smiles and light conversation at the lord's table. Even Alessa, having wised up that thuggish leering at guests and the master is not the way to earn points in the household, has decided to pretend she knows the first thing about keeping horses rather than stick around where she might say something uncouth, the resulting slight racket as horses are shooed about the stables in a solid imitation of productivity informing anyone who cares to listen that she is totally doing something important. Well, at least until Kate realizes after reporting to the master Publican Grape's willingness to pay for various treasures that leaving Alessa unattended with something important is not the greatest of ideas and decides to investigate, whereupon the horses are soon taken care of (and, in the case of Lord Wyer's own mare, made arrangements for) in a much more proper fashion. She is joined by Erica and Elizabeth, mostly for want of better things to do, at which point it becomes increasingly clear that Alessa has no actual memory of the previous night.

One quick recap later, Alessa decides that, her cover solidly blown, she might as well join Erica for that secret mission of hers, heading out to the basement only to find herself looking at an unfamiliar guest in the dining room. Rather than be horribly rude, she suspends the urgent task for a minute to go and introduce herself to Lord Alfred Wyer, who, to be fair, doesn't exactly remember Alessa either apart from somewhere in the middle on the friskiness scale between Raiko at the low end and Erica nudging the top of the chart, the frank statement of which causes Erica some rather enormous embarrassment as she prepares to leave, Lord Wyer being somewhat stunned at the rate at which the petite young woman seems able to drag other maids into questionable trysts down in the basement. Sensing that her maidenly honor has been forever besmirched by the dastardly nobleman, Erica is driven to desperation as she takes cover from the dining room and whines pitifully into her tiny little arms.

Alessa, unused to such outbursts from Erica, asks what exactly is the matter, and Erica pours out her heart to her fellow maid about the sheer number of unfortunate events that have plummeted her from innocent and pure hot springs enthusiast to perverse basement seductress of the night. Alessa, ever the practical one, quickly establishes the disappointing untruthfulness of the rumors involved, and proposes that the issue is likely in the presentation.

"The issue is," Alessa would begin her words of wisdom, "if you keep up your virgin act, every man from here to Calcutta is going to assume it's open season for you. My advice? Act like you've done it several times and each one was more disappointing than the last. Intimidate them! That's what I do." Erica, red in the face and cornered, tries still to deny these golden words. "Yes, Erica, yes," she would push. "Unless you want more bastards leching off your good looks. That's the name of the maid game. You act just sexy enough to make them tip you more, but you act just cold enough that they never make a move. Do you understand?"

Erica probably decides to consider it. Hard to tell from the back while she's running away, the other maids attracted to the scene by this chilling lecture on the nature of sex appeal. Alessa considers if maybe she should dial down her natural intensity, but, finding it integral to her charm, ultimately decides against it, and thus the stage is set for a whole new day of self-discovery and shenanigans in the Merman Estate, as we'll no doubt see in the next installment of the Quest For Solvency.
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Harry Baldman

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Session 4: Maids? They look like maids to you?

Featuring:

Cat, invisible when she wants to be, played by KJ
Miyako Koguchi, knows no fear and feels no pain, played by Piratejoe
Eania Theremis, moonlights as the grim reaper when medicine doesn't do the trick, played by TheBiggerFish
Vanessa, can't get no satisfaction, played by Sentient Bowtie

Atop a quiet, foreboding hill deliberately distant from any form of human habitation looms Breckenridge Sanitarium, constructed long ago to house an entire county's afflicted and dying so that they would stand no chance of spreading their illness to the rest of the world. A village in itself, the sanitarium is massive, potentially able to host several hundred patients at once, at its height during the time when tuberculosis ran rampant in the land and the dead piled up in its halls, sent to their rest through elaborate death-chutes so that the scope of the fatalities would remain unseen by those still alive. It has fallen far even from this in its latter days, broken windows and crumbling facades assaulting the eye of the rare passing onlooker.

Standing outside the lobby during a break in their work are four of the facility's nurses, most of them using the time for either smoking or quiet commiseration as they watch the sun slowly set. Another day has come and gone.

Up the hill a beaten and bruised woman, Rose, compels herself to press on, stumbling on the road to the sanitarium as she uses a derelict plank to steady herself. A rare arrival. She's come to the right place, it seems from her walk and look. Of the nurses, Cat is the first to come to the woman, Vanessa following behind. Rose does not make it all the way up, her legs giving way as she falls to her knees on the paved path. She is in a bad way, confused, raving as Cat comes to get her, asking for someone named Walt, someone she came to meet or find here. Cat tells her it'll be all right, yes, she's come to the right place... Rose seems relieved as she passes out in the nurse's arms.

They take Rose in, hoping to put her in a room so that she may rest and hopefully weather her state of near-delirium. The lobby is empty of human life, and has been for a long time, only mold and cockroaches flourishing in the dark and damp, an abandoned wheelchair the only thing to greet their entrance. They do not linger, and head for the patient rooms, finding no shortage of choice in dilapidated, empty little chambers, claustrophobic and filled with misaligned cabinets filled with rusty, moldering artifacts from a bygone age of care. Rose is laid to rest in the abandoned bed, Eania and Vanessa getting down to clearing out the rusty used syringes and broken bottles of rubbing alcohol from the cupboards (and then the cupboards themselves, since nothing of value is in them and the room is far too small as it is) while Cat and Miyako go about finding some food to bring to their new patient.

The cafeteria, much like the rest of the sanitarium, is lively insofar as the variety of rot is astounding and the dust bunnies are especially animate. The remnants of the nurses' lunch, a cooling plate of boiled dog, skinless and half-eaten, still linger on a relatively palatable (which is to say merely mostly filthy) table. Since there is no other food, Cat decides to reuse the leftovers and mask any unpalatable elements by using the meat for soup, retrieving a filthy bowl from one of the counters and shaving a few cuts from the meat into it. Since there are no working stoves or, indeed, much of anything in operating condition beside that, she takes some of the deep brown water accumulated in the backed-up sink for broth, and resignedly starts to bring it back.

Miyako, meanwhile, has discovered a vending machine by one of the cracked walls, its display still lit up, a soft hum from its refrigeration audible as one gets closer. Cold Drinks, read the letters above it in a banal cursive. It promises nourishment and relief for the price of a dollar, free of the decay of its surroundings, its only marring being slight age. Unfortunately, there is no money to be found... perhaps some of the other patients may have some, it thinks. Miyako considers the notion for a moment before Cat comes walking by, and the two walk back to Rose's room, "soup" in hand.

At this point as night falls Vanessa and Eania have sorted out the room, leaving only Rose, her bed and basically nothing else within the room. Eania, wishing to help the poor unconscious woman a little further, searches within her uniform for some medicine, finding a small red bottle in one of the western pockets that she squirreled away a long time ago. Its ingredients are unclear, and it is hard to say what it is exactly. Antibiotics? A sedative? A nutritional supplement, disinfectant? It's taken orally, and its effects are overall beneficial to the drinker, and so for lack of a clearer label these have been dubbed "health drinks", back when any were available in the derelict halls of the hospital.

Cat and Miyako return, with Miyako having fished some of the least unappealing chunks out of the water in return for handing Cat a cigarette and fixed a small plate that she could pretend is the main course, and they arrive to greet Rose with some dinner in bed just as she begins to come to. Neither the smell nor the overall visual impression of the soup, which looks plainly inedible at best and incredibly toxic at worst, seem to meet with Rose's approval as Eania offers her the slight pick-me-up of the dubious 'health drink', which miraculously does reinvigorate the woman just in time to make her look of horror at the dog vichyssoise all the more heartbreaking, to the point where even Miyako reconsiders offering the next course. Eania, pondering the possibility of finding more of these drinks (if only to fix the poor woman's rising nausea), looks around a little more and, much to her surprise, finds yet another health drink on the doorstep of the room. She is fairly sure that was not there a minute or two ago. As Eania hands this second find to Rose as well, she pockets it rather happily, keen on having more to sustain herself in the place. Cat leaves dejected with her attempt at food, going to pour it out by the entrance. As night has fallen, the chanters around the hill, the people of the outside, seem to have gotten especially loud.

As Rose becomes more talkative, she speaks more on what she is looking for. Walt. A friend of hers, who promised he would be here - six foot four, a scar under his right eye, a tattoo of a dragon on his shoulder. Vanessa, eager to help, sets off on a search immediately as the other nurses consider the situation and confer with Rose, waiting for Cat to return, which she does after taking perhaps a little too much time for it to be a mere accident. Three of the nurses reunited, Eania explains Rule #1, which is to never be alone. Ever.

Vanessa's decision of going into the dark corridors of the sanitarium alone takes almost no time at all to backfire as she follows a likely corridor into the perilous domain of one Dr. Aaronson, the only attending physician still occasionally seen in the sanitarium's halls, and the only one she'd never had any luck hitting on. He flits between rooms on his inexplicable rounds, and Vanessa tries to move along without disturbing the man, only for him to suddenly pause in the middle of going from one room to another and turn to her, his attire much like that of a historical plague doctor, beaked mask and all. He looks at her through his goggles, his arm unfolding with a metallic noise into extending chains, each with the wicked head of a flanged mace as the limb loses cohesion and becomes not so much an arm as an assemblage of weaponry. Vanessa decides, most likely wisely, that now would be the time to start backing away, and Dr. Aaronson makes sure the point is taken by starting to very deliberately walk toward her, increasing his pace as he whips his flails into the nearby wall, tearing into it and the rusty railing by its side with a terrible groan of concrete and underlying metal giving way to the swing. At this point Vanessa simply turns tail and runs as quickly as she is able, the doctor breaking into a run as the sanitarium rings out with his jangling steps, the flails swinging and destroying all manner of debris on the path.

Vanessa runs and runs, almost straight into the hands of Miyako, who must have drawn the short straw in going to look for her - as Vanessa continues running, Miyako follows along, mostly confused as to why somebody would be frightened of the likes of Dr. Aaronson, but going along with it anyway since there doesn't seem to be any talking sense into the poor girl. Vanessa sprints off, and Miyako follows, presumably to make sure she doesn't encounter any more trouble along the way.

The sounds of Dr. Aaronson's destructive approach, meanwhile, convince Eania to take Rose out of this room - not Cat, though. In one of her stranger turns, she stays behind, stepping behind a door, taking up position. Waiting. Eania doesn't question it, running off with Rose into the lobby and heads right out the door, into the dark outside.

Night has fallen hard on the surroundings, no stars or moon or even visible clouds in the sky, only encroaching dark, as if the hospital itself were emitting some leftover luminosity that simply did not reach further than a few steps from the entrance, the only other light as far can be seen found in occasional glimmering eyeshine as the invisible chanting figures surrounding the hospital continue their great work, digging, sharpening, praying. Eania and Rose share few words, and even those come far too close to provoking the chanters' attention, one hundred sharp simultaneous steps making a spectacular din as the cold darkness turns toward the two women. They step away cautiously, and move back in, the doctor seemingly having moved on from his chase and having avoided ranging into the areas of the lobby. Not about to push their luck, Eania chooses to return Rose to her room for now and consider their next move very carefully...

Vanessa has led Miyako on a chase that has spanned a good portion of the sanitarium and a few flights of stairs, and by the time she is fairly sure that nobody is following them, the two nurses have wound up in the depths of the pediatric ward. And as they argue over whether it's not better to face your fears (particularly the fear of a particular doctor, which strikes Miyako as particularly unreasonable), they find themselves approached by a small child that they recognize as Casey Park, an inpatient at the sanitarium, though the specifics elude them...

Casey seems not very pleased to see them. Mostly curious, as she greets them and asks why they're smiling like that. Smiling at her. Like this, she says and spreads her face in an unnerving grin. Vanessa, fairly sure that she isn't smiling at the moment, tries to convince the girl that this is the case, but the notion still seems very much planted in her head. Miyako, more practical-minded, asks if there's anything little Casey needs. Casey replies that it itches, and as Vanessa's smiling mouth continues to bother her she hides behind Miyako, asking for the nurse to make her stop. Miyako considers if perhaps smiling works differently here. She wouldn't really know, not having done it before. Her hand wanders as she experimentally gives Casey a small tickle, which gives her both a small start and makes her laugh. She's got funny fingers, Casey says. Long, sharp. Could Miyako give her a scratch?

Not one to refuse a little girl, Miyako decides to help, and Casey guides her hand over to her hair, which turns out to be a wig as she lifts it off her scalp, pointing her to a large, ragged ridge in her head closed by stitching, ragged after picked at for a time by clumsy fingers. Vanessa looks away as the girl guides Miyako's head to the large wound, scratching at first over it, but at the girl's request slipping her fingers into it along shaved scalp and skull, her fingers finding soft, warm and pliable matter... a small metal object of some kind, Casey urging the nurse to keep scratching. She goes deeper in, trying to get a feel for it, and works her fingers around it... the shape reminds her most of a coin. Very carefully she pulls at the coin, dragging it out of the girl's head as delicately as she is able, holding it up as it comes loose, her bloodstained fingers wiping off the minute amount of loose matter still clinging to it.

It's a penny, Miyako notices after a moment. Funny. Casey looks at Miyako's discovery, her itch gone for good. Thanks, she says with a grateful look as her eyes roll into the back of her head and she falls backward onto the floor, a little blood spurting from her head wound as she impacts and lays there motionless, not drawing breath or moving, her expression frozen as she looks to the ceiling in what could be mistaken for wonder. The nurses run in to check on her, Vanessa cradling the girl in her arms, but by then it is far too late.

Some distance away, Eania feels a terrible chill assault her, the sound of a troubled soul passing. She had already set off to search for Rose's friend, the hospital room they were holed up in feeling increasingly unsafe. As Rose reasoned that she probably feels just as much in danger within as anywhere else, Eania decided it is time to go further in... perhaps if they find this Walt, things may become clearer yet. But this fell by the sidelines as the urgency of her task drives Eania to the first place she can think of when protracted deaths come to mind - the cancer ward, and its ornery old lung cancer patient, Ms. Withers... she's not quite right in the head, hasn't been for some time, and as Eania approaches, she notes with surprise that the woman is quite alive and in the hallway, smoking away to her heart's content in violation of hospital guidelines with no one to stop her, the other staff and patients long gone by now.

As Ms. Withers notices the nurse approach, the mere persistent irritation turns to fear. She takes the cigarette out of her mouth with a start. Watch out, she shouts at Rose in panic, moving suddenly. Eania, knowing to disregard such warnings, advises Rose, who looks around reflexively, to ignore the ravings of the mad and dying woman and to proceed on, but Ms. Withers does not relent - she runs straight at Rose as her warning goes unheeded and tries to pull her away from some unseen and terrible danger. Eania has none of that as she charges straight at the old bat with a well-placed shoulder tackle, driving her into a wall and clear of her companion. Ms. Withers sinks to the floor, coughing what seems like dust and leftover smoke as her already short breath is taken away by being slammed into concrete roughly.

Rose is clearly very shocked as she runs up to Eania and Ms. Withers just as Eania, satisfied that her work here is done after assaulting a violent cancer patient, prepares to leave. Checking her pulse, Rose does not find one, and Eania grudgingly gets over to check for herself, a quick examination assuaging her companion's concerns - Ms. Withers is still alive, even if her skin has the feel of paper, her spit seems to have turned to dust and her wig seems to have nearly fallen off... and there's a strange flesh-colored hair on her face, it seems, like the whisker of a catfish. And as Ms. Withers starts to resist again, having regained the ability to breathe, Eania decides that being an orderly is decidedly not her job, and starts to withdraw.

At this point Cat makes her presence known at last, having been very much busy in the last half hour or more, managing to trail Dr. Aaronson for a good while and observe him making his mysterious rounds, going through doors, examining some body bags left on abandoned gurneys haphazardly where the hospital turns increasingly deep and unfriendly, occasionally moving some things, or reaching into his smock and producing a health drink to lay meticulously into a non-obvious location. Laying a trail, it seems, but to where and for what purpose, she does not rightly know. Having followed Eania as well when she finally made her move, Cat steps in, moving to examine Ms. Withers for anything unusual, her firm grip and intense stare managing to pacify the woman, leaving her sitting there, asking fearfully what the nurses want from her, and where is her doctor, all with that... strange hair, or perhaps more of a sharp wart... just jutting out of her face, defying rational explanation.

Cat feels compelled to pull at the hair in a moment of curiosity, and so she does. And like a strange thread the hair pulls along, skin peeling away as it runs across Ms. Withers' face, then branches in two once, then again, then several times more as the tissue, sinewy in nature, elastic and tough, comes loose from the rest of Ms. Withers, turning slowly into a membranous cobweb as Cat starts to pull with both hands, moving on and on, dragging it free. Multiple times do the threads wind along the woman's skin like the wrappings of an ancient mummy, skin coming loose in flakes, Ms. Withers watching in puzzlement until one particular thread of tumorous sinew transitions into malformed nerve, and the sudden burst of agony drives her to shriek, and for Cat to inadvisably yank hard, a horrid tearing sound cutting into the woman's voice as she starts to suddenly come apart, the flesh beneath the wrapping web merely an assemblage of so many undifferentiated chunks tumbling every which way, coming apart as they hit the floor, even these turned partially to dust by age and neglect, until all that is left of Ms. Withers is her hospital gown and a pile of quasi-organic, rapidly dissolving refuse.

From the gown has tumbled out a single coin, a mere dusty quarter to Ms. Withers' name after all this time. As the worn-down spirit of the woman within the cancerous mass hits her like a bullet to the chest, Eania looks right at Cat, still holding a mess of sinew, and weeps openly, standing stock still in the hall as if unable to move.

Many a moment has passed when Miyako has Vanessa finally convinced that it is best to leave Casey where she fell rather than attempt to bury her in a way only Miyako could - the body, she reasons, may distract Dr. Aaronson at a crucial moment. Vanessa, swallowing her common decency, meekly accepts the thought, and the two of them move along out of the pediatric ward, looking for a less troubling place to be in.

It stands to reason, then, that they would find themselves in no place other than the psych ward, and no sooner do they venture through it that Miyako notices a crude tripwire linked to a tank of propane gas and certain other things, all fashioned into a potentially lethal, combustible combination. The workmanship leaves something to be desired, Miyako thinks as she steps over the tripwire, but the handiwork is unmistakable - Mac, the resident nutjob of the psych ward. These have extended far indeed. He must have been at this for quite a while. Intrigued, Miyako heads deeper in - Mac's traps are nothing if not predictable. The old brick to the face, the bucket of crushed glass and paint, more fire traps linked to discreet tripwires - a lot more. She navigates these and more, Vanessa trailing behind and helping where she can.

In the eye of the storm, a small room in the deep recesses of the ward, Mac lies fearing, dreading underneath his desk, feeling the approach of the nurses as much as hearing it, each trap disabled as they move through, and finally removing one final spring-loaded can of razor blades and broken needles as they step into his sight at last. The man curls up in his safe place, the improvised paint bucket helmet on his head doing little to make him secure. He cries out as he is addressed, asking what are these voices, these voices, these intruding, insistent voices? How did they get past the traps? He tries to make them leave, for he has a secret thing - the voices must leave, or everything burns!

Miyako approaches the desk, giving Mac a steady look as she asks him if he really wants to do that in her best voice of authority, and Vanessa tries to convince the man that they're not voices, they're real, they're people - she reaches into herself with her words, trying to find some measure of sincerity, but finds only a strange hollowness there. Mac sees her hesitation and reacts to the words instinctively, commanding them to keep away, but hesitates with the thing he's holding as Miyako stares him down - keep her away, he says at Vanessa, and with a slightly careless movement the look of the object starts to ring a bell in both the nurses' minds - much like one of his fire traps, but more... explosive. Handheld, with a crude yet effective detonator.

Miyako, slightly more eager to comply now that the stakes are made clear, lays a hand on Vanessa's shoulder to move her a little further as Mac looks on, staring wildly. At this moment Vanessa, realization still fresh in her mind, ceases to try. Her lovely mouth curls into the charming hint of a smile, and she tries to work that little sparkle in her eye, bringing her arms together, inhaling to bring out the chest. Mac stares into those eyes of hers for a long moment, the feeling of deprivation, loneliness and the sheer death in the air welling up inside him as his will is tested, and he almost avoids Vanessa's own realization from a moment ago - behind those eyes lies nothing at all, a yawning person-shaped hole in God's green earth under the thin veneer of seduction. A place a man could get lost in. Many have, many better than he. Some of them... forever.

Step the fuck back, he says, lifting the incendiary with renewed resolve. Miyako gently asks him if he needs anything, and the question pierces deeper than expected. He needs to get out, straight the hell out of this place... he's served his time, can't he get out, he pleads to Miyako, and the maid stares him down one last time. Sure. He can go. He's recovered quite well. And it is at this point that Mac loses hope. She doesn't believe it. Not even he believes it, as much as he'd like to. He can't win this. He can only make everyone lose, and hopefully keep his soul, if the place will let him...

Fuck you, Mac declares, and fuck everyone, and then he goes for the detonator. Vanessa in a desperate move grabs a nearby piece of rusted garbage and chucks it at him. Miyako, though, Miyako just runs. The room is small, and the incendiary isn't great either, she can take her chances.

And so Mac goes up in flames as a piece of junk impacts his desk, thrown without much ability, the room filling with a burst of flame that barely wings Miyako as she goes leaping out of the room and nearly engulfs Vanessa, who is standing before the desk, the nurse falling backward as her uniform catches fire. Mac still finds it in him to scream for a few seconds more, the flames too weak to bring him an instantaneous end, the metal desk he had crawled underneath shielding the room from the worst of the explosion.

The others hear it too, the explosion coming from the psych ward, the rush of air and heat in a place with little of either. Eania pauses as she regards the corpse of Casey Park, left contemptuously in a hallway with its head wide open, her spirit less broken than Ms. Withers' in a good few ways. And Cat, too, pauses in her continued tailing of Dr. Aaronson and signals to Rose, who, profoundly disturbed by Eania's strange mental breakdown, had latched onto Cat's relatively cool demeanor and followed her into rather a bit more than she would have liked.

Eania arrives to find Miyako examining a strange coin, a half dollar, seemingly a former part of Mac's incendiary device. The heat seems to have been insufficient to melt it, or even damage it to a particular degree, leading her to believe either in this being a sturdy coin or the incendiary device being even more typically homemade than it looked. Vanessa sits a little further, shaken by the explosion still. Of the patients there remains but one more, but she cannot be found. Instead, she summons those who must come at their appointed time. And that time is now.

A howl resounds through the entirety of the sanitarium, growing shriller and low-pitched as it mutates from primal to mechanical over the span of seconds, turning into something that reminds one of something not unlike an air raid siren. The stale air of the hospital becomes thick and noxious as the siren drills into the heads of all within, and Cat sees the doctor suddenly turn from his path and take off at a sprint right as she inhales one more time and she as well as all her colleagues are overcome as one, and all goes completely dark.

The sanitarium they awaken in... has changed. The walls have passed decrepit and found a new nightmarish aspect of their own, millions of crosses scrawled upon them as they twist in claustrophobic, winding tunnels. What few windows are lined with thick metal bars and barbed wire, and one need take only a step to hear the horrible slosh and rising heavy stench of the ankle-high congealed mess of the floors. The sound of the chants outside is drowned out with the guttural, overpowering drone of distant prayer. "This isn't normal," Cat observes after getting a good look around - it seems that Rose agrees in her own way.

Having no other reference in the parting and rejoining tunnels, all the nurses head toward the prayer, one way or another. Few other options seem possible, all paths leading on like the warrens of a great worm, occasionally rising above great bottomless pits where filth gives way to chain link catwalks. From far beneath one such catwalk, Eania hears the sound of flesh violently ripping, but sees only darkness looking down, and as it subsides a newly-hatched sound like mindless burbling starts to inch closer in newborn curiosity. The prayer grows closer as they move along, and the names can be made out. They are not the names of any gods the nurses know.

Finally they reach the chapel, Eania, Miyako, Rose, Vanessa and Cat. In contrast to the otherworld, the chapel looks like it was newly built in its original style, then at its height defiled in every possible way with depravities both disturbingly easy to imagine and unnervingly difficult to place in any human frame of reference. The altar stands at the back, mutilated and profaned beyond redemption, and atop it stands the last of the patients, her body covered in fresh blood, a crown of twisted antlers decorating her head as she brings her summoning prayer to a close.

She bows low from atop her perch. She may have been a nurse once, too, and extends courtesy readily indeed to her guests. She seems uninterested in being killed, all too familiar with the nurses' notions of medical care. As she laments their terrible lack of perspective, Cat has a thought. An epiphany. The loons trapped here, or who used to be trapped here, they are not merely delusional, are they? There is something deeply wrong with this place, and even with the nurses themselves. Of course, Janey can only confirm. And as for the coins, as Eania asks moments afterward, those are for the thing they need once they realize the truth of the matter, or the depths they have sunk to. Even if, as Janey says, for Rose the realization comes after.

But theirs is not to understand - they are but vessels for desires, Janey says. But, Cat brings up, they do need to pay their penance, do they not? Perhaps, the former nurse says. She wouldn't know, having abandoned reason for good. So why are they here, Eania asks, still confused, and the answer is simple enough - they are here because they belong here, in this hell of infinite perspectives and layers, of which they have seen merely two, or perhaps three, and old Janey Lanning herself has seen, in her own words, far too many, to the point where she can hardly even contain them much longer. But alas, she is not anyone of significance. She has lived the nightmare long enough to be but a part of the wallpaper, dancing coated in blood before the younglings.

If this is a nightmare, Eania asks, who is its dreamer? Janey does not seem to know - possibly Rose, for she is not originally from here.

But there has been too much talk already. Janey supposes it is time to give out her precious token, the clue that they need, the final piece of the puzzle. And thus she digs her fingers into her eye, searching deep as blood and vitreous humor pours over her fingers, and at last drags out a coin, flicking it to Miyako with a mad grin. Macabre, she admits, but the language of the dream is what it is. Miyako knows what to do, Janey assumes, and it seems she does.

"Huh, all this for a soda?" Miyako asks as she examines the coin. It's made of solid gold, an even 24 cents in denomination. All this for a soda indeed. People have killed for stranger things, Janey observes. Vanessa stares in disbelief, her sword clattering to the ground. Eania tries to weakly refuse the revelation. Cat mostly just seems relieved. "Oh, I thought this was about how I killed Mick. Woops," she says. As the moment drags on, Eania wonders if it wouldn't have been simpler to just pull the soda out of the machine, but Janey just shakes her head. Oh no, the rules. The rules wouldn't permit it. she says with finality, they do have places to be. Before she leaves, however, she does ask the girls to tell Rose to be more careful where she regurgitates her dead boyfriends next time. Rose merely continues to gape at everything she's seeing, hardly even processing as she stares at Janey.

And with that, Janey Lanning crosses her arms on her chest and slowly melts into a torrent of blood, washing over the altar as she drains into the floor. She is not dead, Eania knows. Such a thing will not be permitted to her for centuries, or perhaps merely minutes - in this place the difference can often be minimal.

The nurses wonder for a while yet as Rose finally catches up. A soda? What? What even is this? The vending machine costs a dollar, Eania explains, and now they have a dollar. She has a dollar, Miyako corrects. Mostly. Cat steps over to Rose, reassuring her. This can happen here, she says, offering a cigarette that Rose gladly takes, her head pounding as Cat beats Miyako to lighting up for her. So do they do this, Rose asks? Buy this soda or whatever the fuck they're supposed to do?

Vanessa, meanwhile, still can't believe this. This is stupid. Beyond stupid. ADVANCED stupid. She wishes she'd have let the doctor kill her, she complains bitterly, at least then she'd have gotten some action today. Miyako offers sympathy, but it doesn't seem overly appreciated. Just a bit of action is what she needs. Action, you know? Lovin'. Anything. Miyako, still committed, bravely offers a round out of pity, the incredible embarrassment rushing to her far too late to stop her, and even gets solidly turned down for her trouble, at which point Cat, sensing a second-degree pity round in her vicinity, side-eyes Miyako meaningfully for a second or two before sidling up for a gentle proposition, the mood of the room shifting as the surreal nature of the situation sinks in.

It's time to give in, Vanessa supposes. Dr. Aaronson? Dr. Aaronson, she calls, are you available? She's not busy right now, Vanessa says to the darkness around. And the man is indeed not far - there is a stirring, a crash of many flails against gratings. The other nurses move all at once with Rose, knowing the sound's ominous nature. Vanessa, however, merely waits for the doctor, watching as the nurses make themselves scarce.

And sure enough, Dr. Aaronson arrives, moving deftly through filth and darkness into the chapel. And there is Vanessa before him, a charming hint of a smile on her lovely lips, that little bit of sparkle in her eye, her arms brought together and joined at the waist coyly, the nurse taking a deep breath to bring out her chest. And behind it all, nothing. A yawning person-shaped hole in God's green earth under the thin veneer of seduction. A place a man could get lost in - many have indeed, all of them better than Dr. Aaronson, some of them forever...

... a feeling wells up inside the doctor. He is about to speak - but no. He takes a short metallic breath, steadying his tone. Projecting authority. Very conscious of his movements in a way he was not before entering, he pulls in his flails. "You may prove a diversion yet, Vanessa," he lies with a lack of confidence all too easy to see through as Vanessa's eyes finally join in on the smile. "Follow me," he motions with his arm, and the two walk to the chapel wall, his touch bidding it to part with a wet, organic noise, wide enough for two to pass through side by side.

The doctor and the nurse walk through the portal. They are seen no more.

Cat leads the way, Miyako and Rose following behind, Eania running further behind, a profoundly disturbed expression on her face for a reason she will never get a chance to relate. Powering through bloodstained halls as the chant from outside is dominant in the nightly air once again, the nurses take a final left into the cafeteria, which is as fresh and new as the day it was built, clean until the ragged group runs in leaving footprints of the very stuff of nightmares.

At the wall, lonely as always, stands the vending machine. It awaits.

The nurses approach with Rose. The time has come. Rose feels thoughts creeping in, memories. A sickness rises within her. The nurses argue, hesitate. Discuss plans. It is nearly over. Rose would lose her lunch, had she any in her.

There is a shadow in the doorway, a shadow of a man named Walt. He awaits.

Miyako gathers the dollar in change, and places the coins in the machine's slot. The almighty dollar. She selects the drink on the humming machine. One can of Dr. Salt. Rose feels a trickle of blood come out of her nostril.

The machine thanks them. Walt thanks them. The room flashes brightly, and the world melts away. It is over.

* * *

Rose is walking away from the fortified gate, the old sanitarium looming large on the hill. As if remembering something, she looks back, hefting the bag over her shoulder as she eyes the sign with disgust from the bottom of the hill. Breckenridge Correctional Complex. She sighs and resumes leaving, turning down the road at the bottom of the hill and walking. She has some money left in her bag. Not worth as much now anymore, sure. She gets a room, takes a shower, and looks at herself in the mirror. Needs work. But she's still got it, probably.

Rose is at the bar, warming herself up with a shot. There's a lady a little ways down. Short, petite, bleached hair, an Irishman's complexion without the freckles. About her age, maybe a little older. A little worried, maybe waiting. Probably stood up. Smiled when Rose raised a glass to her. She's got a good feeling. Combine that with her looking all right (6/10 at least) and that last shot, and here's a recipe for success. Gotta make the night count.

She sidles up close, and they have small talk. The lady seems chill. And yeah, she's waiting for someone. Doesn't seem like she'll show up, though. It's been like two hours. Rose pretends to think. Well, she says, two hours is an awful lot of time to wait in a place like this. Did the guys buy her any drinks at least, she indicates the rest of the room, and the lady says no. Then let her buy the lady a drink then, Rose says in a gentle fashion.

They buy drinks, wait, chat. They hit it off. It feels a bit weird to her, but not in a bad way. Always wanted to see how that move looked from the other side. They get a little drunk. Things... develop. Might be time to take it elsewhere. She's into the idea, sort of. Not as shy as she pretends to be.

She turns up. Tall, Asian, muscled, red leather jacket, bleached hair same as her friend (shorter, though), sly-eyed, more than a little exhausted, probably got a gun on her. There's a hardness about her, paranoia. A lot like the faces she's seen these past... shit, eight years? Rose wonders if she looks the same, or if it's a look you get after a couple weeks out when the relief wears off. It's almost comfortably familiar.

There's a voice in Rose's head that tells her to tread lightly. She decides to go for broke and buys her a drink. Her friend helps, says she's cool. They break the ice with shots. Rose always was way funnier while blasted, that's what... he always told her. But fuck him. That debt's been paid in full. She raises a glass while the little lady starts to nuzzle her, and is about to say something, but it slips her mind. The big gal raises her own glass with her head on the bar as she sighs contently. She looks up at Rose as no toast follows.

"Shit," Rose says. "I had something written for this." She fiddles around her pockets theatrically. "Aw. Must have left it in my room. Was a good one, too."

She pauses a moment, actually thinking about this one last time. Go for it? Fuck it, gonna go for it.

"Say, my motel's just up the road. You girls wanna come help me look?"

The Asian woman laughs into the bar, and the little lady laughs with her. They all share a look, and prepare to leave.

« Last Edit: August 28, 2016, 09:33:47 pm by Harry Baldman »
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Harry Baldman

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Session 5: What A Terrible Night To Have A Curse

Featuring:

Raiko, keeps manacles in her quarters, played by King Murdoc
Kate, woos ladies the old-fashioned way, played by KJ
Erica Statton, talented in the wrongest of things, played by Dermonster
Elizabeth Wyer, would totally defraud her own flesh and blood, played by Twinwolf
Alessa Cubage, harnesses bad juju for fun and profit, played by Fniff

As the horrid Lord Wyer is kept in check by a hearty breakfast and quality conversation with Lord Merman and Dr. Eldridge in the dining room, Erica is still trying her damnedest to escape into the basement, Alessa asking her to kindly slow down so that her hungover self can manage to keep up, Elizabeth following mostly because the alternative is sticking around upstairs where her father can get to her. Besides, who knows what those two could get up to down there.

Raiko meanwhile has chosen to take care of her maidly duties first and foremost, and has set about preparing the kitchen to form a second line of defense against aristocratic boredom, kettles at the ready, crackers and cheese set down to warm for optimal consumption and crumpets prepared for strategic deployment into the dining room at a moment's notice should it seem like Lord Wyer is about to get it in his head to go somewhere else for any reason. The master and his guests are indeed well-covered for the afternoon, and most likely for some time after even that, leaving the other maids well-poised to find the black mirror the master requires for his planned nightly escapade.

Erica leads the way downward still, heading down the stairs and deeper still, heading down for quite some distance until the halls grow increasingly cavernous and the decor ever sparse, until even the floor threatens to give out. Not that this particularly rattles Alessa and Elizabeth, who quasi-innocently speculate on the way there as to why exactly Erica seems to get so very hot and/or bothered as of late whenever she speaks to Lord Wyer. It is thus with great relief that Erica manages to divert their attentions toward a rather spectacular discovery - a place where the floor seems to have collapsed into a sinkhole, steam billowing out of the prodigiously hot depths. Steam, Erica says! That means hot water. Literally, as a matter of fact. And, geologically speaking, that also means that she might not need to use terrible sorcery to get her hot springs after all! And you can dump bodies into it, Alessa points out. You know, in case anybody not terribly liked should meet with a horrible and entirely preventable accident.

Not one to abide such talk in front of her beautiful hot spring, Erica tries to get things back on track! There is still a secret mission to get underway, the black mirror awaits! How is it a mirror if it's black, Elizabeth asks, unless she means just the frame? Truth be told, Erica doesn't really know either. But it's her mission to get one, and by God she'll do it! And that means the hot springs will have to wait, they've got a box to find! It's got to be around here somewhere. Presumably not at all deeper than this, in fact. So why don't they just turn around and get back to exploring a different way. Surely one black mirror couldn't be that hard to find for a plucky band of highly skilled maids such as they.

This seems to be a correct impression, for in the middle of their backtracking they do come across a particularly unlikely hallway that appears to host a particularly likely open shipping crate. Right next to it, pulled loose from a safe bed of straw, lies a slab of black glass, the sight of which makes Alessa's skull twinge ever so slightly in pain for some mysterious reason. Looking it over, she'd say that if she didn't know any better it'd look a lot like some twat opened this here box, headbutted the slab that was hidden within it and then left it out here for future generations to regard with admiration. Erica's not quite sure about the specifics herself, though she can say with confidence that the thing is both scuffed and cracked, the latter issue of which seems to have arisen from something very hard and thick impacting it quite sharply indeed. It's in terrible shape, of course, but she reasons it's not unlikely that this is the mirror she's been looking for. It's black, and presumably would be reflective if somebody gave it a good polish.

Of course, it's also quite heavy, so it naturally falls to Alessa to put her meaty paws to good use lugging the damn thing around. Since her upper body strength exercise regimen means she only needs one of her paws to do this, Alessa decides to keep looting while she's at it. After all, Lord Wyer strikes her as a more backwoodsy Hellfire Club type, and that means there's definitely a nonzero chance he'd buy some vaguely occult junk off her for a somewhat mischievous price. With her free hand she roots around in a few wayward cabinets and applies a judicious elbow to a few stubborn old display cases in order to eventually recover a prize - a figurine of a woman with a crow's head, or maybe just an ugly enough woman to be mistaken for an anthropomorphized figure. She's not sure what it is, mind you, but it does feel plausibly ethnic in a darkest-Africa sort of way, exactly the kind of thing an aristocrat with more money than sense would love to put up in his study and softly go mad to.

Her appreciation of her fine loot is interrupted by Erica, who appears to have found a set of tracks a convenient stranger has left leading out of the basement. They circle round and sway from time to time, and occasionally brush against the wall for a considerable period of time, a line in the dust on the walls suggesting a torso dragging along it for support, and it seems like they're not really going anywhere in particular for the most part. Nevertheless, Erica has a good feeling here, and she's fairly sure they're going mostly in the right direction, if not by any discernible deliberate effort.

Raiko meanwhile has moved quietly into the dining room, observing the master at work as he pretends to be intently listening with zen-like calm to Lord Wyer's constant stream of utter bollocks, with Dr. Eldridge trying his best to follow in Lord Merman's 8-fold path to conversation. Seeing how the situation is about as covered as she can expect it to be, Raiko swiftly slides out of the room before Lord Wyer takes notice of her, retiring to the kitchen for a spot of much-deserved tea and considering what else she might do for Lord Merman. Perhaps grant him a reprieve from distraction duty with a suggestion that he attend to some correspondence? Not the worst idea, clearly. So she gets right to it!

Of course, what she comes out to find is the sudden return of her comrades, who appear to have managed to locate their day's objective in record time, all things considered. Rather less fortunately they seem to have made a bit of noise coming back, and said noise has not escaped the attention of Lord Wyer, who drops his conversation with ease as he takes the opportunity to catch Lord Merman's maids in the act! He gets about halfway through proclaiming his sharp wits permitting him to do this before his eye is drawn to the slab of black glass on Alessa's arm.

Seeing her chance to shine, Alessa goes for a bit of subtle misdirection, letting the slab slide out of her arm into the ground, splintering the hardwood floor beneath with a terrible crack as its full weight strikes it and proffering her nifty little statuette. This, he means? Funny story! One that Lord Wyer does not seem terribly interested in, unfortunately, as he starts to immediately berate the maid's shabby conduct in splintering such a nice floor with her careless dropping of heavy artifacts, and when that loses its novelty he switches seamlessly into berating her cack-handed attempts at skulduggery, all while the master looks on from the dining room door, somewhat regretful about the state of the floor if simultaneously rather pleased about the swift recovery of his prized mirror.

As Alessa takes exception to having her ability at skulduggery insulted, Erica attempts to valiantly tag in! What's that bloody thing that was dropped on the ground, asks Lord Wyer, and Erica says, why, it's carving glass! For statuary! Oh, Lord Wyer says, so there's another of those statues coming along? No doubt she got plenty of inspiration while down with her large girlfriend down in the basement, he insinuates overwhelmingly rakishly, and Erica blanches as her bravery gruesomely backfires once more. The room starts to descend into chaos. Alessa goes for broke - there's a curse! A terrible curse! He's seen the black thingamajig, and he mustn't look further! He risks his life with every glance! Elizabeth can only remain largely silent as a now entirely red-faced Erica stares at her pleadingly. Something has to be done.

Alessa pushes on! Did the good lord look at the slab? It's of terrible importance to his continued good health, Alessa makes sure to stress with as much concern as she can manage. The confusion reaches a peak as Elizabeth and Erica make a break for it with the mirror, Alessa pushes on with her gruesome con job and Raiko stands by, shaking her head at the unfolding debacle. Rather unusually it seems to work, the strange display bewildering Lord Wyer into going on the defensive as maids scramble around him and his attention is divided.

What the hell is she even on about, Lord Wyer wonders of Alessa. Confusion, she says! That's the first symptom of the curse. Lord Wyer himself isn't quite sure what she's playing at, but there's little doubt it's not at all good, so he defaults to the tactic of ragging on Alessa's attempt to perpetrate such an obvious and silly ploy. As Raiko comes over to try and help, distracting the lord for a few seconds, Alessa strongly considers braining him with a claw hammer as part of the con job, reconsidering at the last moment and instead going for putting a hand on his shoulder. Look, she says, if he should ever get a sharp pain in his skull all of a sudden, he'd best come to her, that's a sign the curse is in its final stage. Lord Wyer, feeling the situation continue to elude his grasp, decides to at least get the statuette out of all this. Alessa doesn't want to hand it over, though. After all, Lord Wyer doesn't really seem too cursed, and that statuette's for lifting the curse. So if he'll excuse her, she's got places to be.

Not one to be bamboozled like this without getting at least something for his trouble, Lord Wyer loses his patience entirely, and charges the leaving maid with the intent to get the damn thing one way or another! Of course, the maids he's had experience with tend to be fragile, dainty things for the most part, very easily persuaded with a quick bout of strangulation when softer measures happen to fail. Alessa is... slightly less so, so when the evil little man has a fit and runs at her she's not about to back down. A sidestep here, a nudge of the hips, a sweep of the leg you'd easily mistake as a clumsy servant turning around to see where the noise is coming from, that's all it takes to catch the 14th Count Headwood completely unawares as his weight and velocity are more productively directed toward a nearby chest of drawers, his forehead making solid contact with one of its rather sharp and dangerous edges.

As Lord Wyer tries very hard not to outright shriek at this terrible ruination of his aristocratically refined face, Lord Merman expresses his deepest regrets at this terrible and entirely preventable accident and calls for Dr. Eldridge to get in here - they've got a man down! Alessa attempts a quick round of pretending to be a terrible putz with her statuette in the hopes that Lord Wyer would notice and perhaps pay money for its secure return, but the man seems quite distracted. So instead she and Raiko team up to lift Lord Wyer off the ground, a bit of blood streaming from his brow, and take turns trying to one-up each other's concern for the man as they pass him between themselves, dancing along the room to deposit the injured lord into the waiting arms of Dr. Eldridge, who agrees to take the damn fool up to his room and bandage his head right and proper. Of course, fixing Lord Wyer's head is more a matter for an exorcist, but he resolves to make an effort anyway, and so the troubling aristocrat is taken away from the near vicinity.

As all this happens back in the foyer, Erica and Elizabeth have made good their escape and deposited the black mirror over with the paintings in that increasingly handy cubby they've got. Safely out of earshot they decide to have a moment to bond over how horrible Elizabeth's parents are. There have been stories before these last two days, it's true. But it's quite something else to witness the man himself. How anyone managed to tolerate him enough to bear his children is a fascinating question indeed (Elizabeth's guess is overwhelming apathy). They hug it out over the sound of Lord Wyer getting his ass handed to him a few rooms down, and once things calm down Erica goes to fetch the master and the other maids.

Rather fortunately, the slab they found is indeed the black mirror of the great John Dee, brought to him by a great jaguar prophet, or so some guy probably wrote in a book once. Lord Merman is a bit disappointed to see the expensive artifact in such a dismal state, though. Thing's all scuffed and cracked. That's unlikely to do. Obviously some repairs are needed, though what sort of method you'd use to polish obsidian Erica doesn't quite know. Fortunately, that's exactly why God invented libraries, so that's where she runs off to next, trailed by Lord Merman who seems eager to make the most of his time away from Lord Wyer. Together they spend some time consulting certain texts, Erica displaying the sort of uncommon talent with a library index that landed her in the middle of preparing for an occult ritual to begin with, much to the delight of the master.

While this goes on, Alessa tries to get Raiko on board with a most intriguing plan to try and get Lord Wyer to buy into the idea that the only way he could have possibly been laid out by a mere maidservant is that a terrible ancient curse has befallen him and possibly his bloodline also, and that the only way out of it is to pay her a vast sum of money to obtain this ugly statuette that'll fix all of his troubles. Raiko is quite skeptical of this plan for several reasons, first among which is that Alessa is under the impression that Lord Wyer feels anything but festering contempt for any individual in this castle and would trust them further than he could kick them. Elizabeth chips in here, mentioning that her father mostly only likes people he's boned and vice versa, and even then he tends to be somewhat fickle. Secondly, Raiko continues after that disturbing aside, she doesn't have much faith in her ability to lie to someone's face, her ability to pretend that Cribbity Stephens isn't just Bridge for tossers notwithstanding. All possibly very good objections, Alessa notes, but what it all comes down to is that Raiko has to deal with assholes all the time, and would it not be worth it to once, just once make their lives measurably worse for their own profit?

At about this point the master, having returned from the library shortly after setting Erica on a scavenger hunt to find the myriad components she needs to restore the mirror, decides to intervene. Lord Wyer really shouldn't be bothered for now, he maintains, there's already far too many things to apologize for. For now let them just wait it out a little so that at least when they do need to talk to Wyer again, his head will be sufficiently humorously bandaged that they'll get something in return out of it.

The idea of a Lord Wyer with his head completely covered in bandages does not slip by Alessa. It's what people in her business call a golden opportunity. Hopeful that something will come of this after all, she addresses the other maids - who's all up for a bit of a business opportunity? Elizabeth seems like a good match now that Raiko's crapped out, so Alessa goes to bother her, inquiring about inheritance and so forth, and no sooner do they start to conspire as Raiko leads Lord Merman off to write some letters - there'll be some business to attend to after tonight, it seems.

Not long after the lord is done with his last letter, putting his signature and a seal on it, Erica turns up again, marvelous mirror in tow. Lord Merman is most pleased indeed at her consistent efficiency, and is about to elaborate on the further plan of action when rather unfortunately Lord Wyer starts yelling for Lord Merman to get over to his room, which Lord Merman does, making sure to deliberately excise any sign of being terribly pleased with himself in the process.

Turns out Lord Wyer is displeased! Who would have thought. Lord Merman maintains it's probably the curse, really, which does not at all improve his friend's mood. The curse of Tlippeth-Uul, a thing he most certainly did not make up a few moments ago. Dreadful stuff. He may need an effigy of some kind to cleanse it from his body - a very rare effigy, Erica confides from the sidelines. Fortunately they've got a spare around, Lord Merman lies confidently. So they can do the ritual! Tonight's the night they destroy the unholy mirror - the curse is bound in the mirror, Raiko elaborates. They'll need the mirror and the cursed - that's him, Alfred - and they'll need to head to the cliffs under the blood moon - very scenic, Erica makes sure to mention. And then they'll address the sea in the language of objects - the sea will provide, he'll see.

But for now, let there be some medicine while they wait for the night! Raiko scurries off to bring back a good helping of 140 proof tonics of a wide variety of intended purposes, and Lord Merman asks the maids to leave them for now, hoping to set the stage for the wonderful evening to come.

Of course, there's still the matter of the bit of floor that Alessa went and dropped the mirror onto. It appears to be quite thoroughly smashed, the hardwood flooring completely ruined. There are some planks on hand which might do the job, perhaps... Erica has a nicer idea though, and heads out to put her chainsaw to good use as she goes out to the grounds to cut down another of the venerable ancient trees so that she can replace a small patch of flooring in the castle. Of course, though the wood is quite venerable indeed, she discovers a little too late that both the grain and the color are a bit wrong. Glaringly wrong, actually. So now she's got a felled tree, a whole lot of sawdust and not much in the way of use for either.

... oh well, suppose she'll make another statue then.

(cont'd next post)
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Harry Baldman

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(cont'd from previous post)

Meanwhile, Alessa and Elizabeth have hatched a rather nefarious scheme while nobody was looking. What they need is something a lot like a will, but different. Something like a donation, really, in that a significant portion of his wealth is to be sent to an address that probably does not exist, but if it did, it would be very near Middenmoor, thus resigning it to a fate of languishing forever in a postbox... unless somebody were to rent it! And then the money would be theirs, all theirs! Now all they need is to channel their inner shysters to draft up the fraudulent documents in question, get Lord Wyer's actual signature on them, then get a barrister fool enough to sign off on it. All three don't seem like overwhelming stretches to accomplish. Only slight stretches. For instance, Alessa can readily believe that Judge Peeble, about the greatest layabout of a judge one can possibly imagine (he's not terribly busy because neither are the constables apart from Junior Constable Murgatroyd Junior, who is fortunately not in the habit of taking prisoners at all), would rule on just about anything in her favor if asked nicely enough. And Lord Wyer should be getting himself incredibly sauced in addition to being bandaged, so getting him to sign off on something shouldn't be overly difficult. As for the documents themselves, well! That's certainly a job for, uh, somebody more skilled in legalese than she.

Raiko, still managing to keep herself on point despite Erica's disappearance, has decided to go with just restoring the floor with the planks on hand, so she meticulously goes about the process of pulling out the broken planks and replacing them with meticulously chosen fragments, producing a patch of flooring that, while not ideal and seamless, manages to pass inspection admirably well, particularly after she varnishes it for good measure to match the rest of the floor.

The relatively peaceful atmosphere back at the mansion is then rather violently interrupted as a high-pitched whine is heard from outside, setting the maids' teeth on edge and disturbing dogs all over town, and even Publican Grape is slightly mystified as a glass he is polishing shatters in his hand suddenly. The maids, alarmed by what could possibly be making such a diabolical noise, gather at the windows.

Oh my. There's Erica. And right next to her is a, er... oh my, is that a statue? That's pretty definitely supposed to be Alessa, and over there's Elizabeth. A little generously sculpted, mind you, but artistic license and all that (forgivable, really, considering both Elizabeth and Alessa don't think Erica's ever seen them out of uniform, so it makes sense her imagination would make up a great deal of the difference). And in the middle between them, that's probably Erica. Of course, only so much room in a tree trunk for a sculpture, so there was something of a need to squeeze them together. Probably a bit closer than originally planned, considering Elizabeth just kind of... snuck in there along the creative process, and Erica had to get a little creative in their configuration to the point where it's sometimes difficult to tell whose hand is really going where, though that kind of ambiguity might really be for the best in a piece like this. The arrangement of interlocking and wrapping legs is in particular an excellent feat of space utilization, all of it done in painstakingly rendered au naturel detail so that an onlooker may easily appreciate the effort that went into the work.

All of this raises several good points. Can you really do that with your tongue, wonders Alessa. She really needs some release, posits Elizabeth. Does she need to, um, talk, Raiko practices asking in her head. What would be a good rhyme for 'luscious lips', Kate considers in a measured way, lifting a quill from paper. IT KEEPS HAPPENING, thinks Erica herself as she recovers from the horror and pushes the statue behind a tree she hasn't cut down yet. Not really the greatest hiding spot, but at least one that shields from immediate prying eyes. That done, she passes an approaching Raiko as she runs back inside. Before she asks, SHE DOES NOT WANT TO RAVISH EVERYONE IN THE CASTLE, DON'T BELIEVE HIS LIES.

All right, supposes Raiko, but- ALL LIES, clarifies Erica. Yes. Verily. And now they shall never speak of this again.

Back inside, the evening starts to approach as the girls get back together, including Kate who seems to have just finished a very productive morning and afternoon of composing somewhere in the order of 23 sonnets about forbidden love of various kinds that will no doubt be of great interest to a literary scholar or two about a century down the line, if not exactly spice up any future school books due to some of the themes and depictions.

Alessa, having seen all that really needed seeing, tries to return to what she and Elizabeth were doing previously, which is to say drafting up a document that could be A) mistaken for a letter and B) have grave financial implications for anyone dumb enough to put their name on it. It's... not going at all well, truth be told. So Alessa decides to ask Erica for help, which Erica is more than happy to provide given that she needs the biggest distraction right about now. So she, Elizabeth and Alessa sit down and engage in a hearty session of conspiring to commit fraud, Erica handling all the actual writing (the secret, you see, is to write key parts in small letters between lines of bigger ones) while Elizabeth follows along and makes sure all the names and such are full and accurate. And in surprisingly short order the work is done - an infernal document, it's true, but plausible enough to fool an inattentive eye!

Right on time, there's a knock at the door, and Erica, putting down the quill, rushes to get it before anyone else. And who should it be but kind old (in his own special way) Abbot Stevenson. He was in the neighborhood, you see. Always good to get a visit from the abbot, no? He tips his hat to the gathered maids before taking it off.

Anyway, the abbot continues, he did come for a reason. Several, in fact. First of all, he confides, he did see a most singular thing up on the hill from the abbey, oh yes indeed. There was this statue, he mentions in a way that makes Erica's blood run cold, and he does believe the subject matter was quite something else entirely. He thought he'd warn the household of potential perverse vandals in the neighborhood.

Figuring this is only about to get worse as her fellow maids eye her, Erica takes the much more preferable option of making a run for it before embarrassment makes her head explode. Abbot Stevenson looks on as she runs off, pausing in his explanation, and there is a moment's silence interspersed with Erica insisting very loudly that she is absolutely not some kind of perverse vandal and that she knows nothing about any of this.

It's very Greek, isn't it, Kate mentions to get the conversation back on track. Abbot Stevenson doesn't quite agree - a bit too ample, very generous with the details in a way he can only describe as altogether immodest. No, no, this is clearly the work of a Romanticist if anything - odd, really, didn't think they went for sculpture mostly. And there is of course the way it very strongly resembles the ladies of the castle, which just makes the whole thing take on an even more disturbing aspect. Kate continues to academically oppose - surely this is a startling rendition of the temptations all young women must resist, immodesty chief among them. The abbot is less convinced, insisting on the important artistic difference between a morality play and a celebration of carnal sin. But really, he lowers his voice as the echoes in the halls grow more distant, Erica having run quite a ways by now, they should honestly be keeping an eye on young Erica. She seems to have certain disturbingly un-Christian tendencies stirring in her, as he's sure the ladies must understand themselves.

Alessa, having a thought, wonders aloud how long the abbot was staring at the statue himself, to be perfectly honest, and the abbot's reply is short and simple - plenty enough to clearly identify it, plenty enough indeed. Another silence comes over the foyer, which prompts the abbot to move on - right, the wine tasting! The abbey is having the annual wine tasting tomorrow, in case anyone forgot (everyone did, really), and the abbot is certain that the townsfolk would be heartbroken if their beloved Lord Merman were to not attend. Is he likely to be in good enough health to come down to the abbey? It promises to be quite the event, with fine wine enough to attract the largest crowds Middenmoor is likely to see these days. The maids promise they'll speak to- wait, they're being terribly rude, did the abbot want to speak with Lord Merman?

Turns out that yes, he would rather enjoy being able to do so. Though he'd really like to avoid Lord Wyer much like any other human being would. It was bad enough when he went through town - they can thank their lucky stars Junior Constable Murgatroyd Junior wasn't in, or the whole thing would have turned unspeakably violent. While he waits, the abbot is escorted over to the dining room, where some decent snacks are provided him (the abbot isn't particularly picky, as one would expect of a humble man of the cloth), and settles in to wait for Lord Merman to come down.

Meanwhile, Alessa walks off to find Erica in the library soliloquizing about the troubles of looking barely over half her actual age (she's 25, for God's sake! six years older than Alessa!), freshly infamous and haunted by lewdness that strikes when least expected. Alessa does seem a little puzzled about this. Really, can one be said to be haunted by lewdness if most of it is created by themselves? Well, unless the devil makes you do it. Then it's a fair cop, she supposes. The situation is made not at all better by the arrival of Kate, who seems to have a few choice sonnets burning a hole in her pocket just for this occasion. Alessa, not seeing any harm in poetry, has a look at one in particular devoted to herself and Kate.

What she's really saying, Alessa begins as she starts reading Kate's poetry, is that Erica really has nothing to worry about - she's fairly sure none of them are particularly into gir- hel-LO, her eyes widen as they pass over a particular line. She's doing what now with her- oh dear. Pausing in her reassuring speech, Alessa goes eerily quiet as she pores over the lines in more detail. Petrarch was probably not quite as direct, she suspects. Or at least less generous with the vernacular. She looks at Kate while Erica nearly goes into an apoplectic fit of embarrassment again. Today is simply not her day. Though, to be fair, neither was yesterday in all honesty.

Yeah, Alessa says as Kate is about to tell her more about the rhyming scheme, okay. Can she keep these? Because these are filth and need to be destroyed, she quickly adds. Kate seems disappointed. She was rather hoping Alessa would help her write more, an idea that Alessa bravely attempts to say no to. Before the atmosphere in here gets any thicker, though, Erica realizes it's about time to start preparing for the ritual, and attempts to skip before anyone gets handsy. Alessa, seeing an opportunity, latches on to Erica like a woman drowning in a sea of innuendo, and the two remove themselves from the premises, followed by Kate as she realizes there's something actually for her to do beyond flexing her Shakespearean proficiency for bawdiness. Together they grab the mirror from downstairs, and Alessa, feeling like she really ought to be somewhere else for a bit, lets Kate and Erica go on outside to deliver it wherever it's supposed to be delivered.

By this point the abbot has finished conferring with Lord Merman, who was fortunately entirely possible to tear away from Lord Wyer, though not without some complaint from the latter, the abbot having secured ready assurances both that the lord will talk to Erica about her unusual proclivities and that he'll absolutely turn up to the wine tasting. Everything necessary being said, the tea finished and the snacks done for, the abbot makes haste in leaving - the dark approaches, and it surely would not do to be out in the dark, would it? Lord Merman agrees - best get back to the abbey, really.

Particularly with what's going to happen next, Lord Merman thinks to himself. Has anybody got a chain, he asks of the nearby maids. Fortunately, Raiko's got one. Has a manacle and everything. Hey, don't look at her like that, it's from cleaning one of the old dungeons. Kate has one too, she feels compelled to mention. Do feel free to look at her like that, though. Right, so they can go get the chains - the master will get Lord Wyer. And he heads off to do just that, only for Elizabeth and Alessa to quickly outrace the still rather infirm man and get there first. For you see, there is much fraud that needs doing, and precious little time to do it in!

Elizabeth goes in first. Insert quip about her being a maid. She's heard it all before. This time, though, she has something to put forth. A duty, in fact. Insert jab at questionable activities with her fellow maids. Sure. There's a letter that he had told the maids to send, she says, and he'd unfortunately forgotten his signature. This does seem to pique his curiosity. He looks at the letter - he's a bit dazed, considerably drunk, and the bandages mean he can't really see too well. And he's still not quite buying it. Time for plan B!

Alessa bursts into the room. Mr. Wyer, she says jubilantly, glorious news! Their resident frisky sculptor Erica, she's created another masterpiece! And it'll be her great pleasure to show the man to it as soon as he's finished with he's doing.

Lord Wyer looks at the letter, then at Alessa, then at Elizabeth. Fuck it, he signs the letter just to get rid of it and runs along after the maid, Elizabeth following in his wake after rolling the letter up and breathing a sigh of relief. Alessa quite joyfully brings Lord Wyer out into the grounds right past a confused Lord Merman, and behind a particular tree the statue awaits, still gloriously entangled and unmistakably embarrassing to his least favorite daughter in the whole wide world. Some nights it's just good to be alive, you know?

Uulwi ifis halahs gag, erh'ongg w'shh, klaatu berata nikto! Did she say that right? Erica does believe she's reading the pronunciation guide right. Okay, and she's supposed to say this... during the ritual, she supposes? The notes are a tad vague. She stands there a moment at the top of a two hundred foot cliff, the restless dark sea beneath, the blood moon coming out as the sun sets. Seems like everything's ready for the ritual, so she heads back and... oh, is that Lord Wyer coming outside with Alessa and Elizabeth? Are they going... wait, they're going in the direction of... whyyyyyy...

As Erica collapses onto the ground in defeat, Alessa is nothing less than absolutely thrilled. Everything worked out better than expected. It's at times like these that a woman can come to appreciate the priceless nature of a shit-eating grin on a man who has no idea of the trouble he's gotten into. And there will be no shortage of hell to pay or Lord Wyer even as he makes his precious little comments about the way the statue seems to have captured Elizabeth's spirit quite well, and toys aloud with the idea of retaining Erica for the express purpose of producing more of these.

At the entrance, right in front of Erica's prone form, stands Lord Merman, ready for the night's festivities. Does everyone know the plan, asks the master. Yes sir, says Erica from the dirt, slowly pulling herself up with a sigh. Excellent, says Lord Merman, is the mirror delivered, the chain ready? Erica confirms this as well, and the incantation has been rehearsed. Raiko shows the chain. Wait, says Kate, not having been here for the briefing near as she can tell, ritual? This is about that weird table thing they had to haul out? Yes, replies the master. There'll be a cultural one-way exchange involved as well. More of a cultural donation, really. Alfred will no doubt be pleased. Keep that chain ready, by the way. And where's the Greater Key? Erica produces it from her sleeve, but after a short explanation the master turns out to be quite interested in watching her perform it, having faith in her as a lovely assistant.

As Lord Wyer walks back toward the castle right into the clutches of the master and his lovely ceremonial crew, Alessa raises a hand to give Elizabeth a much-deserved high-five. Elizabeth waits for the man to go out of earshot and just as happily returns it. And that, Alessa says, is how you do it.

The abominable Count Headwood is led over to the cliffs by Erica, where Lord Merman awaits with floating hair swept by the cliffside winds, animate and prepared. Kate stands by him, covered up rather well for the weather, and Raiko holds a chain silently as the mirror, reflecting the red moon on its surface, lays on the ground before them.

Right, Lord Wyer says in an effort to pierce the rather ominous atmosphere, now to get this curse malarkey done and over with. Will there at least be some ceremony to it? Why, yes, says the master. It just hasn't started yet. Lord Merman leans in to whisper to Raiko - be a dear and attach the chain to the mirror? There's a little hole at the top where it should fit and - yes, just like that.

Anyway, the master says, would Lord Wyer be so kind as to face away from the mirror for the ritual? It doesn't do to look at it while the ritual is being done. Lord Wyer seems quite skeptical. Why is that? He's looking at it right now! Nothing bad's happening, is it? Lord Merman looks a little irritated, and Erica starts the chant, only to be stopped midway through. He patiently stops to tell Alfred to try and play along - wouldn't want him to keep getting messed about by all sorts of things, would he? It always pays to follow the instructions in an occult ritual. Now, is he going to do this right or should they cancel the whole thing? Lord Merman stares him down, managing a little firmness in his eyes. Nothing compared to Erica, mind you, who seems really quite intent on beginning her chant already. Lord Wyer looks between the two of them with a broad scowl on his face, momentarily thinking of resisting before a third glare from Kate causes him to relent. All right, he'll turn around. Though why he needs to be here if they're not going to let him watch is beyond him, honestly. Keep that chant loud and clear, he says, he at least wants to listen to all this. He won't be relegated to a corner so easily. Why, Kate replies, he's the main event really, noticing a puff of slight pride as Lord Wyer clearly seems to agree.

They seem to be getting on all right, Alessa concludes from watching five shadowy figures hanging around on the cliffs, turning to Elizabeth. Right, so that just leaves the final bit, which is getting Judge Peeble to sign off on this garbage. Have to try and spring this on that asshole lord while he's got no chance of ripping it up. Er, she looks at Elizabeth, she meant her dad there. Sorry.

Elizabeth looks back at Alessa blankly. He might be her father, she says, but that does not mean he is a good person.

Uulwi ifis halahs gag, erh'ongg w'shh, klaatu berata nikto! Erica pronounces the chant flawlessly, the sea hanging on her very words, Lord Merman nodding for Raiko to make her move only for Kate to take over, slipping over to Lord Wyer under the cover of phonetically perfect ancient Sumerian, slipping the manacle around the lord's ankle and clamping it shut. The sudden metallic clack and the feeling of cold steel fitting snugly around his ankle makes Lord Wyer look down instinctively. He looks over at those gathered. Hey, what is this?

"I would like to thank sir for participating in this cultural exchange programme," Erica says in a sweetly formal tone, the red moon reflected in her eyes. Kate nods - it's for the man's own safety, she says.

Raiko says nothing. Her eyes merely flash.

"I would also like to take this moment to inform sir that I do not take kindly to insults against my friends or myself," Erica adds, and Lord Wyer is about to open his mouth one more time when an invisible force grabs onto the chain, pulling it taut with the power of a speeding locomotive, the sickening noise of dislocating joints filling the gathering-place as Lord Wyer flies feet first toward the edge, the mirror leading the way down as he drops the full two hundred feet into the rising tide, the black waters parting to accept him with a singular splash, his final sight before the waters close around him being that of little Erica giving a small wave at him from above.

The waters go terribly calm as the sacrifice is mulled over. Is this where the ritual orgy begins, Kate asks. Perhaps later, Lord Merman retorts - for now, Erica! Repeat the chant twice more. And she does, not a single tremor in her voice as she speaks the words and speaks them truly. A tidal wave rises fifty feet high, then drops precipitously as the silent waters recede, carrying the unwelcome guest with them. It's working, says the master.

Congratulations are had as the wave drops and the stars come out above... but also below, the shoreline glittering much like the night sky as starlight glimmers off a collection of gemstones seldom seen in climes such as this, or indeed anywhere in the realms of man. A reward to match the effort made, and the very highest anybody's paid for the likes of one Lord Alfred Wyer, 14th Count Headwood.
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Nakéen

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How could I miss a Maid RPG here ?!

I will just watch on the sidelines, my schedule won't allow me to play.

Hehe, I envy the players. Have fun !
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TheBiggerFish

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*snickering intensifies*
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Sigtext

It has been determined that Trump is an average unladen swallow travelling northbound at his maximum sustainable speed of -3 Obama-cubits per second in the middle of a class 3 hurricane.

Nakéen

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Maid of Bay12 Gaiden -A Slice of Life Fantasy Comedy-

Master :
Mercurius Delpher, oracle of noble birth. Old ruler of the kingdom.

Maids :
Rin Kaenbyou, shinigami with a scythe of maximum edge. The Spy Advisor. (piratejoe)
Morgan Synthesa, albino princess blessed with divine gear. The Captain of the Guard. (Twinwolf)
Cattilyn Lagann, elf-catgirl princess powered by Spiral Energy. Nerissa's Mentor. (Dermonster)

Starting NPC :
Nerissa Delpher, the master's granddaughter. Cute, lovely and pure, she is moe to a fault.
Seras, the novice guard. A young woman overflowing with enthusiasm.
The 9 Palace Guards. An agreeable bunch of loyal competent redshirts.

"You are the maids of the retired ruler of some kingdom whose name you don't really care. The master's name is Mercurius Delpher, and he is better known for his power of premonition."










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« Last Edit: September 20, 2016, 03:50:12 am by Nakéen »
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