.....Which does bring up that we don't actually have any smarts heroes as far as I know... Yikes.
Lillian is pretty intelligent. It's a requirement to be trusted with power armor (that she herself must maintain) AND to be a sniper, of all things.
So how is he going to not get completely and utterly trounced, then?
Guns, probably. I'm looking at your sheet and she doesn't seem to have any abilities that let her survive a bullet to the head, for example. Many heroes and villains do have abilities that let them survive bullets, so my character will probably end up as E-rank at most, and I'm ok with that. I've never played a ludicrously underpowered character before and just trying to survive will probably be a fun activity on its own.
Um, how do I say this without being rude. I normally don't give out critique in a form that isn't simultaneously insulting and hilarious to the receiver.
Your character seems to be generic and unfinished. I don't mean offense by that. However, your character, as it stands, seems very much generic and unfinished for a variety of reasons:
- Firstly, he's not exactly standing out from the already present cast of underpowered heroes (Lillian, Caroline and Kevin). He has no unique characteristics that would make him stand out; if you emphasise his status as a badass normal skilled with guns, for instance, Lillian already does that far better, with justification within her backstory. His underpoweredness is taken much further with Kevin, who does more with the idea because it's woven into his story; as he already starts out weak, he wants to train and so enters Avalon to train himself to become badass. The point being that your character is basically doing what other characters do, but worse. Either give this guy some sort of interesting gimmick that isn't being utterly generic, or if he is going to be generic, my answer to that is below...
- That brings me to the next point; backstory and personality. We know nothing about this guy. Nada. Nil. While it's perfectly acceptable for a character to simply want to attend the Academy without any events in their backstory to drive them to, it has to be made up for in his personality. To be quite frank, you did not; his personality adds up to him being quiet and cleanly, which aren't all that interesting. Moreover, his whole concept is counter to the concept of moving up in ranks, which is an inherent mechanic of the game. All of this adds up to a character who is neither interesting, nor likely to progress in the game as a whole; and if he will be neither, why would anyone be invested in him as a character aside from yourself? If you do insist on a generic gimmick, expand on his other qualities as to give everyone else a reason why they should care about this character.
- My third point is linked, albeit a point I'm not particularly invested in either; mechanics. You're missing two perks, for starters, and of the two you do have, one has no mechanical effect whatsoever. It's the opposite of some other characters; rather than being utterly broken, it does absolutely nothing. Likewise for the abilities; we don't have any idea of what those do at all. They seem more fluff-linked; in this case, most should be omitted and included in his backstory to justify his possession of those skills. Of his current skills, only one seems fit to be on the list at all; the others should be taken for granted,
assuming his backstory supports it.
Overall, the character needs a lot of polish and fixing. As others have already said before, you should read the thread and look at the other sheets for pointers as to how to improve yours, as well as consider expanding what you already have or trimming the extraneous fat. However, it's not at all unsalvageable, so at least you did a better job than a certain few ^_^
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Topic: Blades of Avalon: Road to Rank S (Read 11517 times)