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[MetalSlimeHunt]

Do remember that Asante doesn't have a magical sphere of diplomatic invincibility. If he did shit like leaking NORAD codes or nuclear material the equadorians would drop him like a rotten turd

Somebody didn't pay attention in their Diplomancy classes. Sphere of invincibility is a mid-level skill at best.

[Max™]

I hear Kissinger could cast it as a free action, but yeah, it is good to remember that the US government doesn't do a lot of stuff because it's still kinda in the habit of presenting an image to the rest of the world that we're the big guy making sure the other big guy doesn't get to just decide he wants your lunch money, shoes, and chair.

I mean, yeah, we are known for encouraging some of the other kids to pick fights with certain kids those guys are rooting for, "ooooh, betcha won't smack him in the jaw!" and frankly we're terrible about breaking the squabbles up or providing further encouragement, plus the other big guy had to be hospitalized for a bit there, hasn't really been the same, but deep down we're secretly glad he's back strutting around the playground intimidating the other kids, because we're pretty sure that new exchange student knows kung fu or some shit.

It would be a pretty big hit, not just to our reputation, but to our pride, if we decided start going around straight up Debo'ing stuff from the other kids, nobody could really do anything about it except ask the other big dudes for help, and the idea of getting in a scuffle with our old rival and the new kid grows less appealing every day.

So no worries Ecuador, we're not gonna beat you up over the dude crashing at your pad on the other side of town, I mean, we could... nah, you know what, gimme them shoes!

[mainiac]

Sometimes I get insomnia.  Horrible things happen.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

January 20th, 2017

*Washington, D.C.*
The Secretary of State stammered at the request.  He thought that the new president was joking but the deadly serious look on her face said otherwise.  He was so flustered he tried to stall for time.

"But... madam president this is... shouldn't you be attending the inauguration?  This is highly unusual."
"This is more important then the inauguration, John."
"But... Hillary, today of all days?  Shouldn't you wait to start this until tomorrow when the new Secretary of State takes office?"
"No, John.  I want this finished today.  Before you leave office."
"Madam President, your office requires of you a bit more decorum and prudence then-"
"John, shut up.  You have 20 hours.  Get to work."

---------------
*Quito, Ecuador*

The phone made it to the third ring before the confused man found it in the darkness.
"¿Si?"
There was a pause.
"¿Por que?"
Another, longer pause.
"¿La presa, por que?"
Now the man repeated snatches of the words he heard back
"China da siete...  Kerry dice... uno... ¿por que?"
This time the voice on the telephone was very short and to the point.  The man in the darkness repeated the last word in wonder at it's sudden importance.
"Assange"
He considered the offer but not very long.  Giving that idiot protection was turning out to be amazingly lucrative.  But there was just one last thing...
"¿hoy?"


---------------
*Beijing, China*

"Hello my new friend.  I'm sure you remember my new assistant Qiáng whose father is such a dear friend of your CEO.  Qiáng was kind enough to bring my attention to the wonderful work that your company is doing in Qatar.  I just want to give my sincere apologies to you about any protests the British and French raised over those workers who died at your site.  The American government understands how earnestly you try to take care of your workers and that these things happens.  I am told that the new president herself is already planning to say so in an upcoming speech.  Now please forgive me for continuing to discuss business but I am in a terrible hurry.  The USAID wishes to help you in your humanitarian work of providing clean renewable energy to the world.  USAID is eager to help you in this by underwriting your twelve billion yuan investment in Ecuador.  Yes it has to be the investment in Ecuador."
"I am terribly, terribly sorry that I must hurry you along but I am forced into the utmost haste.  You wouldn't need to worry about objections from your government if this money were made available to you worldwide.  For instance what if your company had access to capital even in California where you could visit your daughter as she attends CalTech.  Are you sure she hasn't applied to CalTech?  I think a bright young student like her is exactly the kind of student CalTech would be delighted to admit.  I am told that the Secretary of State has personally praised your daughter to the dean of admissions.  Yes, many fourteen year olds become students at CalTech."

------------
*Dulles Airport*

The Secretary of State was amazed that he would be leaving Washington on today of all days.  That alone would be enough to create a week of press gossip.  Of course that wouldn't matter when news broke of the deal he had just cobbled together.  It was a horrible frankensteins monster of a deal but he had done it and he was oddly proud of that.  Now he just needed to make it down to Quito to sign.  Correa had insisted the nobody less then the SoS sign the new contract.  The man was still not convinced this wasn't all a convoluted hoax.  For that matter, Kerry himself still wasn't sure what was going on.  Oh well, he'd piece together the fragments of memory tomorrow when he didn't have this job anymore.  He pulled out the legal boilerplate contract that lawyers had frantically tossed together in the past few hours and started to read the unbelievably generous offer he was bringing to Ecuador.  It would probably go down in history as Kerry's Folly.  Well that's after Donald Trump stopped talking about how it was open bribery and a horrible deal, just the most unbelievably bad deal ever.  Which, to be fair, it was.

-----------
*London, England*

The international man of extraordinary talents was shaken awake just minutes before midnight.  He was confused at first but then his dazed eyes discerned a figure brandishing a gun at him.  The neoliberal order had penetrated his refuge.  But the man was wearing an Ecuadorian uniform.  The prisoner confusedly related a question in broken spanish to the man he thought was his friend.
"I speak english, puta.  I work at the embassy in London.  How do you think I dont speak english?  I just never want to talk to you because you are culo to everyone here.  So no speako englisho you dumbo australiano.  But that doesn't matter now.  You are getting up now.  You are going to be off our embassy before midnight or we shoot you."

Minutes later a shoeless man was shoved across the threshold of the embassy and left Ecuador for the United Kingdom.  He was immediately surrounded by half a dozen metro police.  One of them had a watch out and read out the time.
"Eleven fifty seven.  Just before midnight, for what it's worth."

-----------
*Washington, D.C.*

The new president smiled as she looked out over the ballroom full of people celebrating her inaugeration.  That was sweet but even sweeter was the message that had just been whispered in her ear.  Three minutes to spare.  She turned towards her husband and drapped her arms around his neck then leaned in like a lover.  "I win the bet, Bill.  And you are going to wear something very special for me when you do what you promised.  Everyone thought it disappeared twenty years ago but I've just been hiding it, waiting for the right moment to tell you that I have... the dress."

[MetalSlimeHunt]

I hear Kissinger could cast it as a free action, but yeah, it is good to remember that the US government doesn't do a lot of stuff because it's still kinda in the habit of presenting an image to the rest of the world that we're the big guy making sure the other big guy doesn't get to just decide he wants your lunch money, shoes, and chair.

I mean, yeah, we are known for encouraging some of the other kids to pick fights with certain kids those guys are rooting for, "ooooh, betcha won't smack him in the jaw!" and frankly we're terrible about breaking the squabbles up or providing further encouragement, plus the other big guy had to be hospitalized for a bit there, hasn't really been the same, but deep down we're secretly glad he's back strutting around the playground intimidating the other kids, because we're pretty sure that new exchange student knows kung fu or some shit.

It would be a pretty big hit, not just to our reputation, but to our pride, if we decided start going around straight up Debo'ing stuff from the other kids, nobody could really do anything about it except ask the other big dudes for help, and the idea of getting in a scuffle with our old rival and the new kid grows less appealing every day.

So no worries Ecuador, we're not gonna beat you up over the dude crashing at your pad on the other side of town, I mean, we could... nah, you know what, gimme them shoes!

The idea is something that I've seen done in alternate history a couple of times, probably most prominently Stewart Slade's The Big One, where the UK and USSR get ravaged and the US ends up ending WWII by nuking Germany into oblivion. Cue realization of sole superpower status and gradual attempt at world conquest. It's kind of disturbing, because the US doesn't stop being recognizably the US or anything but foreign policy turns into "obey or die in nuclear armageddon".

[Max™]

Well that's a bright cheery outcome, like thermonuclear inferno bright and cheery.

Sometimes I get insomnia.  Horrible things happen.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

January 20th, 2017

*Washington, D.C.*
The Secretary of State stammered at the request.  He thought that the new president was joking but the deadly serious look on her face said otherwise.  He was so flustered he tried to stall for time.

"But... madam president this is... shouldn't you be attending the inauguration?  This is highly unusual."
"This is more important then the inauguration, John."
"But... Hillary, today of all days?  Shouldn't you wait to start this until tomorrow when the new Secretary of State takes office?"
"No, John.  I want this finished today.  Before you leave office."
"Madam President, your office requires of you a bit more decorum and prudence then-"
"John, shut up.  You have 20 hours.  Get to work."

---------------
*Quito, Ecuador*

The phone made it to the third ring before the confused man found it in the darkness.
"¿Si?"
There was a pause.
"¿Por que?"
Another, longer pause.
"¿La presa, por que?"
Now the man repeated snatches of the words he heard back
"China da siete...  Kerry dice... uno... ¿por que?"
This time the voice on the telephone was very short and to the point.  The man in the darkness repeated the last word in wonder at it's sudden importance.
"Assange"
He considered the offer but not very long.  Giving that idiot protection was turning out to be amazingly lucrative.  But there was just one last thing...
"¿hoy?"


---------------
*Beijing, China*

"Hello my new friend.  I'm sure you remember my new assistant Qiáng whose father is such a dear friend of your CEO.  Qiáng was kind enough to bring my attention to the wonderful work that your company is doing in Qatar.  I just want to give my sincere apologies to you about any protests the British and French raised over those workers who died at your site.  The American government understands how earnestly you try to take care of your workers and that these things happens.  I am told that the new president herself is already planning to say so in an upcoming speech.  Now please forgive me for continuing to discuss business but I am in a terrible hurry.  The USAID wishes to help you in your humanitarian work of providing clean renewable energy to the world.  USAID is eager to help you in this by underwriting your twelve billion yuan investment in Ecuador.  Yes it has to be the investment in Ecuador."
"I am terribly, terribly sorry that I must hurry you along but I am forced into the utmost haste.  You wouldn't need to worry about objections from your government if this money were made available to you worldwide.  For instance what if your company had access to capital even in California where you could visit your daughter as she attends CalTech.  Are you sure she hasn't applied to CalTech?  I think a bright young student like her is exactly the kind of student CalTech would be delighted to admit.  I am told that the Secretary of State has personally praised your daughter to the dean of admissions.  Yes, many fourteen year olds become students at CalTech."

------------
*Dulles Airport*

The Secretary of State was amazed that he would be leaving Washington on today of all days.  That alone would be enough to create a week of press gossip.  Of course that wouldn't matter when news broke of the deal he had just cobbled together.  It was a horrible frankensteins monster of a deal but he had done it and he was oddly proud of that.  Now he just needed to make it down to Quito to sign.  Correa had insisted the nobody less then the SoS sign the new contract.  The man was still not convinced this wasn't all a convoluted hoax.  For that matter, Kerry himself still wasn't sure what was going on.  Oh well, he'd piece together the fragments of memory tomorrow when he didn't have this job anymore.  He pulled out the legal boilerplate contract that lawyers had frantically tossed together in the past few hours and started to read the unbelievably generous offer he was bringing to Ecuador.  It would probably go down in history as Kerry's Folly.  Well that's after Donald Trump stopped talking about how it was open bribery and a horrible deal, just the most unbelievably bad deal ever.  Which, to be fair, it was.

-----------
*London, England*

The international man of extraordinary talents was shaken awake just minutes before midnight.  He was confused at first but then his dazed eyes discerned a figure brandishing a gun at him.  The neoliberal order had penetrated his refuge.  But the man was wearing an Ecuadorian uniform.  The prisoner confusedly related a question in broken spanish to the man he thought was his friend.
"I speak english, puta.  I work at the embassy in London.  How do you think I dont speak english?  I just never want to talk to you because you are culo to everyone here.  So no speako englisho you dumbo australiano.  But that doesn't matter now.  You are getting up now.  You are going to be off our embassy before midnight or we shoot you."

Minutes later a shoeless man was shoved across the threshold of the embassy and left Ecuador for the United Kingdom.  He was immediately surrounded by half a dozen metro police.  One of them had a watch out and read out the time.
"Eleven fifty seven.  Just before midnight, for what it's worth."

-----------
*Washington, D.C.*

The new president smiled as she looked out over the ballroom full of people celebrating her inaugeration.  That was sweet but even sweeter was the message that had just been whispered in her ear.  Three minutes to spare.  She turned towards her husband and drapped her arms around his neck then leaned in like a lover.  "I win the bet, Bill.  And you are going to wear something very special for me when you do what you promised.  Everyone thought it disappeared twenty years ago but I've just been hiding it, waiting for the right moment to tell you that I have... the dress."

Well played.

[BorkBorkGoesTheCode]

It's official, Maniac's Republican.

[RedKing]

It's official, Maniac's Republican.

It's part of an exchange program. We sent him over and got Glenn Beck in return (who, while not exactly endorsing Clinton, has come out full-stop in saying that Trump must be stopped, even if that means Clinton becomes President).

[Strife26]

America squandered our chance at global hegemony after the USSR collapsed, and while that's probably a good thing, there's a lot of problems we're facing today that a US-dominated world could stave off. Space debris mitigation, for example, would be the much simpler task of rigorous controls on space combined with a ground-based laser for deorbiting defunct or troublesome objects.

[mainiac]

It's official, Maniac's Republican.

Por que?

[Sheb]

It's official, Maniac's Republican.

Por que?

You made up a ridiculous conspiracy theory on Clinton?

[mainiac]

It was a fanfic.

Anyways: https://twitter.com/palynathisway/status/785587376139571200

[RedKing]

America squandered our chance at global hegemony after the USSR collapsed, and while that's probably a good thing, there's a lot of problems we're facing today that a US-dominated world could stave off. Space debris mitigation, for example, would be the much simpler task of rigorous controls on space combined with a ground-based laser for deorbiting defunct or troublesome objects.

Not to mention creating the best job in the history of mankind.

"What do you do for a living?"
"I blast space junk with a laser."

[Karnewarrior]

America squandered our chance at global hegemony after the USSR collapsed, and while that's probably a good thing, there's a lot of problems we're facing today that a US-dominated world could stave off. Space debris mitigation, for example, would be the much simpler task of rigorous controls on space combined with a ground-based laser for deorbiting defunct or troublesome objects.

Not to mention creating the best job in the history of mankind.

"What do you do for a living?"
"I blast space junk with a laser."

Asteroids, IRL edition.

[misko27]

https://twitter.com/palynathisway/status/785587376139571200

Purge.

[PTTG??]

At the age of 164, the Republican party died today after long illness. It is survived by its heir, the Libertarian Party, and its illegitimate child, the Tea Party.