Trump can't be Mordor, Mordor is much older than Trump
Trump is more of a Saruman
Started off as a wizard of the land, but grew to covet the power of the White House for himself. Planning to ally himself with the Republicans so that he may one day usurp them and take control of the Party for himself, Trump used his ability to sway vast numbers of unlikely allies (wild men of Dunland will rise again, marching Uruk-Hai circumvent expected strategy, Wormtongue plants navigate and undermine enemy campaigns, Moria Orcs scurry in the mountains paralyzing communications) and climb his way to the top. Only player willing to betray both established sides of establishment Republicans and Democrats, his attempt at recruiting the Zodiac Wizard Gandalf backfired tremendously,
plans foiled by eagles,
and his downfall will be caused by ignoring climate change. Oh yeah, and also has the dankest memes taken to Isengard
Hillary Clinton is more of a Denethor
Appointed steward of Gondor, Hillary's usage of the Palantir in aggressive foreign diplomacy versus Sauron aged her tremendously (with her decision to store her dealings on public palantiri causing her immense grief and despair), would much rather be the King than the steward (besieged on all sides running Gondor, with all credit going to the more charismatic
Aragorn Obama, endlessly criticized for security lapses in
Benghazi Osgiliath. Despite the Berning beacons of Gondor having been lit, she expects no help to come from the millennials of Rohan.
Barack Obama is more of an Aragorn
Receiving a quality education at an Elrond-league University, Obama wandered the lands serving in the armies of others until at last embarking on a grand campaign towards retaking his own crown. Entering the senate with a landslide support from the path of the dead (also known as Illinois), Obama gained enough support to gain the crown of Gondor, but despite gaining immediate fame, power and popularity, delayed his attempt until the great threat of the Bush dynasty was defeated so as to avoid destroying the Democrat party with questions of legitimacy and pretenders. Occasionally marred by those questioning his birth certificate and whether he actually descends from Isildur.
Bernie Sanders is more of a Gandalf the grey
Messing with powers far more powerful than he can imagine, he is likely to be eaten by Balrogs of Morgoth and will become entirely dependent upon the efforts of his pipe smoking millennial hobbits to finish his job for him. No one really listens to him and he gets bullied by both Denethor and Saruman, probably going to retire and blaze it with Tom Bombadil after this shit all ends.
Jeb Bush is Thorin Oakenshield
Expected to become King, being the last of a once powerful dynasty, despite vast sums of wealth and powerful allies to his name, only about a dozen people support him in the end whilst vastly superior armies battle around his vestigial power. Fond of turtling and turtles. Oblivious to the damage he caused to Dale.
Mordor is the USA
Surrounded on all sides by impassable geographical barriers, it is unassailable to enemies (except when hobbits melt steel beams). It is a Shangri-La to everyone across the world, be they Orc, Elvish, Arachnid, Dead, Trolls or Man, provided everyone accept rule of Sauronic law. With absolute economic, military and cultural dominance of Middle Earth, it launches disciplined assaults, regime changes, nazgul strikes and so on. In spite of that, it is also the only power in Middle Earth willing to use diplomacy/gifts to get its enemies to become allies, or get allies to fight its enemies for it. With vast tracts of fertile volcanic land, mineral rich mines, hard working humanoids, industrial forges and strong security, Mordor is heaven on earth, but is portrayed in Elvish media as a ruinous wasteland of death. Leadership runs in the hands of a select few, and removing them is rather meaningless as their ilk never really go away.
The one ring is the 1%
Some want to use it to subjugate the other peoples
Some want to use it fight their enemies
Some want to use it to be majestic, just rulers
Some are scared to use it, because they would become talented tyrants
Its power is undeniable, supreme
It doesn't want to be wielded and will regularly cause the demise of its master
It is fought for by everyone, everywhere, always
It seemingly exists outside of the physical realm everyone lives in
It uses its master, shapes its master, marks its master with continual use
So many people want to destroy it, but no one knows how
Leaving it alone is no defence, it will find new masters
Author
Topic: Doc Helgoland's Asylum for the Politically American: T+0 (Read 1422102 times)