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[Rolan7]

1) It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?

Damn, I hate expensive gifts.  Particularly nice ones.  Now I have to reciprocate.

2) You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?

Encourage his interest in science, but investigate his possible sadism.  Might be some trauma there.

3) You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm.

Uggh.  Wait for it to take off.  Carefully shake arm if it gets comfortable.

4) You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl. You show it to your wife. She likes it so much, she hangs it on your bedroom wall. The girlis lying on a bearskin rug.

Huh, cool I guess.  Hang up a picture from my wife's porn.  Never let our sadistic son into the room.

5) You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on it's back. The tortoise lays on it's back, it's belly baking in the hot sun, beating it's legs trying to turn it'self over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?

What, no.  No.  Why?  No!

6) Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.

Tortoise

7) You become pregnant by a man who runs off with your best friend, and you decide to get an abortion.

It's a miracle!  Screw being a single parent, though.

8) One more question: You're watching a stage play - a banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled dog stuffed with rice. The raw oysters are less acceptable to you than a dish of boiled dog.

Damn straight they are.  Even before I became allergic, oysters were meh.  Boiled dog and rice sounds awesome.

[TempAcc]

1) It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?

2) You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?

3) You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm.

4) You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl. You show it to your wife. She likes it so much, she hangs it on your bedroom wall. The girlis lying on a bearskin rug.

5) You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on it's back. The tortoise lays on it's back, it's belly baking in the hot sun, beating it's legs trying to turn it'self over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?

6) Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.

7) You become pregnant by a man who runs off with your best friend, and you decide to get an abortion.

8) One more question: You're watching a stage play - a banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled dog stuffed with rice. The raw oysters are less acceptable to you than a dish of boiled dog.

1)  Aww thats nice, it'd be good If I could have eaten part of the calf too, but its nice. Thank this benevolent person;

2)  Ask kid if he ever heard of japanese bug fights. Show him some youtube videos to get him interested;

3)  Slap wasp away. Pursue it until its killed. This is my territory and its my natural right to defend it, you useless insect;

4)  Hah, I knew you were part lesbian. Make jokes about this at least a few times every week. Love gf even more due to it;

5)  Might get cooked enough to be edible. Sorry tortoise. You were prob a jerk anyway, most tortoises are;

6)  Clairvoyance, food, resilient, nice;

7)  Lol that dweeb, now I have a minion I can raise to kill him, plus I can sue him for monies, and I don't even need to pay a lawyer since I am one :v!;

8 )  Oysters are terrible for you anyway, specially if they're raw. Still, the dog would be better roasted than boiled.

[mainiac]

According to my analysis...

Rolan is a third technician in a group of miners who was abandoned in a seedy bar as a child and dreams of retiring to Fiji.

TempAcc is a tenured physicist  at the University of Maryland who is doing groundbreaking research in dark matter.  He is currently mourning the death of a close friend who spontaneously combusted.  (Or was it spontaneous after all?)

[MetalSlimeHunt]

The research was into the use of dark matter to remotely assess personality traits. Unfortunately, it finds being used in this manner insulting.

[birdy51]

Birdy is a 62 year old black man in Alaska who is employed making sage announcements to white people feeling self doubt for the first time in their lives.

I wish to substitute this reality for my own. That sounds like the kind of man I should strive to become!

The research was into the use of dark matter to remotely assess personality traits. Unfortunately, it finds being used in this manner insulting.

Dark matter really needs to get over itself. Sometimes, we're meant for something more than wanton energy production. It needs to accept it's reality as a back seat psychologist!

[TheBiggerFish]

That actually sounds kinda cool.  The job description, that is.

He just needs to sound like Morgan Freeman.

[NullForceOmega]

NullForceOmega is an immortal neanderthal who has been an amnesiac for the past 5000 years.

Sigg'd.

[Starver]

Dark matter really needs to get over itself. Sometimes, we're meant for something more than wanton energy production. It needs to accept it's reality as a back seat psychologist!

#DarkMatterLives #BaryonicOppression #NeutrinosNotNeutral

[nenjin]

The state of the elections don't interest me atm and I lack the ability to define myself, so I am jumping on this bandwagon.

1) It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
Rub it against my face while cooing.

2) You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
Show him how to rig them with tiny wires so he can make their wings flap and freak out his classmates at school during show and tell.

3) You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm.
Blow on him gently to encourage him to move on.

4) You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl. You show it to your wife. She likes it so much, she hangs it on your bedroom wall. The girlis lying on a bearskin rug.

Buy a ceiling mirror, and rig the bed with a motorized, belt driven system so it spins.

5) You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on it's back. The tortoise lays on it's back, it's belly baking in the hot sun, beating it's legs trying to turn it'self over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?

Turtles killed my parents.

6) Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.

Driven, quick to anger, quick to forgive, protective.

7) You become pregnant by a man who runs off with your best friend, and you decide to get an abortion.

There's no question here but....eat the placenta, I guess?

8) One more question: You're watching a stage play - a banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled dog stuffed with rice. The raw oysters are less acceptable to you than a dish of boiled dog.
Again, not a question. Based on the statement though, I am an oyster.

[Elephant Parade]

1) It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?

Confusion—I already have a wallet, and it's an awfully strange birthday present to give.

2) You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?

I ask him to stop killing butterflies just for fun, and suggest taking photos of them, instead.

3) You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm.

I freak out.

4) You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl. You show it to your wife. She likes it so much, she hangs it on your bedroom wall. The girlis lying on a bearskin rug.

What am I supposed to respond to?

5) You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on it's back. The tortoise lays on it's back, it's belly baking in the hot sun, beating it's legs trying to turn it'self over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?

I guess I'm probably dying of dehydration or something? Maybe I'm starving.

6) Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.

Smart, creative.

7) You become pregnant by a man who runs off with your best friend, and you decide to get an abortion.

...Yes? This isn't a question. I'd probably be upset about it, I guess.

8) One more question: You're watching a stage play - a banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled dog stuffed with rice. The raw oysters are less acceptable to you than a dish of boiled dog.

Maybe I'm really squeamish about raw meat?

[Max™]

[TRANSLATED_FROM_RUSSIAN]Greetings Comradeski, while I am troubling by difficult choice of new name, most name of Russian womans I know is from movingsexypicturenets, am consider remain Max, as can be good womans name also, strong name, strong like potato. Will now ask very confused womans I love like my own potato if answers can be give, in pink.[/TFR]
1) It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
I'm annoyed, I don't carry a wallet, unless it has cash or drugs inside, then it's less annoying.
Thank you.
2) You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
Wonder where I got this little boy from, for one thing...
Have a serious talk about the killing jar, or have a chit-chat about it at least.
3) You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm.
What kind of wasp?
Smack it off as fast as I can.
4) You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl. You show it to your wife. She likes it so much, she hangs it on your bedroom wall. The girl is lying on a bearskin rug.
Well that's just improbable, maybe if it was Burt Reynolds on a bearskin rug.
I don't know if I'd want her to hang it on the wall, but I appreciate the sentiment.
5) You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on it's back. The tortoise lays on it's back, it's belly baking in the hot sun, beating it's legs trying to turn it'self over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?
That tortoise killed the good twin, obviously.
I have every intention to, but it's cute and funny, for a minute. It's not like I'm gonna let it bake.
6) Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.
Lifegiver, teacher, hilarious.
Selfless, caring, nurturing, and attentive.
7) You become pregnant by a man who runs off with your best friend, and you decide to get an abortion.
Setting aside the biological difficulties here, that's a waste of a delicious baby.
Do I?
8) One more question: You're watching a stage play - a banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled dog stuffed with rice. The raw oysters are less acceptable to you than a dish of boiled dog.
Oysters are disgusting, boiled dog is less disgusting, also see answer #7.
I'm not gonna eat a boiled dog.

[Baffler]

Ah, what the hell.

1) It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?

Thank them enthusiastically, but not too enthusiastically. Throw it on the pile with the others.

2) You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?

If the collection is impressive, tell him so. If not, tell him the 'killing jar' is metal as fuck. He's young enough to believe it.

3) You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm.

Smack with extreme prejudice.

4) You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl. You show it to your wife. She likes it so much, she hangs it on your bedroom wall. The girlis lying on a bearskin rug.

See about getting a bearskin rug. There may be some interesting subtext here.

5) You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on it's back. The tortoise lays on it's back, it's belly baking in the hot sun, beating it's legs trying to turn it'self over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?

Before I help it, the tortoise must understand the magnitude of its treachery.

6) Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.

Mother.

7) You become pregnant by a man who runs off with your best friend, and you decide to get an abortion.

Is very sad story, but there are certain biological difficulties. I ensure it isn't just gas before scheduling an appointment.

8) One more question: You're watching a stage play - a banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled dog stuffed with rice. The raw oysters are less acceptable to you than a dish of boiled dog.

False? Both are disgusting in their own special way but the dog is at least less likely to make the diners sick.

[nenjin]

Maybe maniac needs to start an "Submit yourself for testing thread." I think he got more than he bargained for with this schtick.

[Max™]

[TFR]Are you crazies? Is much better than rowdy complain about politicalbeasts.[/TFR]

[Rolepgeek]

Well obviously, but this thread is meant to corral the rowdybeast. If it no longer serves as the place where I can feel haughtily superior to my peers on the internet, I'll have to get my fix elsewhere.