1) It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
It's bittersweet, as I finally have cause to replace my massively outdated wallet with a chain on it, but it's become such an icon of what a shitlord I am that I sort of want to keep it.
2) You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
Explain to the little boy that his actions are proof of the inherent superiority of the human race over other forms of life, and how we shall claim the stars in fire and blood.
3) You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm.
GUAH FUCK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-4) You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl. You show it to your wife. She likes it so much, she hangs it on your bedroom wall. The girlis lying on a bearskin rug.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHI have a wife? Who are you? What are you doing in my house? Go away. No you can't stay here. Well, maybe. Wow, ok, you're kind of a freak lady, this poster was just the tip of the iceberg. Heh, tip. No, I can't write that on the forum. Personal space, please. I...I mean....fine, you can stay. What was your name again?
5) You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on it's back. The tortoise lays on it's back, it's belly baking in the hot sun, beating it's legs trying to turn it'self over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?
You idiot. In this world, it's kill or
be killed. Who would pass up an opportunity like this?
6) Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.
Passionate, dedicated, introverted, chitinous, loyal.
7) You become pregnant by a man who runs off with your best friend, and you decide to get an abortion.
Finally, the world will find out whether or not abortions are treated as valid blood sacrifice. The cause of science is greater than that FUCKING TRAITOR PIG BASTARD.
8) One more question: You're watching a stage play - a banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled dog stuffed with rice. The raw oysters are less acceptable to you than a dish of boiled dog.
That's not a question, see me after class. p.s. bring the oysters
p.p.s. ;
)