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[Sam Polson]

Hi everyone. I'm dealing with loneliness and I would like not to deal with that. I wish I had someone willing to talk to me and try to build some trust. I don't know how. All my numerous attempts have failed. Need help with that.

[Urist McScoopbeard]

Hi everyone. I'm dealing with loneliness and I would like not to deal with that. I wish I had someone willing to talk to me and try to build some trust. I don't know how. All my numerous attempts have failed. Need help with that.

Well, thou art approaching it all wrong, friend. You gotta find friends you want to spend time or do stuff with. Then, things might start to pick up for you. Of course, you can have friends and be lonely. Loneliness is just a part of the human experience, but when find a group of people to do something with it's a little better. It's important to just keep it up in terms of making friends, it takes people time before they become friends. For me, it can take me months before I see someone as a friend, and sometimes the people I hate the most end up my best friends. The point is go make some friends.

[nenjin]

Online gaming is a good way to work slowly into being less lonely. Find a good group of players who use voice chat, as it makes a world of difference in feeling connected. Faceless communication is different than face-to-face but it's a quick, easy and mostly costless way to get some cheap companionship. And you can have fun at the same time too.

I guess that'd be me my cautionary advice to you. Simply not wanting to be alone is not a great motivation for someone to hang out with you. Shared interests, shared activities are the lubricant of friendships.

[Sam Polson]

Well, I tried that and many other things as well, and none of them worked. I thought something along charity lines. You know, if some people ready to send money on those who need it, maybe there are people who wouldn't mind to talk to lonely persons? I hope that's not too much to ask, because who knows, maybe giving away money is much easier than have an internet chat.

[Trapezohedron]

I don't see how money can lubricate your loneliness problem.

You can have all the cash in the world, and still no one to genuinely respect you.

If that isn't what you were implying in your post, might you detail more about the charity lines?

If you can't go out to find friends, or don't have IRL friends, you'll have to go to roleplaying forums, be an active forumite here or there, play an online game and develop rapport. You can't just force it; that said going online gaming might be a step in the right direction to at least fend it off.

Beware of the trap that is escapism though; gaming too much may result in your numbness for reality and your non-participation in very important activities in real life.

[BorkBorkGoesTheCode]

Well, I tried that and many other things as well, and none of them worked. I thought something along charity lines. You know, if some people ready to send money on those who need it, maybe there are people who wouldn't mind to talk to lonely persons? I hope that's not too much to ask, because who knows, maybe giving away money is much easier than have an internet chat.

I don't see how money can lubricate your loneliness problem.

You can have all the cash in the world, and still no one to genuinely respect you.

If that isn't what you were implying in your post, might you detail more about the charity lines?

If you can't go out to find friends, or don't have IRL friends, you'll have to go to roleplaying forums, be an active forumite here or there, play an online game and develop rapport. You can't just force it; that said going online gaming might be a step in the right direction to at least fend it off.

Beware of the trap that is escapism though; gaming too much may result in your numbness for reality and your non-participation in very important activities in real life.

I think Sam Poulson meant something like 1-800-talk-with-a-lonely-person.

[Sam Polson]

I don't see how money can lubricate your loneliness problem.

You can have all the cash in the world, and still no one to genuinely respect you.

If that isn't what you were implying in your post, might you detail more about the charity lines?

If you can't go out to find friends, or don't have IRL friends, you'll have to go to roleplaying forums, be an active forumite here or there, play an online game and develop rapport. You can't just force it; that said going online gaming might be a step in the right direction to at least fend it off.

Beware of the trap that is escapism though; gaming too much may result in your numbness for reality and your non-participation in very important activities in real life.

People who run charity... they give their money to those in need, right? Well, I'd like to have a charity that way: people who run charity will give their time to talk with lonely persons, such as myself. Instead of money, they will talk.
And I thought about doing roleplay with someone, though it's kinda hard to find long-term players.

[nenjin]

Well, I tried that and many other things as well, and none of them worked.

Why didn't they work? You say a lot of stuff doesn't work but you don't explain why.

You could always volunteer your time at a homeless shelter or food bank. My dad made me do that when I was 15, I hated it. Initially. But then I started helping people and that felt pretty good, and getting to know my coworkers, and it turned out to be a pretty fulfilling experience.

Do you have a job? Jobs are a quick way to find a social circle.

I'll be honest you: you seem desperate. Which is understandable. But desperate makes you look like a charity case and you don't get genuine social contact doing that. You get pity, which is like giving a starving man a single potato chip. It will keep them going but it won't solve their hunger. You need to be less desperate because truly, people pick up on this stuff. Perhaps that's why many of your other attempts have failed...because people can pick up on how desperate you are and that ultimately drives them away.

I truly believe you have to like being around yourself before you can expect anyone else to like being around you.

[Sam Polson]

Well, I tried that and many other things as well, and none of them worked.

Why didn't they work? You say a lot of stuff doesn't work but you don't explain why.

You could always volunteer your time at a homeless shelter or food bank. My dad made me do that when I was 15, I hated it. Initially. But then I started helping people and that felt pretty good, and getting to know my coworkers, and it turned out to be a pretty fulfilling experience.

Do you have a job? Jobs are a quick way to find a social circle.

I'll be honest you: you seem desperate. Which is understandable. But desperate makes you look like a charity case and you don't get genuine social contact doing that. You get pity, which is like giving a starving man a single potato chip. It will keep them going but it won't solve their hunger. You need to be less desperate because truly, people pick up on this stuff. Perhaps that's why many of your other attempts have failed...because people can pick up on how desperate you are and that ultimately drives them away.

I truly believe you have to like being around yourself before you can expect anyone else to like being around you.

Well, if that's tru, I won't ever get anyone to talk to.

[NRDL]

Negative self talk ain't the answer.  Believe in yourself, whether it's true belief or forced fake belief, it doesn't matter, it IS needed.  To get a start, and to make any sort of change. 

[TheBiggerFish]

...
*hugpats*

Go out and talk to people.  Find something you like doing and do it.

What have you tried?

[Sam Polson]

Well, for starters, thanks everyone who replied. You already did much more than I used to recieve.
I believe that I really need someone to talk to and that I'm a kind and compassionate person.
I tried to post on forums, tried to directly send messages, tried to get know people more from fandoms... I don't know, feels like I tried everything.

[TheBiggerFish]

There's your problem.  You need people in real life.

[Sam Polson]

There's your problem.  You need people in real life.

People in real life have drastically different lifestyles, purposes, desires, etc. than me. I'm kinda of an odd one around here. So finding people in the web is much more likely.

[TheBiggerFish]

Well, you could always try joining some forum games.