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[ZM5]

Having recently got a look inside an active NASA facility, they did not indeed have especially new or strong-looking computers. The control rooms and such probably do, but those aren't very portable.

What were you doing inside of an active NASA facility?
...were you trying to nuke the world and replace humans with dwarves again?

How would one do that? Fire a bunch of rockets into extremely low orbit and not tell anyone, and let whatever happens happen?

No, no, no. You get a bunch of people with dwarfism, make them eat mushrooms and like them, do the same with booze, beards, and living underground. Wait until they dig themselves a self - sufficient undergouund city, and then nuke everything.
Result: world populated only by dwarves.

I sorta want to question the purpose of doing this, but this is Bay 12 after all.

[Reudh]

Having recently got a look inside an active NASA facility, they did not indeed have especially new or strong-looking computers. The control rooms and such probably do, but those aren't very portable.

That's partially due to the fact that upgrading is likely to throw some systems out of action for a period of time, coupled with the fact that most viruses and hacking attempts are targeted at modern OSes, and thus older, more basic UNIX systems are probably less vulnerable.

[Aseaheru]

 Not sure if I would call Unix more basic at this point. Less shiny, sure.

[Mr Frog]

Sorry for the lack of update. FPS is really bad (floating around 20 at best, and getting worse and worse). Gonna try to force out a final update tomorrow (comprising the end of autumn) and upload the save. Didn't want to abort my turn midway, but it's getting pretty unpleasant for me to play on top of me generally running out of creative energy.

[Mr Frog]

Finished Autumn. Final update and save up sometime tonight.

[Splint]

I've missed the past two updates for the archive, right?

Additionally, since Swordbro has proven solidly entertaining, I'll mark you as a finished turn Mr Frog.

[Mr Frog]

15 Sandstone 319

So, bruh. Since I'm a MOTHERFUCKING GENIUS, I got to thinking, because that's what geniuses do, bro. And while I was thinking, I thought, "What other MOTHERFUCKING GENIUS shit could I do for this fort?"

And that's when it hit me, bro. Copper equipment isn't the best, dude. Our soldiers are gonna take a pounding. But what if... THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO? Pretty good question, right? And so I was all, "dude, I will FIND A FUCKING ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION".
   Shit was wild, bro. Ideafications flew through my head like things that fly through people's heads. Perpetual motion machines and world-fucking devicifications, dude. And then it hit me. We have mugs, we have boxes. What if we PUT THE MUGS IN THE BOXES and then PUT THE BOXES ON WHEELS and then ROCKETED THEM AT DUDES AT SUPERFUCKERAL SPEEDS? EXCEPT WHAT IF INSTEAD OF BOXES WITH WHEELS WE PUT THEM IN MINECARTS SINCE THAT'S BASICALLY THE SAME DEAL? Fucking flawless motherfucking logic, if I say so myself.

I got to drawing up the blueprints. They were fucking beatiful, dude. According to my researchifications, putting a cart on two ramps which were facing each other would BREAK THE FUCK out of physics. Shit would vibrate LITERALLY FUCKING ETERNALLY. Needless to say, this was pretty badass. And I found the perfect fucking place to set that shit up:



That's the entrance ramp, and the stairwell up top leads down to the barracks for MAXIMUM SECURITATIONS. Just gotta flip a lever and the ramp will be sealed and the bad dudes will be forced through the DEATHCARTS, where they will FUCKING DIE because the DEATHCARTS are CARTS of FUCKING DEATH. (And mugs, bro. Mugs are important.) But first, we gotta dig that shit out. MINERS, IF YOU WOULD FUCKING PLEASE.

(SPOILER ALERT: THEY FUCKING PLEASED)

Also, gonna get some silver minecarts for this shit. Gonna wreck our enemies' shit as FABULOUSLY AS FUCKING POSSIBLE.




20 Sandstone 319

Looks like some dude shut himself in the BIRDMASTER-3000 while building that last bridge?



Super clumsy move, bro. Lucky I noticed, dude! Gonna send in some miner-dudes to get him out straight-a-fucking-way.

...Huh. Turns out the dude had a pickaxe with him. I declare this an EPIC FUCKING PLOT TWIST. 10/10, WOULD FUCKING READ AGAIN:



This is totally perfect, dude. I needed to mine out those walls anyways! I'm, like, saving two birds' lives with one stone. Or something.


23 Sandstone 319

DEATHCART hall is all dug out. Just gotta carve some tracks onto the ramps for some ETERNALLY VIBRATING MINECART ACTION:



And I'm putting up a lever in the passage to the BIRDMASTER for some CONVENIENTLY RAISING DRAWBRIDGE ACTION:



All in all, we're getting a whole lot of fucking action in here. Fucking love it.


25 Sandstone 319

Gonna channel out this area around the BIRDMASTER so the BIRDS can get in and be MASTERED:



I gotta say, all this progress is getting me FUCKING PUMPED:




1 Timber 319

Called a meeting in today. I was all, "Bros and gentledudes, I've decided. Our current state of affairs and shit has been getting super stale. For too long we've lived in a state of total lameness. But no more, bros! Today, on this most tintillitious (I totally just invented that word dude) of days, we look forward. We look forward to the future. The future, which will be FULL OF FUCKING MUGS, because WE ARE RESUMING THE FUCK OUT OF MUG PRODUCTION, effective FUCKING IMMEDIATELY". It was crazy, dude. The crowd went fucking batshit. Couple dudes were crying. The Master started a fistfight and her baby joined in. Good times.


6 Timber 319

Got all the dirt around the BIRDMASTER channelled out, bro. Just need to clean it up a bit and it's good to go.

Or, it would be.

If these dudes would GET THE FUCKING LEVER SET UP. SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE FUCK.



Don't really understand the fucking hold-up here, dude. Even the cage traps down in the cavern access are still getting set up:



Don't really have the spare labor to throw some more mechanics at it. Gonna go put some motivational posters up, bro. Should get the dudes moving a bit.


11 Timber 319

You know what, bro? As long as the BIRDMASTER's being neglectinated, I might as well get doing some other stuff. Fulfill some other dude's dreams. And you know whose dreams are gonna get fulfilled? THE MAYOR'S DUDE. I KNOW. Got a sick mayorial suite drawn up here:



Dude's gonna be mayoring in the lap of luxury, dude. Doesn't quite match my kickass weight room, but.


14 Timber 319

Speaking of dreams being fulfilled -- looks like some Parasol dude's dreams didn't get fulfilled, dude. Bummer.



Kinda muttered something as he left. "This isn't the last you'll hear of this, bro," or something like that. Cool.

Went ahead and restructerated the stone piles a bit. Put a note on the one saying the crafts shop isn't supposed to take from it. Should help with the stone shortage a bit.
Also approved a couple of mercs' residency requests. Since we're on the topic of fulfilling dreams or not fulfilling dreams. Bro.


16 Timber 319

Bro. Got some bridges getting set up in the DEATHCART HALLWAY. We're gonna get some MAD FUCKING MUGCART CARNAGE up in here, AND NOW IT'S GONNA BE FUCKING DEACTIVATABLE AT WILL. FUCKING SAFETY FEATURES AND SHIT.



Also, uh, we got a Holistic Spawn shaped problem, dudes



This one seems... enthusastic, dude. Like super enthusiastic. Enthusiastic about singing!



Except he's mostly singing about ripping dudes' faces off. ...Yeah. Gonna leave him outside for now. He's kinda off in his own little corner there, so it'll be okay. Probably.

[there is a crude drawing of what is likely intended to be a Spawn of Holistic. The Spawn is holding a lute or something similar. Above it is the caption "HOLY SHIT I'M SINGING ABOUT KILLING BROS AND IT SOUNDS FUCKING AWESOME"]

Wait... scratch that, dude! He's heading towards the fort!



Don't think our dudes can handle that thing, bro! I asked Spawnbro, and to quote the dude, "Spawn are totally bad news, dude!" Plus I remember reading they're super hard to kill? Something about not having blood or organs? Wild shit, dude. In any case, our course of actionating is clear, dude. I'm pulling the FORTRESS-SEALING LEVER I installed earlier.



Also gonna wall off the barracks tunnel, since I think the dude might be able to climb in through the DEATHCART shaft:



Ha. Completely fucking unimpreganatable defenses. CHEW ON THAT, SPAWNFACE. (Don't tell Spawnbro I said that, dude. It's probably super offensive.)

Got a couple performance troupes visiting. Guess they'll just have to sing with the crazy Spawn, dude.



Sorry dudes. Sometimes you just draw a shit hand.



Shit's getting super gory outside, so I think I'm gonna head down to the weight room for now.


22 Timber 319

So. Got another problem. Nobody's hauling stone. I'm asking them nicely and everything, bro. They keep doing everything but.

I looked around a bit and... holy shit? We don't have any stone left!? We got marble but the dudes were saving it for something else? DAMN, MR MUGSMITH DUDE.
Told the dudes to use the marble for now. Gonna go quarry out some more rocks down below the forges:



THE MUGS MUST FLOW, DUDES.


24 Timber 319

Hear one of the poets is beating the Spawn-bard with a book.



Making some good headway, too, dude. Spawn-bard's looking kinda mangled. Looks like its spine is messed up? Hope Spawnbro's not looking. Shit's kinda creepy.
Damn. Gotta ask this nerd what his lifting routine is. Do you think he uses books for that, too? Fucking incredible.

[There is a drawing of a stick figure holding a barbell. In place of weights, there are stacks of books on either end.]

Shit. Not gonna let some bookworm out-action me! TO ACTION, DUDES!





Uh... Holy crap. Never mind. Looks like the bookworm's got things covered:



Hey, do you think if I did poetry, it'd help me get jacked? Serious question, Giant Dumbass Book.


1 Moonstone 319

[The writing abruptly becomes extremely-shaky]

You know what, Giant Dumbass Book? S'much as I love running this place and shit, it's come with a bunch of sacrifices and stuff. And I'm sure you're thinking, Giant Dumbass Book, "Gee, Mr Frog, what sacrifices and stuff could that be?" To which I mcfucking answer: "MY GAINS, BRO!" I've lost like half an inch off my arms since I started! The chicks are crying bitter fucking tears, dude! FUCKING TRAGEDAISICAL!
   I'm afraid that I can't let things keep going this way, Giant Dumbass Book. As much as it pains me and stuff, I have to like, resignerate. So sorry, bros and dudes. Just hope this place can go on without my MOTHERFUCKING GENIUS.
   The dude who gave me this book never said what to do next. I remember how HE did it, though! He threw it at me! So that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna dash into the tavern and huck this thing at the diners. Dude who gets hit is the next Overseer. FUCKING TRADITIONS AND SHIT.

WHO'S READY TO GET HIT IN THE FACE BY LITERACY? ME, BUT THAT ALREADY HAPPENED TO ME SO SOMEONE ELSE HAD BETTER BE FUCKING READY. HERE WE FUCKING GO


Here's the save

(I promised Splint that I'd try to fix some of the raws, but... I don't even want to touch them in the state they're in. They're such a mess that I can't even say what will happen if I mucked around.)

So, that's me finished. Have fun, friends.

[Amperzand]

Woo updates! Swordbro continues to be wondrous.

[Splint]

I'm sure that totally didn't have something to do with being paged on his PEA and being told he was fired.

[Mr Frog]

I'm sure that totally didn't have something to do with being paged on his PEA and being told he was fired.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

E: Also, I got nothing as far as the berserker Spawn bard goes. My first thought obviously was to blame Splint, except I couldn't find any evidence of tampering in the relevant raw entries. My best guess is that it was a dwarven bard that got turned out-of-fort or during worldgen (transformed dwarves actually transform into a second, identical creature entry with CRAZED added).

[Khan Boyzitbig]

So books are an effective weapon against spawn huh? Also, do we not have anything better than copper for weapons and armour? No tin or iron? Well they do say necessity is the mother of invention. I'm sure we will find some way of overcoming that obstacle. Or engulf the fortress in magma and/or demons.

[Splint]

I propose we honor those who came before in Headshoots and build our own TRIBUTEWEAPON. It'll be even more appropriate for us, since it was described as a magma-pouring mug.

[MidnightJaguar]

We should make it even more better and make it a mug filled with mug stockpiles which it then drops onto our enemies.

[ZM5]

We should make it even more better and make it a mug filled with mug stockpiles which it then drops onto our enemies.

Death by Mugs sounds like an awesome metal song.

I'd definitely be on board with this idea. Magma is awesome, but burying enemies under an avalanche of mugs is metal as fuck.

[Aseaheru]

Why not both?