Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Mr Frog]

Sorry for the delay! Images are all edited and update is all written; just need to get everything up. It's a pretty short and uneventful update; I seem to have abruptly hit the point in a fortress's development where all the basic necessities are up and running and the amount of things to do drastically decreases.

[TheBiggerFish]

Update woo!

[NCommander]

One does not simply update Braveworks ...

[Mr Frog]

1 Limestone 319

So. Just realised something. See, I'd gone up to get some of the PURE FUCKING PROTEIN outside for some FUCKING RESEARCH, and then I noticed. My hands are like, totally filthy bro. So I was all, "dude, where's the hand-washing station?" because I totally needed a hand-washing station, bro. Because the hand-washing station's where you go to wash your hands, and my hands were dirty, so I needed a hand-washing station to wash my hands at so I could wash my hands at the hand-washing station.

And then.

I found out, bro. Where the hand-washing station was. Turns out that it WASN'T FUCKING ANYWHERE, BRO! Fucking zen and shit! Don't even have any soap, bro!

But you know what? I am a bro of fucking action, dude. If there's no soap, then you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna MAKE SOME FUCKING SOAP. I'm gonna MAKE SOME FUCKING SOAP and then SING A SONG ABOUT IT. It'll be a ROCK OPERA ABOUT SOAP. FUCKING SOAP OPERA.

Right after I finish reading this book about how to make soap, because JESUS FUCK THIS IS WAY COMPLICATED. Good thing I'm a MOTHERFUCKING GENIUS. I remember it saying somewhere that we're gonna need either ash OR ass. (Can't remember which) We already have a couple donkeys, but I'm gonna play it safe and tell some dudes to burn some wood. FUCKING SANTITILLATIONS.


I've been wanting to go bust some squats in the caverns -- told the miners to get to finishing the tunnel down there from the barracks.



But first, I'm gonna need to get me one of those bird-things flying around outside. Shit's got like 12 feet, bro. That sounds like it could use some RESEARCH by a MOTHERFUCKING GENIUS. So I thought up a MOTHERFUCKING GENIUS trap:



They're gonna try to fly into this underground plane here, get divertationed into the middle, and be caught by my FUCKING GENIUS WILES (and a bunch of cage traps). In theory and stuff.

Got a bunch of armor and weapons pendinating at the managementerial office:



We're gonna be cracking heads in style, bro. And by style, I mean COPPER. Put in a couple orders for picks too, since we're gonna need way more miners to fulfill my GENIUS MACHINIFICATIONS. YEAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


6 Limestone 319

So. Got a bit of a problem. We have a hospital now



but no doctor to put in the hospital! As that one scientist-dude (whatshisname, the one I'm named after) would put it, "This is totally whack dude". BUT! I found a solution. I just walked up to the first dude I saw and told them they were a doctor now. Welcome to the practice, Dr. Motherfucking Reudh! He doesn't actually know how to doctor and stuff, but practice makes perfect, dude. Just like with weightlifting! Or skydiving!

Got a bunch of paperworks in my office. Dunno why, but I'm inreferring from circumcisional evidence that it has something to do with this one dude being electrocuted mayonnaise:



Dunno what that means, dude, but it sounds serious. Hope the dude's okay, bruh.

Made an improvement to the bird-catching thingie – replaced the stairs with ramps. I had the BEST idea, dude.


Dude, this afternoon marks a momentumous occasion in the history of buffness.



Braveworks gym is finally open for business, dudes! Who's ready to get ripped? WE'RE READY TO GET MOTHERFUCKING RIPPED!
As Overseer, I feel it's my duty and stuff to inspectify the premises and shit. Make sure everything's running properly.



Screwpumps: very screwy. Dumbbells: perfectly dumb. I rate this weight room 10/10, dude. A gym fit for haggises.


9 Limestone 319

Something just occurred to me. Gonna go expand the bird-trap plans a bit.



See, the more area is underground, the more chance there is of a bird-thing trying to fly into it. Flawless logic, right? FUCKING GENIUS.


13 Limestone 319

Dude. I just noticed there was a whole carpenter's workshop out here. Was kinda buried under a shitton of leaves and PURE FUCKING PROTEIN, so I didn't really see it. So that's why dudes kept dragging logs outside! Gotta fix that right away.



Also, I consultified "Soapmaking FOR DUMMIES (Simplified Version)" and it looks like lye is a vital part of the soapification process, and that you make lye from ash. Hell yeah. We're gonna get fucking chemical in here, bro. Putting in some orders for that with The Master RIGHT FUCKING AWAY.

Got some Security Shit^tm getting set up in the cavern access.



Putting some cage traps in there. That way we can get some MOTHERFUCKING TEST SUBJECTS in here.


17 Limestone 319

Got some dwarves coming in from the dude's mountainhome. Gonna get some kickass trade goods brought to the depot straight-a-fucking-way.

And I figured out why nobody was bringing wood to the wood pile. Turns out, had nothing to do with too many mugs. Or not enough mugs. I guess what I'm trying to say is: mugs weren't really a factor either way. What was the factor? Well, dude...



Turns out I gave an order for nobody to store wood. Ever, dude. Don't really remember doing that, but I know me, and I probably had a good reason. But – not to second-guess my authority or anything – we kinda need some logs in here, bro. Sorry, me. But I have to veto my order. For the good of the fort and stuff.

Got some good news, though! The Master finally remembered her baby exists!



Just saw her singing it a lullaby about carnage and stuff. Really warmed my heart and shit.


21 Limestone 319

Met with the liaison today. Wasn't quite sure what we need from the Mountainhome, so I asked for a bunch of metal armor shit. If we don't need it, we can melt it and make it into dumbbells! That's using your noggin, bro.

Our new mayor (when did we get a mayor, bro) just told me we aren't to export any animal traps:



Pretty easy to do, since we don't have any. Sweet-ass.


24 Limestone 319

Looks like those dwarf dudes are all ready to trade. Told our broker dude to head to the depot.



...Y'know, he kinda looks like the dude who gave me this book! Wonder if they're related?

Traded a crapton of dingo crafts for a bunch of metal shit (including some mail shirts) and a house frog in a cage (GOOGLY EYES, MOTHERFUCKER). Assigned a fishery worker to mining duty since I also got a pickaxe out of the deal. Ready to make your dreams a reality, dude? Because if your dreams involve hacking rocks to bits with a pickaxe, you TOTALLY FUCKING WILL!

Also, IT'S FUCKING SOAP TIME BITCHES.



Just as soon as someone makes the soap.

Putting a cage up the in the tavern so we can release our new friend.



WHOSA CUTE LITTLE TEST SUBJECT #4? YOU ARE. YOU FUCKING ARE.


...Whoa. Damn. It looks like this fort's really fucking shaping up under my SUPER BUFF HANDS. I'm actually running out of things to do! Guess those dudes were right about me being a haggises. FUCKING ADMINISTRICATION.

Speaking of FUCKING ADMINISTRICATION, that one dude? The one who I helped fulfill their dream of being a miner-dude? Yeah, he was totally HAULING SHIT AROUND instead of CHASING HIS FUCKING DREAMS. I told him not to do that. Shit, I'm helping these dudes in so many ways, bro!


3 Sandstone 319

Told the dudes to make us some FUCKING THREAD to sew up our BADASS FUCKING BATTLE WOUNDS like the one Imic got in her EPIC BATTLE against FUCKING GRAVITY.

Also HELL YEAH WE GONNA GET FREAKING SANITARY IN HERE:



WHO'S GOT SOAP? WE'VE GOT FUCKING SOAP.

Whoa man. I just noticed. One of our Ballpoint mercs is DUAL WIELDING FUCKING SHIELDS for TWICE THE DEFENSIVE ACTION:



Fuckin' INTELLIGENT. Looks like I'm not the only MOTHERFUCKING GENIUS here, bro!

Also some dude told me there was water in the upper cavern? Seemed super amped.



Already knew about the water, bro. Totally get it, though -- hydration is like super rad.


6 Sandstone 319

Dude, I was just thinking. Me and this sword have SO MANY MEMORIES. Hacking off crundle heads and shit.



Good times, bro.


10 Sandstone 319

Bunch of migrant dudes arrived. I was all, "sorry dudes, we already have enough worker dudes. So you get to be soldier dudes!" Except we don't have enough equipment yet. So I was all "Here, lemme put this nametag on you for later"



Speaking of equipment, nobody's been making any weapons! BRO, WE NEED WEAPONS! So I snuck into the manager's office and rearranged some papers so the weapon orders are on top. NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW!



And I'm putting down some bridges in the BIRDMASTER-3000 (I just named it that. Isn't it awesometastic?).



They cover the ramps when they're down, and open outwards, which lets us get to the center bit (that's where the cages'll go bro) from inside without having to go outside! FUCKING GENIUS!

[llasram]

That trap almost feels excessive for just catching something. almost. I guess we could eventualy add windows to its perimeter to make an observation area of sorts.

[Lolfail0009]

I had to stop three times to catch my breath reading that update
I dunno if all this sugar is finally catching up with me or if you're improving even further as a writer but it had me in fuckering stitches

[Khan Boyzitbig]

What with all the flying pereguins and stuff I couldn't help but drop by and say hi.

May I ask for a dwarf and a turn?
Call the dwarf "Boyzitbig", male preferably and can be any profession.

I am already enjoying this thread. Keeps making it hard to breath for laughter. Keep up the insane work guys, girls, spawn, whatever.

[Mr Frog]

Oh man. Had absolutely no energy to play today, but I'm gonna try to squeeze in an hour before I go to bed.

Incidentally, The Vacationing will finally be upon me in two days after a massive rescheduling, so anyone who'd like me to surrender the save beforehand is advised to speak up now, else I will keep it and simply not post anything for three days

[Imic]

Having recently got a look inside an active NASA facility, they did not indeed have especially new or strong-looking computers. The control rooms and such probably do, but those aren't very portable.

What were you doing inside of an active NASA facility?
...were you trying to nuke the world and replace humans with dwarves again?

[Lolfail0009]

Having recently got a look inside an active NASA facility, they did not indeed have especially new or strong-looking computers. The control rooms and such probably do, but those aren't very portable.

What were you doing inside of an active NASA facility?
...were you trying to nuke the world and replace humans with dwarves again?

How would one do that? Fire a bunch of rockets into extremely low orbit and not tell anyone, and let whatever happens happen?

[Splint]

Can someone give me a heads up on missed updates, content, or turn/dorf requests? Been kinda off kilter the last few days and I know I haven't gotten everything from receny.

[Aseaheru]

Yer missing my turn request.

[Khan Boyzitbig]

Think you may be missing my requests too.

[Imic]

Having recently got a look inside an active NASA facility, they did not indeed have especially new or strong-looking computers. The control rooms and such probably do, but those aren't very portable.

What were you doing inside of an active NASA facility?
...were you trying to nuke the world and replace humans with dwarves again?

How would one do that? Fire a bunch of rockets into extremely low orbit and not tell anyone, and let whatever happens happen?

No, no, no. You get a bunch of people with dwarfism, make them eat mushrooms and like them, do the same with booze, beards, and living underground. Wait until they dig themselves a self - sufficient undergouund city, and then nuke everything.
Result: world populated only by dwarves.

[Amperzand]

We'd need more bombs if we wanted that to work. There's only about ~17,000 nukes left, not nearly enough to wipe out humanity.