Turn 10Jimmy: Use your metamancy to make all rolls that aren't mine or the poshguinfish's 1s. Then increase my influence. Turn back into a human. Then try to retroactively use your metamancy to remove the poshguinfish's influence and increase mine.
[
WHAAAAT'S HAPPEN1
NG] [
WHAAAAT'2
HAPPENING] [5] [
WHAAAAT'S HAPP3
NING]
Little Jimmy attempts to continue screwing with the rolls, but faYOU END UP NOT DOING ANYTHING, NOT THAT YOU WOULD HAVE SUCCEEDED ANYWAY! He then focuses his manna and successfully removes tree status from himself! Little Jimmy is now a human again, and no longer needs to use a third person perspective in order to perceive anything, and switches back to second person! You then attempt to use your metamancy to screw with time, but THE FACT THAT The turn has already passed too long ago and the power of retcon is lost foreverDOESN'T EVEN COME INTO PLAY BECAUSE YOU DECIDED NOT TO TRY!Jimmy:Do better at making all my rolls 5s. There were two rolls I made last turn that weren't 5s.
Also, ignore chaotic skies' first, second, and fourth actions retroactively.
Also, grant me the power to dictate where my actions fall in the processing order.
[?] [auto 5] [auto 5]
You- Iiiiiii'll take care of that one. So, this was resolved earlier, it's just that that had to happen outside of a turn, so it won't be taken care of here because the necessary retconning has already taken place. Back to you, courier-narrater.
Ahem, anyway, now that's over, you use your metamancy to thorougly screw with time! Orange retcon text shoots through space-time and alters history! Also, the poshguinfish now can say where and when it wants its action to be. Is it going to actually USE any of the powers it's been giving itself anytime soon? Nobody knows!Chaotic bloodmage: Cast Dispel Influence on jimmy, with particular focus on poshguinfishes.
Use a Meditation Mantra to regain some of my lost magic, mana, and health.
BARDNIR!: Somehow figure out how to automaticly enter the address and payment number for the cheese!
Submit the order for cheese!
Failing the above two actions, Cast the Vortex Magick to destroy the desktop!
Regardless of all the above, Teleport to the Chaotic Bloodmage!
[5] [5]
[6] [5] [action cancelled by success] [5]
(I think the random number gods are doing their best to make this as funny as possible.)
The chaotic bloodmage launches some vanilla magic at little you, and succeeds greatly! Your metamantic link to the poshguinfish fades, but the barrier it put up protects the influence it formed on you, and it goes back to only getting auto fives on actions you do for it! The chaotic bloodmage then uses a mantra to recover, and experiences a very pleasant healing sensation!Bardnir enters a completely random address and credit card number, and luckily gets a hit! The order is shipped and immediately arrives in virtual space on the computer! Bardnir gleefully rushes to recover their crate of cheese, but little does he know that the credit card number he entered belongs to a very easily angered troll who quite literally lives on the internet! Before Bardnir would know it, the troll would have tracked the payment to this little scoundrel, and would be on its way to give the mage a piece of its mind!Well, now that that flavor text is over, Bardnir teleports to the man who summoned them here, cheese in hand, and begins chowing down on the ambrosial food!Summon more trees.
Apply self to tree.
[4] [2]
You flex your mystic muscles again, and summon more trees! Four young (but plenty large) trees fall from the sky and embed their roots in the ground! At this rate, you'll have a forest! You then rub awkwardly against one of the trees for a few seconds. Nothing happens that you can see.Summon more trees.
Apply self to tree.
Apply tree to FIVE!
[6]
IT WORKS!!! You successfully apply tree to five using the last vestiges of your magic power, and the tree status effect is even powered up to oldtree! With no tree emoji available to the forumites, mysterious energies scramble about the fives for a bit, until eventually they settle on an effect to cause! Every time a five is rolled for an action, even an automatic five, d6 enormous old growth trees will bombard the area, planting themselves upon impact! This place will be a forest in no time!Magically bind all the meta in my vicinity into a bubble around me. No need to, I don't know, suffocate or something if someone destroys the desktop.
Read all the text documents.
Search for other interesting-looking folders.
Use my google chrome skills to navigate to this thread.
[CMP: 3] [POT: 3]...[4]...[2]...[4]
Viznor the seer attempts to bind the meta into a protective barrier, but just doesn't weave the spell right for the magic to work properly! Ah well, it turned out there was no need to anyway. He then attempts to read all the text documents, but is utterly repulsed by the bad writing, and cannot make it past three quarters! God, this guy was such an awful writer all those years ago! Hopefully he's learned SOMETHING in all this time! Viznor then retreats to the desktop to look for other interesting looking folders, but he's kind of half-assing it and his search isn't all that thorough! His attention is caught by "music projects," "fun pix," and "thaumaturgist's world." Finally, Viznor surfs through the net and locates an interesting thread on bay12 forums called Roll To Twitch! What's this, then?Fourth wall: resist any attempts to break self.
The fourth wall cannot resist its attempts to break itself, because the fourth wall is a non-sentient entity which is incapable of breaking itself!Be the cursor.
Activate the working antivirus.
Rename Bardnir to Zoosmell Pooplord.
Click mash Moznarx Hogroof's head.
Switch the desktop background to a constantly changing flow of internet memes.
You are now the cursor[5] [trees: 1] [1] [3] [4]
That first idea, that's a good one. If your guests cause much more damage, you might need to take drastic measures. You switch on the antivirus and run a quick scan as the tree falls and plants itself. It notes that the processes M.Hogroof.chr and Bardnir.CHR are critical security threats, but you're not going to shred them just yet. You're too good of a host for that.
As for the second, that would just be rude. Bardnir is kind of a jerk, but you're not going to rename them something like that. You're trying to be an accommodating and graceful host, not a petty jerk. Besides, Bardnir's comeuppance is coming.
Now that third idea, that's something you'd like to do. You're trying to be a good host, but Moznarx needs a little reminder that he's a guest, and you can kick him out whenever you choose to. You just wish your aim was a bit better; the message might not have gotten through to him.
And that last one, well, you'd like to do that, but you've got three reasons why you won't. One: You're trying to be a nice host. You even pulled out the old windows XP background for these guys! You're not just going to disrespect them like that! Two: If little Jimmy gets stuck in a bad luck brian comic, you're going to feel really bad. Three: you seriously don't know how to do animated desktops of any kind. Trust me, if you knew how to do that, you'd have made this your background years ago!You are now little JimmyBUMP THE THREAD TO LIFE!
IT'S ALIVE!!!
Life:75%. Magic:10%. Manna:30% Inventory: pants, sword, fake arms, laptop. Companions: obedient werefrog, pile of mostly obedient eldritch horrors, spirit of an evil child. Status: normal. Location: my desktop.
You are sitting around awkwardly with the chaotic bloodmage and three creatures from beyond the fourth wall.
Enemy stats:
Chaotic bloodmage: Health: 55% Magic: 100% Manna: 85%
Viznor the seer: Health: no reading. Magic: seemingly infinite. Manna: no reading. Injuries: scratched and quite bruised. Scabs. Mentally shaken.
Bardnir: Health: 126? Magic: 0? Manna: no reading.
Moznarx Hogroof: Health: seemingly immortal. Magic: You've lost track. Manna: no reading.
The number five: Health: 5 Magic: 5 Manna 5 Status: oldtree
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Topic: Roll to twitch turn 15: What are we gonna do tonight, brain? (Read 27189 times)