Turn 8--- ---
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Jimmy: locate alternative source of fresh blood. EXPLOIT RAPIDLY.
[1]
You try to find a source of blood, but you fail to move even an inch from your spot! These magic bindings are murder!Chaotic bloodmage: Cast the blood ritual Transfer Status on the pointer to remove cancer, and apply it to the computer pointer.
Laugh at the results
Continue sipping nonexistent tea regardless.
BARDNIR!: Begin looking up and ordering large quantities of cheese using chrome!
Nightmare Hailstone Anything that tries to stop the cheese ordering!
[6] [luck:10]
The chaotic bloodmage intones the blood ritual "transfer status" in an attempt to free itself from cancer! However, they accidentally double-cast the ritual, causing an immense health draw as well as removing their status as being healthy! The chaotic bloodmage is now very badly hurt from a blood ritual double-cast, but the removal of the "healthy" status effect, which indicates a lack of status effect, places them in a meta-status in which they have no status and are therefore immune to all status effects! The cursor, annoyed by its sudden theme change, clicks off into "my computer" to go switch cursor types.[6]
The chaotic bloodmage laughs so hard at the chaotic results that they suffocate for a moment as a result of laughing all of the air out of their lungs! However, since they have no status, they cannot suffocate, and thus take no damage. How lucky![4]
The chaotic bloodmage mimes a drink of tea. Refreshing.[4]
By punching in a quick search at the address bar at the top of the page, Bardnir manages to navigate their way to a cheap mail-order cheese website. However, on the way, they are assaulted by a small virus![2]
Bardnir hastily prepares their magic and launches a nightmare hailstone at the virus! The attack is only a grazing blow, but thankfully, since nightmare hailstone is such a deadly spell, that's all it takes! The virus is defeated! Now all Bardnir has to do is come up with a credit card number and an address to send the cheese to. Desktops don't seem to have addresses, though. How is this going to work? Bardnir would find a way. Bardnir is never short a plan, even when their plan is blatantly impossible. That's how Bardnir became a wizard.Reinforce my influence.
Make it impossible for any other voice or person to influence my influence.
Have some tea.
[1]
The poshguinfish once again attempts to reinforce its influence, but fails horribly, and their influence wears ever thinner! It would be child's play to demote them to a perfectly normal voice now![3]
The poshguinfish places a barrier around their influence! It is now mostly impossible to influence their influence, but the possibility is still present![auto 5]
You mime a drink of tea. Refreshing.What's this? Someone is attempting time-space shenanigans!
Perform time shinanigans, sending the next action directly to the front of the list to be done first.
Restrict Thebiggerfish's actions to things that would only affect timmy physically so that they can't mess with the twitch curse anymore.
[2]
The war of the voices rages on! Dustan Hache fails to send their action back in time![1]
Dustan Hache attempts to disrupt TheBiggerFish's ability to disrupt the twitch curse, but TheBiggerFish's barrier prevents this!Claw everything in the folder at the same time.
Ask the yes/no book whether I can operate multiple programs at once.
Do magical research on the twitch curse.
Sip some of the nonexistent tea that everyone else seems to be having.
[dex: 3+1=4]
With the aid of his wings, Viznor manages to claw all but one of the .txt files in the folder at the same time! There is a slight pause, as though loading something, and Viznor is suddenly bombarded with the worst Dr. Seuss fanfic ever, the longest word in the English language by an intercontinentally wide margin, a stupid conversation with a stupid AI construct, the worst minecraft mod idea ever (save for a few parts), and an avalanche of other meaningless drivel! It would seem that aggressively interacting with an icon is interpreted by the computer as clicking on it. This has unfortunate implications for what the cursor would do to humans.[5]
The answer is yes.[4]
Viznor learns the origin of the twitch curse! There lived, years ago, a powerful warlock who was obsessed with chaos. His obsession became mania, madness even, and drove him to perfect magic which would plunge the world into chaos. Before long, the warlock had reached the very limits of his power, and unleashed it in the form of an impossibly powerful blood ritual which tore the fourth wall of his entire meta asunder and cursed all of its inhabitants. Their free will was disrupted, and they became completely susceptible to influence from beyond the fourth wall. The voices from beyond, known to some as forumites, would need only whisper a suggestion to them, and they would obey. One child, who was born the very same day that the ritual was cast, was struck by far the hardest by the ritual. As a result, he lost every semblance of free will that he had. This child, as it progressed through life, would never be able to act on his own; every step he took had to be commanded by the forumites. As a side-effect, he gained the uncanny ability to act in a chaotic omnicosm. Even in the space of a few seconds, the number of things this boy could do was without any semblance of a limit. Take two steps or take two hundred, time did not matter for this child when he was forced to act. Now, ten years later, this child is known to the world as Little Jimmy.[4]
Viznor mimes a drink of tea. Refreshing.
Sip tea.
Jimmy: yell "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!" at the top of your lungs.
[1]
You've already mimed a drink of tea this turn, and it was already refreshing. That's quite enough.[1]
As you inhale to scream out an epic war cry, you choke on some spit, and end up coughing really hard instead!Retroactively block Dustan Hache's time shenanigans.
There are no time shenanigans to block! They already failed!
Paint creepy designs on our skin with blood, then use magic to bind the iron in the blood for armor!!! (We're gonna need lots of blood)
[3]
You can't get to a source of blood because you are in magic bindings! That's a great idea, though. You might just invent red iron that way.Apply tree to self.
[6]
You apply the tree status effect to yourself, causing you to grow into a large tree! The growth snaps the magic bindings, but you are now very short on sensory organs, rooted to the ground, and find it very hard to move anything! Thankfully, little Jimmy's meta powers allow him to percieve well enough by switching to a third person perspective, which he just did right before that sentence which is why the thought is running through his head. Little Jimmy is now a tree!Little Jimmy: Life:75%. Magic:35%. Manna:50% Inventory: pants, sword, fake arms, laptop. Companions: obedient werefrog, pile of mostly obedient eldritch horrors, spirit of an evil child. Status: tree. Location: my desktop.
You are in a stalled combat with the chaotic bloodmage and three creatures from beyond the fourth wall.
Enemy stats:
Chaotic bloodmage: Health: 30% Magic: 100% Manna: 60%
Viznor the seer: Health: no reading. Magic: seemingly infinite. Manna: no reading. Injuries: scratched and quite bruised. Bleeding very slightly. Mentally shaken.
Bardnir: Health: 126? Magic: 0? Manna: no reading.
Moznarx Hogroof: Health: seemingly immortal. Magic: 0 mighty?, 2 major? Manna: no reading. Somehow badly burnt by the lazor.
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Topic: Roll to twitch turn 15: What are we gonna do tonight, brain? (Read 27372 times)