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[Lozzymandias]

I embarked not 10 squares from a cluster of pits and fortresses, with only forest between them and me. Embark screen says they have access. Their civilisation is doing wonderfully, attacking and taking over plenty of neighbouring sites. It's been 3 years, I have 100+ dwarves and enough wealth to attract the attention of two forgotten beasts and a few (now dogfood) 'bolds. I'm suffering serious FUN deprivation guys. What gives?

[Witty]

Guess the army is just prioritizing other sites over yours. I can't imagine whatever routine that decides where an army will attack is too sophisticated, so your incredibly close distance probably doesn't mean that much I guess.   

They might be in a pillaging loop caused by 3802

[Shonai_Dweller]

Wealth doesn't effect goblin sieges in vanilla settings.

How long have you had over 80 dwarves (vanilla siege trigger)? I'm guessing not long if it's only been 3 years. Best to leave it a year after you've reached 80 before deciding goblins really don't care about you.

Then check out Legends to see what the goblins were up to.

[PatrikLundell]

As said, the goblins may have other juicy closer targets in other directions. There's also an problem with world activation in that at embark there's a flurry of war declarations and site settlements/reclaims. If you're unlucky they'll reclaim a site closer to you so their closest settlement now contains 30 goblins rather than the 10000 + beak dogs and trolls that was the closest two weeks ago. Their sieges usually are issued from their closest settlement, and unless the pop is considered too low, their sieges are bound to be small and few as you'll quickly depopulate the site (it's the same issue with black towers: a small pop that's quickly depleted).
Pocket worlds seem to be more reliable than larger ones when it comes to getting sieges.