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[IronyOwl]

((That sprinkling of English is amazing.

For permanent wounds, maybe there's a way to get your parts back? That'd be less cruel. I think.))


"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Basic Splits! Flail wildly!

[lawastooshort]

THE QUEST FOR BROMEDES… HERE – AND THERE

Turn 3.3

Punch the reindeer's face right off!

"Whoa, dude! You're right!"

The reindeer is totally licking Edith’s face – pretty hard! Jarvis draws back his fist, [5+3vs3] and punches it’s face off! Reindeer blood and other bits go everywhere. Or, at least, everywhere there is to cover with blood on Jarvis and Edith.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Whoa…"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Reindeer, or meese, are stereotypical of Canada," interrupts Richard, who looks to be warming himself up for an interminable anti-reindeer hum -

"Wait, what?”

"What."

"Meese?”

"Yeah! Meese, dickwad! Which means they're pinko scum!"

Assume the Peacock Pose! Also hum 'praise the lord and pass the ammunition', to get into that patriotic state of mind.

Bam!

[5+3vs3,2+3vs3,2+3vs1,2+3vs4,2+3vs6,6+3vs6,2+3vs1,5+3vs1,6+3vs6] Richard leaps into Peacock Pose, first staggering the fiendish meese into an initiative failure, and then stunning all but two of them to the floor. One brave meese stand its ground – the other is so intimated by Richard’s powerful yoga it collapses with blood pouring out of its ears!

There are but 8 reindeer left, suffering -1 to initiative next turn and -1 to actions this turn (except 1).

Basic Splits! Flail wildly!

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" continues Edith, "EArrrrg!!"

The bravest meese lopes up to her face, and unleashes its long leathery tongue! It’s almost affectionate in its delicate touch! The other meese, meanwhile, clamber to their feet and close back in on Richard and Jarvis, and try to headbutt them into submission.

[5vs5+3,5vs5+3,4vs1+3; 2vs1+3,2vs3+2,1vs1+3,2vs5+3] As Edith watches on in salivery terror, the clutch of meese headbutt her comrades! Entirely ineffectually! She tries to rush to their rescue nonetheless, and jumps into the air, legs spreading manically-

”Wait!” comes a mysterious voice. ”Young woman, leave those meese alone. They are only trying to welcome you in the fashion of the tundra, and to protect you from these violent miscreants who tumble and pose about so. Oh dear oh dear,” he continues in what some of the students might detect is a bit of a Scouse accent, ”Oh deary dear. Poor Higgins here was just trying to affectionately welcome you, and now I fear you have angered an entire nation of meese. Do you know how many meese there are in Siberia, my dear?”

As the man speaks, the circle of meese withdraws from around the trio, and parts slowly to reveal a man of a non-descript sort of age walking slowly towards them. He’s wearing a leather jacket over a black suit and tie, ambling gently over the snow.

”You seem to know yoga, chaps. What are you doing here?”

Assume King Pigeon Pose, while lying down.

"WHY?!"

” ああ。 私は知らないよ？ あなたはそれを始めました。 Whoa、ユニバーサル・トランスレータが "asswipe"と翻訳して驚いた。 とにかく、私たちは主人を捜しています。主人は、一人になってしまったように見えます。そして、今や大混乱の原因となっている多元を旅しています。 ごめんなさい！ 右、今すぐ死ぬ準備、cheesemeister！”

"Oh. Right. I see," lies Fisk. He leaps to the ground and thrusts himself in unseemly ways at his attackers, who prepare to chop him to bits.

"Hyyyyynnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh!"

[5+2vs6+1, 4+2vs3+1] The ninjas strike, but their blades are yogically redirected to Fisk’s prominent crotch area – one blade somehow misses, and the other bounces straight off! Fisk puts his hands behind his head and looks up at his attackers.

"Yeah. King Pigeon Pose, gobshites. What do you think about that then, eh?"

He looks pretty pleased with himself, but somewhere in the back of his mind he knows he can’t keep this up for too long…

”やばい。 これは何ですか、 "ゴブシャイト"ですか？ "ゴブシャイト"、重量？ それは素晴らしいです。 私たちは彼を殺すか、彼を残して先生にしてもらえますか？”

Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)

Jarvis Palkin; Yellow Belt
Mind: 3/3
Body: 3/3
Flexterity: 3/3
Moves: Deep Breath (+2 defence); Basic Splits (double melee); Tree Pose (double counter); Yogic Critical (crit on a 6); King Pigeon Pose (groin tank)

Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)

Richard Wensley; Yellow Belt
Mind: 3/3
Body: 4/4
Flexterity: 2/2
Moves: Deep Breath (+2 defence); Basic Splits (double melee); Tree Pose (double counter); Peacock Pose (inflict -1 init./chance of stun); Ocean Breath (regain 2YMP)

Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)

Fisk Balck; Yellow Belt
Mind: 5/6
Body: 1/2
Flexterity: 1/1
Moves: Deep Breath (+2 defence); Basic Splits (double melee); Tree Pose (double counter); Yogic Slap (add YMP to Attack); King Pigeon Pose (groin tank)

Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)

Edit McKenzie; Yellow Belt
Mind: 3/3
Body: 3/3
Flexterity: 3/3
Moves: Deep Breath (+2 defence); Basic Splits (double melee); Tree Pose (double counter); Yogic Critical (Crit on a 6); Total Yogic Critical (Crit on an enemy 1)

Spoiler: ninjas (click to show/hide)

1: 2/1/2
2: 2/2/2

Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)

((For permanent wounds, maybe there's a way to get your parts back? That'd be less cruel. I think.))

Yes, that might just work.

[Sosoku234]

"Let's not try that again."

Quick, while they recover, stand up, jump, and do a Yogic Slap with the Basic Splits to perform what I will call the Critical Splits.

[IronyOwl]

((It just occurred to me that we forgot to recruit that bully whose entire family we murdered as our NPC sidekick with a dark past.))

Once again, Edith was covered in the blood of fuzzy woodland critters. This was not how she pictured being a Yoga master. Student. She wasn't sure what she had pictured it as, but it probably wasn't this.

"L-Lots? Lots of meese live in Siberia?

But, um. We're here... to find... someone to help us. A Yoga Master. I don't suppose you know any Yoga masters around here?"

[Harry Baldman]

"Uh... uh... UHHHH..." Jarvis uhhhs deeply.

Deploy the Deep Breath should the meese make an effort to strike us down!

[Pancaek]

Continue humming praise the lord and pass the ammunition. But switch over from doing Peacock Pose to Deep Breath, and insert myself between one of my teammates and the meese, in case they decide to get frisky again. 

[Sosoku234]

((It just occurred to me that we forgot to recruit that bully whose entire family we murdered as our NPC sidekick with a dark past.))

((That kid's gonna have some real problem later.))

[lawastooshort]

THE QUEST FOR BROMEDES… HERE – AND ELSEWHERE

Turn 3.4

"L-Lots? Lots of meese live in Siberia?"

”Yes. Quite. Lots of meeses lives in Siberia. More meeses than humans, they say. And they can get pretty frisky, you know…”

"Uh... uh... UHHHH..."

”Um. What’s your young friend’s problem? And, more to the point, why the hell haven’t you all gone, like, whoa – dudes. Ringo fucking Starr, man! Wow! Nobody ever bloody says that. It’s always like, ‘high pitched screaming bollocks’, oh, it’s John, or Paul, or even bloody George, have some used panties and screaming. Even, like, a who’s he, I’m sure he might have been famous or something would have been nice. But no: you land in my private pile of snow, punch one of my friend’s face off, and… anyway. What you doing using and abusing my yogic portal, dudes? You know that’s like only a one way portal? That’s why I’ve been here so bloody long. Generally too off my face to make the trek with the meeses to the exit.”

"Um. We're here... to find... someone to help us. A Yoga Master. I don't suppose you know any Yoga masters around here?"

”Ah. I see. Well, you  know. I’m, well. I’m kind of a Yoga Master as well as a drummer, you know? Although I’m probably not the one you want. Never am. Perhaps you could ask your humming friend here not to get too hummy and close to the meeses… he seems to be humming a traditional Siberian Meese mating call… Good breathing, though. Nice technique. So uh, do you know what this Yoga Master you want looks like? What do you want to know?”

"Let's not try that again."

Quick, while they recover, stand up, jump, and do a Yogic Slap with the Basic Splits to perform what I will call the Critical Splits.

[Assuming maximum YMP investment of 2… 5+2+1vs6+2, 5+2+1vs1+2] Back in late twentieth century America, Fisk leaps to his feet, or rather doesn’t, as he leaps directly into the air with the force of a yogic breeze – and Yogically Slaps both ninja in the face with his feet! Bam! He feels totally spent, but has the satisfying sight of seeing his foot blast straight through the one ninja’s face. It gets stuck inside it in fact, but it’s okay, because the face comes off as the body limps to the ground.

Confronted with this awful force, the second ninja, who ducked at just the right time, totally flees back to the van with the portal inside it, and slams the door.

Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)

Jarvis Palkin; Yellow Belt
Mind: 3/3
Body: 3/3
Flexterity: 3/3
Moves: Deep Breath (+2 defence); Basic Splits (double melee); Tree Pose (double counter); Yogic Critical (crit on a 6); King Pigeon Pose (groin tank)

Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)

Richard Wensley; Yellow Belt
Mind: 3/3
Body: 4/4
Flexterity: 2/2
Moves: Deep Breath (+2 defence); Basic Splits (double melee); Tree Pose (double counter); Peacock Pose (inflict -1 init./chance of stun); Ocean Breath (regain 2YMP)

Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)

Fisk Balck; Yellow Belt
Mind: 0/6
Body: 1/2
Flexterity: 1/1
Moves: Deep Breath (+2 defence); Basic Splits (double melee); Tree Pose (double counter); Yogic Slap (add YMP to Attack); King Pigeon Pose (groin tank)

Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)

Edit McKenzie; Yellow Belt
Mind: 3/3
Body: 3/3
Flexterity: 3/3
Moves: Deep Breath (+2 defence); Basic Splits (double melee); Tree Pose (double counter); Yogic Critical (Crit on a 6); Total Yogic Critical (Crit on an enemy 1)

Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)

Er. Sorry. Whhoops. There won't be a formal full ext turn just yet as there may be some dialogue required for some.

[Sosoku234]

Sit down and try to heal up for a minute.

"Yeah. You better run, you... arselicker.

[lawastooshort]

((ooh! nice traditional yogic insult, very good))

[Harry Baldman]

Jarvis pauses as he is very directly remarked upon.

"Uh, well, like... you know, there's this..."

He tries to recall.

“It’s okay Edith. This doesn’t have to be the end, either for me or for your Yogic journey. You know? But time presses, and I have to tell you this before I die, so that I can not die again later, or before, and so we can save the world together. Yeah… You need to find Bromedes, he’ll know what to do. He is one of the inventors of Yoga. He’s from, like, Ancient Greece and stuff. He was the first man to ever stretch backwards.”

The light bluish nature of his memory contrasts poorly with the Hawkes blue of his cognition.

"... just how many Yoga Masters do you like know, dude?"

Stop breathing deeply. But do keep an eye out.

[Sosoku234]

((ooh! nice traditional yogic insult, very good))

((It's the most ancient of insults from his ancestors.))

[IronyOwl]

"Oh, yes, we- no, we don't know what he looks like, but we do know his name! 'Bromedes.' Our yoga master was sort of murdered by yogic ninjas and we need his help to bring him back. Maybe you could help us find his help? Or, if you know how to, um... time travel? I forget how this was supposed to work, but if you could do it directly that'd work too."

Yogically reattach that poor meese's face. Can't make it any worse, right?

[Pancaek]

Richard's humming tapers off as he hears what the man says. Praise the lord and pass the ammunition is a traditional Siberian Meese mating call?

"Well, at least you meese are patriotic in your deviant activities. Let me help with that, Edith."

Help Edith in reattaching the poor meese's face. Channel some Mind/yogic essence to help the process, while quietly humming blood on the risers to myself.

[lawastooshort]

THE QUEST FOR BROMEDES… HERE – AND ELSEWHERE

Turn 3.5

Stop breathing deeply. But do keep an eye out.

"Uh, well, like... you know, there's this..."

”This… what?”

"Oh, yes, we- no, we don't know what he looks like, but we do know his name! 'Bromedes.' Our yoga master was sort of murdered by yogic ninjas and we need his help to bring him back. Maybe you could help us find his help? Or, if you know how to, um... time travel? I forget how this was supposed to work, but if you could do it directly that'd work too."

”Oh, whoa. Bromedes is cool, dude. He was, like, one of the first ever humans to do a headstand while totally stoned, you know? Me and the boys travelled back in time to meet him once – he lives in ancient Greece now. He spent a while in New York in the 50s – he’s pretty into jazz… but yeah. He’s back in ancient Greece. They, like, mostly wear dresses there. But that’s cool too, you know. I’m not judging. Anyway. There’s no direct portals to ancient Greece round here, but the meeses can take you to the two local portals if you want? Well, if they decide they like you? Which is unlikely since you just mashed that fecker’s face off.”

"... just how many Yoga Masters do you like know, dude?"

”Uh. Quite a few? Like, there’s me, Bromedes, Archimedes, the Daves – the rest of the boys always reckoned they were total yoga masters, but they didn’t really have the self-discipline of a true master, you know? William Shatner. Of course, some Yoga Masters are right mean, right? There’s been a few, anyway.”

Yogically reattach that poor meese's face. Can't make it any worse, right?

Help Edith in reattaching the poor meese's face. Channel some Mind/yogic essence to help the process, while quietly humming blood on the risers to myself.

"We could fix that meese’s face?"

"Yeah!"

Picking the dead meese’s face up of the floor between them, Edith and Richard sort of put it back on the poor animal’s mangled head. [2+1] It slips off.

”Well. Yeah. That meese is dead, man. Perhaps if you kinda repented your meesey sins by accompanying them on a meesey ritual they might help you out? That’s, like, what I had to do…”

"A meesey ritual?"

”Yeah. Well, kinda, like, accompanying them on a raid into their rivals’ territory to collect victims for ritual sacrifice. That would make you friends of the meeses for life, you know. Well, except, you know, the rival meeses. Then they’d probably let you ride on them all the way to the Knoll of Portals. Yeah. Hey, you want some of this?”

Ringo reaches behind his hair-covered ear and pulls out a slightly squashed suspicious-looking cigarette and lights it up. It kind of smells of moss. Burning moss.

Sit down and try to heal up for a minute.

"Yeah. You better run, you... arselicker.

[3] Back in America, Fisk sits down in the parking lot outside the dojo and tries to heal up for a minute, but it doesn’t really seem to have much effect. At least he feels like his mind isn’t melting out his ears so much?

Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)

Jarvis Palkin; Yellow Belt
Mind: 3/3
Body: 3/3
Flexterity: 3/3
Moves: Deep Breath (+2 defence); Basic Splits (double melee); Tree Pose (double counter); Yogic Critical (crit on a 6); King Pigeon Pose (groin tank)

Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)

Richard Wensley; Yellow Belt
Mind: 3/3
Body: 4/4
Flexterity: 2/2
Moves: Deep Breath (+2 defence); Basic Splits (double melee); Tree Pose (double counter); Peacock Pose (inflict -1 init./chance of stun); Ocean Breath (regain 2YMP)

Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)

Fisk Balck; Yellow Belt
Mind: 1/6
Body: 1/2
Flexterity: 1/1
Moves: Deep Breath (+2 defence); Basic Splits (double melee); Tree Pose (double counter); Yogic Slap (add YMP to Attack); King Pigeon Pose (groin tank)

Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)

Edit McKenzie; Yellow Belt
Mind: 3/3
Body: 3/3
Flexterity: 3/3
Moves: Deep Breath (+2 defence); Basic Splits (double melee); Tree Pose (double counter); Yogic Critical (Crit on a 6); Total Yogic Critical (Crit on an enemy 1)

Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)

Hohoho. I’m so bad at this GMing thing nowadays. Imagine if I only washed up every 2 weeks.

edit: whoa! I, like, can't edit the title of the OP. Gah.