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Author Topic: The worst artifact ever  (Read 18103 times)

smeej

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Re: The worst artifact ever
« Reply #75 on: August 06, 2008, 11:40:14 pm »

Well you have to adorn it with smaller sticks and bend a couple sticks AROUND it. Then name it. Then carve that name INTO the stick. Then claim you were possessed when you did that.

FIRST IRL DWARVEN ARTIFACT.
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MercDraco

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Re: The worst artifact ever
« Reply #76 on: August 07, 2008, 04:01:15 am »

i got a RM Bone Hatch made from their bones encircled with bands of their bones, with spikes of their bones and a Picture of a Kobold Rasing a Iron Bolt in RM-Bone (evidently bugger stole one of the bolts some hunter left laying around after shooting something) a next Season Change i got a Goblin Siege (year 2 of my fortress) and it was a Possession..but have been the ghost of the Gobbos leader and they want him back... however looking at their Civ list its completely Run by Elves whom their at war with... damn tree-hippies
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Boatmurderer

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Re: The worst artifact ever
« Reply #77 on: August 07, 2008, 07:02:56 am »

RM = Rhesus Macaque? If so, that's a whole lotta dead monkey going on there!
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Eater of Vermin

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Re: The worst artifact ever
« Reply #78 on: August 10, 2008, 03:59:07 am »

Today's effort, from a new fortress started under 39f:

Quote
Enenduz, "IllnessSmeared." a Schist scepter.     $2400

This is a schist scepter.  All craftdwarfship is of the highest quality.  It menaces with spikes of schist.

Only two letters away from being a really shit scepter.   Even the name is almost there... ::)

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Plank of Wood

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Re: The worst artifact ever
« Reply #79 on: August 10, 2008, 05:51:05 pm »

A sword made of giant cave spider silk.


wut
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Snikers

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Re: The worst artifact ever
« Reply #80 on: August 10, 2008, 06:09:31 pm »

The worst part is that GCS silk is such super-expensive shit that I bet that sword is worth quazillions of dwarfbucks.

Your fortress is going to be known throughout the land, and you'll have to live knowing it's because of your sword. Made of silk.
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Plank of Wood

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Re: The worst artifact ever
« Reply #81 on: August 10, 2008, 06:13:34 pm »

What I don't understand is why he needed to use a metalsmith and how it stays up when it is encrusted with rubys.


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Weev

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Re: The worst artifact ever
« Reply #82 on: August 10, 2008, 06:14:25 pm »

When I saw my boywer go into a fey mood, I was "OOOOH BOY. Year 1, and already I have a legendary crossbow!"
...When he came out of his workshop, and held up a BOW, my face fell. "Fireecho of the Scraped Armor" became something of a failure to me.  So, I set him about to be a marksdwarf, and taught him the difference between a craptastic crossbow, and a legendary bow.  One works, the other doesn't. 

...It was worth only 8400, and he's been promoted to champion of my marksdwarves.
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Plank of Wood

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Re: The worst artifact ever
« Reply #83 on: August 10, 2008, 06:15:28 pm »

Put it on a weapon trap.
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THLawrence

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Re: The worst artifact ever
« Reply #84 on: August 10, 2008, 06:26:46 pm »

Don't high quality ranged weapons effect the accuracy of the weapon? If so you should have made lots more crossbows for his squad to use.
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Weev

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Re: The worst artifact ever
« Reply #85 on: August 10, 2008, 06:32:46 pm »

Put it on a weapon trap.
I thought it silly for a trap with a artifact, but that's just me.
Don't high quality ranged weapons effect the accuracy of the weapon? If so you should have made lots more crossbows for his squad to use.
He did. I have workshops set aside for legendarys, I don't like making a overabundance of weapons, so I made just enough for his squad and a civilian militia.
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Plank of Wood

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Re: The worst artifact ever
« Reply #86 on: August 10, 2008, 06:36:57 pm »

Put it on a weapon trap.
I thought it silly for a trap with a artifact, but that's just me.

Your dwarves can't use it, the trap can. Would you rather have a waste of stockpile or a working trap?
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The science of burning innocent children could be perfected into clockwork.
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Nomadic

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Re: The worst artifact ever
« Reply #87 on: August 10, 2008, 07:30:57 pm »

For stuff like that it generally goes in my artifact room (fully engraved room with rows of unused artifacts locked in safely by a floodgate and defended by cage traps).
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A_Fey_Dwarf

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Re: The worst artifact ever
« Reply #88 on: August 12, 2008, 03:45:36 am »

Imagine wearing this earing:
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Aqizzar

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Re: The worst artifact ever
« Reply #89 on: August 12, 2008, 03:46:24 am »

EDIT: Ninja-ed.

And damn that's a big earring.  Spikes, five different pictures, and more hanging rings on the ring.  You'd have to have one of those crazy African ears to wear that.

(Rambling about earring cause I already posted.  I will not waste a post.)
« Last Edit: August 12, 2008, 03:48:48 am by Aqizzar »
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