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[Reudh]

Jeeze Josh, that sucks.

Reminds me of the time my teacher in year 8 (~I was 13, most other students were 14) (also i don't know the american equivalent) flat out told me "you'll amount to nothing, because you're lazy". Much the same sorta thing happened to me, my grades crashed pretty damn badly after about year 8 or so, "crawled through a fog of depression" and meanwhile I'm just barely back on my feet at age 24.

On the plus side, I did get a high distinction on my last test!

Oh right, cycling stuff.

So the trains fucked up because first world country, third world infrastructure, and that resulted in me having to cycle 17km in a race against time up hill and down dale, last Tuesday. It was infuriating: I had a test at 9am, got to the train station at 6:30am (because allocate extra time to travel, it's usually ~100min to my uni), announcement states "Major power outages at <Shitsville> Station, <Most heavily used> line and <second most heavily used> line will not run trains today. Alternative transport has been arranged, but we don't know when they will arrive."

So my options were thus:
- Take my bicycle back home, hope i time it correctly to catch the local bus back up to the station and hope the rail replacement buses arrive in time to get to uni before the test starts, because bicycles aren't allowed on buses (especially not full sized mountain bikes)
- Lock my bicycle up at <Reudhtown> station for 12+ hours; probably not a great idea given i only have two locks and the bicycle has three quick release levers (front wheel, rear wheel, seat). While not a bad neighbourhood, I'd rather not overly risk the thing that keeps me sane in my downtimes.
- Cut my losses and cycle up the highway from <Reudhtown> to <Shitsville>, where the trains to the city were still running. Of course, the highway from Reudhtown to Shitsville is rather dangerous and heavily used, as it's a major arterial that connects to another major arterial. Additionally, in some places there is no footpath, and in other places where there is a footpath, it is strewn with glass and rubbish. Thick as my tires are, I didn't want to tangle with a beer bottle and end up stranded in <Shittierville>.

So option 3 is what I took, and I cycled up the highway, cursing and swearing most of the way. Of all the days it could occur, it had to occur when I had a test that ABSOLUTELY COULD NOT BE RE-SIT DUE TO LATENESS/ILLNESS/ETC.
I thrashed myself to stay at 20km/h as hard as I could, but with the highway being quite steep in some parts, it was a real trial. Add to that the characteristic high winds that Melbourne faces, and it was even tougher. Red faced and wheezing, 17km (10mi) and an hour and twenty minutes later, I arrived at Shitsville. Drenched in sweat from the cycle, angry beyond belief, and the next train was not for another ten minutes!

[JoshuaFH]

This is a late reply, but good job man.

I went to a Power Yoga class today, and for a class all about stretching and breathing and doing poses, it severely whooped my ass. Cute girls are watching as I ignore the deep coordinated breathing as I try to catch my breath and sweat buckets all over the mat. Turns out I'm as stiff as a board, even when trying to do simple things like sitting and bending over I struggle harshly. The more difficult stuff was right out... Please instructor I can't support my entire body weight on my hands.

But I took the plunge and signed up for that membership at the Y. I plan on going to those classes more frequently, which will be free now that I'm a member. I haven't really talked or socialized with anyone yet, besides maybe the people at the front desk that were happy to accept my 80 dollars, but one step at a time, first things first is that I should focus on reaching a level of fitness where the group exercises aren't killing me and I'm not embarrassing myself struggling to complete them.

[NRDL]

Go Joshua!

[JoshuaFH]

I did another kickboxing class today, and by kickboxing I mean a lot of cardio and stretches, and it thoroughly whooped my ass again. I know I'm out of shape Body, but do you have to sweat so much? But anyways, the instructors are nice at least, even though near the end I could barely move enough to make even a passing effort at the exercises, I was panting heavily, and I was at one point thinking I was going to throw up, but I completed the class... 'Completed' if you want to call it that.

Tomorrow is Hatha Yoga. I'm not completely sure that that is, but if it's anything like the Power Yoga, I anticipate another difficult gauntlet of stretches and poses.

[Reelya]

Did you ever get some lighter weights, J? Remember I said to go for the plastic adjustable dumb-bells. They're much cheaper than metal weights, and you can put standard weight plates on them if you ever get to the point of "upgrading:

http://www.kmart.com/sunny-health-fitness-40lb-vinyl-dumbbell-set/p-00648192000P?plpSellerId=Kmart&prdNo=3&blockNo=3&blockType=G3

[JoshuaFH]

I had actually not touched my lonely weight in a while. I guess I just wasn't sure where I was going with the weight lifting exercise, and so lost motivation in that.

[JoshuaFH]

The Hatha Yoga was pretty alright by the way. I was wrong in my initial idea that there'd only be women and no men, which filled me with some anxiety as I'm always conscious of being seen as a feminine man, but there were a few other men in the last few classes I attended, which is relieving. Older men, but men, so I don't feel as if I'm participating in something that was meant exclusively for women.

These exercises have shown me just how desperately inflexible and off-balance I am. Anything that requires stretching I can only roughly half-do, and anything that requires balancing has me awkwardly tipping over every few seconds. Hopefully I can become limber and agile as I continue.

[NRDL]

Are there dance classes where you are at?  Alongside combat based exercise, dancing's fantastic for fitness, and especially building balance and rhythm.

[JoshuaFH]

I looked online, there's a few 'dance academies' in my area. There's a couple actually, which I found surprising, but I think the most likely prospect is a ballroom dancing-centric one. All others seem to be for ballet or children or gymnastic 'motion dance' whatever that is.

Even in the classes I've described so far, even though they've all been held as a group, I've been very much pretending that I'm by myself. I was getting into the yoga one a bit, but one of the walls of that classroom is a big mirror, and I can't help but see myself in it and notice how out of place I look, which is still exactly how I feel, like a foreign and unwanted element in an already perfect ecosystem, and I pollute it just by trying to exist in it as well. I'd mentioned before that I'd read the book Models, by Mark Manson, and he has a pretty good website too that I've been reading every now and again as well. While writing simply for laypeople, everything he writes is so emotionally powerful and moving, I'd mentioned before that I'd have to put his book down every page or so to recoup myself, and if only for that reason I've been holding Mark in very high regard in my mind. For all these social adventures into the outside world, I've been very motivated just by thinking "Would Mark approve of this?", and he would approve of my classes at the Y, so I've been steeling myself and going even if I feel anxious being about these people. I know he definitely would not approve of my persistently passive, avoidant, and anti-social demeanor, so I just have to hope that he'd understand and cut me some slack.

But about dance, I know for certain he'd approve of that, it's written explicitly in the book about finding social activities. If only for that reason, I'll have to give it serious thought.

[NRDL]

Looked at this guy Mark Manson's website, I can definitely imagine falling for his words.  There's something fascinating about life coaches and self-help gurus who aren't all that aggressive and self-promoting. I follow a guy on youtube, page is called Charisma on Command, I think you'd like him.  Lots of tips on how to deal with social anxiety, interaction all that jazz.

[JoshuaFH]

I haven't forgotten this thread. In fact I think about it nearly every day, and so it passes that today was the day I set out for myself on May 7. I'm still 202 pounds with clothing on, did not break 30 mph on my bicycle, did not crack 1000 miles traversed. I've failed my set goals pretty badly, objectively speaking. Were there events that frequently upset my schedule and prohibited frequent or gainful exercise? Sure, but that's no excuse. It's true that the quality of my life overall has improved considerably, but honestly I could have done better, and I can't help but feel disappointed in myself.

The only thing left to do now is to redouble my efforts, I'm going to come up with a new goal with a new expectation of myself, though exactly what I'm not yet sure.

[Starver]

If you'd have achieved your achievements, you'e have kicked yourself for not choosing loftier goals, I'm sure.. 

I suggest you continue towards the 1000, at least, if not impossible to achieve for other reasons.  Your weight goal is something you can head for, draw back from, even overshoot and (in the more severe cases) even be medically advised to head towards from the other direction.  Your speed goal isn't something I would personally value (as noted), and may be asymptotically unreachable (it isn't, only 670,616,629 mph is truly that, but still the increased effort might be best spent elsewhere), so perhaps leave that aside as an 'oh look! I just did it!" future incidentally happy occasion.

But you can't do less miles than you currently have, and apart for doing nothing at all (my particular area of expertise!) even spinning the odometer wheel will send you to your goal..!

See how long it gets to get to the 1000, if you want my advice, then factor in the various changes (location, lifestyle, time commitments) in making a 'target' for the next 1000, or even 500, 100, if you can't see too far ahead.  I would not exclude too many of your other activities just to make this work. Unless you want to. But you don't have to and other forms of self-improvement exist that you can add to the mix, including those dancing/yoga/etc things you mentioned before, if they still appeal.

Or so is my advice. Take with a pinch of (lo-salt) salt, if you wish, but its there if you want it.

[Reelya]

The only thing left to do now is to redouble my efforts, I'm going to come up with a new goal with a new expectation of myself, though exactly what I'm not yet sure.

Try adding exercise when watching anime or other shows. Combining exercise with something you do for other reasons that's otherwise dead time is a great idea.

[NRDL]

Glad to see you're taking this as a challenge to do better.  As for goals, just try doing what you've already set, if not lowering it somewhat, aiming too high is unreasonable and unhelpful in actually getting you to achieve it.  At the very least, break down your main goal into smaller subgoals that can be achieved on a regular basis, so you can have the high of success pushing you to your next step, then the next, then the next, so on and so forth.

[JoshuaFH]

My internet will be disconnecting shortly. This isn't a goodbye post, but at the very least it's a post to commemorate this deliberate change in my life, towards altering my life.

I'll still be visiting Bay12 every now and again, though only when I make visits to the library, which is considerably more restrained internet access than having completely unlimited private home access.

It's time to do combat with my first winter in my new apartment.