Here's the beginning of a thing.
Dumbledore whipped out his Glock. "I don't have your Horcrux, Tom. To be quite honest, I disposed of it some time ago." He aimed the pistol at the Dark wizard's head, his eyes twinkling cheerily even as he prepared to commit murder. "I apologise, but I must do this for the good of hamsterkind." As an afterthought, he added, "...and all those humans you killed. Bless their non-hamster little souls."
Suddenly he pulled the trigger, sending Voldemort flying backwards, blood spraying from his chest.
The old hamster cackled insanely.
"Very good, my minion," the wrinkled hamster intoned in the voice of a thousand demons, "you are becoming wise in the ways of the dark side. Soon I shall christen you Darthledore."
"Thank you, master." He smiled serenely as he looked down at Riddle's mangled corpse.
"Now, my loyal servant, you must dispose of the Potter child. He too meddles in my affairs. He also wears framed glasses, which I find annoying and tasteless."
Dumbledore nodded gravely. "The glasses are, indeed, the worst thing about the child. But would you not care to bring him to our most glorious crusade? He is pure of heart. Hamster Rights would be important to-"
"SILENCE!" bellowed the rodent. "You dare to contradict my orders?"
"...I am sorry, master." The old wizard bowed his head, sinking to his knees. "I cry your forgiveness."
"No matter. It is merely a trifle. Whichever way you see it, Potter must die. I leave it to you to decide the method."
The hamster vanished, Apparating away to his solitary fortress - but Dumbledore now knew that it was not magic that fuelled his abilities, but the Force.
[Darthledore...] he thought, nodding thoughtfully as he Vanished the still-twitching corpse of He Who Must Not Be Named. [It has a nice ring to it.]
Harry sheathed his katana. "Good-bye, Malfoy."
Malfoy spluttered indignantly as the hundreds of broken robot slaves crashed to the floor around him. "What... how..."
Harry shrugged. "You learn these things at Hogwarts. If only you'd listened."
The blond Slytherin tried to regain a little of his bravado, putting on a shaky smirk. "I can say for a fact that they-"
Suddenly, Malfoy found his belt in two pieces and his trousers falling to the floor.
Harry smirked right back, resheathing his blade. "I wouldn't be so sure. Hogwarts is known for its iaijutsu training."
And with that, he left Malfoy, humbled, standing in the ruins of his plan for world domination.
"Blimey, Harry." said Ron.
There was a pause, during which Harry absentmindedly read the dictionary again to see if it had changed. It had - his name and 'awesome' were now synonyms.
"Blimey, Harry." Ron repeated. "You sure you aren't on... I dunno... cocaine? Have Fred and George been selling Muggle drugs again?"
Harry shook his head. "I'm telling you, Ron, you're the one who was on drugs. Your memories of your real life have been replaced with these boring, mundane ones." He held up a copy of 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire', then promptly bisected it with his katana.
"...blimey." said Ron, a man of simple mind and even simpler vocabulary.
"I give up," complained Harry. "you're even less coherent now than you were after the Fifteenth Robotic Uprising, where the autosurgeon turned you into a man."
Ron boggled.
"Yes, Ron." Harry sighed and showed Ron a picture of a stunningly beautiful woman. "That was you until that damned robot got you."
Ron continued to boggle.
"Ah, forget it."
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Topic: Katawa Shoujo Next - OOC Thread (Read 41498 times)