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[LordBrassroast]

So, I'm a guy in high school, and I have a crush on one of my close female friends. We get along well and have know each other for a while. I want to ask her to prom. However, I'm worried about rejection, and I don't want to make the friendship awkward. So, I have decided, in my infinite wisdom, to ask the borderline-sociopaths at Bay12 for relationship help. Do I ask her to Prom, or no?

[NJW2000]

If the main Thing is to go to the prom with her, you lose Little by asking Like it's no big Deal, Perhaps slightly contemptously of the whole Prom thing. just asking as a Friend, if you can do that. Apologies for Sagely capitalisatio, annoying Phone quirk. Nb i know little of yank culture so Advice Maybe not helpfuL.

[nenjin]

It's pretty solid advice for the US.

It's about priorities in my mind. If you can't be happy around your friend until you resolve these feelings, that is what it is. It's a somewhat selfish position but it's perfectly reasonable too, to need some sort of answer to how you feel. On the other hand if your friendship is honestly that important to you, it's not really worth risking over a crush, right?

And then there's the third factor: your ability to handle rejection. If you can honestly ask her out and not seem like you'll be upset by the answer, rejection ain't so bad for either of you.

But I know a lot of guys who "needed" to know the answer to this emotional question, and the amount of weight they chose to put on it is what made rejection hard for them to handle, and for their crush to deal with after the fact, which leads to the friendship becoming awkward and uncomfortable for both parties. I respect people with the self-confidence to ask someone out, get rejected and not take it personally. Because it's not an easy thing to do. If you think you're up to it, try it out. But just remember that telling yourself something and living by it are two totally different things.

[Trapezohedron]

Be a macho, ask her out, and if she accepts, take her by the wings. If she rejects, play it cool and bow out gently. Accept rejection. It's a major part of life.

[Mostali]

You:  "Hey, you going to prom?"

Case 1:
Her: "Yeah, I'm going with dumb-guy-jerk-you-hate-now" or "Yeah, you?"
You: "Ah" or "Nah, guess not.  I was about to ask you."  (Smile when you say something like that, otherwise comes off as bitter.)

Case 2:
Her:  "Nah" or "I don't think so"
You:  "Go with me, it'll be fun."

Either way, you have nothing to lose.  Period.  Be casual and nothing will change between you.  Plus, even if she declines, the seed of the idea that you would go to prom with her is planted. 

Also, this conversation should happen the first time you see her on some day - preferably with her walking up to wherever you are - in other words, be cool.  Don't wait until you're both about to split - that comes across as cowardly.  Whatever her response, change the topic quickly so that the situation doesn't become awkward.  You can mope or grin like an idiot later when she's not around. 

Good luck! 

[inteuniso]

Tell you what. She probably feels the same way. Act like it!Di

Ask her when she wants you to, but until then you don't have to worry about shit. Congrats man. Happy for you on your interrelationship, may it blossom beautifully.

[pisskop]

tell her.

be honest, do it now.

if she doesnt feel the sane way it wont be as ackward as you think.
guys like girls all the time.  and the reverse is always true.  friendships are typically stronger than that.


by telling her now you give them time to digest it so theres no confusion come time to ask about the prom.
dont suddenly ask them to the prom without expressing proper romantic interest

[DJ]

Just openly tell her you have a crush on her. It might spoil the friendship if she doesn't feel the same way, but then again you're going to lose touch with all your highschool friends anyway so no real loss there.

[Button]

Just treat it like no big deal. Humans get so many social cues from each other that as long as you act like you're cool with the situation, and don't do anything skeevy like pressure her, she'll probably be cool with the situation too.

Don't pretend you're only asking as a friend, because then if she finds out you were hoping it would turn romantic, she may consider this an attempt to lie to her. Just get it out in the open.

Mind you, by "get it out in the open" I don't mean "let your romantic interest dominate your social interactions from now on." If she rejects you, again, treat it like no big deal. Stay friends, don't pressure her, don't try to manipulate her, just accept her decision and try to act like everything's the same. Because it is.

Sorry if some of this was insulting, I just don't know where on the dating-maturity spectrum you sit so am erring on the side of stating the obvious.

[Solifuge]

There's decent advice here. Agree that you probably want to ask her as a date and not just a friend? Adding to that, asking a friend out or admitting a crush does not at all have to make the friendship awkward, unless one of you decide it's awkward. If you or she have difficulty handling friend style interactions after turning you down, that's something you can work on.

You can't know whether she can handle that (you could express that you want to stay friends), but it's something you could ask yourself; do you have the capacity to be friends afterward? And if not, do you think you could learn to?

It doesn't always work. I've complicated tenuous friendships this way enough that we drifted apart. Also broken up and stayed friends. Your mileage may vary.

[Antioch]

Yeah, make clear what you want. Shit only gets awkward when you develop different expectations from each other.

[uber pye]

Spoiler: my advice (click to show/hide)

ask her out, ya lose more if you just keep it tucked inside.

[TheBiggerFish]

What everyone else said.   

Good luck.

[Jimmy]

Does she already have a boyfriend?

Is there a legitimate reason she'd object to having a boyfriend (e.g. she's told you she doesn't want one)?

Is there a reason you'd expect outside resistance to your interests in her (e.g. your parents or her parents objecting to your relationship)?

If you answered no to the above, asking her to the prom is a great way to break the ice and hopefully lead to something else.

Here's a pro tip from a married guy: most girls aren't all that hard to impress. The ones that are aren't worth your time, and you should remember that they've got the same desire as you to be in a relationship, but with a lot of social stigma attached to them being the first one to make the move on going from friendship to something more. Society tosses out a lot of hate towards women who are forward in expressing their desires, so man up, grow a pair and fake it 'till you make it dude!

Also, remember that if all else fails and this blows up in your face, you never would have had a shot anyhow and it's better to know it now. There's plenty more fish in the sea, bro. Confidence and the right attitude will get you a long, long way, trust me on this. Enough to get you in a heap of trouble when you discover you've somehow got three different girls who think they're all in a relationship with you at the same time. Should you find yourself in this situation, I'll be happy to help with my experience here too.

[Shadowgandor]

I've been in this situation more then once. If you think you won't be able to just stay friends without feeling bad about it, ask her out. Tell her how you feel about her. I lost a good friend/crush due to bottling up my feelings for her and ever since I stopped feeling afraid of telling people how I feel about them things have gone a lot better for me