((When you put "you" (outside of speech of course) you are defining what the other person/their character encounters. That's the role of the GM, not another player. I tend to get pretty deep into my character's mindset myself, but when that happens I find myself writing "I" instead of my character's name, and I still refer to other characters by their names or descriptions. You're putting down "Noir" for your own character and "You" for the other player's character, which means you're writing from the perspective of an outside observer or of the character that you're interacting with, not your own character, and you're dictating what the other player's character thinks, feels, etc, and are describing your characters actions as 'this is what happens', not allowing the other player to play their own character. that's not right.
It's the same problem that's happened several times now when you've been writing for Noir's tail being all grabby, and why we had to put down rather jarring "no you're wrong that is not what happened" statements that broke immersion upon reading them.
bad: You are grabbed by Noir and thrown off the cliff. (past tense, written from X's perspective)
good: Noir grabs X and throws them off the cliff. (present tense, written from 3rd person perspective)
good: I grab X and throw them off the cliff. (present tense, written from Noir's perspective)
bad: You are grabbed by me and thrown off the cliff. (past tense, written from X's perspective, despite the 'me' in there, because everything is what happens to X, not what Noir is doing to X.) ))
Author
Topic: Omega legion: The Satyr's Entourage (Read 69624 times)