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[Nakéen]

I forgot we had an OOC. Woops.

How will customization/shopping/repairing and the likes work ? In how many turns should we expect to enter the "Battle Phase" of the game ?

Asking to get a better idea of the pace

[Mr.Zero]

I forgot we had an OOC. Woops.

How will customization/shopping/repairing and the likes work ?
Customization can be done freely as long as you have the required materials and knowledge for it, so plugging in a software module is something everyone can do, but to toy with a hardware module you have to have a little bit of engineering experience or seek out a suit engineer.

Shopping can also be done as long as there are shops. You don't necessarily need to have money, because maybe you can do things to obtain something anyway. Stealing and killing is also an option, but will likely have consequences.

Repairing or modifications will be done by a suit engineer or someone with suit engineer levels. Normally you'd think that if it's in maintenance, that you cannot use it. But I will use a fluid time mechanic. It'll be explained more in depth when I will put it in use, but for now imagine that when it's activated that there are essentially 2 copies of you. One which is undergoing the thing that requires the fluid time, like a week long repair or travel. The second you is free to do things in the area, to get more exp, advance your story more, shop,etc. However, if you have a broken suit undergoing repair, this will still mean that your suit is battered up. So you cannot combat very well. After the fluid time is done, I will merge the 2 versions of you in some smart way.

In how many turns should we expect to enter the "Battle Phase" of the game ?

about 3-4 turns, not including mini-turns EG 3.1,3.2,etc.
1 turn to get down there, 1 turn to get a mission debrief, other goodies and the 3rd turn to move out. Then depending on the Random Encounter roll, you may or may not fight. Though something will happen when you're on Atlas after you move out from the outpost, that you will arrive in.
Asking to get a better idea of the pace

[Nakéen]

Thanks for the clarifications, they are firing me up for what is to come

[Nakéen]

1. Are the turns clear in the type of information they should be displaying?
2. Is the formatting good so that you can properly figure out who is talking and when?
3. In regards to the writing about the surroundings and other things, do you want more or lesser? Specify if different.
4. Is there something missing in here which you would like to have for a quick overview?
5. Is the type of writing satisfactory or easy to read, or is there something I need to look at in order to improve on?

1. Information is pretty clear, I praise you for that !

2. No problem with the formatting, conversations are perfectly clear to read.

3. The landscape description is fine, maybe short to some, but it really doesn't bother me. Maybe during combat phase you could make an exception and add more description to peculiar obstacles or terrain detail to note.

4. Nothing I can think of right now.

5. Despite the paragraphs being well separated and the setting being interesting, I admit I have trouble reading the whole text in one go. Maybe you could try adding additional spacing before an ellipsis or a distinctive sign like (...). Then when it comes to writing style, I am bad at giving advices. I will probably add something later if something comes to my mind.

[Hawk132]

1. Are the turns clear in the type of information they should be displaying?
2. Is the formatting good so that you can properly figure out who is talking and when?
3. In regards to the writing about the surroundings and other things, do you want more or lesser? Specify if different.
4. Is there something missing in here which you would like to have for a quick overview?
5. Is the type of writing satisfactory or easy to read, or is there something I need to look at in order to improve on?

1-5. Is good.

[AbstractTraitorHero]

I really like it and I have no complaints.

[Twinwolf]

I've liked it so far.

[The Ensorceler]

I'd like to join at some point, but I likely won't have a finished sheet for a while unless I get unusually inspired. I would still appreciate any feedback, as I really need to work on my writing. Probably also the name; anyone have a suggestion for coming up with names would have all my gratitude.

Name: Ahroni Yahat
Gender: M
Age: 76
Notable Characteristics: Although there are a few small scars, the only major injury Ahroni Yahat has suffered is to his spine, suffered when the frigate Hangman's Heart was rammed into an asteroid mining facility. Replacing most of his spinal column is a segmented bionic equivalent with a red chrome shell. His hair is dark and stiff, his eyes are green, and his skin is fairly tan.
Class: Duelist
Starting Suit: Eidolon-A
Starting Stats:
- Strength: 8 [5]
- Dexterity: 14 [11]
- Intelligence: 15 [12]
- Constitution: 11 [8]
- Perception: 9 [6]
- Charisma: 6 [3]
Starting Skills:
-Novice Melee Weapons
-Novice Small Arms
-Competent Mechanical Engineer
-Competent Saboteur
Bio: Born on one of the older orbital factories, Ahroni Yahat was sent to and raised on Argos, a floating island nation. Never having much of a social life, Ahroni managed to earn enough to begin a higher education at the age of twenty-eight. Having picked up a solid engineering background and looking for a fast track to a better life, he signed on to a Vanguard based ship privateering for the big money in the area as an mechanic, and participated in the capture of several colony ships and the First Sacking of Dunnerhan. The privateer business never terribly reliable to begin with, business dried up almost completely when the new colonies establishing themselves started hiring security forces, and Yahat bounced between various mercenary and criminal groups over the next fifteen years. Becoming repeatedly frustrated by the low pay and ever increasing bounty on his head,  he began a string of disastrous mutinies, including the sabotage of the Hangman's Heart, Ahroni eventually found themselves nearly unemployable, hounded by bounty hunters, and souring of his old lifestyle. Retired for a few years under a false name in, somewhat ironically, the hellhole that Vanguard had become, he found his old captain, who told him about Aegis, a place that didn't care about your past. A few days later, Ahroni found themselves in orbit around Atlas, his last chance at the quick buck he was promised so many years ago.


I've been up all night working on this, so there could still be some improvement in places, but I like the gist of what I've gotten down. Should I maybe throw in a personal connection in the bio? Too many Noodle Incidents? I also can't think of a name, and I'm not sure about Cheating Bastard as a skill in a formal sense, though it is definitely a part of the character.

[Mr.Zero]

I'd like to join at some point, but I likely won't have a finished sheet for a while unless I get unusually inspired. I would still appreciate any feedback, as I really need to work on my writing. Probably also the name; anyone have a suggestion for coming up with names would have all my gratitude.

Name:
Codename:
Gender: M
Age: 76
Notable Characteristics:
Class: Duelist
Starting Suit: Eidolon-A
Starting Stats:
- Strength: 8 [5]
- Dexterity: 14 [11]
- Intelligence: 15 [12]
- Constitution: 11 [8]
- Perception: 9 [6]
- Charisma: 6 [3]
Starting Skills:
-Novice Melee Weapons
-Novice Gun Kata
-Competent Mechanical Engineer
-Competent Cheating Bastard
Bio: Born on one of the older orbital factories, [name] was sent to and raised on Argos, a floating island nation. With a fairly uneventful youth, [name] finally earned their way into a higher education at the age of twenty-eight. Having picked up a solid engineering background, [name] signed on to a corporate privateer ship as an mechanic, and participated in the capture of several colony ships and the First Sacking of Dunnerhan. Bounced between various mercenary and criminal groups over the next fifteen years, a number of attempted mutinies, including the disastrous sabotage of the Hangman's Heart led to [name] eventually becoming nearly unemployable. Now working for only themselves, [name] soon found themselves on Atlas.


I've been up all night working on this, so there could still be some improvement in places, but I like the gist of what I've gotten down. Should I maybe throw in a personal connection in the bio? Too many Noodle Incidents? I also can't think of a name, and I'm not sure about that last skill, in a formal sense, though it is definitely a part of the character.

First look, it looks like a solid foundation for a character. I get the feeling that you are going for an outlaw type of character, a la space pirate, which is pretty neat. But there are a few questions which I've gotten from reading this, maybe you could slightly elaborate on these.

1. You sack a few colony ships (Why specifically those, wouldn't trade freighters bring up more?), which is fine and dandy but it will guaranteed bring attention to your crew from governments or other corporations. You do some stuff and then from what I think, you make a mess of an outlaw base/world which put you in a bad light with them as well.

You could describe how you are first avoiding the authorities and then later the outlaw's. The authorities might have let you slip because of what you did, but they'd still capture you if seen or they struck a deal with you to sabotage HH. I dunno, plenty of good story here with being hunted or shunned.

WHICH then would grant you the ability to become a cheating bastard Negotiator, which could tie in to your 'earning' of the studies.

2. You say uneventful, you could describe an event which set him out on the path of semi-piracy. I also have my doubts about him having earned the higher education, unless you mean that he made a few dirty deals here and there.

3. Why did he attempt mutinies? It's a pretty serious offense, if it fails, so I fathom that the reasons are solid AND he'd have to be pretty like-able. If we'd know them, we could also develop more feeling or understanding for the character, as we can figure out how he thinks and why.

4. Why gun kata and melee? I don't see how they tie in with the story. I can understand either of these, but not both since you are not from a military origin or some other secret order.

For a name suggestion, here are a few (Just random ones which popped into me). Gideon, Aharoni, Monty, Wilson, Yahat, André.

[The Ensorceler]

Thanks for the feedback. The fighting thing could use a bit more description, but it basically just amounts to a bare minimum of weapons skill, and never getting in a fair fight. At novice level, Gun Kata is basically  just going to be whipping out a sawn-off shotgun and shooting your opponent in the gut, anyways. He'll pick up more on the job, since his old tactics are better used on ships, full of tech to use to rig a battlefield in his favor.

The earlier bits of his career are legally pretty safe until someone takes down the companies backing his old privateer buddies. Interrupting the economic development of certain colonies was in the charter on the privateer group he was with, so the bonusses made up for the poor haul.

On a personal level, they used to be significantly more power hungry, and the mutinies were done the wrong way around, attacking bosses first and scrambling for allies second. He was never successful, mostly because what charisma he has isn't really aimed at the whole hearts and minds thing.

The whole earning a higher education thing was just in there to imply it there wasn't public/free education availible.

Edit: Sheet is updated.