3
Ponder status more.
[6] So. You might exist. You might think. You might think you might exist. You
do think that the only real way to tell is to take a closer look, so you remove all your clothing and stand in front of the full length mirror to your right. You think that you see you, and realise an uncomfortable truth about your status.
NEW STAT UNLOCKED: NAKED!
Name: TheBiggerFish?
Burning: No
Naked: Yes
Wounded: No
PRAISE THE CHUNKS!!!
[6] You want to praise some chunks, but you’re not sure what kind of chunks. Fresh chunks? Fish chunks? Flash chunks? Flish chunks? Aha! Flesh chunks! Probably. You slice off your left leg at the knee and chop it into chunks, or at least start to chop it into chunks, until you interrupt yourself by passing out from blood loss. Or pain. You’re unconscious, so you have difficulty telling which.
NEW STAT UNLOCKED: MAIMED!
Name: Salsacookies
Burning: No
Naked: No
Wounded: Yes
Maimed: Yes
Shout a long string of unintelligible Irish curses into empty space whilst shaking a (possibly nonexistent?) fist.
[5] You
think you shout something extremely similar to the words
feck fecking fecker of a fecking eejit, you fecking feck fecker! at that fecking eejit of an empty space just in front of you, but you can’t really tell – you’re completely unintelligible, even to yourself. The life of a priest is long and arduous. And not made any easier by drinking heavily from 7am onwards, no matter what you tell yourself. Wait, is that
your fist? It looks puzzlingly non-existent.
Name: Yoink
Burning: No
Naked: No
Wounded: No
Maimed: No