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[origamiscienceguy]

You have no access to walls, so you grapple up to the ceiling and fire some Gauss shots into the seams of the metal. The selffulfs start congregating below you, slowly squishing each other up to your level. You yank on the damaged panel and it falls on top of the selffulms, angled sideways. It cuts straight through many of them resulting in their deaths. With this new time, you find an extremely large conduit that connects directly to the reactor. You try to yank it off, but it is too thick. You wish you still had your sword, but you find a solution by grappling to the conduit, and placing your other grapple on the floor, and retracting both. Your arms hurt from the strain, but as you hoped, the conduit broke and The two disconnected parts of the wire now dangle from the ceiling. Almost instantly, the lights in the room go out. The selffulf begin to engulf you, but you grapple on to the ceiling again. The master speaks. "You fool. Now there is no way to avoid an impact. We will all die now. What was the point of this." The wire starts arcing through the air to discharge all the energy generated by the black hole. The electricity seems to hunt the selffulfs and each one explodes into gore on impact. It seems that their single-celled bodies are very susceptible to electricity. Once all of them had died, you turn on your helmet flashlight and see the master standing in some strange armor and holding 8 green glowing pistol in his arms. They are all aimed at you. "We are all going to die, but I will make sure you die first." You Gauss pistol has only one shot left.

Yeah dude. This is awesome.

After this.. there must be another you can't die C:

Thank you, but past experience has taught me that if I try to do this too much, I get bored. So there will be a health break between this one and the next. If you want, I can post in this thread once a new one starts. If you want to read a previous You Can't die, here are the links.
You can't die 1 (Involving riding nuclear missiles, hijacking tanks, and killing a whole army by yourself.) The original, absolutely no plot, just random crap suddenly appearing.
You Can't die 2 (involving dragons. What more needs to be said?) This one is my favorite so far. I think I like it a bit more than this one even.
There was a You can't die 3, but I got bored and never finished it.

[TheBiggerFish]

Use the black hole as a wormhole.  Go back in time and REVERSE THE POLARITY DAMMIT.

[origamiscienceguy]

REVERSE THE POLARITY DAMMIT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!?!?!?!? 

[TheBiggerFish]

REVERSE THE POLARITY DAMMIT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!?!?!?!? 

IT MEANS TURN THE SHIP AROUND BY MESSING WITH THE BLACK HOLE.  AND LOTS OF SHOUTING.

[Sosoku234]

"Damn. We're in a tight spot!" Meh, no point in doing anything rash. Said no one ever.

Due to the lack of power, and lack of rotation, there is no artificial gravity. Meaning we are in zero g's.

Grapple down to mid level before master fires, then in split second timing, fire the last bullet in the opposite direction of the door. Star flinging explosives along the hallway as we go. Like a water sprinkler.

[origamiscienceguy]

"Damn. We're in a tight spot!" Meh, no point in doing anything rash. Said no one ever.

Due to the lack of power, and lack of rotation, there is no artificial gravity. Meaning we are in zero g's.

Grapple down to mid level before master fires, then in split second timing, fire the last bullet in the opposite direction of the door. Star flinging explosives along the hallway as we go. Like a water sprinkler.

The ship is so massive that it has its own gravity.

You feel a change in the direction of gravity because the engines were no longer firing. That change probably saved your life because you slide towards the side wall and the master's green bolts (probably plasma) fly right past you. The captain said that your suit was bullet-proof, but probably not plasma-proof. The armor is probably too strong for you to kill with a bullet, so you stand opposite of the door, disable your Gauss pistol's recoil suppressors, and fire. The recoil jars your arms, but it sends you sliding backwards fast enough to avoid another volley of plasma. However, you bump into something and tumble backwards. When you come to a stop, you see the piggie from earlier. He looks hurt, but not in a life-threatning way. He says, "I know how you save planet. Master lied about black hole reactor. If reactor destoyed, black hole evaporate completely in minutes, letting out lots of energy, exploding ship. Black hole gone by time debris reach earth. You must go back, destroy reactor, then come to last escape pod this way. I get escape pod ready, but go if you not back in time." The piggie limps in the direction of the escape pod.

[Sosoku234]

Best idea. Pry a wall pannel off with our pen and coat it in most of whatever is left of our explosives. Throw it into the room and aim to get it a) as close to the master as possible, or b) so that it ricochets back to the reactor. Then detonate.

Run away, and find an outter wall and blow it up. Throw ourself out of the ship with all due haste.

[origamiscienceguy]

You use you awesome pen to pry off another wall panel by the seams. You attach all the explosives you have left on it and run back towards the reactor room. However, you stop right at the end. The master is blocking the doorway. 8 plasma pistols aimed at you again. You throw the panel with all your might at his head, forcing him to duck, but you see the panel bounce off a corner and fly out of sight in the direction of the reactor. While the master was distracted, you detonate the mines. The master is blown into the hallway by the explosion, and immediately, your HUD indicates that the room is warming up extremely rapidly. You take off down the hallway, and you hear the master running too. He takes wild shots, but misses each time. The floor starts getting sticky underneath your boots. Whatever godly material it is made out of, it is melting. Your insulating suit is doing well for now, but you don't know for how long. You risk a glance behind you and see that the master had discarded his pistols in favor of running as fast as possible. His larger size meant that he moved faster, and his armor protected him from the heat as well. You see the room that the piggie mentioned up ahead, and put all of your effort into running away. You turn the corner and find the escape pod with the canopy still open. The piggie is in the seat and he shouts, "hurry human" But right at that moment, the master grabs hold of your leg.

[TheBiggerFish]

Stab the other eye with the pen.  This should make him let go.

[Sosoku234]

Say this exact thing, changing our voice back to British English.

"Sorry, chap. There's no room in this tiny vessle for you. I'm sure that, if you hurry, you can catch the next trolley. Terribly sorry, and see ya later you bleeding blighter." Stab him in da eye. "FOR KING AND COUNTRY!"

[origamiscienceguy]

As the final strike down of the most evil foe know to the history of man, you pull out the pen. You know that the ship is falling apart, but you must save time for you one liner. "Sorry, chap. There's no room in this tiny vessle for you. I'm sure that, if you hurry, you can catch the next trolley. Terribly sorry, and see ya later you bleeding blighter." Stab him in da eye. "FOR KING AND COUNTRY!" He screams and lets go of your leg. You dive into the escape pod and shout, "GOETH! GOETH!" The piggy closes the canopy and launches out of the escape tube. The tube begins to melt before you very eyes and you worry that the pod will get stuck, but thankfully, it makes it through. You look behind out of the canopy and see an absolutely beautiful sight. The earth was clearly visible and the mother ship was hurtling towards it at a ludicrous speed But from the center, the ship became deformed and melted. Your scanners indicated that the tempeature was increasing faster and faster. Suddenly, the ship exploded into tiny fragments. The debris field spread out, and slammed into earth's atmosphere creating the most spectacular light show in history. From space, it looked like bright lights flaring up, then disappearing all over the earth. Some of the fragments hit the moon as well. Without an atmosphere, the moon got smothered with impacts. You hope that the moon colony was evacuated to earth. The stations around earth were very small and so most fragments missed them, but every once in a while, you see a point defense turret smash a fragment off of a collision course. You get on the radio and communicate with the space station. "Hilleaoh captain, the situatiohn ohn boaaard the alien vessel was more complicated than you, one's old bean, imagined. there were multiple alien species all undah the hieraaarchy of one they called the mastah. one alien species in paaarticulaaar were helpful in destroying the ship. they have the appeaaarance of upside-down pigs. the alien dropp ships aaare filled with humans, soh dane't shooht them down, and the multiple escape pods aaare filled with the piggies. soh dane't shooht them down eithah. one will return to the statiohn as soohhn as one is able. Jolly good show old bean!" The captain talks to you. "holy shit, you survived? I never should have doubted you! The Hedgemon has requested that if you are still alive, you be honorably discharged and paid a lot of money. So you can do whatever you want now. Do you know what these piggies want?" The piggie with you interrupts. "Hello, I am piggie. We want planet to ourselves. We learned that Enceladus moon of Jupiter is perfect climate for us so we want to live there." The captain speaks again. "I am in no authority to authorize that, but your requests are reasonable so I see no reason why they shouldn't be accepted." He then addresses you again. "I must once again congratulate you. You have saved humanity from... What did the aliens want with us anyways?" You answer. "They thought we were funny, so they wanted us as pets. You know, like lol catz?" He responds shocked "What? nobody thought that would have been their motive. Ha ha. This will make a good story someday. Once more, Good job Sir! Good luck with the rest of your life. May it be in peace.

THE END

[Sosoku234]

I just realized that I don't think we even gave ourself a name.

[origamiscienceguy]

That's the point. It's in second person and I keep the character nameless and genderless. The character is YOU!

[MoonyTheHuman]

Wooo! I want MOAR, amazing storys, and hilarious c;

[Sosoku234]

10 stars out of 5