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[RangerCado]

So... this is gonna be hard for me.

I'm Trans (male to female) and live with my Mom and siblings. When she found out things got quite toxic but worked out to being able to live at home and keep going to Uni. I've kept things fairly stable, no confrontations I don't have to take, seeing a counsellor who has actually been quite helpful for me though I don't think Mom understands that he's not helping me the way she wants. Things had been going fairly well... for the most part. I recently (2 hours ish) had to confront my mom about why some of my Books from my Bookshelf were missing. These books were the released physical of a Webcomic called Rain by Jocelyn Samara. (You can check her out on Deviant Art) She said she got rid of them because they made her sick to her stomach. Then stated she had also been most annoyed at discovering I had taken quite a bit of money out of my bank accout. (She doesn't know why, I won't tell her, but it was to help a friend stranded in Vancouver get home. Full details aren't something I want to share right now.)

The arguement continued for a bit, her getting QUITE mad when I questioned the legality of throwing out my property (which I'm still working on proving is illegal but can only find stuff for Minors. I'm 18 so I don't think I qualify there. Help would be nice (Canada, BC)) And has now given the big stink of as long as I have the car I better pay for Gas and the insurance (which I do, though when she offers to pay for a tank I take it which seems to have offended her even more somehow...) Essentially things are getting into a downward spiral slowly but surely to th point of threats to try searching my laptop. (Which after this and previous things I've done password changes on again repeatedly for everything)

Essentially... I've gotten to the point of thinking of packing up, quitting Uni, getting all the student loan money I still have to find a place and pay off debts, and then having a job and essentially working my way out of debt and out of my Mom's influence. It is drastic and I'm going to be spending quite a bit of time figuring things out in advance... but Its looking ugly and I'm starting to panic a little. (Emotional Ugly. Nothing physical but I know that happens to others...)

I just... I need advice from as many people as possible at this stage. Thank you for reading.

[TheBiggerFish]

Could you move on to campus?  That's probably less...drastic, although it might stretch your student loans.  Or find some friends you could move in with.

(Also, I'm pretty sure that taking your books and throwing them out is pretty much theft...But I don't know Canadian law on the subject.  I'm guessing that if you paid for them they are definitely yours, though.)

But mostly, *hugs*.  I hope whatever happens ends well.

Wish there was more I could do.

Also, why is she in your bank account?  I'd definitely move to get her out of your bank account if you're going to do that, so that she can't do anything revenge-y.

[RangerCado]

I

Could you move on to campus?  That's probably less...drastic, although it might stretch your student loans.  Or find some friends you could move in with.

(Also, I'm pretty sure that taking your books and throwing them out is pretty much theft...But I don't know Canadian law on the subject.  I'm guessing that if you paid for them they are definitely yours, though.)

But mostly, *hugs*.  I hope whatever happens ends well.

Wish there was more I could do.

Also, why is she in your bank account?  I'd definitely move to get her out of your bank account if you're going to do that, so that she can't do anything revenge-y.

Campus could work, its actually not that expensive comparatively. 200 in rent per month I believe, maybe less. Will check under theft laws for a bit. Already changed passwords and then some on a WHOLE bunch of other stuff, including here.

[TheBiggerFish]

Thank goodness.  I'd hate to see you discontinuing education because someone won't recognize who you are.

[Orange Wizard]

Or find some friends you could move in with.

Mostly this.

Your home environment doesn't sound comfortable at all, and that's a real problem. At the same time, though, financial stress is a real problem too when living alone.

If you can move in with a friend, or on campus, absolutely go for it, I think. You don't want to stay where you are, and it's a much smaller shock than trying to arrange housing on your own. You can worry about medium-long term lodgings once the immediate problem is solved.

...

With regard to throwing out your books, you should probably talk to a lawyer IRL. In terms of fees you'll probably end up spending a lot, but if you think it's worth pursuing for peace of mind or whatever (and if you can afford it, of course) then I'd say you should go for it.

...

IMO your priorities should be Mental health > Finances > Other. Ultimately it's up to you to know how much you can handle, but it does not sound at all like you should stay where you are,

[AlleeCat]

IMO your priorities should be Mental health > Finances > Other.

Definitely this.

Take care of yourself first and foremost, hon. I love you, and I want you to be happy and healthy. That said, don't drop out unless you really have to. You really do need to get out of your mom's place, but if you can do it without giving up on your education, that's even better.

Feel better, love. I'm always cheering for you.

[Skyrunner]

With regard to throwing out your books, you should probably talk to a lawyer IRL. In terms of fees you'll probably end up spending a lot, but if you think it's worth pursuing for peace of mind or whatever (and if you can afford it, of course) then I'd say you should go for it.

probably not worth it--it would be in small claims court, though. Maybe?

[RangerCado]

With regard to throwing out your books, you should probably talk to a lawyer IRL. In terms of fees you'll probably end up spending a lot, but if you think it's worth pursuing for peace of mind or whatever (and if you can afford it, of course) then I'd say you should go for it.

probably not worth it--it would be in small claims court, though. Maybe?

In actual price they were probably like 50 dollars including shipping. Maybe 55. If I could get even the money back it would be nice but definately not worth the fight. Save that for stuff with more physical meaning despite this being among the last straws.

[TheBiggerFish]

Emotional damages?

[RangerCado]

Ugh, tired. Need to order my words better.

Emotional damage... my mom is essentially going to be against me the rest of my life and any big family gathering I try to go to on my Mom's side of the family will be quite strained when I come out to them eventually. Likely when I leave house and get stable. Really its just a shock to the system I knew was coming but still hurts.

[TheBiggerFish]

I mean, you could include emotional damages in the suit.  I think.

(I need to words better/not be posting at midnight.)

[RangerCado]

I mean, you could include emotional damages in the suit.  I think.

(I need to words better/not be posting at midnight.)

totally understand the midnight thing. And... yeah, I did really want them and my Mom has essentially said they make her sick... kinda hurts considering the actual content is quite tame for the majority outside of the occasional swear fest in very short scenes. Nothing she should have found vulgar outside the story itself which is grasping at straws itself.

[Empiricist]

Damn. Long time no see, wish it were in better circumstances.

Right yeah, as with everyone says, you ought to try moving in with friends first, probably better for you financially and living with more tolerant people can give you time to calm down and get your bearings again. If you can't get her out of your bank account, try opening a new one and transferring everything into that one. Consult your IRL friends if you haven't already they might be able to think up of some more options.

[Orange Wizard]

totally understand the midnight thing. And... yeah, I did really want them and my Mom has essentially said they make her sick... kinda hurts considering the actual content is quite tame for the majority outside of the occasional swear fest in very short scenes. Nothing she should have found vulgar outside the story itself which is grasping at straws itself.

That seems... overly sensitive. Does she always react badly to cursing, etc.?

probably not worth it--it would be in small claims court, though. Maybe?

It's probably not a sound financial investment, all things considered. It's the sort of thing I'd want to do though, more as a symbolic "I'm not putting up with your bullshit" rather than a practical concern.

[Skyrunner]

I mean, you could include emotional damages in the suit.  I think.

(I need to words better/not be posting at midnight.)

totally understand the midnight thing. And... yeah, I did really want them and my Mom has essentially said they make her sick... kinda hurts considering the actual content is quite tame for the majority outside of the occasional swear fest in very short scenes. Nothing she should have found vulgar outside the story itself which is grasping at straws itself.

some people just think that anything that's not stories involving heterosexual cis people are distasteful