Bloating the Crows
Christendom has lost. It hast been losing for the past 600 years and it will continue losing until the Heart of the King-Bishop of Aquitaine is ripped out and sacrificed on Altars of Stone, or until the Bavarians find the time and cut the blood-eagle into him.
But where did the end begin? With the depraved Karl the Lecher, better known to most as Charlecupiens. Waging a decades long war over the Rule of the Empire of the Franks Christendom was weakened. In ensuing years the Saxon Empire managed to rise, unmolested by the attentions of Christians. Under the Rule of First the Theoderinci they reformed the Old Faith. The Saxon Empire last for less than two decades, before being torn down by an unkown sprout of the depraved Karlings, a man who was known as a pillar of Christian Virtue in a wretched hive of sin. However his achievements would not last.
With the Reformation of the Norse Faith and the weakness of the Christians old pagan sentiments rose anew. Led by the Dukes of Baden, the Welfs, the Germans revolted. It was a short victory. Even though the Welfs managed to become independent, The Pope and more importantly the Franks finally realized what was going on.
What nobody expected was the arrival of a family firmly held to be of the highest Christian Virtues, the Nibelunging family. A single rogue member of the family had abandoned the christian faith in favour of joining the Varangian Guard, with his return he found himself disowned but with great wealth, military experience and lots of unemployed warriors. In short order he conquered the Kingdom of Bavaria from the weak Agilofings and turned it into the Bavarian Empire we know today. These events would change Europe forever.Strange times indeed. In the Far Frozen North we have the Grand Commonwealth of Iceland, fierce imperialistic traders and merchants under the rule of the Drake Family. Mismanagement and Corruption by the other Families however greatly diminished their power. Over the years they lost control over Northern Ireland and their holdings in Cornwall.
Only with the recent election of Grand Godi Oystein Drake did the lack of the Commonwealth turn around. In a spectacular and three decade lasting war they brought down the Spear-arm of Christendom: Mighty Brittany. The most pious of christians fought tooth and nail, the rich and militarized kingdom turned into a burnt-out ruin. These days Brittany is being colonized by the ever growing Icelandic population, but the bretons have not forgotten the glorious olden days of the Breizh family when they still ruled strong...
Britain. Synonymous with genocide, slaughter and land changing hands so often that nobody knows anymore who owned it originally and who has the most right to it. Three mighty Kingdoms ruled in Britain: Ireland, Scotland and Brythoniad. All three were stalwart defenders of the Church and were the main contributors to the Four Crusades in Germany. When the Germans came for them however, they were left alone...one after another they fell.
Brythoniad was the first to fall, a King-Bishopric with noble knights sprung right out of Arthurian Legends had been wealthy to the point of excess in the end Icelanders, Danes, Saxons, Bavarians and Norwegians brought them all down. the Welsh however are still there, chafing under german rule.
What remained of Welsh Nobility fled North and founded the Teutonic Order. Supported by the Circinn Kings of Scotland they rebuilt the Hadrian Wall to protect the Christians of Scotland against the Southern Bab(v)arians. In the end however they failed. Scotland fell from the North. Iceland had landed on its coasts and turned it all into its colony. Interestingly it was the Norse who brought down the Norse.
For in those dark days of scottich history, a single courtier rose to prominence, a man of the unknown house of barclay. His exploits on the battlefields however made him famous and got him first a title as baronet and later as a count under a vassal duke of the Icelanders. Soon the duke died under mysterious circumstances and an advantageous marriage between the Scyldings of Danmark and the Barclays led to an Danish Invasion of Icelandic Scotland. The resulting tug of war gave the man time to unite the varios rebellious counts and duke of scotland under his rule and finally allowed the danish to take northern Scotland. However as the Danes left, occupied by issues in the east the Barclays rose and in a Lightning Campaign retook the Scottish Highlands. For well over two hundred years now the Barclays rule over Scotland.
The last Britannic Kingdom to fall was Ireland. Weakened by Icelandic Occupation of their Northern Lands and the various wars in Scotland and Wales, Ireland was unprepared when the Bavarians came. Barely recovering from decades of war they were plunged into chaos when the Aztecs landed their first ships on the coast. Today Ireland is deeply divided. In the North the Aztecs rule a mix of Norsemen and Germans. In the South, the Bavarians rule a mixture of Irish and Germans. If the Emerald Kingdom will ever return is anyones guess...
The Spanish Peninsula is if any place even worse than Britain. First Ruled by Christian Kings, then taken over by the Umayyad Sultanate, then in ac onstant state of flux between Christians, Jews, Sunnis and Shias, Spain finally fell to the Mali Empire when the Umayyad Sultanate split during its Shia Uprisings. Today spain is a meltingpot of religions, beliefs and cultures.
a wild mixture of Germans, Frisians, Norse and Suebi occupy the Northwest, the South is colonized by Andalusians and Mandé and the North East consists of Catalans, Basques, Castilians and a wild mixture of Christians, Sunni and African Pagans.
With the Fall of the Karling Empire, Francia split into three distinct parts: to the East, Middle Francia proved to be the Shield of Christendom against the Bavarians. In the Center, France was mostly known for its constant unending civil wars between the Karlings and later various successor dynasties. And in the South the King-Bishopric of Aquitaine which nowadays is the de-facto leader of what remains of Christendom.
Of these three France had fallen in the last decades of the 14th century. Partitioned between the Aztec Empire, the Frisian Kings and Middle Francia and end has been put to the constant civil wars. as with everywhere else the country is desolate, brought low by centuries of unending warfare.
And east of Middle Francia we enter the Prosperous and Rich lands of Bavaria. Following its wars of Independence and its own holy wars for the lands of Germany, bavaria rose as a bulwark of Norse Faith. Fighting off Four Successive Crusades, the country even had time to invade the British Isles. During the 12th century however, at the Height of the Lithuanian Power, the Romuvan High Priest called a Succession of Great Holy Wars against the Empire. For nearly 100 years much of germany was under occupation of Romuvan Pagans under the leadership of the Sons of Perkunas. this divide has never properly healed. To this day the people of Swabia and of Bohemia have kept an unheard of autonomy in their rule within the Empire. But there are two more independent Regions within the Bavarian Empire: The ancient Kingdom of Saxony and the ever warring Frisians.
Saxony had risen to power as the unifier of the pagan people and Emperors of Scandinavia, but within one generation it had fallen apart. quickly reduced to Kings of Sweden and then Dukes of Holstein, it was assumed that the Abbonids would eventually join the Bavarian Empire and vanish into obscurity. Instead they took advantage of the Romuvan Crusades, retaking ancestral lands which had so far been under bavarian control they returned to a prominent role as Saxon Kings. In recent years their crusades in Belgium and Holland has increased their wealth and power immensely.
But the future of the Bavarian Empire is threatened once more from the South. Italy had fallen to the Aztecs.
In what would be known as the Two-Week-War, The Papal States and with it the Kingdom of Lombardy had fallen. It was a shock to most of Europe when a massive fleet of ships passed the Gibraltar Straights and landed all over the Coast of Italy. Two Hundred Thousand Aztec Jaguar and Eagle Warriors ended the Patriarchate of Rome and with it the Lombard Kingdom.
One would think that the mighty Byzantines would use this opportunity to retake Rome and restore their Empire. Oh and they did.
Byzantium had been ruled by the Isauros for more than 600 years before the Sunset Invasion. when the Aztecs came, the Emperor raised the entirety of the Byzantine Military, more than 80 thousand men marched across Italy. Kataphracts crashed in glorious charges with Hordes of Eagle Warriors...and died. Eighty thousand Men including the Emperor of the Eastern Roman Empire died to a man. They fought hard, they fought well and they fought glorious...and they lost. Constantinople was shocked. Before it could recover, a family in occupied Croatia executed a quick coup and put the entire Isauros dynasty to the sword. Within days the 600 year Rule of Constantinople changed.
But these new Emperors chose the wrong moment to rule. Aztec Invaders in Carinthia and Sicily, Mongol Hordes looting and plundering in Cherson. And all of the Tagmatas wasted in a vain effort. The Byzantine Emperor had to kneel before the Great Khans and he had to kneel before the Aztecs.
"The Emperor who kneeled" became the laughing stock of Europe.
As Byzantiums power finally shows cracks, Serbia prepares for war. Once the undisputed rulers of the Balkans, they now cling to the Northern Carpathians like a drowning man to a piece of wood. Stuck between the Mongol Empire, the Byzantine Empire and the Bavarian Empire their lifespan will indeed be very short unless they can recover.
The only friend the Serbian can hope for lies in the west. The Remnants of the Polish-Bohemian Commonwealth. For centuries reduced to the City of Breslau and the surrounding lands the Premysild Kings prepared for War. Meticiulous planning waiting for the right moment to strike. And strike they did. Conjuring up a force of over fifteen thousand out of nowhere King Nadbor the Lion retook large swaths of western bohemia and returned his country back from the brink of annihilation.
But out of the Frying Pan and into the Fire. Having gained the Attention of the massive Bavarians and the even larger Mongol Empire its only hope for support comes from the Empire of Serbia and perhaps the Warriors of Perun if they can be moved from their Mountain Fastnesses in the Carpathians.
Then again an alliance with Lithuania might be possible, seeing as they want the Mongols gone just as much as the Bohemians.
Lithuania has fallen far in recent years. Until the Mongol Invasions it ruled from Luebeck in Germany till the Ural Mountains. Everything changed when the Golden Horde came. The Loss of their Eastern Colonies smarted. The loss of Ruthenia was terrible. The loss of Rus however brought them close to deaths door. If Lithuania can retake its lost lands it can finally reach the heights it always aspired to.
In the North few things change. 500 years ago the Warriors of Perkunas took over the Kingdom of Sweden and ruled there ever since. 400 years ago the remnants of the Swedish Saxons invaded Norway and took Ostlanded and ruled there ever since. 150 years ago the Danes came to Finland and also ruled there ever since. The remaining finns fled to Rus and are now known as the Sons of Kaleva, their only goal the restoration of their old lands. Norway in the meantime had lapsed into a state of total tranquility, its attempts at imperialism in Iceland long since destroyed, its most prosperous areas in the hands of saxons and the people of Jorvik have long since declared independence. Norway is thinly populated and has fallen into a state of total apathy only rockced every two or three generations by a violent civil war.
And then there is the City of St.Petersburg...also known as the Kingdom of Rus. angrily staring at the far mightier Sons of Kaleva, hoping to retake what is theirs...and at the Mongols beyond them.
The Mongol Horde under Temujin never truly split, a vague double-country it seems like a siamese twin. On one hand the sedentary mongols ruled by the Borgijin descendants of Temujin and on the other hand the Mongolian Horde which stayed nomadic. One doesn't know where one begins and the other ends...however this odd state structure is threatened on many fronts, in the far west Lithuania and Bohemia want back what is theirs, in the North the Last true Suomi Kingdom of Perm is ever watchful and in the South the Empire of the Sun is mustering its mighty armies.
The Empire of the Sun. The greatest Enigma in the History of Man. It was in the early days of the year 700 when a young caucasian knight arrived on the outskirts of Kabul and proclaimed himself to be Solaire of Astora, Champion of the Sun and Son of Zun. Within one Generation he was ruling over much of Afghanistan, within two the Empire of the Sun had conquered much of Western India and broken the Zoroastrian Kings of Persia. Within Three Generations they had won the a Crusade against the Abbassids sealing their fate forever. Since the the Empire of the Sun had been slowly expanding into all directions growing ever stronger and spreading the faith of the sun. The Empire itself is ruled by the Three Swords: The Sword of the Sun, The Sword of Zun and the Sword of the Giver of Justice. Together they rule until the Champion of the Sun returns or is reborn. It has been thus for 700 years and it will be thus in 7000.
The Final Realm of Importance rules over Jerusalem. It was a very odd occurence, against all odds the Khan of Alania managed to raise an army of ten thousand and defeated the Abbassid Empire. His rule and that of his successor lasted altogether less than 10 years. What it caused however was the downfall of the Muslim faith. Over the centuries the Alans spread out all across the Middle East, disliked and hated and in the end settled down in the Duchy of Tripoli. There they found a new Faith. Strengthened in their resolve by the message of Judaism they managed to conquer first isreal then Egypt and the much of the Eastern African Coast. Once again their rule lasted less than ten years, in a massive Uprising a new Islamic Country came to the fore: the Mayurquid Sultanate. Ever since those two have been locked in a deadly struggle for supremacy over the Middle-East.
In this turbulent time of strife the question remains: who will bloat the crows?
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TL;DR: Europe's rekt
Hello there, this is gonna be an EU IV Let's Play in quite an alternative History Scenario. What happened was that i started a CK2 game at the Charlemagne start and let stuff mostly run by itself.
The Exemptions was the Astoran Dynasty. I created them and played them until they became a Kingdom and then decided to fuck off. I never expected them to turn into the massive Empire they are today.
Among other things i changed was that i helped countries reform their faith once they had the required sites under their control (which amusingly led to all faiths reforming themselves...except for the tengri guys).
I also heled Iceland turn into a Merchant Republic. The only other thing i did was turn the Welf duke into a Germanic and help him declare independence...i really didn't think things would cascade THAT much from it.
Anyway, i let you, my dear readers, decide which nations i am going to play and with what goals in mind.
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Topic: Let's Play Europa Universalis IV: Bloating the Crows (Read 4919 times)