Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

RP

Straight gameplay

[LordBrassroast]

The Long-Suffering Adventures of King Mihangel

27 March, 914 Anno Domini

My plan right now is to let the levies rest for a bit and then Holy War what remains of Jorvik for their 1 Catholic county.

14 Feburary, 915 Anno Domini
Now that our coffers are somewhat full-ish again, I commission the first Welsh retinue: 250 expert longbowmen.


I MUST HAVE IT. DEUS VULTS.

I marry my cousin off to the King of France.


Ffelis is pregnant again. It better be a boy.

I have a son! I name him Bran.

However, he didn't inherit his mother's brains. Time to try again.

With the removal of the Female Heir opinion penalty, all my vassals like me. Except Tewdwr. I'm going to try to get Tanistry.

I give my wife ruby earrings.


Some of you may remember Mayor Argad of Radnor. How he hated my father, then loved my father, then was Spymaster for a while. Well, he died a natural death at age 68. Truly, we mourn the passing of a man with such a high intrigue skill.


Some Saxon fucker declares that he's the real Duke of Mercia, not my uncle. I start a Plot to Kill him.


We're gonna JFK his ass. You all remember Johann Fitzgerald Karling? Killed by a supposedly "lone bowman"?


Excellent. Wait, I said excellent again. Dammit.


Also, I pay off that loan.

18 Feburary, 921 Anno Domini
Well, Tewdwr is dead. I wish my father could see this day. To him, he was the Anathema. To me, he was just an annoying bastard who ate my gruel.


This means that I can finally implement Tanistry and get a stable succession law.


I nominate Arthfael, as he is the most competent man in the Kingdom. The vassals nominate Uncle Merfyn, an old man with no skills above 7. Well, I'll just wait for him to die.

14 March, Anno Domini 921
We declared a Holy War for Lancaster on Jorvik. We have 3,000 more soldiers than them and their soldiers are busy conquesting a random county in Ireland.

We crush their army in the field at Chester and seize Lancaster.

We seize the city of Preston and again destroy their army, including, sadly, enslaved Catholic soldiers under the yoke of the heathen Count of Sussex. Even for Saxons, that's cruel. We have 73% warscore.

We seize the Bishopric of Furness and remove the heathen symbols that had desecrated this holy place.

After we crush the heathen army on their own ground, the pagans agree to our demands. We seize the County of Lancaster. I grant it to the 11 year old Count of Perfeddwlad and then create the Duchy of Lancaster which I also give to them. I also comission another permanent regiment of longbowmen. Tomorrow we will seize the indepedent Saxon county of Westmoreland, which is de jure mine now.

PROGRESS TODAY: Conquered Lancaster. Finally have retinues after camping Mil. Organization tech all this time.

STATUS:
Cash: 43
Prestige: 2376
Piety: 1317
Ruler age: 46
Heir age: 58, and he's terrible. Why do vassals find the dumbest man in the Kingdom when it's election time?
Vassals: Every single one has at least 7 opinion. Average opinion of me is around 40. 4/7 vassal bishops pay tax to me.

[Iituem]

STATUS:
Cash: 43
Prestige: 2376
Piety: 1317
Ruler age: 46
Heir age: 58, and he's terrible. Why do vassals find the dumbest man in the Kingdom when it's election time?
Vassals: Every single one has at least 7 opinion. Average opinion of me is around 40. 4/7 vassal bishops pay tax to me.

Excellent.  About time those fishmongers paid their tithes properly.

[LordBrassroast]

Fishmongers? 

[Iituem]

Fishmongers? 

As in 'fishers of men'.  I recall someone told me that 'bishop' derived from fishermen, but it turns out they were a dirty liar and it actually comes from 'overseer', which is more disturbing than I gave it credit for.  So this pun didn't work nearly as well as I thought.  Lesson learned, kids; always verify your sources!  Trust no one!

[JumpingJack]

In honor of your recent exploits, I present a summary.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[LordBrassroast]

In honor of your recent exploits, I present a summary.

That is hilarious. I love it.

[LordBrassroast]

The Long-Suffering Adventures of King Mihangel

3 July, 923 Anno Domini

The plan for today is to conquer Westmorland, a small, shit-tier, Anglo-Saxon county on our northern border and then continue the holy warring. There are 3 Norse counties still in Britain. We have truces with one of them.


The shithole.

I offer nicely to vassalize him. He declines. So, it's war time.

We crush his army in Lancaster, killing over 750 at the loss of only 25 Welshmen.

Merfyn the shitty Tanist is dead. My eldest son Bran is heir now.

Nope, nevermind. It's Cousin Rhodri. He's okay, I guess.


My wife doesn't love me anymore. Well, screw her. She couldn't even give me a genius heir. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go sob.
And possibly write bad poetry.


Ffelis, Ffelis, without you I'll go bonkers
I miss your genius, your beauty, and most of all your honkers.

14 April, 924
We seize the Castle of Appleby, his capital. We then march on the remnants of his army in Perfeddwlad.

We kill all 408 of them. We then move back to Westmoreland for sieges and kill the 91 peasant levies he had lying around. He officially has no army.

18 September, 924 Anno Domini
We seize the City of Lowther and force Earl Ælfwig to surrender.


However, the realm is almost out of money. We need to focus on the internal affairs of the Kingdom for a while.

4 April, 926
I have turned 50 years old. I have about 15 years to fix everything before it gets blown up again by succession.


I order some birthday celebrations.



Well, Robin bloody Hood shows up. I give him 5 ducats and send him on his way.

Well, my birthday party is over. It was kind of fun. I was kind of expecting more things to happen.


Well, I'm not surprised.

I hire some maid to find out. She finds nothing. I guess it's mine then.
 
It is 5 Feburary, 927.

PROGRESS TODAY: Conquered a county. Held a birthday party.

STATUS:
Cash: 122
Prestige: 2697
Piety: 1456
Ruler age: 50
Heir age: 39, and my somewhat competent cousin.
Vassals: All of them like me. Things are going well for once. 1/6 Bishops pay me. However, that's not really my fault, as the Pope is a zealot Grey Eminence with a Theology Focus. He kinda has me beat on the holiness front.

[LordBrassroast]

So the Teutonic Knights right now are acting less like this:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

And more like this.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[JumpingJack]

Those wacky Nazis Teutons. What will they think of next?

[LordBrassroast]

Hey guys.

This is still alive, I'm just waiting until I have Reaper's Due to proceed. Haven't gotten a chance to pick it up yet. School just started as well, so it may be a few weeks until the next update.

[LordBrassroast]

The Long-Suffering Adventures of King Mihangel

5 February, 927 Anno Domini

The King of Brythoniad walked down the pews, approaching the confessional.

"Cyndyddan".

"Your grace".

"Father, I wish to give confessional before the Lord on this fine Sabbath".

"Of course" said Cyndyddan, recognizing the turn of phrase.


"The King of Strathclyde's brother is tired of waiting for the throne. He sees it slip from his grasp. He's willing to throw his lot in with us in exchange for land."


"Excellent. Bring him here".

"Tis already done, my liege. He should arrive in Powys within the week".


"Good".

19 February
"Cyngen ap Maenrych, of the House of Alt Clut!"

The courtier kneeled before the King.

"For services performed for the Crown of Brythoniad, I hereby proclaim you Count of Warwick and a vassal under my protection to the full extend of the law. May you live in harmony and contentment."

Cyngen rose to his feet. "Thank you, my liege".



Din Rheged, Nofant, Strathclyde

King Oucydd II of Strathclyde sat on his throne. In his hands he held a letter.

"King Oucydd II of Strathclyde, I name you a pretender! Cyngen ap Maenrych is the true heir to Strathclyde, as recogonized by myself and the nobles of Brythoniad. Relinquish the title or there will be war.

King Mihangel of Brythoniad



Oucydd's face was set as if it were carved in stone.

"Call the banners".


13 May
The battle of Tygwyn is joined. My men charge through the enemy lines on the left flank and they are broken instantly. Arthfael's longbow volleys destroy their right flank.


The battle was a slaughter.


17 June
I receive 2 pieces of news from home.

One, my son is born. My wife names him in my absence. She names him Bangar. I didn't even know that was a name.

Two, one of the Heathens has united the Danes and is preparing to invade Brythoniad. Well, I guess we'll finish up this war and then prepare our anus to repel a few thousand angry Northmen. The Angry Germans will probably be able to help.


8 December
Strathclyde no longer has an army.


25 April, 928
Arthfael's leprosy has reached its late stage. Arthfael is comatose and unresponsive. He is sent back home to die in peace. Goodbye, old friend.


28 May
The war is won. We have just over a year to prepare for the invasion.

25 December
A wondrous Christmas gift from our Lord! The Nord who was preparing to attack us anticlimactically offed himself.



PROGRESS TODAY: Conquered Strathcylde.

[Bacos666]

PTW because this is awesome.

Man, I'm really starting to think about picking this game up...

[Zanzetkuken The Great]

PTW because this is awesome.

Man, I'm really starting to think about picking this game up...

Wait for a sale if you do.  The bundle that gets you the game and all the DLC including cosmetic can drop down to the price the base game has off of sales.

[Bacos666]

Wait for a sale if you do.  The bundle that gets you the game and all the DLC including cosmetic can drop down to the price the base game has off of sales.

Yeah, the regular price is a little... Insane for the DLC. Steam the best place to pick up the sales?

[LordBrassroast]

The Long-Suffering Adventures of King Mihangel

11 February, 929 Anno Domini

"Morning Cyndyddan."

"Morning Your Grace".

"What's the newest super-spy shit for me?"

"The King of Hwicce's brother pure straight hates him. I can have him over and pressing his claims in a week."


"Hmm. He'll want land. Wait, I'm having some deja vu."

"Me too my liege."

"Probably because this was our cunning plan last episode".

"Oh yeah. Aren't you worried the readers might get bored watching us blob effortlessly across Britannia? I mean, the depressed Dane could have given us a real run for our money, made some drama, but he just offed himself."

"Nah, the viewers came to see us make Brythoniad great again. Anyway, we were never even in danger, I was going to use my 1.5k piety to hire all the Holy Orders."

"Exactly my liege, there's no drama. The story is getting boring."

"Well, I'm sure there'll be some screaming heathens or scheming dukes or pissed-off Serbians or something insane trying to fuck with us in the near future. Anyway, steal that county lying around in my capital duchy, pay off its former owner, and give him one of my other random provinces.


"Speaking of fucking with you, My Liege, your wife has herpes."


"I didn't give it to her."

"Exactly my Liege. I suggest crushing your enemies to get over it."

The King was silent.

"I did love her, you know."

...

"Fuck it, let's go kill some Saxons".

"That's the spirit my liege!"

9 March
Well fine then, you asshole.


1 June
Get destroyed.


13 November, 930 ie OVER A YEAR LATER
Do you know that sieges are fucking boring? Because they are really boring. Have I mentioned that they are fucking boring?

sweet angel of death take me now

Anyway, we won. I give the Saxon dickhead Cornwall and it's time for another war. This war is for the duchy of Hwicce. He'll still have Northumbria and Kent, but this will remove the majority of his powerbase.

6 May, 931
CELTIC ANAL DEVASTATION, REMOVE MEAD FROM PREMISES


Unfortunately, I was stabbed.


5 March, 933
Lotta boring sieges. In other news, my eldest son Bran is of age. He's honestly pretty meh at everything. Alright at war though. Still glad I got Tanistry. I need some geniuses in this fucking family. That aren't my cheating wife.


15 November
Oh, and I blow up some Saxon chick who was trying to take Mercia. What is it about Saxons and stealing Mercia from their rightful Welsh overlords? However, the farmer revealed my name, and now I have to murder her entire dynasty. This is what happens when you revolt against Welsh dominion. We were masters of Prydain  once, and we will be again. Barring rampaging Aztecs.


8 August, 934
Our realm has swelled by another four counties. I think it's time to rest from the wars a bit. I also have to deal with the new Duke who just happens to be a Saxon. I'll educate his kid, then murder him. Brilliant plan.


30 August, 936
Well that was unexpected. Deus Vult!


Of course, we're not going in there just yet. We'll let someone else soften 'em up first.