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[dragdeler]

Shit weather, first I pull my neck, then I get down with some real flu. NICE WEATHER YEAH FUCKING -2C° AIR DRYER. Eat your garbage and throw yourself into the sun, but first and foremost SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I think at this point, the time where I was in reach of suicidal ideation is the longer half of my life. I'd say I've rarely been at risk, to me "i want to die" is just a mantra that is more easily repeated, than to acknowledge what's bothering me... I even managed subvert "i don't want to deal with x" and "i want to kill myself" into something like "I don't want to bother to kill myself" over the years...

I can will it, I can will it hard, wounds burning? Fuck you pain, I'm going to punch some salt, how you like them apples?! You wanna hurt me? You don't hurt enough. Way preferable to dealing with them...

I smashed a finger open real good by sending a hammer through a bunch of tv, my colleague recognised I need some occupation and space, some dude shows up with 4 banana crates full of cds, I'm like yay and go at it, that's half an hour of work where I can choose to not look around me... I'm way happier then an hour ago... I swear everybody introduced themselves with "ain't that some shit work" before asking their stupid questions. On the bright side I didn't actually say: "still more bearable than talking to you"... But yes of course everybody thinks it beneath them to take cds out of their boxes to dispose of them... They're all entitled babies.

[scriver]

enjoy your country bass career for the 2 days it lasts

It's probably the bird flu, or as it's often called for short, the blues

[MaximumZero]

enjoy your country bass career for the 2 days it lasts

Just drop an "oom pahpah mow mow" and then disappear forever.

[TD1]

enjoy your country bass career for the 2 days it lasts

It's probably the bird flu, or as it's often called for short, the blues

I feel this is pro-pigeon/avian propaganda.

Just judging from your avatar.

[Akura]

So it turns out that whatever was killing my dad isn't actually killing him anymore. At least, not in the short term.

He did go back to smoking a pack and a half a day, though.

[None]

enjoy your country bass career for the 2 days it lasts

Just drop an "oom pahpah mow mow" and then disappear forever.

as a french hornist i just involuntarily recoiled

[pisskop]

Im just imagining my cat making that noise now.

hiss *hairball* meow meow

[MrRoboto75]

Why are people upset at me today?  Oh right my voice isn't in the triple digit decibels like theirs is.  Not that it matters when everyone misinterprets what they do hear or talk over me anyway, just so they can make up more reasons to get madder.

[Akura]

Why are people upset at me today?  Oh right my voice isn't in the triple digit decibels like theirs is.  Not that it matters when everyone misinterprets what they do hear or talk over me anyway, just so they can make up more reasons to get madder.

I understand. My voice doesn't carry very far either. Doesn't help that I'm usually wearing a mask outside the home. Or that my hearing is quite sensitive, so that my voice sounds much louder to me than it does to them.

[Il Palazzo]

It's possible that they get angry because they see an adult that doesn't make an effort to enunciate their words loudly and clearly so the entire burden of communication is left for them to bear. Your voice is not your height - you can work on it.

[Frumple]

That is... quite possibly one of the least reasonable reasons to get angry I've seen proposed in my life.

Also one I'm incredibly doubtful of, as unless you have actual and significant hearing damage it doesn't take much to hear what someone else is saying even if they're being fairly quiet and the area you're in is pretty loud. You just have to take a second and listen, which is like bare minimum of interpersonal interaction.

Communication is a two way street, but it's not one that requires either person to be shouty unless you're in a particularly unusual situation or someone's physically damaged (and in that case, just bring a notepad or somethin').

[MrRoboto75]

You just have to take a second and listen

Most of the people I deal with cannot do this.  Main characters don't close their mouth and listen.  They'll literally ask a question and just start talking more when I try to answer them.  Doubly so if what I'm supposed to tell them contradicts their little reality bubble.

Your voice is not your height - you can work on it.

Bullshit, they'll just mad that now I'm too loud and sound angry.  I've been trying to play this stupid game for decades.

Also you want to lecture me about "being an adult" when these "adults" verbally abuse me every day over petty social bullshit they make up just because they can't be content without something to be mad at.

[Il Palazzo]

If I admonish you, Roboto, it's because I feel sympathy for your situation. I read what you keep writing here, and I see myself a few years back, insofar as individual experiences can be compared. Bad social skills, crushingly low self-esteem, probably on the spectrum, forced by circumstances to work in ill-fitting customer services which only highlights the problems. It pains me to see you go through the same circle of anger and self-hate. And if I urge you to learn social skills, it's because I have managed. It's an uncomfortable process, and it takes time, but it's not an impossible task. You go through the motions, you learn to put on a mask, and eventually it all becomes natural enough. So why couldn't you, other than being stuck in your mindset? You gotta keep making an effort. It's a banal thing to say, but no less true - you can't change other people, you can only ever change yourself. What alternative do you have - resign yourself to a life of misery and bitterness?

[MrRoboto75]

I just watch people get worse and worse every year, meanwhile everyone around me doesn't believe they objectively treat me worse than my other coworkers or make stupid excuses for people being shitty to me.

Frankly in a few years expect me dead.  Off a bridge or a bullet or whatever, maybe they'll finally let me.  You've been selling me the "things will get better" lie my entire life and it just doesn't.  I can put in alllll the effort in the world, shit don't change.

[hector13]

When you say “shit doesn’t change”, what is it that’s not changing?