Visiting family for Thanksgiving, sorta. Mom+brother a few days ago, then dad yesterday.
First off, I've always liked Thanksgiving. Its roots are deeply problematic, and I use that word with no irony- it's a good time to remember what some of my ancestors did to First Nations people. But as holidays go, it's lovely how human it is. Just a lot of extended family sharing food, often for the only time in a year. A time to awkwardly catch up, warm up, and remember that these people exist.
Obviously it's different, this year. I helped my mom and brother with yardwork, keeping a distance. We talked anime and had a nice time being productive. Then yesterday I visited my dad and his SO and well... I tried to stay safe, but I literally let my mask down a little, once or twice. Stupid. But I wanted them to see my face, and I'm almost certainly clean, just... They're vulnerable...
The whole thing was just so exhausting. When I got home I just passed out, sore. Woke up before dawn, worried about mortality and things.
My mom wanted me up in the mountains tonight for dinner, and she does a *great* job with turkey. But I couldn't drive three hours for that. Particularly being a potential vector, but also, just so very tired. I'd have to stay the night, obviously, and my social "mask" would wear off and I'd start talking about things. Like I did in DC.
It's hard keeping people at arm's length at this time of year. Pun intended.
The state-based memory of hanging out with each of my parents is also... at least mildly upsetting. It disrupts my ego.
Just when I'm starting to feel normal, everything's thrown off.