I quit my job. I was growing increasingly frustrated so I kind of had to. Even so it always makes one uneasy
I handwrote a resignation letter today for my job. I have it hidden away in my work-cubby. My friend wants to reassure me that I just need a two-week vacation; I really couldn't get a word in edgewise as to how I feel I'm wasting my life and that I'm certain to disintegrate psychologically over time, and that I'm already disintegrating. She's very well-meaning though, she doesn't want me to cast myself out into joblessness without a plan, when that's exactly what I want to do, as I want to establish a new baseline of living for myself before making another move; and she's worried that I'll waste all the seniority and shit I've built up over the years, though I don't really give a fuck about that I'm in a deadend job anyway. *(EDIT: To be clear, I have 10k in the bank, so I definitely could live on my own for a while)*
Also, I can't help but think that that is very cowardly logic, and that if I'm going to do anything I need to throw what is logically the "good, safe idea" and just destroy my own identity. I can't do that with safe, step-by-step, methodologic planning; I need the force of suddenly, intense change to do that, to shatter who I am, so I can become someone else. Naturally I can't think of something like that to say in the middle of a conversation, but that's how I was feeling, and I couldn't really retort her optimistic reassurances except with an exasperated "....
huh...". She really does want to give support, and she intuits that my motivations are partly suicidal, which they definitely are, so I can't be upset at her.
Still have this resignation letter, and thinking what to do with it, and I just hate the idea of taking things slow, I want my future in my hands right fucking now goddamnit.